**The Official Personal Statement Guide and PS Readers List **

[musiclink213]

After making these revisions, I am confident that my statement is much stronger than it was initially. However, I am now about 1000 characters under the limit (I'm at 4430, to be exact). Any opinions on a solid, but slightly length-challenged PS?

Leave it. You don't have to fill every space available to you. If you're satisfied with it, it's solid and says all you want to say, then don't try to add fluff for the sake of having a longer PS. It'll hurt you more than help you. Besides, after reading thousands of these, they'll probably be happy not to read another 5300 character essay.

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[mikkey]

Hey
Could anyone give me feedback about my Personal Statement. I wrote it, but I'm not too sure if it answers the question...
Thanks in advance.

 

[meowkat444]

Hi,

I'm applying MSTP this summer and would love some feedback about my PS. Would anybody be willing to help? Please PM me.

 

[phantomx87]

Here's a question for you guys:

Would it be appropriate for me to use my TMDSAS PS for the AMCAS PS? Would it adequately address the prompt on AMCAS? If it works out that way, I am strongly leaning towards that decision as the TMDSAS instructions make for a more concise (and tighter) essay, which I know the ADCOM readers at non-Texas schools should appreciate.

 

[chickenlittle84]

Hi! Good improvements from the first draft! A couple of comments:

-I would shoot for a better opening - it doesn't really make me want to read the essay because I cannot help but picture you as a "typical" pre-med.
-I would not make reference to acing exams unless you are actually used to acing exams. You made reference to especially strong grades your senior year which suggests that you have not always aced exams...I could be wrong about this one, but it just doesn't make sense to reference being used to absolute excellence in academics if you have not always had it. Also, in general, you refer a lot to grades, and that may not be the best idea. This is about you and your spirit, bringing in grades so many times makes it seem like that was always your focus...
-you use some words that don't actually ring true. "Thrilling" is a good example. Even if it was a very exciting learning experience, I think adcoms are probably jaded. Most essays probably reference the "thrill" of scientific discovery (along with wanting to save the world) and it doesn't help to set you apart from anyone else.
-If you can, I would focus a little bit more on clinical experiences...you sort of mentioned that you did not have a lot of clinical experience, but I would not come right out and say that. If not clinical experience, talk about community service.

There are good things about the essay too, but you asked for critique so that is what I focused on. Good luck!

 

[nick_carraway]

Hi! Good improvements from the first draft! A couple of comments:

-I would shoot for a better opening - it doesn't really make me want to read the essay because I cannot help but picture you as a "typical" pre-med.
-I would not make reference to acing exams unless you are actually used to acing exams. You made reference to especially strong grades your senior year which suggests that you have not always aced exams...I could be wrong about this one, but it just doesn't make sense to reference being used to absolute excellence in academics if you have not always had it. Also, in general, you refer a lot to grades, and that may not be the best idea. This is about you and your spirit, bringing in grades so many times makes it seem like that was always your focus...
-you use some words that don't actually ring true. "Thrilling" is a good example. Even if it was a very exciting learning experience, I think adcoms are probably jaded. Most essays probably reference the "thrill" of scientific discovery (along with wanting to save the world) and it doesn't help to set you apart from anyone else.
-If you can, I would focus a little bit more on clinical experiences...you sort of mentioned that you did not have a lot of clinical experience, but I would not come right out and say that. If not clinical experience, talk about community service.

There are good things about the essay too, but you asked for critique so that is what I focused on. Good luck!

Thanks for reading the PS! I agree with your comments. I especially agree with your advice on the intro, parts about mentioning grades and acing exams because that definitely isn't me haha, and also the fact that I should rework the part on clinical experience.

Unfortunately, I'm don't think I have enough room to add more about my clinical experience but I think I'll try to jam in enough so that they look at the AMCAS activity section for more info.

