MS1 here, with a past life in EMS. This was one of my first calls as an ALS provider.
If you just came out of rehab for cocaine, restarted your habit, and decided you're hungery, opening several cans of beef stew (and dog food?) and pouring them all over yourself is a good idea. It's an even better idea to then rip open a large bag of sugar, pour it on yourself, and commence licking everything in the trailer (including yourself) that is covered in said sugar (oh, did I mention the pt was a diabetic?). When the cops and medics arrive, lick them too after they try to pick your 300 lb, half-naked, glazed self off the floor and toss you onto the cot with gloved hands stuck in a GI Joe kungfu grip. As they are putting you in the back of the truck, please, grab the door and try to pull yourself out while screaming your only intelligible words (and official chief complaint), "WANT MORE SUGAR!!!" Once in the back, throw around the 200lb EMT like a rag doll, while the other two try to get IV access and realize that the monitor doesn't read through glaze. Later in the ER, if you become thirsty after your afternoon's exertions, you should definitely pull your foley out from the bag, and make yourself a complete circuit as you siphon urine from your penis with your mouth.
The song "Pour Some Sugar on Me" will never be the same, again.