The life and times of Mike.

[WVUPharm2007]

Being convinced that WVU hates me and will do anything in their power to inconvenience me post-graduation has always struck me as something that I was perhaps potentially being paranoid about.

This place they sent my wife and, thus, me has removed any doubt.

It's LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere. The nearest Walmart is your choice of 5 Walmarts an equidistant 30 or so minutes away in any sort of direction you'd possibly go. And those Walmarts are pretty much it. There is a Food Lion down the road that sells month old lettuce. I swear to god I saw a package of "New Coke" in the soda aisle.

There is a Sheetz, though. I guess I'll take it.

BFE my friends.

This place is a vortex of confusion. On this raggedy ass hilljack local antennae cable system I've got in this temporary housing...I somehow get the ABC station out of Chambersburg, PA, PBS put of Richmond, Va, an NBC station out of Baltimore, MD, and CBS out of Washington, D.C. Not that they have a functioning TV in my little house thing. I brought my own TV. I have no idea how or why, but they apparently subscribe to extended basic cable. I have like 200 channels. I just plugged the TV into the outlet in the wall...what the ****? Maybe its some sort of Marxist village where everyone gets gov't subsidized cable. Who the **** knows.

People get confused as to what freaking state they are in. I **** you not.

And this place I'm staying in. Keep in mind, this is the only place in this Grapes of Wrath reenactment of a region where I could find temporary housing. And even at that, I have to wake up and drive the wife 25 minutes to her rotation every day. But this place is hilarious. The dude calls me up and says, "Yeah, just show up. The key is behind the house above the air conditioner. Mail me the check when you get there...or whatever. BUT! Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE will you touch my stuff in the back room."

Yeah.

So I get here. lmfao. Just...look at this...

I think I got scurvy from taking this picture.

My car told me it was afraid of getting stolen by a crackhead.

Nothing says "class" like a half ripped off "Private Property" sign and a boarded up window.

I'm glad I decided to get this one, because the cheaper option was this glorified outhouse for $800 a month. I'm not joking. Someone is seriously renting this thing as a vacation home. At least they mow the grass.

The back of the house. That's apparently my back door. I have central air of all things. That little hole above the AC unit is where my key was hidden. Good God.

I'm pretty sure that there is a 95% chance I wind up getting stabbed if I go down there.

I walk in and close the door behind me. The first thing slapping me in the face is a giant crack in the door from the last time the DEA kicked it in being sealed by PACKAGING TAPE. Bloody glorious.

Here's my kitchen. The cold water spicket doesn't work. I don't think the guy is going to fix it. It came with a half filled bottle of 98% water, 2% dishsoap solution. You know, when you run out of soap...fill the sucker up with water...shake it up...new bottle of soap!!!

Here is my stove and my oven. Fancy...

(continued in post below...)

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[WVUPharm2007]

Here is the living area. I supplied the TV and laptops. Note the hilarious phone from 1947 and radio from 1987.

Closeup of the phone. It doesn't work, btw. It's plugged into the wall. I think its supposed to work. I'm not really sure what the hell anything here is supposed to do.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to be a trailer park kitty again" - Twinkie Frazier

Here's the guy's junk room. I just had to look. Like I'd want to touch any of his stuff. I open the door and this overwhelming odor of sawdust mixed with motor oil with the sound of like 10 birds chirping welcomed me to his storage room. Roughly 60% of the house I'm renting is his junk room. Amazing.

Right.

So what amazes me the MOST...this place has some of the fastest residential internet speeds I've ever seen. I'm getting 39 MBPS down and 20-freaking-3 MBPS up. 23. Damn. It amazed me enough that it came with free wifi...but this "better than Fios" in BFE **** is unbelievable. This place is a comedy of contrasts.

Confused...slightly scared...

 

[BMBiology]

looks just like my California summer house. Does your new place come with the cat?

 

[WVUPharm2007]

looks just like my California summer house. Does your new place come with the cat?

No, I come with the cat(s).

 

[rxlea]

Reminds me of the movie Deliverance.

 

[Pharmavixen]

Love your stove! A friend has one - her grandmother bought it in the 1930s.

Not sure if she bought it new.

 

[Pharmavixen]

Forgot to mention - the nice thing about those olde tyme gas appliances is you can still use them when the power goes out.

 

[Silvermist]

Love your stove! A friend has one - her grandmother bought it in the 1930s.

