Traditional husband?

[emidesu]

My fiance is from a traditional culture. I am starting MSI this year. He says he doesn't want me to give up my dream, but I feel like he's not getting that becoming a doctor is not a part-time occupation. I have given him links to forums like this one and he doesn't seem to follow through. He insists he loves me and wants to stay with me, but somehow I am supposed to be able to drop everything if my family needs something. I love him very much and don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to explain to him the level of commitment required in this path. Has anyone else had success with someone like this?

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[OSURxgirl]

I am a pharmacy student, and one of the reasons my husband and I are divorcing is that he was not at all supportive of me being in school or in my planning on having a career. Before we got married, he encouraged me. I was afraid to even apply to Pharmacy school, but he talked me into it. Once I got in, he was jealous about all the time I spent studying. He didn't want me to get involved in school activities. He got angry when I went to pharmacy conferences for school. It got to the point where he was trying to sabotage me. He would pick horrible fights with me...always the night before my exams. We went to counseling and he basically admitted he wanted a traditional wife who was going to have his children and stay home with them. He knew all along this is not what I wanted...i guess he thought if we got married, I'd change my mind. What I've learned from my situation is that you can't be anyone but yourself. If you cannot be yourself and have what you want in your marriage, then you need to get out of it. Everyone's situation is different though. You need to find out what you and your husband really want and need and see if you can compromise. Good luck.

 

[Amy]

My fiance is from a traditional culture. I am starting MSI this year. He says he doesn't want me to give up my dream, but I feel like he's not getting that becoming a doctor is not a part-time occupation. I have given him links to forums like this one and he doesn't seem to follow through. He insists he loves me and wants to stay with me, but somehow I am supposed to be able to drop everything if my family needs something. I love him very much and don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to explain to him the level of commitment required in this path. Has anyone else had success with someone like this?

Just explain in no uncertain terms what med school, residency, and beyond will be like. Now is NOT the time to let things slide and just hope that he'll be understanding down the road. Marriage is serious business!! Of course you don't know right now what specialty you'll pursue or what your career will be like exactly, but he needs to understand that being a doc is demanding and that it is a priority in your life. As time goes on you will be more tired, more stressed out, and more in debt. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but he NEEDS to understand and accept this (as do you). If he's not going to be supportive through it all, you might as well end it now.

I hope this post doesn't sound rude or insensitive. I just think if you're marrying someone, you'd better damn well be sure that you've disscussed important topics like children, money, career, etc. and understand eachother.

 

[Zerosixjt]

Also, try to highlight that all of the work has a great reward at the end. My husband and I have made a long term plan for the next 8 years. We sat down and talked about school, time, kids, money, his career, my career, everything.

He is very supportive, but in order for this to work it has to be a decision that you both agree on or the stress will hurt the relationship.

If you have too, write out the plan and keep it handy, so when things get rough and the stress is high, you can both remind yourselves where you are trying to go together.