Studying vs Significant Other

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Med Girl_1313

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Hi everyone,

Just curious if anyone else was having the same trouble I am. It seems like I'm ALWAYS studying for a test or quiz or working on a project, which leaves very little time to spend with my boyfriend. Needless to say he gets annoyed sometimes with the amount of time I spend on schoolwork.
We've been together for 4 years and he knows that my ultimate goal is to become an MD. I told him in the beginning I'd have a ton of studying to do & I'd have to work my a$$ off to keep my grades up; back then he didn't seem to have a problem with it & was really supportive. Now that I'm further into school & picking up some volunteer activities, he's pi$$ed I have even less time than before to spend with him.

Anyone else in the same boat? Anyone?

Thanks for listening guys - I really needed to vent!! :mad:

Christine :D
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Study more efficiently. I can't see how you're ALWAYS studying for anything- many people do tons of stuff while still taking 20+ hours of credit. Perhaps chill on studying 24/7? --Trek
 
I actually told my gf the day I met her that once I was going to medical school I was going to be single. I know we are going to have major difficulties over the next few months as that date gets closer, but I know I can't be distracted at school.
 
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•••quote:••• -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ••••Shrug, I can see how she has to study all the time. Some courses dont have any assignments (just a midterm and a final) so you can be kinda lax and not keep up every day (maybe just study a few days before each test). Whereas other courses require you to keep up with the work everyday, (due to quizzes, homework, projects, etc.) So if she has a lot of courses that give lots of projects, homework, quizzes, and test, I can see how she can get really busy. Especially if all her classes are like this :wink:
 
You are not the only one. I had the same pressue from my girlfriend when I was studying for the MCAT. Its difficult because they say they understand one day and the next day they don't. The situation can be especially difficult if you live on campus and your significant other wants to come over every chance they get. My other friends who I studied with, especially the one who was married, had difficulties in their relationships as well, but to varying degrees. Hang in there.
 
it can defenitly get annoying. When I was at brandeis, two of my roomates where studying for the mcat and thats all I heard about for soo long. by april I wanted to throw them out.

I kinda understand what they were saying now.
but yeah, it sucks to be around someone who is studying for the mcat since it consumes them for such a long period of time.
 
My boyfriend and I were arguing about this very issue today. He doesn't get what this life is like, how it is to have the friggin' MCAT hanging over your head along with Orgo and Physics. If I go out I feel guilty that I'm not studying, but then I'll just sit home and watch TV or hang out on SDN. Even though I'm 28 and should know how to prioritize better, it still seems to be a problem.
 
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•••quote:•••Originally posted by lukewiegand:
•if your gf is a "distraction", i think that can't be a good thing to begin with...•••••well, I'm sure he didn't mean that his girlfriend's generally a distraction per se. Even if you have a great boyfriend/girlfriend, I can see how feeling the pressure to cater to and set aside time for him/her can become distracting, once you're in med school.
 
Well significant others..haha!! I'm from North Carolina and my ex actually went to UNC. Well when we first met we totally hit it off. It was pretty much love at first site! Of course me being Pre-med does not leave as much time as I'd like to spend with my GF. She wanted me to put her before school and right now that was one thing that I could not do. We ended up taking time off and now she's dating some FRAT dingus! It's all good though! Things happen for reasons. I've always believe that if someone truly loves you then he or she will stick by your side no matter what! Keep your head up!! What is meant to be will be!! God has a Plan!!
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by Jalbrekt:
•I actually told my gf the day I met her that once I was going to medical school I was going to be single. I know we are going to have major difficulties over the next few months as that date gets closer, but I know I can't be distracted at school.•••••You have to be single while you are med school? I am a 1st year and recently asked my girlfriend to marry me. I cant imagine not having her around to balance my life. You guys applying need to realize that this is not the end of your life... it is just school. Make time to do the things that you enjoy. Then, come back and spend some quality time studying. Nobody needs to feel guilty about not studying... that is just crazy. Do things that you like, and your studying will become much more efficient.
 