Not sure if she bought it new.

Be careful, a lot of the old stoves and ovens had asbestos lining on the inside. Just sayin' ....

 

[UNMorBUST]

I fear for you. Please tell me that place at least has smoke detectors.

 

[SpirivaSunrise]

Oh. My.

 

[SpirivaSunrise]

Would actually make for a cool B&W photo shoot spot.

 

[Passion4Sci]

Put that on the beach in CA and you have a $3,000,000 property, Mikey.

 

[tungsten87]

I would love to live some place like this, just not for a long time. i bet the road biking there is excellent.

 

[rxlea]

At least it has hardwood floors

 

[Pharmavixen]

Now I remember what this reminded me of - Ed Gein's house.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

The AC in this place sucks. I called the guy to see if he'd fix it. He says, "Oh, hell...I forgot to install those damned ceiling fans. They are underneath your bed upstairs. Feel free. Or I'll come do it tomorrow. Or whatever."

WTF kind of hilljack **** is this?

 

[IndustryPharmD]

I love visiting places like this - they have a nice atmosphere for a walk, especially if higher up in the mountains and it has just stopped raining, but to live in one of those houses... Though it does remind me a little of my Grandma's village.

And I suppose the trailer in which I lived on the Apache reservation in Arizona was scarcely better... Anyway, I still had a blast during my time there. Even though I had no AC and the heater didn't work properly. And yes, ironically enough, I also had a couple hundred satellite channels in that trailer.

 

[Passion4Sci]

The AC in this place sucks. I called the guy to see if he'd fix it. He says, "Oh, hell...I forgot to install those damned ceiling fans. They are underneath your bed upstairs. Feel free. Or I'll come do it tomorrow. Or whatever."

WTF kind of hilljack **** is this?

That isn't where you're permanently living, right?

And... is there an alarm system? I would not feel secure in that POS at all at night.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

That isn't where you're permanently living, right?

And... is there an alarm system? I would not feel secure in that POS at all at night.

Permanent? HELL no. This is temporary for the next month as the wife finishes her last rotation. As for security, there isn't an electronic one. All of the windows and doors lock. I had one hell of a time getting in, actually.

 

[b1234]

Permanent? HELL no. This is temporary for the next month as the wife finishes her last rotation. As for security, there isn't an electronic one. All of the windows and doors lock. I had one hell of a time getting in, actually.

It looks like you're so far out in the middle of nowhere that security shouldn't be much of an issue.

Out in the country a locked door only keeps an honest person out...

 

[Momus]

Dude, your cat is so fat. I like the paw ;o

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Dude, your cat is so fat. I like the paw ;o

I think that's just a weird picture. The vet told me he was a good weight a few months ago. And, yes, he has opposable thumbs.

 

[J ROD]

Looks like one of those old horro movies....

 

[rxlea]

It's a shanty mansion.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

The ****er still hasn't been by to fix my AC.

 

[womp]

Hope it doesn't rain.

 

[adma826]

I do believe you have found worse accommodations than you could find in Morgantown. At least living in Morgantown should have helped you ease in to the transition a little bit, right?

Love the phone.

 

[rxlea]

When I showed my gf these pics, she laughed out loud. No offense.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I realized that the cold water in the kitchen sink was out because the shutoff valve on the pipe was in shut off confirmation. I turn it on...water begins dripping everywhere. See that bucket underneath the sink? Yeah, I figured out what that was for.

I'm trying to find another place to stay, but NOBODY will take pets with a short term lease. My only option is a place that requires a 3 month lease. Is it worth an extra $2000 to stay in a place with functioning AC, a functioning sink, and with the curb appeal of "crack house" or better? Perhaps.

 

[rxlea]

Dude. Ditch the shantytown...it is worth 2K. Or put the pet in boarding.

 

[Tinkerbell22]

aww kitty!

 

[Momus]

Go check craiglist "rooms/shared". A room probably runs about $400-600/month

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Go check craiglist "rooms/shared". A room probably runs about $400-600/month

The people here don't know what Craigslist is. I tried that. Hell, that was the first thing I tried. I don't think you understand how middle of nowhere I am.

 

[rxlea]

The people here don't know what Craigslist is. I tried that. Hell, that was the first thing I tried. I don't think you understand how middle of nowhere I am.

Get a cat sitter. Seriously...that house reminds me of Grapes of Wrath.