 

[pcguy2]

I would be happy to read PSs. Had mine read last application cycle and it helped alot, so I'm happy to give back to SDN. I was accepted to UMN and the interviewer said I had a very interesting personal statement(good?). MCAT score 36.

PM me if you want it read by me. I don't have time to edit cause its finals but will give explain to you the strong and weaks points and how I think it could be improved.

Good luck to you guys!

 

[pcguy2]

Thanks for reading the PS! I agree with your comments. I especially agree with your advice on the intro, parts about mentioning grades and acing exams because that definitely isn't me haha, and also the fact that I should rework the part on clinical experience.

Unfortunately, I'm don't think I have enough room to add more about my clinical experience but I think I'll try to jam in enough so that they look at the AMCAS activity section for more info.

Good start to your PS.

I PM'ed you my comments on your essay. If you don't have enough room, then take out some school stuff. Learning about 50ml conicle tubes can't compare to telling them about clinical things.

 

[swooptheeagle]

Here's a question for you guys:

Would it be appropriate for me to use my TMDSAS PS for the AMCAS PS? Would it adequately address the prompt on AMCAS? If it works out that way, I am strongly leaning towards that decision as the TMDSAS instructions make for a more concise (and tighter) essay, which I know the ADCOM readers at non-Texas schools should appreciate.

I used the same exact essay for both my TMDSAS and AMCAS PS. Although the prompt has very minor differences, i constructed my essay so that i can answer both questions at the same time.

 

[nick_carraway]

Good start to your PS.

I PM'ed you my comments on your essay. If you don't have enough room, then take out some school stuff. Learning about 50ml conicle tubes can't compare to telling them about clinical things.

Agreed about the need for more clinical experience.
http://ercking.googlepages.com/personalstatement

 

[mikkey]

Here is my PS, I forgot to post it on my last message. Comments appreciated! (its not a final version though and there is no conclusion)

 

[chickenlittle84]

Hi! Great start on your essay! I have a couple of comments (I should preface these comments by saying that I am not an expert on medical school personal statements and am still working on mine. I am, however, a good writer).

-In the first paragraph you talk about a personal experience that made you want to become a doctor, without really reflecting on WHY that experience made you want to become a doctor. You say you felt powerless, but then you don't go any further. Did you feel curious about the illness? Maybe describe more about what was happening with your relative. If you were young, you may not have realized what about the situation wanted you to go in this direction, but now you have had time to reflect.
-You mention that your path has not been totally direct, but it seems that you knew pretty early on that you wanted to become a doctor. When you suggest that your path is indirect, I expect to see that you wanted to do something pretty different, etc. But you were actually quite focused, it seems, so I would reword that part.
-too many acronyms. The adcoms will have the rest of your ECs, education, etc, but you don't want to make them keep flipping through your application.
-When you write about working with people who are visually impaired, you wrote you became their confidant (you said confident, but you meant confidant). I would focus more on this aspect than serving coffee, tea, or popcorn as it shows you developed a real relationship with the residents.

Good start, and good luck!!!

 

[wg0408]

Hi,
Would someone be willing to give me feedback on my personal statement please?

 

[ADeadLois]

I read a lot of SDN personal statements last year, so I'd like to highlight some tips out of reading many.

1. Don't exagerate: Don't oversell experiences or your feelings. It's blatantly obvious. Don't say "I was moved to tears by the artistry of the surgeon's technique."

2. Don't be arrogant. There were a few lines from PSs I read last year that, if I were the Adcom, I would have rejected the person immediately.

3. Don't explain why you'll be a good doctor. It's hard to pull this off without sounding arrogant. This is a tough one to avoid for a lot of people, as you understandably want to set yourself apart from other applications. However, keep in mind that you're not in a position to evaluate your medical abilities. Just focus on WHY you want to be a doctor.

4. Don't try to be funny/satirical on your own, but DO include funny experiences. Satire is one of the hardest things to write in general, so if you don't have a lot of writing experience I would avoid it. However, if you have a funny medical experiences, DEFINITELY include them if they're relevant to your desire to be a doctor. Adcoms love funny but telling anecdotes.