I agree with you docuw. I'm starting med school in the fall, and I just got engaged. I can't imagine not having my fiance around while I'm in school. She helps bring things into perspective. Med school is going to be easier to tackle with her around to provide me support.
 
I agree with the balance statement. I guess I think differently about med school. I don't imagine myself studying every waking second of the day. Nor do I see myself so busy that I will be unable to maintain a healthy relationship. Studying for the MCAT wasn't all that bad, I think a lot of it depends on your outlook. It took me awhile to realize that whether I studied 20 hours for an exam of 10hours, my grade was basically the same and what I remembered about the material two weeks from that point was also the same. I feel I am so lucky to be in an understanding relationship as I enter medical school. I get to come home and tap a nap snuggling up to my girlfriend. I get to share dinners and I get to share some other intimate relations that I won't mention in detail :)

Telling yourself that you can't be in a relationship when you go into medical school seems like you are trying to define how things will be a little too much and not allowing things to be enough. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I definitely agree that medical school is medical school and my life has a lot more to it than education.

Snuggle up and appreciate it.
 
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I'm HOPEFULLY going to medical school in the fall, and I just got married about a month ago (1-26-02) <img border="0" alt="[Lovey]" title="" src="graemlins/lovey.gif" /> . Here's the way I see it - If you focus on one thing for too long, you miss out on the world around you. I'm not saying slack off with studying, but there's more to life than books.
Who knows - you may learn more about a certain medical condition from your personal experiences with others than you do from books - a truly personable doctor has more than just book smarts.

However, your mate must also understand that this is your goal in life and be able to support you in your endeavors. This support may be hard for him/her, but it he/she really loves you, it will be a sacrifice they are willing to make.
 
Hi!

Thanks to my fellow SDNer's for your replies!!

My original post made my boyfriend out to sound like an a-hole, which he honestly isn't, but I do understand why he gets annoyed at my studying so much. I put myself in his place & I'd be that way too. I just wish I had some more support sometimes, that's all.

From reading your replies I guess I just need to do some serious prioritizing: relationship, friends, work, school, volunteering. I have so much going on in my life right now, but the funny thing is - I don't mind it - I like being busy (of course, I say that now, ask me later on when I'm further along in this med school process stuff :D )

Another question: Do any of you (pre-med's) feel like you're working your butt off to get towards your goal of becoming an MD, but your girlfriend/boyfriend really isn't doing anything with their life? :(

Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble - it's much appreciated!

Christine :wink:
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by Med Girl_1313:
•
Another question: Do any of you (pre-med's) feel like you're working your butt off to get towards your goal of becoming an MD, but your girlfriend/boyfriend really isn't doing anything with their life? :(
•••••Hi Christine,

Well I think the problem here is that you have not joined scooby's system of fun yet.
Task 1: Dump Boytoy#1 you are going out with right now.
Task 2: Finish all your homework
Task 3: Fill out Scooby School application (Don't worry, financial aid forms do NOT exist...rather they will be determined by "other" qualities of the applicant)
Task 4: Send it in FEDEX!
Task 5: Relax....and scooby will take care of the rest

<img src="http://adwoff.com/pictures/icons/smlove2.gif" alt="" />
<img src="http://adwoff.com/pictures/icons/smlove2.gif" alt="" />
<img src="http://adwoff.com/pictures/icons/smlove2.gif" alt="" />
<img src="http://adwoff.com/pictures/icons/smlove2.gif" alt="" />
 
•••quote:••• Originally posted by Med Girl_1313:

Another question: Do any of you (pre-med's) feel like you're working your butt off to get towards your goal of becoming an MD, but your girlfriend/boyfriend really isn't doing anything with their life?
••••And I thought I was the only one! :wink:
I think the worst thing is when I'll spend a friday/saturday night studying or filling out a stupid application, and she'll be like "so what else did you do?"

