Stuck with a difficult dilemma, would like your advice and thoughts.

[difficultdilemma]

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Hey guys,

First and foremost, it's been almost 4 years since I have last posted on SDN. Those were the days! Best of luck to all the pre-dents out there.

So this is my second account created with the sole purpose of keeping my anonymity because I am slightly paranoid that a long time SDN user may be able to figure out who I am from the information I will be posting.

Before I start, I just want to say this may be a silly/stupid question to some, but it has been driving me to the point of depression for almost a year now. It will be a long wall of text, and I do apologize for that. I just want to hear some advice and thoughts from other people since this is a problem that I am unable to openly speak about.

So in mid 2015, my fiancée won the lottery. It wasn't an outrageous amount (like that 1.5B PowerBall ), but it would allow us and our families to live comfortably without working for the rest of our lives. Honestly, I still can't believe it. But she did and our lives forever changed. Right now, I am not sure if it was for the better or the worst. My fiancée, who was a fourth year med student and was literally a few months away from finishing school and beginning her residency in pediatric psychiatry, abruptly quit school. She paid off all her loans and that was that (Yes, I still question her medical aspirations, but she doesn't regret anything). We were extremely fortunate to go to the same school, and there isn't a week that goes by without someone asking me what happened to my fiancée. Of course, with our situation I have to lie, which I feel really bad about.

So here's the problem, I am currently a third year dental student and she wants me to prematurely end my future career as a dentist. When she first told me that, I didn't know what to say. I worked so hard to get where I am. She literally made plans about what we are going to do for the next 15 years or so, like moving to so and so, living here there for a couple of years, and traveling across Europe, etc... For almost a year know, we had this discussion many, many, many times, but she isn't budging. I tried to ignore her rants and played it smoothly until yesterday. At dinner yesterday, I told my fiancée that I want to pursue oral surgery. When I told her I need at least six more years,... she flipped out. I never seen her so angry before. She literally took all my notes that I was studying for my exam next week and tore them up. (She also ruin all my patient case notes...which will put me in a difficult situation explaining what happened to my professors next week). And unlike our previous spats over this matter, she implied that she will call everything off if I don't bend to her will. We've known each other since high school, and I can't think of a future without her. At the the same time, dentistry is my dream too. I am so close to finishing school. I've done everything right, something that I didn't do during undergrad, which cost me a gap year. I working so hard up til now, and now, I am on the verge of pursuing oral surgery.

School for the last six month hasn't been too great either. For my birthday last year, she brought me my dream car. While I am extremely happy and grateful for it, I couldn't be more upset as I have been lying to everyone around me. For the first two years, I been carpooling in my fiancée's 2001 Corolla, and now I am the talk of the school. Seriously, a dental student that drives a car that costs twice as much as the dean's car? Everyone knows I been living frugally AF, and out of no where I have a Mercedes. This fake facade that I put up has been mentally killing me. I've been lying to myself and others, and it's been very hard with each passing day. What's keeping me firm on dentistry? I wanted to be a dentist for so long and I worked extremely hard. Also, not working doesn't seem feasible to me. I'm sure not working at first will be nice, but for the next who knows how long? I took a gap year, and at first it was great. I saved enough to travel, party, etc, but half way in, I despised it SO much. I didn't work or anything. I was extremely boring, and I most definitely don't want my life to be meaningless. And to drop out now will mean I have to lie even more. My professors know and love me. Even the dean sees me as his son. Not to mention all the SG work and research I do. Dropping everything with no explanation...I can't even imagine what people would think of me.

I just can't believe my fiancée won't wait for me. It would be a win-win situation if she could, that doesn't seem like it will happen. Furthermore, she told me that she is giving me an ultimatum. She wants an answer within two weeks (in order to change our wedding plans that was suppose to happen later this year in our small town, but she now wants it in Hawaii, thus she needs to make change all our plans and she wants us to go there beforehand to scout area, etc).

If you guys were in a similar situation, what would you guys do?

TLDR: Fiancee won lottery, wants me to quit dentistry and do everything on her wish-list. I, however, absolutely LOVE dentistry, and sticking to it may cost me my fiancee along with her fortune. What to do?

Thanks for reading my long rant. I am really depressed. Writing this thread really relieved a lost of stress. There isn't really any one who I really trust to talk about this issue. Only our parents know about it, and they just tell me to do what will make me happy. I know I will have big regrets with either decision I make, but not knowing which will be less regretful is extremely upsetting.

 

[doc toothache]

What percentage of marriages end up in divorce?

 

[lazyindy]

Could you donate a small amount of your fortune to me? I could use the money to pay the NYU deposit

 

[difficultdilemma]

What percentage of marriages end up in divorce?

OMG, I knew you would say that Dr. Toothache! Just wanted to point out we're Asians, which has a much lower divorce rate than the average American. 😀
But again, that doesn't mean anything. Right now, I can only assume this marriage will work.

 

[difficultdilemma]

Could you donate a small amount of your fortune to me? I could use the money to pay the NYU deposit

Haha, the fortune unfortunately is not in my control. My fiancée has control over all our finances right now.

 

[jokersmiles]

such a difficult life

 

[cheapbum]

I would at the very least finish dental school. Especially with what seems to be poor spending habits on her behalf.