5. Write it like a short story, not an essay.


That said, I'd be happy to read PSs. Please PM me, but DON'T cut/paste your essay into the PM. I will respond with my e-mail.

 

[pcguy2]

Another tip. If the ONLY reason you want to be a doctor is XX died and now you want to study medicine, its be done before. Sooooo over done. Try to not write a sob story here.

 

[ihatescience]

i have a PS, and was wondering if someone could critique it for me?

 

[letitgo]

Would someone mind reading mine? Just looking for overall thoughts - no grammatical or structural edits.

Please pm me - thanks.

 

[gdk]

it seems like last year there was a sticky of people willing to read personal statements.... if somebody wants to start a sticky/post like that
g

 

[nick_carraway]

it seems like last year there was a sticky of people willing to read personal statements.... if somebody wants to start a sticky/post like that
g

I made it. Click here for a list of readers for AMCAS 08 personal statements.

 

[87138]

I'll do it. Don't I have to have special priviledges to sticky it, though?

I suspect that if you started an "official" or official looking thread about it, it could be made a sticky by being brought to the mods' attention.

But I don't really know how that all works.

 

[jak915]

I spent a semester in Spain fall of 2005 and my grades were unusually low, 3.0. (all classes were taught in spanish and all grades directly transfered) My GPA before that semester was 3.8 and it decreased to a 3.6 afterwards. My grades the remaining two semesters of college were better but not as high as before going abroad (~3.5). Should I discuss this in my personal statement or leave it. I am putting the study abroad in my experience section so should I briefly mention it there instead? I have a draft of my PS with a discussion of my drop in grade if anyone would be willing to read it (send me message if you do). Thanks

 

[wutwinb]

does anyone know if we can use italics when entering our PS into AMCAS? or does it just change it to normal font?

thanks!

 

[musiclink213]

does anyone know if we can use italics when entering our PS into AMCAS? or does it just change it to normal font?

thanks!

It's all going to be in a normal font. Also, keep in mind the formatting for the paragraphs. Each paragraph has to have an enter line in between them.

Like this. Otherwise, your PS comes out messed up if you use the tab key to mkae paragraphs.

 

[Phillyborn]

I spent a semester in Spain fall of 2005 and my grades were unusually low, 3.0. (all classes were taught in spanish and all grades directly transfered) My GPA before that semester was 3.8 and it decreased to a 3.6 afterwards. My grades the remaining two semesters of college were better but not as high as before going abroad (~3.5). Should I discuss this in my personal statement or leave it. I am putting the study abroad in my experience section so should I briefly mention it there instead? I have a draft of my PS with a discussion of my drop in grade if anyone would be willing to read it (send me message if you do). Thanks

I'd leave it out of your PS (the grade part at least, I'm sure all that you learned outside of classes helped to shape who you are now).

 

[mdm2fly]

Hey all,

I've just completed the first draft of my PS that I wouldn't mind sharing with the world and I'd like some opinions on how to make it better.

The PS itself and extra info can be found @ ercking.googlepages.com/personalstatement

Thanks for your help, SDNers!

-Eric King

i agree with ecking, and you might want to spice up the word choice. the verb "got" is used a little too frequently. in general, i would try not to use that verb at all.

also, you have the opportunity to make some of your experiences more entertaining, like when your kids would accidentally cut through the carotid.

also also, your experiences sound meaningful, but try to make them sound enjoyable too.

hope this helps...good luck!

 

[nick_carraway]

i agree with ecking, and you might want to spice up the word choice. the verb "got" is used a little too frequently. in general, i would try not to use that verb at all.

also, you have the opportunity to make some of your experiences more entertaining, like when your kids would accidentally cut through the carotid.

also also, your experiences sound meaningful, but try to make them sound enjoyable too.

hope this helps...good luck!