Then she complains about how she has to study for the first time all semester for a psychology mid-term... like her life is so hard! Usually I just laugh, but once in a while it gets a little annoying that I'm trying to to something with my life, and then she mentions how she can't wait until I'm a rich doctor and can take her to expensive dinners!
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by johnM:
•And I thought I was the only one! :wink:
I think the worst thing is when I'll spend a friday/saturday night studying or filling out a stupid application, and she'll be like "so what else did you do?"

Then she complains about how she has to study for the first time all semester for a psychology mid-term... like her life is so hard! Usually I just laugh, but once in a while it gets a little annoying that I'm trying to to something with my life, and then she mentions how she can't wait until I'm a rich doctor and can take her to expensive dinners!•••••Dude, this is a clear warning sign. Drop her before you get too attached. She's only after you for the $$$$. If you don't believe me, try this:

Tell her you've changed your mind and are now seriously considering a career as a nurse (not that there's anything wrong with that). Just make up some bs about how med school just isn't worth it anymore, and how nursing will still give you the opportunity to interact with patients and take care of them. See if she's supportive. :wink: I can almost guarantee you she'll dip at the first opportunity. It's girls like this that give the rest of them a bad name.
 
News flash:

I know none of you will believe me (I certainly wouldn't have, as a pre-med), but medical school is not THAT hard. Medical students all complain as if their lives are going to end because of this week's test, but we all make it. Also, even though it's not as much time as we'd like, we all enjoy activities outside school. The trick is to learn to balance life with school. Trust me, busy-ness doesn't end once medical school does. It only gets busier, and to have a fulfilling life, you need to learn to make/take time away from your job. For instance, I've taken art classes both this year and last during school to maintain my sanity and my aesthetic sensibilities, and it's been wonderfully fun.

I am also married, and my husband has brought more richness into my life than I ever imagined.

Just some thoughts from someone who's walked in your shoes. :)
 
Hey Scooby:

Thanks for that suggestion, it's not a bad idea. Plus u get extra points for being so creative:p

Christine :wink:
 
Hey med girl, check your PMs :) I messaged you.
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by Med Girl_1313:
•Hey Scooby:

Thanks for that suggestion, it's not a bad idea. Plus u get extra points for being so creative:p

Christine :wink: •••••I try :)
 
•••quote:••• Dude, this is a clear warning sign. Drop her before you get too attached. She's only after you for the $$$$. If you don't believe me, try this:

Tell her you've changed your mind and are now seriously considering a career as a nurse (not that there's anything wrong with that). Just make up some bs about how med school just isn't worth it anymore, and how nursing will still give you the opportunity to interact with patients and take care of them. See if she's supportive. I can almost guarantee you she'll dip at the first opportunity. It's girls like this that give the rest of them a bad name. ••••Papa Smurf, I'm totally there with you man, and I'm very conscious about this. Unfortunately, everyone tells me that it's very hard to go out and meet new people while in med school, and that (contrary to Jalbrekt's comment) it is a lot easier to just have a g/f. I figure I'll keep her around at least for the sex (everybody here is going to hate me, I know), then maybe break up down the road a bit. After the match in fourth year, we should all have a lot more time to look around for something more serious.
 
From what I've seen with my spouse...i'd have to agree with squeek. My spouse is an MSIV and he has only had one really hard semester (2nd semester 2nd year). Other than that, he has plenty of time to spend with me and pursue hobbies. Granted, during his exam periods, we have to be creative as to how to spend more time together (i.e i would quiz him for his exams or play his patient when he needed to practice his phys. examination skills).
But I definitely agree that med school does not have to be life consuming. Although, I have seen med students who are extreme. It's all up to the individual. I know that if i get in this year, I'll be glad to have my spouse around for the support. :)
 
Very good point--spouses/significant others are wonderful "patients" for practicing physical diagnosis. Who else could you practice a hernia exam on?!? :)
 
That seems to be the real problem here. If your boyfriend had more stuff going on he wouldn't need to spend as much time with you to be satisfied. My GF is in elementary education and she spends all her time student teaching and prepairing lessons. It works out perfectly cause we spend a lot of our time together, working on our own stuff and taking study breaks together. Maybe if your boyfriend isn't in school he should pick up a distraction like playing the guitarr, sports, bible time, or something healthier than getting on your nerves. You really don't need any more stress than waiting on schools to make up their minds on you. That is hard enough alone.
 