 

[JLT223]

That's pretty selfish of her man. YOU have your own dreams and aspirations. If you have a passion for something never let it go, for anyone. You'll find traveling and living the "sweet life" isn't as great as it seems on paper. I agree with the above poster, at least get your degree. You never know what will happen with you two down the road.

 

[SXCoronado]

.

 

[cacajuate]

Is the amount enough to live off the rest of your life if she keeps spending at the current rate?


What if you finish D school, vacation some with your fiancee, work a little then think about OMFS? A little compromise from both parties and you could both end up happy.

 

[Scumbag_Steve]

.

 

[kholley25]

In the unlikely case that this is true, I'd definitely finish your dental degree if I were you. Relationships can sour quickly and you don't want to be kicked to the curb with no backup plan. It's happened to countless of individuals and will happen to countless more. Which group do you want to be a part of?

Also, I'd highly recommend pushing your fiance to talk to a financial planner if she hasn't already. Many people have the "easy come, easy go" mentality when it comes to money but unfortunately that cash won't last forever.

 

[FloorMatt]

I personally wouldn't be able to live another 60 or so years without a job. Every break that I am jobless makes me go insane from boredom. Obviously there are endless things to do with money but you wouldn't be the same anymore. How long can you live being unproductive and bored of sitting in your house playing with money? It sound like you will lose your friends and family, as well as all the hard work you put in till now. The problem is, now that your wife decided on that life there's probably no going back for her. Whether you want to join her in this new lifestyle or not is a tough decision but I personally wouldn't. It's an unfortunate situation, but it's your life not hers. Best case scenario is she lets you finish up dentistry and then you can travel and all that nonsense until you settle somewhere and open your own practice. If she doesn't let you pursue your dreams she probably doesn't love you enough. Or the money stole the love.

 

[Faux]

Lose the finance, sell the new car.

 

[AbcessivelyCompulsive]

Wow. What a post. This is a really tough situation, but it really sounds like you already know what the answer is. You're just looking for affirmation.

I don't know your fiance, so this is going to based on your post:
I agree with everyone else; what she's asking you to do is really selfish. You guys are supposed to grow together, helping each other achieve your dreams. It seems like she has already mapped out your life for you, and her dreams are not correlating with yours. She's not supporting you in your endeavors.
It seems like you're learning the hard way that money isn't everything. I absolutely LOVE traveling, but an entire lifetime traveling without a purpose.. you lose that sense of appreciation for everything. It would be so cool to become a dentist and then travel the world doing dentistry in remote locations, though!

But anyways, if she's not willing to compromise with you, then I wouldn't stick around. I know it's hard because you guys have been together for so long and you love her so much, but realistically you can't build a life together without mutual support.

 

[Screwtape]

Man this is a tough situation. I'd probably handle it like so. Tell her that I'd be happy to drop dentistry but then I would not sign a pre-nup, so if anything did happen I wouldn't be sh** up a creek if I dropped dentistry and things didn't work out. If she's not cool with the no pre-nup deal, then I would stick with dentistry. If she's not cool with that and doesn't understand that logic, then probably not a good idea to raise kids with her. Cheers mate, best of luck.

Out of pure curiosity how much are we talking here? No need to be specific, but like in the single digit millions, tens of millions?

 

[pgex2t]

For some people, starting to date someone and breaking up with the same person are both worthwhile investments.

It seems that a more accurate poll would be:
Live subservient to her wishes for however long she wishes to keep you around or eventually develop your own sense of independence-her money, her rules, her life-are you okay with that? Based on how you feel about dentistry, you will most likely eventually come to resent her for giving up dentistry (if you feel as strongly as you say). Bottom line, this is not an equal venture for your relationship as partners. She quit med school with a viable fallback-her fortune. Saying that fortune is also your fallback is unrealistically optimistic. Should you drop out of dschool this year, there is little to no chance coming back to the profession for you.

This compromise-dropping dental school-this is the last thing she needs to break you.

 

[sweetpeeas]

I agree with everyone here... at least finish your dental education. She has to somehow compromise on that! Just because she decided to drop her education, doesn't mean you should.

Honestly, I would take some time apart from her. If she is trying to control your future now, she will ONLY continue to do so in future spats/arguments. Quite frankly, she is very smart if she gets you to drop your dental education, have complete control over the finances, and gets you to sign a pre-nup right before the marriage. You will have nothing to leverage and she will control EVERYTHING because if you leave, you will have NOTHING.

 

[743291]

Please pursue your dreams, if you give up your dreams to live the life that "she has planned", most likely you will end up regretting that decision. From your post I sense that your main purpose for going into dentistry isn't money, if you work so hard to make it this far don't allow anyone to take your dream away from you. As a female, I would lose respect for a man that can't stand up to me, and for you to just let her tailor her plans and you're just in them doesn't make any sense. She is supposed to support you, not put in uncomfortable situations like that. Be your own individual, if she is not happy with you not dropping dental school then you two might need to reevaluate your future together. Best luck

 

[difficultdilemma]

I really appreciate the responses guys.

