spouses getting to know other med spouses....

[Gradient Echo]

Do any of your non-medical spouses hang out with other spouses of medical students? I'm just trying to find out how common this is, or if they generally dont associate with each other.

Some schools have spouse clubs, but mine doesnt (at least not that I know of). We just moved to the area and trying to make new friends. One good thing is that spouses are invited to the orientation weekend. I just hope there are other spouses there so my wife can meet people who are having similar experiences.

I guess I'm just looking for personal anecdotes trying to get a feel for how common it is for spouses to get together, or if it really doesnt happen that much.

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[im4real]

Hi there!

Well, from my personal experience I believe that she will probably meet up with other medical school spouses at orientation and hopefully will exchange numbers. I cannot think of anything greater for her than to find a friend who is in the same situation as she. I'm sure the other spouses are just as eager to find someone to talk about this rollercoaster adventure. Also, I know that my husband became frieds with certain medical school students and then I had the opportunity to meet their wives or girlfriends and we did things together like going out to eat, picnics, and white water-rafting. Just some ideas to think about.

Sincerely,
Christy

 

[Badgerbabe]

I'm a bit worried that these things (so/spouse clubs) are girls clubs. I know that sounds silly, but I just don't see my BF being into that kind of thing, although I think it might be helpful for him in dealing with my schedule and other stuff that we;re likely to encounter in the next 4 years. Does anyone have experiences with these types of groups?
Thx,
Shannon

 

[docuw]

It is true that these are frequently girls clubs. BUT, I chose to bring my SO in as one of the gang. I had her come to all the social events, picnics etc. She is just as much a member of our class as I am. We have found that the married/married with children/SO clubs are lame. Just hang with the rest of the crowd.

 

[vixen]

From what I know of them, they sound kinda lame...I mean, do other professional schools do this?

 

[commymommy]

Well...it depends on the groups. Do other professional groups have support groups for the spouses? Absolutely! You can find them for professions as variable as pilots or military officers....and at the end of the day, I think that they are what we make of them.

I didn't participate in the med spouse group during our first couple of years because of my own preconceived ideas...but I ended up feeling very lonely...I did associate with my husband and his colleagues regularly when there was time....but once you get past your first couple of years of med school and start taking call, etc...thing really do change. My husband and his friends weren't around. We still 'hung out' but it was more infrequent.

I eventually did reach out to the med spouse auxiliary at our program and ended up being pleased to make a couple of good friends... There were all kinds of people from all walks of life that were members. Again...I didn't connect with everyone, didn't join committees or anything like that...but I did meet some people going through a similar situation (ie raising children almost by myself on a shoestring budget while my husband took q3 call). These are people that I still keep in contact with or remember fondly...interacting with them made the bad call months bearable, and I think it helped me to stay grounded....I was more able to be there for my husband...and let me just say...that none of my non-med spouse friends really understood or could be supportive of what we were going through. They all thought we were rolling in the money and that we had no right to complain...and that even if things were tough financially, we weren't allowed to complain because someday we'd be more financially secure. I found very little support or understanding for our situation during residency and fellowship in particular from non-med spouse friends.

We also had several male members, btw...and a lot of the med spouse activities included the physicians (ie dinners, movie nights, etc).

Again...I don't think that these groups are meant to be elitist or any other negative connotation. I believe that similar experiences and interests tend to draw people together...and I don't think that that is a bad thing. You may find that when you have to move to start residency that you will walk into a support network of other residents who are starting out with you. You will have day-to-day contact with them, while your wife/husband is hitting the streets in vain trying to find a new job, or is alone at home with the children and is climbing the walls because she is so lonely. If this point ever comes, you might just be grateful that there is a support group available who knows exactly what she's going through to welcome her with open arms and introduce her into the variety of things available for her to do in the community....

lame or not...you just might be grateful...

Kris

 

[vixen]

I won't be grateful...if it makes some of you guys happy, wonderful...I just personally think its lame...I would think thats weird to send my husband to...

 

[commymommy]

Do you think that a support group like the Student Doctor Network is lame? What about the pre-medical or medical society at your University? After all, they don't provide anything different than a support organization for spouses (online or live) does. Here, you are given the support of other pre-meds, med students and residents on questions about MCATs, med school admissions, etc...and are congratulated for your acceptances...you can complain about your classes and profs...even your fellow students....The SDN has become a great place for people to find support. How can you visit this forum regularly and then be against a similar support system for your spouse? I mean...do other professions have such prolific web-based support communities ..and....why the interest in the spouse forum here if it is all so "lame"?


Kris, playing devil's advocate....

 

[docuw]

Kris... slow down. I will say that I meant that the support group that our school has setup is pretty lame. There are a bunch of older families that are involved with this and many have babies and toddlers running around. They have potlucks at the kiddie playground and talk about stuff that is just plain lame. We have much more fun goin g out that same night with many of the single students to the bar or a club or something. Granted, that may be an age thing, but it still makes it lame.

The idea of support groups is wonderful, and I dont think vixen nor myself were dis-ing them. Rather, stating that the ones that we have had experience with are rather... "lame." When people talk about things that are a bit more relavent to the situation at hand and a bit more diverse than "Tommy pooped in his big boy pants last night," the groups can be useful. That is especially the case in these online forums for sure.

I might add that rather than attending "the married and students with a family" meetings, it might be better to get to know a few of the SOs at school social events and then build ties that way. It is just a bit more natural than the almost forced atmosphere of meetings. Those meetings feel more like what AA or a psych session would to me - too unnatural.

Just my opinions. But again, it seems like you are taking offense to labeling a few of these groups as lame. Dont!

 

[commymommy]

Well, rest assured, I wasn't taking offense and as I stated, I was playing devil's advocate. The rolling eyes was a response to Vixen's similar rolling eye statement that accompanied the sweeping generalization "From what I know of them, they sound kinda lame...I mean, do other professional schools do this? " My initial post was really just to point out that they can be useful. Then I just had some fun playing devil's advocate. I'm sorry that it came off as offensive.

At some point in your life, those boring married couples with kids might seem more appealing . For now, it sounds like you are doing what works for you....that's great.

Kris

 

[commymommy]

PS

I don't think that I've ever had a conversation about poop in big boy pants etc...with my other 'mommy' friends....Though I certainly do understand that it is a different time in someone's life and that childcare issues do arise....but for the most part, we talk about:

1. The new Michael Moore book "Stupid White Men" and the social and political relevance.

2. George Bush's latest blunder: "the trouble with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepeneur" How DID this guy get elected?

3. Issues relating to affordable healthcare, problems inherent in HMO's and issues related to our own spouse's experience in medicine. ie...how can the system be fixed?

4. Public education and the effect of increased class sizes on our children.

5. The latest books we are reading ...

That being said, I'm not offended, and I hope you aren't either. I was also at a point in my life when I didn't hang out with people with children...and I have no problem with that....

Kris