Unless you study 24/7, you WILL have time for your significant other. NEVER say you don't have enough time. MAKE enough time...it's a matter of budgeting and prioritizing. If your significant other is needy and can't live w/out you 24/7, then you have a problem. Relationships are all about compromise...talk to him. :)
 
Im also a first year, and medical school is NOT the insane never-step-outside-study hole that people make it out to be. Im not married yet, but Im doing something that I think may possibly take more time away from studying - Im planning my wedding (365 people, "big, frufru") - and the site of the wedding and my fiance (and his daughter) are all five hours away. I still manage to see them 6 days a month (at least) and we have maintained our relationship just fine. Its a question of putting your relationship either first or equal with your studying (depending on the week - test week, its equal to, all other times, more important). It can be done.

Star
 
•••quote:••• Another question: Do any of you (pre-med's) feel like you're working your butt off to get towards your goal of becoming an MD, but your girlfriend/boyfriend really isn't doing anything with their life? ••••Ooh, you hit the nail on the head...this is the only thing my boyfriend and I argue about...Although I'm getting better at not hassling him about it and he's getting "somewhat" better about doing something w/himself...I keep telling myself, worry about yourself...I told him if he doesn't follow through w/his goals, we won't be together...it'll be hard, but I think I'd be settling. If I work my butt off to achieve my goal, then I expect him to reach his goal also. He's the most loving, sweet, and understanding person...I can't imagine leaving him, but I also have to use my brain when planning my life, and not just follow my heart. :cool:
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by johnM:
•
I figure I'll keep her around at least for the sex (everybody here is going to hate me, I know), then maybe break up down the road a bit. After the match in fourth year, we should all have a lot more time to look around for something more serious.•••••right on! :D :D
Click to expand...
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by johnM:
I figure I'll keep her around at least for the sex (everybody here is going to hate me, I know), then maybe break up down the road a bit. After the match in fourth year, we should all have a lot more time to look around for something more serious.••••That's just about the saddest thing I've ever seen posted on SDN. :( If that's really the kind of person you are, you may never find a woman who's interested in you beyond the money you're going to make.
 
•••quote:•••Originally posted by SMW:
• •••quote:•••Originally posted by johnM:
I figure I'll keep her around at least for the sex (everybody here is going to hate me, I know), then maybe break up down the road a bit. After the match in fourth year, we should all have a lot more time to look around for something more serious.••••That's just about the saddest thing I've ever seen posted on SDN. :( If that's really the kind of person you are, you may never find a woman who's interested in you beyond the money you're going to make.•••••I totally agree, I just find it very funny.
 
Eh, john's just being a trip. I'm sure he wasn't serious (was he?) --Trek
 
hehe, pretty funny, sit back and just relax...I mean it's cool to even realize what this is all about...heh :p
 
hehe, pretty funny, sit back and just relax...I mean it's cool to even realize what this is all about...heh :p
 
•••quote:••• Originally posted by SMW:

•••quote:•••
Originally posted by johnM:
I figure I'll keep her around at least for the sex (everybody here is going to hate me, I know), then maybe break up down the road a bit. After the match in fourth year, we should all have a lot more time to look around for something more serious.
••••That's just about the saddest thing I've ever seen posted on SDN. If that's really the kind of person you are, you may never find a woman who's interested in you beyond the money you're going to make. ••••SMW, I was just messing around... sorry about that! Besides, someone would have to be seriously desparate for sex to stay with someone that long just for a little nookie! :wink:

BTW, I apologize for reviving this old thread, I just don't always get a chance to check SDN outside of my lunch break.
 