 

[TemSirolimus]

When I showed my gf these pics, she laughed out loud. No offense.

You are a dude?? Didnt know up until now. Your name dosent do you much justice in the distinction department. Just saying, but I like your ubiquitous posts.

 

[rxlea]

You are a dude?? Didnt know up until now. Your name dosent do you much justice in the distinction department. Just saying, but I like your ubiquitous posts.

No, I am not a dude

But, I like your username. Do you have to be protected from light?

 

[Caverject]

The people here don't know what Craigslist is. I tried that. Hell, that was the first thing I tried. I don't think you understand how middle of nowhere I am.

Are you as out in the middle of nowhere as I am?

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I AM TRAPPED IN THIS HOUSE!!!!

All of the windows are sealed shut and the only way in and out is via the front door. The knob will not move the bolt holding the door in place. I have no tools and no way out. The landlord doesn't get into his office until 10AM...my wife is due at her rotation at 7AM. WTF? I can't have her call off on the account of the house kidnapping us. Should I call the police? It's like 200 degrees and humid in here, too. It so bad on my asthma, I kinda sound like I have fat breath. Oh well, I got like 80 puffs of Albuterol and I can watch me some Al-Jazeera, bitches! Here's a video of the situation:

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjWh8tQaJ7A[/YOUTUBE]

This has been an incredibly entertaining week thus far.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I fixed it with a fiberglass stick, some dental floss, and a dime.

 

[rxlea]

Wtf. What was that movie where the house came to life? Yeah, that's your house but the Deliverance version.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Wtf. What was that movie where the house came to life? Yeah, that's your house but the Deliverance version.

The 4th Amnityville Horror? No, no, that one was about an evil electrical lamp that was stored in the attic. Quite a funny movie in contemporary retrospect.

 

[orthomyxo]

I fixed it with a fiberglass stick, some dental floss, and a dime.

Nice Macgyver! This thread is ****ing awesome.

 

[By3Times1Minus1]

Wtf. What was that movie where the house came to life? Yeah, that's your house but the Deliverance version.

I think that series of movies was actually called House. There is now a network TV show on Fox named after the movie about the same spirit possessing a physician I believe.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

So I'm outside today and this crazy ass old woman from across the street starts screaming at me from her rocker.

CAOW: "Hey, you! That black cat! What's his name???"
Me: "Uh...Pompeii?"
CAOW: "You said he's gay?"
Me, realizing trying to say Pompeii to an old person is futile: "His name is Midnight."
CAOW: "I had a Midnight once. I had another black cat, too. You know what I named him?"
Me, clearly not caring: "What?"
CAOW: "SAMBO!!!"
Me: "Uh...wow."

I didn't even try to begin to tell her how ****ed up that is.

She then started laughing really ****ing loud while rocking back and forth with her eyes LOCKED on my eyes. She sounded like a Bond villain moments away from finishing off James with an elaborate death machine. I was stunned. I literally ran back into the house.

Man, this place scares the **** out of me.

 

[tongiecc]

I feel for ya Mike, there isn't an extended stay America, etc w/in like 30-45 min of there is there? I can't believe how much $ that one place rents for, I'd hate to hear what you have to pay. How on earth can they have any demand/pricing power on rental properties? It seems so crappy couldn't you just buy a place there for 2k? In middle of nowhere towns in the Midwest you can buy decent older homes for like 10k, ESP if it's far from larger cities. Also, what about buying/renting a used RV/camper, I know that may be above and beyond, but if this site is one your wife has to be at several months it may be worth getting out of there.

 

[UNMorBUST]

In middle of nowhere towns in the Midwest you can buy decent older homes for like 10k, ESP if it's far from larger cities.

I would be scared to live in said house. You get what you pay for my friend.
Excluding cali and ny.

 

[tongiecc]

We're not talkin homes from the 1920s, a lot of these homes I'm referring to were built from1950-1980s before the mass flight from small towns to the metros. A lot of these towns have less population now than 30 years ago. Homes from the era above all have more modern amenities than the old farm houses you're likely thinking of like poured concrete foundations, romex type 14-2 wiring, platform framing (vs ballon), sheetrocked walls, central HVAC, comp roofs, copper h2o suppy lines, etc; so overall not bad places so long as they're clean. It's just that there's no market for people moving there (so western KS towns even offer free land and tax abatement programs to entice growth and thus maintain a tax base to ensure the city/public services can maintain the funds to function)