Thanks for your advice, but I'm curious who you're agreeing with and which draft of the PS you read.

 

[mikkey]

Hey,
Here is a re draft of my PS. If anyone cares to read it, it would really be appreciated. I tried to incorporate as many of the comments that were made last time I posted while respecting the word limit. The conclusion isn't strong at all, so if you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

 

[ParvatiP]

Hey,
Here is a re draft of my PS. If anyone cares to read it, it would really be appreciated. I tried to incorporate as many of the comments that were made last time I posted while respecting the word limit. The conclusion isn't strong at all, so if you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

I definitely think you should change the last sentence...you say the "path has been torturous", first of all that doesn't sound very good and second of all, since you don't really talk about how difficult your journey to medicine has been, it doesn't really fit. I would suggest just simply stating something like "these experiences volunteering have affirmed my career goals and my desire to become a physician has become my ultimate goal."
Otherwise I liked it. The only other thing I might suggest is working on your transitions later in the essay (particularly between the last 2 paragraphs).

 

[frost-diggity]

Hey,
Here is a re draft of my PS. If anyone cares to read it, it would really be appreciated. I tried to incorporate as many of the comments that were made last time I posted while respecting the word limit. The conclusion isn't strong at all, so if you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

This is my first post on SDN so here we go! I read your PS and its not bad! Although you seem to have lots of experiences, they seem to bog down your essay more than add weight to your case. (BTW ditto on the acronym comment) The most memorable part of your essay was the section on working with the blind. Some may find it trite, but that paragraph alone told me more about you and set you apart more than any other conference or event or whatever you may have attended. If they want to know about the "dullsville conference on medical mini's" that you attended they will see it in the rest of your app. EVERYONE here has things like that, your PS is the place to reveal yourself and your personality. Just my two cents... Good luck!

 

[NBCDTT]

Hey guys,

I was thinking of using essay edge for help with my essay, have you guys heard anything good/bad about their editing service?

 

[bigchoader]

This is my first post on SDN so here we go! I read your PS and its not bad! Although you seem to have lots of experiences, they seem to bog down your essay more than add weight to your case. (BTW ditto on the acronym comment) The most memorable part of your essay was the section on working with the blind. Some may find it trite, but that paragraph alone told me more about you and set you apart more than any other conference or event or whatever you may have attended. If they want to know about the "dullsville conference on medical mini's" that you attended they will see it in the rest of your app. EVERYONE here has things like that, your PS is the place to reveal yourself and your personality. Just my two cents... Good luck!

I agree with your assessment of the part about the blind. I thought that part was very good. Then there was essentially what seemed to me to be a list of other stuff you have done and I actually stopped paying attention at the bottom of the second page and had to re read it. The ending seemed weak.

I know from the first half of your essay that you can write and that you have some interesting stuff to say. try to keep it that way throughout, you can do it.

 

[mikkey]

Thanks for all your reviews! Now getting back to work on it...

 

[alesdu1]

Hey guys,

I was thinking of using essay edge for help with my essay, have you guys heard anything good/bad about their editing service?

Ive from friends that have said it was not worth the money...find an eng professor at your univ

 

[Ziggy08]

Can someone please look over my PS? I'd appreciate any comments and critiques.

I'm not to sure whether my intro and conclusion are strong enough. I'm applying MD/PhD, btw.

 

[M.Furfur]

I need some help while writing my ps please. Even that I am a Canadian citizen now,I was born and lived most of my life overseas. Most of my childhood was in a war zone....
My question is: should I mention the background I come from or should I simply stick to my last four year experiences , which is what eventually lead to me wanting to become a doctor?

 

[M.Furfur]

Can someone please look over my PS? I'd appreciate any comments and critiques.

I'm not to sure whether my intro and conclusion are strong enough. I'm applying MD/PhD, btw.

I think it's amazing
Good luck

 

[MDee]

If anyone would be willing to look over my personal statement, go ahead an PM me. I'd really appreciate another pair of eyes looking at it. Thanks!