Oh, I guess I just didn't get the joke...... :confused: Hopefully your gf is joking too when she makes those comments about fancy dinners.
 
Studying 24/7? To all the pre-meds out there please listen: Medical school is not all consuming. It really isn't. I didn't believe it until I got there. I have had a lot of free time in med school, go to a lot of parties, pursued many extracurricular activities, STAYED HAPPILY MARRIED, and had a child.

Is it more difficult than undergrad? Well, there is definitely more memorization and I study more. If you really study that much in undergrad, you probably need to check your study habits and make sure they're as efficient as possible. I studied very little in undergrad and had to learn how to study in med school (although I'm still a crammer). And no, I'm not some kind of freaky genious/savant. Just a normal guy who has almost made it through med school.

My wife has been nothing but supportive and comments often on how suprised she is with how much free time I've had through medical school. Residency will be different but I'll cross that bridge in July.
 
I'm not worried about having more or less time once I get into school, but the whole application process and classes in undergrad take away time from my SO. Now he thinks that's all I talk about...its hard NOT to talk about it when thats the only thing on my mind right now. This one year will make a huge difference so thats all I'm concerned with now. You're supposed to be so committed and focused, because its such an uncertain process, its hard to think about other things (plus, I messed around my 1st two years in undergrad and am doing a year of postbacc classes right now)...

sorry, I'm not even asking any questions, I just really had to vent at this particular moment...I wish I was given some "sign", so I knew what to do about him. I don't want to throw away two years together over some argument, but he's just not as focused as I am...argh, I don't know what to do...and as usual, when I feel like this, I tell myself, "just focus on yourself" :( :mad:
 
If it turns out med school becomes too much to juggle with your significant other, then I don't think that necessarily means you're inefficient with your studying and time or whatever. I don't think it's that simple. If you have a girlfriend who's supportive and very patient or who has similar ambitions, it certainly makes things easier. You could end up in a med school that's fortuntely close to where you and your boyfriend currently are. On the flip side, maybe you could be going out with someone who's very good but demands a lot of attention. Or maybe your med school is exceptionally tough (like I've heard about places like Jefferson and Finch). What I'm saying is that I think this is a case-by-case thing. It's not easy as saying, "if you're saying you can't handle both med school and relationship, then there's either something wrong with your relationship or your study habits."
 
HOLY FREAKING COW!!! this whole "struggling with the significnt other while attempting to get into med school" is my life story!
so i met this amazing guy last year. we are very serious in our relationship, but i feel like GPA's and the MCAT and my EC's are putting mucho stress on "us".
i am constantly apologizing to him for how i can get so absorbed in my pre-med endeavors. one day his response will be "don't apologize for it...i knew that school came first for you before i even got into this relationship...i'm in this for the long haul...etc." but the next day he's like "boo hoo...we never see each other, etc."
as for me feeling like he is not doing anything with his life, aye yae yae...i completely feel that way. he is over here on a work visa from the UK and it's like all he wants to do is the minimum amount of work, go home, watch digital cable, occasionally party, and play soccer. his company offers to pay for continuing education classes at the university and whenever i say something like "hey why don't you take a class...it would be pretty fun to see you at school", his response is always the same: "oooh...i can't be bothered." YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED!?!? then he gets cranky whenever i mention anything about someone else graduating or doing exceptionally well in school. i was telling him about my chem TA who is younger than me and has already earned a degree and is now going back for another one...he says to me "well are you trying to say that i'm not good enough because i haven't earned 2 degrees!?!?"
it's so sad for me to see us falling apart before my very eyes and i can't seem to do anything to fix it. very very sad.
<img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" />
 
simsema17 and shireen - check your mail; I sent u a PM.

Christine :)
 
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