But dang, I feel bad now. I never wanted to portray my fiancée as some crazy selfish b***h. I've been with her for almost 13 years now. I know her more than anyone, and I think I can say that she truly cares and loves me. She even planned to give my parents the gift of retirement later this year. With that said, she insists that I must quit school in order to spend more time with her, friends, family, and enjoy our life together. It's always the same arguments when we argue. She always say 1) one main goal in life is to work for money, if we have the money, why work? and 2) life is short, fragile, and unpredictable; she wants to spend as much time with me as possible; she vehemently stresses this because she has lost two of her best friends due to tragic car accident (don't text and drive kids) and CAD. Furthermore, she says that she becomes extremely sad when she sees me working and studying relentlessly with school work and that'll only become worst when I become a dentist. She doesn't want me to be involved with work and wants me to have a stress free life. Basically, she doesn't want to see any blood, sweat, and tears from me.

such a difficult life

Sorry, I didn't intend it to convey it like that.

I would at the very least finish dental school. Especially with what seems to be poor spending habits on her behalf.

From my understanding after our spat yesterday, finishing dental school will probably threaten our relationship. She wants me to drop out as soon as possible. We are getting married later this year during my intersession, unlike our earlier plans she wants more out of it and her plans has no additional schooling involved. Furthermore, other than buying herself a new phone and a new laptop she hasn't done anything ridiculously yet so far other than paying off her loans and buying my dream car. Since she is a foodie, we just eat out more than usual now.

That's pretty selfish of her man. YOU have your own dreams and aspirations. If you have a passion for something never let it go, for anyone. You'll find traveling and living the "sweet life" isn't as great as it seems on paper. I agree with the above poster, at least get your degree. You never know what will happen with you two down the road.

Wow. What a post. This is a really tough situation, but it really sounds like you already know what the answer is. You're just looking for affirmation.

I don't know your fiance, so this is going to based on your post:
I agree with everyone else; what she's asking you to do is really selfish. You guys are supposed to grow together, helping each other achieve your dreams. It seems like she has already mapped out your life for you, and her dreams are not correlating with yours. She's not supporting you in your endeavors.
It seems like you're learning the hard way that money isn't everything. I absolutely LOVE traveling, but an entire lifetime traveling without a purpose.. you lose that sense of appreciation for everything. It would be so cool to become a dentist and then travel the world doing dentistry in remote locations, though!

But anyways, if she's not willing to compromise with you, then I wouldn't stick around. I know it's hard because you guys have been together for so long and you love her so much, but realistically you can't build a life together without mutual support.

I personally wouldn't be able to live another 60 or so years without a job. Every break that I am jobless makes me go insane from boredom. Obviously there are endless things to do with money but you wouldn't be the same anymore. How long can you live being unproductive and bored of sitting in your house playing with money? It sound like you will lose your friends and family, as well as all the hard work you put in till now. The problem is, now that your wife decided on that life there's probably no going back for her. Whether you want to join her in this new lifestyle or not is a tough decision but I personally wouldn't. It's an unfortunate situation, but it's your life not hers. Best case scenario is she lets you finish up dentistry and then you can travel and all that nonsense until you settle somewhere and open your own practice. If she doesn't let you pursue your dreams she probably doesn't love you enough. Or the money stole the love.

I agree with you guys. We both come from hard working immigrant families. Growing up, this work ethic has been instilled in me and the fact that could be living care-free sort of scares me. I mean like 99% of the world's population work, so it would probably feel so weird. I already experienced something like this during my gap year, and to have this for the next several decades seems very daunting. She too values hard work, but apparently believes that we got lucky and should make the most of it.

cacajuate, post: 17544483, member: 491219"]Is the amount enough to live off the rest of your life if she keeps spending at the current rate?

In the unlikely case that this is true, I'd definitely finish your dental degree if I were you. Relationships can sour quickly and you don't want to be kicked to the curb with no backup plan. It's happened to countless of individuals and will happen to countless more. Which group do you want to be a part of?

Also, I'd highly recommend pushing your fiance to talk to a financial planner if she hasn't already. Many people have the "easy come, easy go" mentality when it comes to money but unfortunately that cash won't last forever.

I discussed with her about speaking to a financial planner, but we haven't spoken to one yet. We agreed on a set amount we will spend on a yearly basis and, not to mention, she opted for the installment payments over 29 years. So as long as the lottery continue to exist, money should never be a worry.

Lose the finance, sell the new car.

🤣

Man this is a tough situation. I'd probably handle it like so. Tell her that I'd be happy to drop dentistry but then I would not sign a pre-nup, so if anything did happen I wouldn't be sh** up a creek if I dropped dentistry and things didn't work out. If she's not cool with the no pre-nup deal, then I would stick with dentistry. If she's not cool with that and doesn't understand that logic, then probably not a good idea to raise kids with her. Cheers mate, best of luck.

Out of pure curiosity how much are we talking here? No need to be specific, but like in the single digit millions, tens of millions?

She says that I can do whatever I want with the money (there will be no pre-nup), but there are a few things I have to agree on. 1) Quit school/promise not to work. 2) Don't pass the annual spending limit we set. 3) Complete everything on both of our bucket list of things we want to do in life. She, however, demands that nothing is set in stone until we get married (paperwork, etc.).

