Significant other's condescending behavior

[ortnakas]

Is she an upperclassman/ahead of you in med school? Maybe now that you've finalized on a school for matriculation she's just giving you some advice on how to approach your coursework and this has nothing to do with which school you attend?

This is my thought-- see if she's trying to give helpful advice and is only accidentally being condescending.

On the other hand, if she really does think she's better than you because of the school you picked, you've got a problem.

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[AlbinoHawk DO]

This sounds overly specific... Anything you want to tell us bro

Yeah, i hooked up with his girlfriend.

 

[FellowPaisan]

This is exactly why so many female med students/doctors are undateable. Most males are looking for a female that at least has a feminine side. The competitiveness of med training basically rips that out of them. If she says she is doing something surgical- definitely run now!

 

[mwsapphire]

This is exactly why so many female med students/doctors are undateable. Most males are looking for a female that at least has a feminine side. The competitiveness of med training basically rips that out of them. If she says she is doing something surgical- definitely run now!

Okay I get that I'm just a kid who is still in UGrad but what the hell? How does medical training make someone less feminine? How do you define a feminine side?



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[FellowPaisan]

Okay I get that I'm just a kid who is still in UGrad but what the hell? How does medical training make someone less feminine? How do you define a feminine side?



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Medicine is an extremely competitive field where starting in Ugrad really and continuing throughout your career you are worrying about the next thing (how to get the grade, how to get research, yada yada). It is pretty rare to find a female med student that is real world good looking (exceptions of course) and has a personality that hasn't been trampled in the process. Its why there are so many single female residents. Ones that are married usually had the significant others before med school.

To study and work on what you need for your career usually lends itself poorly for aesthetics.

 

[FellowPaisan]

On the other hand, as you so clearly demonstrate in this thread, all male medical students just have the loveliest personalities.

my personality is good and yes I am generalizing but the type of person attracted to the competitive nature of medicine isn't usually also the most in tune to stereotypically feminine roles. I don't mean disrespect. It is just what I have observed.

 

[ChemEngMD]

my personality is good and yes I am generalizing but the type of person attracted to the competitive nature of medicine isn't usually also the most in tune to stereotypically feminine roles. I don't mean disrespect. It is just what I have observed.

Okay you are conflating "feminine" with "beta."

Yes - most PEOPLE in medical school are pretty damn alpha, regardless of gender. I can imagine that there are male medical students (such as yourself) who may find this to be an intimidating/unattractive quality in your female classmates, especially since your frail ego seems to require women to play a subservient role to you in order to be "feminine" or "attractive." But I assure you that there are plenty of dudes in medical school who do not think this way/have these insecurities.

Personally, the type A personalities of most medical students and law students make them too difficult for me to date but it isn't because they aren't "feminine." It's because I have a go-with-the-flow mentality that doesn't mesh well with most professional students - they stress me out. That doesn't mean that they aren't great catches - in fact, I have helped play matchmaker with a handful of professional students and it seems to work out relatively well.

If what you're looking for is a stereotypical feminine role, I suggest you either get a time machine back to the 1950s, look into a mail-order-bride from Eastern Europe, or find yourself a gold digger and be prepared to lose half of your money in 25 years. Otherwise, put on your big boy pants and realize that women are your equivalent and they don't need to be docile in order to be attractive.

 

[Mad Jack]

Go look at a class of attractive, kind nursing students. Now go look at the nurses on the floor in their 40s and 50s. Realize that this is what your young cute nurse wife will become. Hence the "nurse curse."

Eh, there's some pretty cute older nurses too. I mean, look at most male doctors in their 40s and 50s- age wrecks people across the board.

 

[Mad Jack]

This is exactly why so many female med students/doctors are undateable. Most males are looking for a female that at least has a feminine side. The competitiveness of med training basically rips that out of them. If she says she is doing something surgical- definitely run now!

I'd disagree- plenty of decent women in medicine if you're not weak af

 

[backside_attack]

Medicine is an extremely competitive field where starting in Ugrad really and continuing throughout your career you are worrying about the next thing (how to get the grade, how to get research, yada yada). It is pretty rare to find a female med student that is real world good looking (exceptions of course) and has a personality that hasn't been trampled in the process. Its why there are so many single female residents. Ones that are married usually had the significant others before med school.

To study and work on what you need for your career usually lends itself poorly for aesthetics.

You're a pretty disgusting sexist. Maybe the women are just hiding their great personalities from you because of this.

 

[Gilakend]

OP: if the horse isn't beat enough, dump her. To the rest of the thread:

I wouldn't want to date someone in the medical field at all...Especially a medical student. I feel as if by default you would have so much in common it would be so much like dating yourself. Some of the best advice I ever got was form a psychology teacher who said "Be with someone who is completely different from you, but has the same life goals."

I'm very happily dating a culinary student who has been annoying me for the past 5 years to do things that I have absolutely no interest in..and it's been pretty great. I can't imagine dating someone who is following such a similar path to me, seems pretty boring.

 

[DrfluffyMD]

I dated people ranging from waitress, nurses, unempolyeed college kids to wealthy business owners. I must say I vastly prefer my current SO who is a surgeon. We can talk shop and are on the same wavelength.