 

[chickenlittle84]

Alisa,

Your PS is in pretty good shape, you cover really important experiences and I get a sense of who you are. I would suggest, however, going back and doing a really detailed grammar edit - I think some of the writing can be cleaned up. Also, since you are applying MSTP, it may be useful to cut back a little bit on the clinical descriptions (just a bit) and talk a bit more in-depth about the actual research that you are doing. And finally, this is a piece of advice that I got, if you are talking about blending research with working with disadvantaged communities, you may want to mention an example of someone who does this that you have worked with. I don't know, I guess I personally don't really think it's necessary, but the sense I get is that adcoms want to know that you are being "realistic" and know the possibilities associated with pursuing this kind of career. I got this advice, and didn't totally agree with me, but just thought I would pass it along. You are in good shape, though, I think.

 

[Patel1268]

I need some help while writing my ps please. Even that I am a Canadian citizen now,I was born and lived most of my life overseas. Most of my childhood was in a war zone....
My question is: should I mention the background I come from or should I simply stick to my last four year experiences , which is what eventually lead to me wanting to become a doctor?

I am not an expert when it comes to personal statement advice, but personally, I would include my background if it had shaped me into the person I am today. If it's something unique and contributed somewhat to being a physician, then include it. Admissions committees are looking for unique people from various cultures and backgrounds. I think you growing up in a warzone could help in bringing excitement to your PS if you use it effectively. Just what I would do.

 

[Kiara]

hey, I just wanted some feedback on an idea I had for my ps and was wondering if its too gimmicky...
basically after I graduated I worked in a big consulting company and I wanted to write about how after 6 months of working there I got to go to Italy on a project and sitting in a hotel room i realized that inspite of all the perks, travelling etc it still wasnt enough....and that i still wanted to do medicine...i was looking for more satisfaction etc.

is that too "typical"? like would you guys roll your eyes at it if i said "sitting in a five star hotel i realized blah blah". Not planning on going the way of "thats where i discovered my medical dream" but just that it was one of the moments that confirmed my decision to quit my job and focus on medicine.

any feedback would be appreciated thanks!

 

[nick_carraway]

after 6 months of working there I got to go to Italy on a project and sitting in a hotel room i realized that inspite of all the perks, travelling etc it still wasnt enough....and that i still wanted to do medicine...i was looking for more satisfaction etc.

is that too "typical"? like would you guys roll your eyes at it if i said "sitting in a five star hotel i realized blah blah". Not planning on going the way of "thats where i discovered my medical dream" but just that it was one of the moments that confirmed my decision to quit my job and focus on medicine.

I think it depends on how you spin it. It definitely wouldn't be cliche since it's an experience that few ppl get to go through. Working abroad? Italy? Five-star hotel? That's unique.

Now, if you said "sitting in a five star hotel, I realized blah blah" I'd be embarrassed for you. You can definitely write it better and present it with more substance. I can't really give you an example since I don't know what went through your head, but I say give it a shot! Share it with some people and get their feedback on it. You can even include me on that list since I'm curious how it'll turn out.

I definitely think it'll work though.

Good luck!!

 

[beatXXkiddo]

Around July 10th... Is it?

 

[Textuality]

I have this idea, an experiment of sorts, and I was wondering if anyone would be interested in exploring it with me? I've come to find that sometimes it's easier to write a paper after having discussed it (moderately casually) with a knowledgeable friend. I wonder if anybody would like to be my PS-brainstorming buddy in the sense that we can AIM and talk out what it is we want to write etc. Things like this might be easier with a stranger since 1) You might feel kind of sappy doing this with a personal friend, 2)You probably won't take criticism as harshly, and 3) A stranger will probably be more objective with you than somebody who already likes you. I think it might be beneficial to talk about your PS conversationally, if only because it forces you to put words to it, but it's not quite so intimidating. And if you can persuade a stranger of your love of medicine through conversation, then somewhere in there is probably your personal statement.