I agree with everyone here... at least finish your dental education. She has to somehow compromise on that! Just because she decided to drop her education, doesn't mean you should.

Honestly, I would take some time apart from her. If she is trying to control your future now, she will ONLY continue to do so in future spats/arguments. Quite frankly, she is very smart if she gets you to drop your dental education, have complete control over the finances, and gets you to sign a pre-nup right before the marriage. You will have nothing to leverage and she will control EVERYTHING because if you leave, you will have NOTHING.

While she does have many things plan out for the next several years. It includes many of the things I want to do in life too. I just never imagined I would be able to do them so soon. Again, I don't think she is controlling me, but she does insist that I must never work a day in my life.

Please pursue your dreams, if you give up your dreams to live the life that "she has planned", most likely you will end up regretting that decision. From your post I sense that your main purpose for going into dentistry isn't money, if you work so hard to make it this far don't allow anyone to take your dream away from you. As a female, I would lose respect for a man that can't stand up to me, and for you to just let her tailor her plans and you're just in them doesn't make any sense. She is supposed to support you, not put in uncomfortable situations like that. Be your own individual, if she is not happy with you not dropping dental school then you two might need to reevaluate your future together. Best luck

I really do love dentistry, and I am ready to commit another 6 years of education to become an oral surgeon. I worked so hard for everything up til now. But I also love my fiancée at the same time. 😢 Schooling will mean she will be stuck with whatever I do for at least 7 more years. As a result, she keeps insisting that school and work will take away from from being with friends, family, and enjoying life and demands I drop out.

Right now, I honestly wished she never won the lottery...it would have been a less enjoyable, but a perfect life for me. I wish she could wait.
As many of you have suggested, I think I lean a little bit more towards dentistry, but the regrets...I don't know. I think one is certain with either option I take, I'll become bald before 30, that's for sure. [/QUOTE]

 

[dyesht]

Pursue your dreams man, and dump her. After you do that, let me get her number for real.

 

[HelicaseInitiator]

Finish your degree bro, you are a 3rd year you have one year left. Maybe come at your fiancé from a different point of view and reassure her -That you want to finish your degree and be able to use your time traveling to give back to others since you have been blessed to live this amazing lifestyle and give back to others less fortunate by providing dental care. If she says no to that... Then good luck.

 

[Advance]

She tore up your case notes and is giving ultimatums?
No offence but she sounds crazy. She has to realize it's your life too.

I would just pursue oral surgery. If she decides to leave....
#ByeFelicia

 

[Screwtape]

I really appreciate the responses guys.

But dang, I feel bad now. I never wanted to portray my fiancée as some crazy selfish b***h. I've been with her for almost 13 years now. I know her more than anyone, and I think I can say that she truly cares and loves me. She even planned to give my parents the gift of retirement later this year. With that said, she insists that I must quit school in order to spend more time with her, friends, family, and enjoy our life together. It's always the same arguments when we argue. She always say 1) one main goal in life is to work for money, if we have the money, why work? and 2) life is short, fragile, and unpredictable; she wants to spend as much time with me as possible; she vehemently stresses this because she has lost two of her best friends due to tragic car accident (don't text and drive kids) and CAD. Furthermore, she says that she becomes extremely sad when she sees me working and studying relentlessly with school work and that'll only become worst when I become a dentist. She doesn't want me to be involved with work and wants me to have a stress free life. Basically, she doesn't want to see any blood, sweat, and tears from me.



Sorry, I didn't intend it to convey it like that.



From my understanding after our spat yesterday, finishing dental school will probably threaten our relationship. She wants me to drop out as soon as possible. We are getting married later this year during my intersession, unlike our earlier plans she wants more out of it and her plans has no additional schooling involved. Furthermore, other than buying herself a new phone and a new laptop she hasn't done anything ridiculously yet so far other than paying off her loans and buying my dream car. Since she is a foodie, we just eat out more than usual now.






I agree with you guys. We both come from hard working immigrant families. Growing up, this work ethic has been instilled in me and the fact that could be living care-free sort of scares me. I mean like 99% of the world's population work, so it would probably feel so weird. I already experienced something like this during my gap year, and to have this for the next several decades seems very daunting. She too values hard work, but apparently believes that we got lucky and should make the most of it.

cacajuate, post: 17544483, member: 491219"]Is the amount enough to live off the rest of your life if she keeps spending at the current rate?


I discussed with her about speaking to a financial planner, but we haven't spoken to one yet. We agreed on a set amount we will spend on a yearly basis and, not to mention, she opted for the installment payments over 29 years. So as long as the lottery continue to exist, money should never be a worry.



🤣



She says that I can do whatever I want with the money (there will be no pre-nup), but there are a few things I have to agree on. 1) Quit school/promise not to work. 2) Don't pass the annual spending limit we set. 3) Complete everything on both of our bucket list of things we want to do in life. She, however, demands that nothing is set in stone until we get married (paperwork, etc.).



While she does have many things plan out for the next several years. It includes many of the things I want to do in life too. I just never imagined I would be able to do them so soon. Again, I don't think she is controlling me, but she does insist that I must never work a day in my life.



