spouse of a future surgeon

[pinkzebraDR]

My SO announced that surgery is the specialty of choice. I am VERY nervous about what this will mean for our future. SO began acting with what SO described as "the surgery attitude" immediately following the rotation. I could live with it because I thought it was short term, now SO wants to specialize in surgery. I am truly afraid I will lose the relationship I have with SO because of the lifestyle, expectations, and attitudes that seem to surround surgeons, or that SO interprets as the expectations for surgeons. My child and I miss SO and the closeness that we had already and I just don't want that to get worse. Hopefully I am just over reacting. Are there any other spouses of a future surgeon out there or spouses of a current surgeon that can shed some perspective on this? TIA!

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[DrMom101]

My SO announced that surgery is the specialty of choice. I am VERY nervous about what this will mean for our future. SO began acting with what SO described as "the surgery attitude" immediately following the rotation. I could live with it because I thought it was short term, now SO wants to specialize in surgery. I am truly afraid I will lose the relationship I have with SO because of the lifestyle, expectations, and attitudes that seem to surround surgeons, or that SO interprets as the expectations for surgeons. My child and I miss SO and the closeness that we had already and I just don't want that to get worse. Hopefully I am just over reacting. Are there any other spouses of a future surgeon out there or spouses of a current surgeon that can shed some perspective on this? TIA!

This is a kind of informative site http://www.kimblackham.com/surviving-residency-10-things-learned-husband-surgery-resident/

 

[Gastrapathy]

I'm sorry but I don't understand what it means that student on a surgery rotation brought home the "surgery attitude." If he's being a jerk, its because he's being a jerk. Work didn't make him do that. I know lots of surgeons (male and female) who are great parents. What they aren't is the most available parents. The most important thing to understand is that there isn't really a light at the end of the training tunnel. He'll work hard as an attending too. Its really up to him to find a way to do both. What you have to tell him is that he already has the kid, so its up to him to figure that out. He doesn't get to be a surgeon if he can't be a good Dad while being a surgeon. His problem.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I had a flashback to medical school with the description of "surgery attitude".

One of my classmates, a brash arrogant insufferable boob, announced early on that he was going to be a surgeon. He openly practiced his "surgery attitude" whenever he thought someone was watching; it was hard to figure out whether it was a game to him or he really believed this to be true.

During early 4th year, he did an away elective at a general surgery program historically known for being "malignant". He failed but of course then stated, 'I never wanted to be a surgeon" and ended up applying for EM. The story from one of the gossipy girls in the Admin office was that his "attitude" was too much even for this program and they told him off and that he was "much too arrogant and full of misplaced self-confidence" to be a surgeon.

Almost 20 years ago and still makes me laugh.

To the OP, if your husband is acting like a jerk, its because he's a jerk or has misinterpreted thats what it means to be a surgeon. Don't buy into that stereotype.