BTW, if you can't be a team with a woman who is just as awesome or alpha as you, what does that say about your own masculinity?

 

[vernhart]

OP: if the horse isn't beat enough, dump her. To the rest of the thread:

I wouldn't want to date someone in the medical field at all...Especially a medical student. I feel as if by default you would have so much in common it would be so much like dating yourself. Some of the best advice I ever got was form a psychology teacher who said "Be with someone who is completely different from you, but has the same life goals."

I'm very happily dating a culinary student who has been annoying me for the past 5 years to do things that I have absolutely no interest in..and it's been pretty great. I can't imagine dating someone who is following such a similar path to me, seems pretty boring.

Yeah my classmates as a whole are pretty unlikable...so happy I found someone before medical school. Also happy I stuck around home where I have a lot of great friends, or else I would be feeling pretty lonely/miserable right now. (there are some cool people too, but I didn't get in any cliques* before they stopped accepting new members lol)

 

[mwsapphire]

Yeah my classmates as a whole are pretty unlikable...so happy I found someone before medical school. Also happy I stuck around home where I have a lot of great friends, or else I would be feeling pretty lonely/miserable right now. (there are some cool people too, but I didn't get in any clicks before they stopped accepting new members lol)

There are cliques in med school? I thought people grow up by then.....

 

[DrfluffyMD]

There are cliques in med school? I thought people grow up by then.....

Med school is like highschool. My school was filled with cliques, down to the whole social exclusion, the whole 9 yards.

 

[mwsapphire]

Med school is like highschool. My school was filled with cliques, down to the whole social exclusion, the whole 9 yards.

FACK
Really???? That's so distressing! Nuuuuuuuu

 

[DokterMom]

Is this really what she's saying? Or more like what you're hearing? -- because they may not be the same. Consider the possibility that you're projecting your own insecurities/inferiority complex onto her.

If she's advising from an "I'm already succeeding in medical school and this is what I wish I'd known" place, then try to set your ego aside long enough to listen.

But if she truly is a condescending jerk, then yeah - dump her yesterday.

If you're not >95% sure though, talk to her about how her comments make you feel and give her the chance to respond. If she really is a jerk, she won't change. But if she apologizes and adjusts her tone, don't let yourself be that guy whose ego is so fragile that women have to tiptoe on eggshells around him.

@ChemEngMD - Nice to see you back here. I've missed your frank good sense.

 

[ChiefsIntern]

This is probably the best place to ask this question. I'll be attending a "lower tier" school next year, and my current significant other attends a much higher ranked school (top 20). Lately since making my decision, she's been behaving sort of differently: giving me "advice" about what I should be doing academically and just in my everyday life (which comes off as orders) and similar condescending behavior. I wrote this off as nothing, but lately she's made it clear that "she knows better because she goes to a better school."

I legitimately have no idea how to handle this. Help?

Imagine you stick it out through med school and then you get to residency and she matches with a more "superior" residency it'll start all over again. As the president says it's a "TOTAL DISASTER".

 

[TypeADissection]

Let me spin a different perspective for you here bro. If there is a good chance she's going to match into a lucrative specialty, then you gotta throw a ring on it. Marrying rich is the fastest way to happiness (don't sign a prenup)....

But on a more serious note. My wife did much better than I did in undergrad and went to a better med school by all public metrics, where we did about comparably. She's an ENT now and probably one of the truly nicest people I've ever known. At no point was she an overcompensating alpha female surgeon hear me roar kind of person. We geek out about surgery all the time and it's awesome. I am not a relationship expert by any means, but if there are things that bother you now about who she is at her core, then that portends bad things down the road. Have fun in med school though. It's a blast. Cheers.

 

[Ace Khalifa]

Okay you are conflating "feminine" with "beta."

Yes - most PEOPLE in medical school are pretty damn alpha, regardless of gender. I can imagine that there are male medical students (such as yourself) who may find this to be an intimidating/unattractive quality in your female classmates, especially since your frail ego seems to require women to play a subservient role to you in order to be "feminine" or "attractive." But I assure you that there are plenty of dudes in medical school who do not think this way/have these insecurities.

Personally, the type A personalities of most medical students and law students make them too difficult for me to date but it isn't because they aren't "feminine." It's because I have a go-with-the-flow mentality that doesn't mesh well with most professional students - they stress me out. That doesn't mean that they aren't great catches - in fact, I have helped play matchmaker with a handful of professional students and it seems to work out relatively well.

If what you're looking for is a stereotypical feminine role, I suggest you either get a time machine back to the 1950s, look into a mail-order-bride from Eastern Europe, or find yourself a gold digger and be prepared to lose half of your money in 25 years. Otherwise, put on your big boy pants and realize that women are your equivalent and they don't need to be docile in order to be attractive.

I just wanted to highlight this post as being the sickest burn I've seen in a long time.

 

[Peach Newport]

She can give you good advice because she's already been through school. She's been through it and can speak from experience.

She CANNOT give you advice because she "goes to a better school." Let me guess, she went to med school straight out of college? I bet she's too young to know better. She needs a strong dose of humility asap.