I really do love dentistry, and I am ready to commit another 6 years of education to become an oral surgeon. I worked so hard for everything up til now. But I also love my fiancée at the same time. 😢 Schooling will mean she will be stuck with whatever I do for at least 7 more years. As a result, she keeps insisting that school and work will take away from from being with friends, family, and enjoying life and demands I drop out.

Right now, I honestly wished she never won the lottery...it would have been a less enjoyable, but a perfect life for me. I wish she could wait.
As many of you have suggested, I think I lean a little bit more towards dentistry, but the regrets...I don't know. I think one is certain with either option I take, I'll become bald before 30, that's for sure.

Then finish your degree and give your girlfriend my number please. PM me for it.

 

[hellofuturedentists]

I kind of understand how 7 more years seems like such a long time to be in school, especially if she's itching to travel. If I were you, I would really try to get her to compromise so that you can at the very least finish your DDS. It's only 1 year and I'm assuming it's mostly clinical stuff. You said it in your post she wants you to "Complete everything on both of our bucket list of things we want to do in life". Isn't dental degree near the top of that list? You don't want regrets for the rest of your life and you don't want to resent her. See if she will compromise. All relationships need good compromise. Waiting just a little bit longer will make it that much sweeter when you graduate and you can travel or whatever.
Just my 2 cents

 

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Hey guys,

First and foremost, it's been almost 4 years since I have last posted on SDN. Those were the days! Best of luck to all the pre-dents out there.

So this is my second account created with the sole purpose of keeping my anonymity because I am slightly paranoid that a long time SDN user may be able to figure out who I am from the information I will be posting.

Before I start, I just want to say this may be a silly/stupid question to some, but it has been driving me to the point of depression for almost a year now. It will be a long wall of text, and I do apologize for that. I just want to hear some advice and thoughts from other people since this is a problem that I am unable to openly speak about.

So in mid 2015, my fiancée won the lottery. It wasn't an outrageous amount (like that 1.5B PowerBall ), but it would allow us and our families to live comfortably without working for the rest of our lives. Honestly, I still can't believe it. But she did and our lives forever changed. Right now, I am not sure if it was for the better or the worst. My fiancée, who was a fourth year med student and was literally a few months away from finishing school and beginning her residency in pediatric psychiatry, abruptly quit school. She paid off all her loans and that was that (Yes, I still question her medical aspirations, but she doesn't regret anything). We were extremely fortunate to go to the same school, and there isn't a week that goes by without someone asking me what happened to my fiancée. Of course, with our situation I have to lie, which I feel really bad about.

So here's the problem, I am currently a third year dental student and she wants me to prematurely end my future career as a dentist. When she first told me that, I didn't know what to say. I worked so hard to get where I am. She literally made plans about what we are going to do for the next 15 years or so, like moving to so and so, living here there for a couple of years, and traveling across Europe, etc... For almost a year know, we had this discussion many, many, many times, but she isn't budging. I tried to ignore her rants and played it smoothly until yesterday. At dinner yesterday, I told my fiancée that I want to pursue oral surgery. When I told her I need at least six more years,... she flipped out. I never seen her so angry before. She literally took all my notes that I was studying for my exam next week and tore them up. (She also ruin all my patient case notes...which will put me in a difficult situation explaining what happened to my professors next week). And unlike our previous spats over this matter, she implied that she will call everything off if I don't bend to her will. We've known each other since high school, and I can't think of a future without her. At the the same time, dentistry is my dream too. I am so close to finishing school. I've done everything right, something that I didn't do during undergrad, which cost me a gap year. I working so hard up til now, and now, I am on the verge of pursuing oral surgery.

School for the last six month hasn't been too great either. For my birthday last year, she brought me my dream car. While I am extremely happy and grateful for it, I couldn't be more upset as I have been lying to everyone around me. For the first two years, I been carpooling in my fiancée's 2001 Corolla, and now I am the talk of the school. Seriously, a dental student that drives a car that costs twice as much as the dean's car? Everyone knows I been living frugally AF, and out of no where I have a Mercedes. This fake facade that I put up has been mentally killing me. I've been lying to myself and others, and it's been very hard with each passing day. What's keeping me firm on dentistry? I wanted to be a dentist for so long and I worked extremely hard. Also, not working doesn't seem feasible to me. I'm sure not working at first will be nice, but for the next who knows how long? I took a gap year, and at first it was great. I saved enough to travel, party, etc, but half way in, I despised it SO much. I didn't work or anything. I was extremely boring, and I most definitely don't want my life to be meaningless. And to drop out now will mean I have to lie even more. My professors know and love me. Even the dean sees me as his son. Not to mention all the SG work and research I do. Dropping everything with no explanation...I can't even imagine what people would think of me.

I just can't believe my fiancée won't wait for me. It would be a win-win situation if she could, that doesn't seem like it will happen. Furthermore, she told me that she is giving me an ultimatum. She wants an answer within two weeks (in order to change our wedding plans that was suppose to happen later this year in our small town, but she now wants it in Hawaii, thus she needs to make change all our plans and she wants us to go there beforehand to scout area, etc).

If you guys were in a similar situation, what would you guys do?