I go to Hopkins, and our writing center department head (who has read A LOT of PSes) said that our PS should have the feel of a good conversation over a glass of good wine with a friend. So why not see if good conversation can perhaps lead the way to a wonderful and thoughtful PS. I don't know how well an avenue AIM will be for this, but it's worth a try right?

Anyways, my AIM screen name is TheDrunkenSong (I'm not a drinker, just a Nietzche lover). As far as my credentials/experience: I'm an asian american girl that just graduated Johns Hopkins with a BA in Psychology and Biology, and I'm working as a research coordinator at hopkins hospital during my year off whilst I apply.

I hope I get to come to know one of you really well! And good luck to everybody!

 

[Ziggy08]

Hey,

Thanks for the comments. Now, I have two versions, and I don't know which one works better. I'm not sure if the intro to the second version works, and for the first version, I can't seem to tie the conclusion back to it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

ETA: I changed the intro to the second version and edited some minor things.

 

[Textuality]

It might just be me, but I don't know if you want to start off something like a personal statement with the words "I hate....", it starts things off negatively right? Maybe something a little lighter, more personal like "I think I was born a size 5 shoe, but all the horribly long plane and car rides around the world have insidiously swollen my feet to a size 8. I'm almost rather hike cross country than have to sit and drive it. So why..."

Yeah, it's not a great alternative, but you get what I'm going for. I dunno, I just feel like you might not want you first words to your admission officer to be "I hate..."

Nice PS though, hopefully I get mine together sometime soon, though I have ideas for the intro and conclusion, it's just the flow of the middle I have to work on, heh.

 

[caffeineaholic]

I'm going to make a plea for assistance. If anyone would be able to read my personal statement and provide me with comments sometime within the next few days, could you PM me? If you give me an e-mail address, I can e-mail you the file, else, I'll PM you the text. I realize that there's a thread devoted to people who are willing to read personal statements. However, I'm relocating next week and I really wanted to work on my PS a lot over the next few days and I don't know how quickly those volunteers in that thread would be able to respond. If you would be willing to read my PS and provide feedback, I'd really appreciate it! thanks!

 

[Kraazy]

Alisa, I love your PS, especially the part where you describe the patients you enrolled. I agree that you might not want to start the essay with "I hate...". I don't think it's a big deal really, but it would just be lot nicer if you found a way to frame that idea more gently, and I think it will be worth the effort. There are also a few things I would tweak. I don't have a whole lot of time right now (and have 3 essays to write!) but I'll PM you with some comments when I do.

Textualilty, I'm up for this PS brainstorming exchange. PM me if you're interested!

 

[Textuality]

I find it mildly frustrating that most of the "top tier" emphasize research so much that I'm almost afraid to admit in my PS that while research is fascinating and great, I want to be doctor because you personally get to give people their lives and sense of self back. Some of my friends think stressing love of primary/clinical care might actually lose you your interview spot. Sigh...such a complicated process for such simple and genuine intentions
That's the way of the world I guess.

 

[nick_carraway]

Yeah I've done a great deal of research but I didn't mention it at all in my PS since [1] it was too hard to talk about without sounding bland and [2] it seemed idiotic to spend half of a PS talking about research just to suddenly say "oh but I loved working with people more than enzymes... <stare>"

I know my advisor's going to throw my PS back in my face and tell me to write about my research, too. Hopefully the schools will find my activity description more than adequate.

 

[sandyblonde11]

Hi all,

I tried searching but didn't find an answer, so hopefully one of you know:

Is it a HIPAA/patient confidentiality issue if I mention details about a patient in my personal statement? By details I mean living situation, etc., that's relevant to their recovery. If I understand this correctly, I need to mention in my 15 experiences the names of doctors I've shadowed and such, and that's why I am concerned about mentioning this in the PS.

Thank you!