too cheesy?

[thegymbum]

I have a quick question. I've sort of been getting obsessive-compulsive about revising (err, and completely redoing) my personal statement, and right now have a few versions... and I think my fave is one that starts out describing when I had surgery with a quote from the surgeon...

At first I was thinking it was an acceptable "attention-getter", but now I'm wondering if it would be too... I dunno, cheesy? What do you guys think about that sort of intro? Better to stick with a more traditional one?

I'm never going to get my app submitted at this rate

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[BozoSparky]

hey, don't beat yourself up. it's good that you are revising! have someone else read it and see what they think once in a while to keep your OCD in check.

 

[thegymbum]

Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[ltrain]

Thanks for the encouragement!

i've read on here that a lot of people use a quote as an attention-getter. my personal opinion is that the PS is one of the few places you get to express yourself on the app -- i'd start it and end it with your own words...i think it's more powerful.

just my two cents.