TLDR: Fiancee won lottery, wants me to quit dentistry and do everything on her wish-list. I, however, absolutely LOVE dentistry, and sticking to it may cost me my fiancee along with her fortune. What to do?

Thanks for reading my long rant. I am really depressed. Writing this thread really relieved a lost of stress. There isn't really any one who I really trust to talk about this issue. Only our parents know about it, and they just tell me to do what will make me happy. I know I will have big regrets with either decision I make, but not knowing which will be less regretful is extremely upsetting.

Bro... If she is doing this kind of stuff now, it won't ever stop. If I were you, I would call her bluff and say that its your dream and if she loves you she will support you in your dream. If she doesn't than you will be better off. Not because you're choosing dentistry over her, but rather, you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone that does that stuff. You think it'll be this one time? Thats emotional abuse. And it won't stop. Pursue your dream. Pick your path. And then stick to it. Those that stay in your life do so because they truly like you. Those that don't stay in your life do so because they were selfish.

 

[JLT223]

I want to know how much money.

You know what's a waste? Dropping out of med and dental school near completion, paying back all that money, and having nothing to show for it.

No amount of money lasts forever. So how much?

It's over 9,000

 

[difficultdilemma]

I kind of understand how 7 more years seems like such a long time to be in school, especially if she's itching to travel. If I were you, I would really try to get her to compromise so that you can at the very least finish your DDS. It's only 1 year and I'm assuming it's mostly clinical stuff. You said it in your post she wants you to "Complete everything on both of our bucket list of things we want to do in life". Isn't dental degree near the top of that list? You don't want regrets for the rest of your life and you don't want to resent her. See if she will compromise. All relationships need good compromise. Waiting just a little bit longer will make it that much sweeter when you graduate and you can travel or whatever.
Just my 2 cents

Seven more years...when I said that she went ballistic. And yes, while getting a DMD is on my wish list, she is firm with me not doing anything that involves work and any mental/physical stress. She says she'll let me have the money, but absolutely demands a stress-free life for both of us. As for compromises, she just told me she'll only wait for me to finish my third year, and then it's over. I think I'm going to call everything off...I am going to regret it a lot. There are going to be so much complications from breaking up. We are suppose to get married soon...there is so much people involved. I am not sure what to tell others...what should I do? Everyone is going to soon find out I have been putting a fake facade. Once I tell my friends that I picked dentistry over a girl with millions and the dream life... they are all going to be like and . Thinking about it is already making me depressed. I have a big exam next week, and I can't force myself to study for it anymore. I am really afraid it's going to adversely affect my academics and place a huge mental burden on me in the weeks to come. Does anyone know if one can take a year off from dental school? I haven't heard or seen anyone around me doing so yet (and if so, how does it affect loans?).

I know I am going to have regrets either way, I just hope this choice was the better one. 😢

I hope (*fingers crossed*) she at least lets me keep the car. Anyone wants to buy a fully loaded "--- ---"? There's no freaking way I can afford to keep it for a week, let alone for years to come.

I want to end everything...FML.

 

[JLT223]

You just said it my friend. "Dentistry over a girl with millions." Sounds like you like the idea of being with her/the comfort of $ more than anything. Go finish your degree and get yourself a real winner, not someone who won the lotto and wants to live in fairyland.

 

[difficultdilemma]

I want to know how much money.

You know what's a waste? Dropping out of med and dental school near completion, paying back all that money, and having nothing to show for it.

No amount of money lasts forever. So how much?

It's over 9,000

It is indeed over 9,000.

Let's put it this way. If dental school costs me almost 100 grand a year, my ex-fiancée can pay for me to go to school for almost 240 years.

 

[difficultdilemma]

Seems like the pre-nup us misunderstood here. In many states, any money made or assets gained before a marriage remain that person's. A pre-nup helps establish an understanding of how those assets will be reserved or shared after marriage AND/OR divorce. If there will be no pre-nup, then your future with her is solely based on her word. If anything happens to your marriage, you may not be entitled to any of the money (whatever is left at least). Worst case scenario you drop out of school, your marriage goes sideways, and you're left with nothing. Something to think about.

P.S. Not a lawyer. Just expressing my understanding of these topics.

I think you're right. What I meant is, if we got divorced I won't be broke. She made it clear that everything will be split evenly upon marriage and I can even control all the finances afterwards. If a pre-nup was needed, I can immediately get that done. She says she can care less about the money, and more about spending as much time together as possible.

You just said it my friend. "Dentistry over a girl with millions." Sounds like you like the idea of being with her/the comfort of $ more than anything. Go finish your degree and get yourself a real winner, not someone who won the lotto and wants to live in fairyland.

Again, I do like the idea of being with her. We been together for almost 13 years, I just don't want to live a care free lifestyle as she insists. Trust me, if I really like the her solely for the comfort of money, I would have immediately ditched dentistry like she did with medical school last year. My friends and you guys will only see that I picked dentistry over a girl with millions. We had a real and serious relationship and have been through a lot over the last 13 years, and we cherished every moment of it. Please don't misunderstand. Unfortunately, she won't be with me in the next stage of my life.

