Trying to keep my chin up...

[kaihire]

Anyone else getting the late winter blues? Lately I've been feeling really down about the whole process of getting into med school. I know I'm on the right track, but I'm working full time and studying part time, so I have another two full years before I can even apply (well, alright, I'll be applying during that second year most likely, but my odds will be better if I wait until three years from now to apply).

What's really killing my mojo is the fact that I work at a busy outpatient oncology clinic at a major university hospital. I'm constantly surrounded by residents, fellows, and students several years my junior in some cases (I'm 26, which I know is just about average for this forum). I wish I could take classes full time, but I just can't afford to, especially since my job gives me education benefits that make my post-bacc program possible.

Oof. :/

Any good ideas on how to keep my chin up?

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[HugzMonster]

Try not to get too consumed in the big picture. I'm 27 and just finished my first quarter of post bacc. You are in a good place since your job pays for your continued education. I took out more loans after paying off my first degree. I have an older brother who is 32 and finishing up his first year at Rosalind Franklin. His best advice for me was to only put pressure on yourself to do well in your classes and when it's time to apply to medical school then you can make the shift. Remember we have a mountain to climb and we haven't even hit the first stop yet. Don't go running for that oxygen tank just yet.

 

[MorningCommute]

Anyone else getting the late winter blues?

You are not alone. In finishing up my prereqs, I've gone for more several semesters with straight A's. But now, in my final semester, things have not been going so well. My chemistry grades are sliding, despite being near the top of the class last semester, and my English teacher thinks I am a dolt. I did poorly as an undergrad and was relying on a stellar post-bac career to compensate. As exams, term papers, and my MCAT test date approach I feel like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming train - aware that doom is approaching, but unable to do anything about it.

All these years of tirelessly working to ace the mind-numbing filter courses (and the many the thousands of dollars in tuition) will have been essentially for nothing. People made sacrifices for me to have the chance to go back to school, and I feel lightheaded when I think about how I'm going to explain to them that I dropped the ball on the home stretch. I think about suicide a lot, and I feel like a fool for ever taking on this ambitious goal.

 

[EyeWitness]

You are not alone. In finishing up my prereqs, I've gone for more several semesters with straight A's. But now, in my final semester, things have not been going so well. My chemistry grades are sliding, despite being near the top of the class last semester, and my English teacher thinks I am a dolt. I did poorly as an undergrad and was relying on a stellar post-bac career to compensate. As exams, term papers, and my MCAT test date approach I feel like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming train - aware that doom is approaching, but unable to do anything about it.

All these years of tirelessly working to ace the mind-numbing filter courses (and the many the thousands of dollars in tuition) will have been essentially for nothing. People made sacrifices for me to have the chance to go back to school, and I feel lightheaded when I think about how I'm going to explain to them that I dropped the ball on the home stretch. I think about suicide a lot, and I feel like a fool for ever taking on this ambitious goal.

nice post, i can relate

 

[student1799]

Hi, guys. I'm a nontrad too, but much older (45), and I'm in the middle of the app process right now. (In fact, I'm in a hotel room in Buffalo right now, because I have an interview at SUNY Buffalo tomorrow morning.) All I can say is, I've been there too, but you just have to stick it out and keep fighting. There are setbacks so big that you can't imagine how you'll recover from them, but if you really want this you WILL find a way. Promise.

I've had setbacks with postbacc grades (my 3.98 BCPM after year 1 ended up as a 3.6 after year 2), as well as the MCAT. (Read the 30+ thread if you want details, but I got 7's twice in a row in PS, due to nerves.) But I refused to give up.

I applied super-broadly (27 schools), sent all the schools extra essays and LOIs on top of the secondaries to telll them my story, and scored 6 interviews. One of them led to an acceptance (at Rosalind Franklin), 4 others resulted in waitlists, and the last interview of that bunch is tomorrow.

I also didn't give up on the MCAT: I took it a third time in Jan, because I wanted to give myself one last chance to get interviews where I live (NYC). Because those schools are really hard-line about MCAT section cutoffs, all my interviews were hundreds of miles away, and I really wanted to stay here with my husband and kids. I got my new score on 3/3, and the PS went from 7 to 12! But none of my remaining schools wanted to look at the new score, because nobody officially takes January scores.
Again, I didn't give up. I wrote a personal appeal to the dean of admissions at my dream school in NYC--and to my shock, I scored one of their last interviews. I should learn the outcome by the end of this week.

So, as you can see, I've scratched and clawed and fought my way into med school, and I've done everything humanly possible to give myself a shot at staying home with my family. It's not that I'm so special or different from any other nontrad, but I want this more than anything and there's NO WAY I'm giving up.
I know the rest of you have that kind of fight in yourselves as well. Sometimes things just suck, and you may have to spend a few hours wallowing in your misery before you pick ourselves up and get back into the fray. But you can and will do it.

It you really want inspiration, check out this year's applicants' progress and nontrad acceptance threads. There are people there who have gotten into some awesome schools and overcome major obstacles, and they make me feel like an amateur.

Just keep telling yourself, "This can be me in a couple of years.". And it will be you, really.

Good luck and keep your spirits up.