So serious question. I can't study or think properly for my upcoming exam. I am afraid I need at least a year off, does anyone know if dentals schools allow this? I haven't heard anything like this before? And if they ask me why, should I tell them the truth? What about loans?

 

[cheapbum]

This is a very tough decision. Think she'd let you finish dental school if you agreed to practice part time to keep your clinical skills up to par ?

Everyone here appears to be rooting against your lady so I will say this: Just be very mindful and don't make any brash decisions. You know your lady better than any of us. 13 years is a long time, so I'm sure there's something "special" there.

-----?! Is it the ----? I want the C63s sedan one day . Cranked one up at the dealership and fell in love.

 

[JLT223]

I think you're right. What I meant is, if we got divorced I won't be broke. She made it clear that everything will be split evenly upon marriage and I can even control all the finances afterwards. If a pre-nup was needed, I can immediately get that done. She says she can care less about the money, and more about spending as much time together as possible.



Again, I do like the idea of being with her. We been together for almost 13 years, I just don't want to live a care free lifestyle as she insists. Trust me, if I really like the her solely for the comfort of money, I would have immediately ditched dentistry like she did with medical school last year. My friends and you guys will only see that I picked dentistry over a girl with millions. We had a real and serious relationship and have been through a lot over the last 13 years, and we cherished every moment of it. Please don't misunderstand. Unfortunately, she won't be with me in the next stage of my life.

So serious question. I can't study or think properly for my upcoming exam. I am afraid I need at least a year off, does anyone know if dentals schools allow this? I haven't heard anything like this before? And if they ask me why, should I tell them the truth? What about loans?

I really hope it all works out for you!

 

[difficultdilemma]

This is a very tough decision. Think she'd let you finish dental school if you agreed to practice part time to keep your clinical skills up to par ?

Everyone here appears to be rooting against your lady so I will say this: Just be very mindful and don't make any brash decisions. You know your lady better than any of us. 13 years is a long time, so I'm sure there's something "special" there.

S63?! Is it the coupé? I want the C63s sedan one day . Cranked one up at the dealership and fell in love.

Nope, she insists that life is too short, fragile, and unpredictable and as a result she wants us to make the most out of our lives together living without work and being as stress-free as possible.

And yes, it is indeed a "--- ---" coupe. It is truly a marvelous car, you ought to check it out yourself! I hope you get your C63 one day!
I am going to give her my decision in the coming days. Regardless on whether she lets me keep the car or not, I am afraid I won't be able to keep it though. I can't afford to drive it any longer than a week. If I am lucky enough to match into an oral surgery program, I think the next time I'll be able to drive an AMG S63 would be in no less than 20 more years. 🙁

 

[Incis0r]

@difficultdilemma , one day, in your oral surgery interviews, a bunch of doctors/residency directors will ask you: "How do we know you are dedicated to becoming an oral surgeon?"

You now have one of the best examples of your dedication: "Well, I said no to a $250M net worth and the girl I'd been with for 13 years because I want to be an oral surgeon, and she wouldn't let me be one. That's how dedicated I am."

Instant acceptance.

 

[cheapbum]

Thanks! Yea, those tires and brakes can cost a grip. Haha.

Maaaan, I really hope you guys work it out. I'm tryna live vicariously through you!! Lol. Hopefully she comes to her senses and let's you pursue your dream.

Good luck man!

 

[milkydusty]

OP, I think you should still finish.

you give a homeless person money to survive and then they run out of money (ur gf wont probably run out since she seems pretty well educated)
you give a homeless person a profession/ajob/as skill and then they live their own lives in a fine way

anyhow, it is ironic you make this thread to remain anonymous yet you said the specific brand and model of the car you drive. Now, if one of the students at your school read this, he/she will definitely know who you are and it will spread like wildfire because probably only one car like that exists in the whole school.

 

[Queen Beach]

Lmao, thank you for entertaining me! Lol I appreciate that!

How about next time saying you got the $$$ from a lawsuit or inheritance?

 

[doktorinprogres]

You have to finish your dental degree. You also have to think about asking your fiancee to sacrifice 6 years of her life for your dreams and understand why she might be less than pleased. I think asking one year of anyone isn't all that big but 6 is a lot. If she's unwilling to give you that year then it seems like she isn't the right one for you.

Also please do not feel bad about lying to those around you. The second knowledge of the money comes into play a lot of them will turn to you with their hands out. Stop driving the car to school. The last thing you want to do is attract attention to your situation. Also prbly should remove the exact model of your car from these posts.

I would say finish the degree go follow her ideas for a couple years and if she shows no signs of returning to real life then make the choice whether you like the life you're living or want more. Who knows maybe your idea of what you want or hers will change.

 

[stoopidmonkeycatdog]

Wow :/

I obviously don't know you but if I were in your shoes I would probably try to compromise and reach some sort of agreement. Just like you couldn't imagine giving up your dream profession for money I couldn't imagine giving up a really great and loving relationship for a specific career.

If you truly love her, try to compromise, just like you're asking her to compromise her wishes. I would convince her to let you finish dental school and then maybe you two can take a long vacation and travel around before you start practicing? It sounds like she's more scared of losing you than she is upset at you for pursuing a career path.