 

[LaTortuga]

Hi Kaihire and others,

Sorry to hear the winter/application blues are hitting hard. That must be frustrating to be surrounded by residents/attendings and a bustling clinic, yet be so far from the perceived goal. This entire application process has been like that for me ... you have no idea how many times I enviously listened to residents/medical students conversing in the clinic where I shadow ... thankfully the waiting is finally coming to a happy ending after fighting an uphill battle for over 5 years of applications, reapplications, testing, shadowing and otherwise feeling like I was hanging onto an edge of a cliff by little more than my finger nails and a stubborn drive to make this dream come true.

The best hints that I have for you after having weathered the storm myself, is to keep a steady eye on the prize, but make sure you stay focused on just making sure you take it one step at a time. This journey is like a marathon; slow and steady wins the race. Even when you finally get the acceptance letter, the journey doesn't end ... the new pitch will be waiting for you.

To keep myself motivated and focused on the goal, I kept little notes about memorable patients and stories along the way. For me, if I kept reminding myself about why I was taking on this fight in the first place, slogging through the exams, MCATs and post bacc courses didn't seem quite so obnoxious and mind numbing. I even hung the stethoscope I used while shadowing in clinic over my desk to keep a visual reminder of the end goal in sight.

Other hints, especially for people really getting hit hard with the blues like morningcommute is to make sure you surround yourself with supportive family and friends. Surely these loved ones cannot run the race for you, but they can make the journey more pleasant. If more family/friend or trusted confidants cannot help you get a handle on the blues, by all means seek professional help asap. Blues and depression can totally warp your perception of the world and make getting help harder as time progresses ... so be proactive, take good care of yourselves mentally and physically.

The bottom line is you must believe in yourself and your ability to win this tough race. If this is what you truly want in life, turn a deaf ear to seemingly well meaning people who try to talk you out of this dream. I had to put on my own pair of blinders and set aside my own ego/fear of getting a fistful of rejection letters ... you can do it.

Yes, there are a ton of hoops to jump through. Courses, prereqs, shadowing, volunteering, filling out applications, MCATs ... but it is totally possible to conquer this challenge. It make take you months, years ... heck, even decades ... but you will reach the destination in the end, and contrary to popular belief, the light at the end of the tunnel is not a freight train.

Wishing you well.

 

[punkiedad]

Hi, guys. I'm a nontrad too, but much older (45), and I'm in the middle of the app process right now. (In fact, I'm in a hotel room in Buffalo right now, because I have an interview at SUNY Buffalo tomorrow morning.) All I can say is, I've been there too, but you just have to stick it out and keep fighting. There are setbacks so big that you can't imagine how you'll recover from them, but if you really want this you WILL find a way. Promise.

I've had setbacks with postbacc grades (my 3.98 BCPM after year 1 ended up as a 3.6 after year 2), as well as the MCAT. (Read the 30+ thread if you want details, but I got 7's twice in a row in PS, due to nerves.) But I refused to give up.

I applied super-broadly (27 schools), sent all the schools extra essays and LOIs on top of the secondaries to telll them my story, and scored 6 interviews. One of them led to an acceptance (at Rosalind Franklin), 4 others resulted in waitlists, and the last interview of that bunch is tomorrow.

I also didn't give up on the MCAT: I took it a third time in Jan, because I wanted to give myself one last chance to get interviews where I live (NYC). Because those schools are really hard-line about MCAT section cutoffs, all my interviews were hundreds of miles away, and I really wanted to stay here with my husband and kids. I got my new score on 3/3, and the PS went from 7 to 12! But none of my remaining schools wanted to look at the new score, because nobody officially takes January scores.
Again, I didn't give up. I wrote a personal appeal to the dean of admissions at my dream school in NYC--and to my shock, I scored one of their last interviews. I should learn the outcome by the end of this week.

So, as you can see, I've scratched and clawed and fought my way into med school, and I've done everything humanly possible to give myself a shot at staying home with my family. It's not that I'm so special or different from any other nontrad, but I want this more than anything and there's NO WAY I'm giving up.
I know the rest of you have that kind of fight in yourselves as well. Sometimes things just suck, and you may have to spend a few hours wallowing in your misery before you pick ourselves up and get back into the fray. But you can and will do it.

It you really want inspiration, check out this year's applicants' progress and nontrad acceptance threads. There are people there who have gotten into some awesome schools and overcome major obstacles, and they make me feel like an amateur.

Just keep telling yourself, "This can be me in a couple of years.". And it will be you, really.

Good luck and keep your spirits up.

Wow. Great story and post.

I am 38 and spent the last two and a half years doing pr reqs. Took the MCAT a couple times, but nothing as good as above.

I also recommend fighting and clawing though. The best way I can put it is that everyone gets stressed and feel on the edge. I doubted myself once a week. My physician brother said the same thing when he was in med school.

The suicide thoughts (I think a lot pf people at least have it run through their mind ) scare me a bit though.....

The best way I have coped is to wait until that time where it feels like you want to give up, then look around the room. You may see others the same way. This is where I get the last kick of motivation. Seems odd, but thwne I realize others are similarly stressed, I get an extra focus and drive. Maybe it is just the realization that it is just another extra push to get me over the top.

Best of luck and seriously if having any serious thoughts know it always helps to talk (even it is just on SDN) and there is always someone willing to listen somewhere.