Just my two cents, maybe you value becoming a surgeon over your fiancé (which is most definitely your right and you shouldn't feel bad about it if it is) but I personally just couldn't give up a 13 year relationship with no problems (that you've told us so far) other than money, for a career you've only now just realized you want (you claimed you decided to become an omfs recently correct?)

Right now if my partner decided she didn't didn't want me to specialize i would definitely give up the specialization and just be a GP, because I love her more than a career choice.

Again those are my own experiences and opinions though.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[jokersmiles]

What percentage of marriages end up in divorce?

50%

 

[A Pre-dent]

.

 

[difficultdilemma]

You have to finish your dental degree. You also have to think about asking your fiancee to sacrifice 6 years of her life for your dreams and understand why she might be less than pleased. I think asking one year of anyone isn't all that big but 6 is a lot. If she's unwilling to give you that year then it seems like she isn't the right one for you.

Also please do not feel bad about lying to those around you. The second knowledge of the money comes into play a lot of them will turn to you with their hands out. Stop driving the car to school. The last thing you want to do is attract attention to your situation. Also prbly should remove the exact model of your car from these posts.

I would say finish the degree go follow her ideas for a couple years and if she shows no signs of returning to real life then make the choice whether you like the life you're living or want more. Who knows maybe your idea of what you want or hers will change.

OP, I think you should still finish.

you give a homeless person money to survive and then they run out of money (ur gf wont probably run out since she seems pretty well educated)
you give a homeless person a profession/ajob/as skill and then they live their own lives in a fine way

anyhow, it is ironic you make this thread to remain anonymous yet you said the specific brand and model of the car you drive. Now, if one of the students at your school read this, he/she will definitely know who you are and it will spread like wildfire because probably only one car like that exists in the whole school.

It has been removed. Thanks, I totally didn't think twice about that.

 

[FrenchyM.D/D.O]

First, marry her. (Try hard, HARD for no prenup. you know where I am going here. If she loves you as much as you say she does, she won't even mention a prenup). Two, get her pregnant. Seriously, give her a kid or two to keep her busy. This should buy you enough time to accomplish part 3. Three, accomplish your dream of becoming a dentist/oral surgeon.
That's honestly what I would do. I couldn't cast a vote because my answer offers you the best of both worlds.

 

[Incis0r]

First, marry her. (Try hard, HARD for no prenup. you know where I am going here. If she loves you as much as you say she does, she won't even mention a prenup). Two, get her pregnant. Seriously, give her a kid or two to keep her busy. This should buy you enough time to accomplish part 3.

And people call me cold:

 

[schmoob]

Wow. Wow. Wow.
I'm very sorry you are in this situation. It's unfortunate, but it sounds like she is choosing her happiness and her dreams while coercing you to abandon yours.
I agree with all of the other posters that say compromise is important. Money does NOT last forever. I think she is using this as a way to manipulate you to get her way. It also sounds like she has the mindset of "I'm a millionaire, I don't need you anymore. I'm going on this ride with or without you."
If you abandon dental school, you WILL resent her and that would be the end of your relationship anyway. Then you will have no DMD and no Fiance/wife. I can also assure you that she would hire a very good high priced attorney to make sure she keeps as much of that money as possible, leaving you with nothing.
Finish school. Follow your dreams. I truly hope that you become an OMFS because money will not be an issue for you anyway. You want to have an accomplishment that's your own, and dentistry and an OMFS is a major accomplishment to be proud of.
Again, I'm sorry for this difficult time in your life and I wish you lots of success.

 

[schmoob]

First, marry her. (Try hard, HARD for no prenup. you know where I am going here. If she loves you as much as you say she does, she won't even mention a prenup). Two, get her pregnant. Seriously, give her a kid or two to keep her busy. This should buy you enough time to accomplish part 3. Three, accomplish your dream of becoming a dentist/oral surgeon.
That's honestly what I would do. I couldn't cast a vote because my answer offers you the best of both worlds.

Absolutely not. Frenchy, you've made some good postings in the past but I'm incredibly disappointed here. This is an awful and absolutely selfish and disgusting thing to do. Why would you bring children into the world for the sheer purpose of having them as your ATM's. That is reckless. Those will end up being some seriously screwed up kids.

 

[cheapbum]

It has been removed. Thanks, I totally didn't think twice about that.

Might want to completely remove the quote where I referenced the model of your car. I edited my post accordingly.

 

[743291]

First, marry her. (Try hard, HARD for no prenup. you know where I am going here. If she loves you as much as you say she does, she won't even mention a prenup). Two, get her pregnant. Seriously, give her a kid or two to keep her busy. This should buy you enough time to accomplish part 3. Three, accomplish your dream of becoming a dentist/oral surgeon.
That's honestly what I would do. I couldn't cast a vote because my answer offers you the best of both worlds.

Life will not become any easier for him just because he gets married and gets her pregnant, I would say a woman with a child or 2 is harder to handle than you can ever imagine. She will then want him to spend time with the child or children, it won't be about just but also the kids.

 

[FrenchyM.D/D.O]

And people call me cold:

LOL...I am not cold. In times like these, one should remain rational. Think with your brain and not with your heart. That being said, she loves him, he love her. Why not get married and then go on from there. That's all I am saying.