PART 4: The Bird
After learning to rappel, and being forced to practice it over and over again, the helicopter wasn't that different. Originally, they had three UH-60 Blackhawk helicopters reserved to take us up, four soldiers at a time, and rappel to safety. With that many birds, we would each be able to go several times and really enjoy it! But they announced that one bird had been taken back by the unit that owns it for a mission, and one needed repairs, so in the end we had one helicopter for 160 people.
After that first rappel off the free side of the tower, we ran through the drills again and again until it just wasn't scary any more. We would tie the swiss seat harness, get inspected, and line up at the base of the tower. After the third time down, I didn't really have time to think about how high I was (60 ft) or how little was supporting me (one triple stranded 7/16" nylon rope, max strength 4500 lbs). I think the instructors were also tired after their week of training in Germany, they flew out from Ft. Bragg just for these 10 days, and they wanted to get us through training as fast as possible. The only yelling was because we were taking too long to: 1. get down the rope, 2. get off the rope, 3. run over and retie so we can get back on the rope.
My platoon lined up for the one helicopter first while the other platoon practiced on the tower some more. This was testing day, but they made it clear that only the truly horrible or unsafe students would get dropped at this point. One guy dropped his goggles on the way down from the helicopter and he wasn't dropped. Another executed a fatal hookup (when you are tied into the helicopter in an unsafe way) and lost control of the rope at the ground for another student, and he was actually dropped. I was somewhere in the middle of the pack because I'm in the middle of the alphabet. In the first two groups of people to jump out of the helicopter, two people slipped out and dangled upside down for a while before being allowed to descend. This happened a few more times before word was shouted back (because helicopters are really loud and we all had earplugs in) that we should: 1. allow less slack than we did on the rappel tower, and 2. stop f***ing up.
Finally, my group reached the front of the line and we all ran over to the idling helicopter. We tied our snap links to the ropes snaking out from all four corners of the bird's open cabin and held on tight, kneeling for stability. Now, it becomes clear why so many people slipped and fell out of the aircraft and dangled so precipitously. The first big difference between a tower and a helicopter is how unstable everything is. Yes, you are floating above the ground, but because of the chaos of wind and the rotor blades ripping through the air, you are never stable. It feels like getting on a skateboard for the first time, you can't get your feet under you without holding on to something. The second difference is that the guy on the ground, holding your rope for safety, can't actually do very much to save you if something goes wrong. As the "belay" on the ground, you are instructed to run away from the helicopter with your line if anything goes wrong. This makes the rope less vertical and creates a "slide for life" where the person on rappel rapidly speeds towards you for a slightly slower descent before smashing into you.
Once in the air, we are instructed to stand on this unstable platform and back ourselves out into a "deep seated L" position. This puts our legs parallel to the ground and the tension of the rappel line running from our waist to the hookup inside the helicopter keeps us from falling. On the signal to go, we jump away from the aircraft and release the tension in our brake hand, flying out into the abyss. Once I was away from the helicopter, it was very peaceful: I hung in the air 100 ft up, I could hear the the hum of the rotors through my earplugs, and I was on my own to get to the ground safely. I relished that feeling for a few moments, looked up at the helicopter to make sure no one was waving at me frantically to do something, and then bounded to the ground with a few brakes. I landed on my feet and it was over. The helicopter landed, rose with the next air assaulter, I held the rope for them, and they also made it safely to the ground.
PART 5: The Guidon
The next day was the final morning of Air Assault training. For some reason, a lot of these Army trainings end with a 12 mile road march that must be completed in three hours or less. To keep the temperature manageable and avoid traffic, they also insist you start at around 0500 in the morning. The pace is just faster on average than a quick walk, and it would be easy if not for the 35-50 pounds of gear on your back, and the heavy boots, rifle, and full uniform that you must wear. Midway through the course, we completed a 6 mile road march with the same gear to prove we were worth the additional time and effort to train us, so we had a good idea what to expect. At that time they didn't have enough fake rifles (affectionately called "rubber ducks") for everyone to march at once, so we completed the 6 mile marches in two groups, on separate mornings. The lead runner of the march gets to carry the Guidon, a flag and ornate pole with the Air Assault unit crest on it, and if you win the march then you carry the flag for the unit wherever it marches. If you happen to pass the leader of the march, then you hand off your rubber duck and take the Guidon and carry it onward.
Because we marched in two groups, there were two rightful bearers of the Guidon going into the final march: me and a 2LT Army Ranger who looked to be in his mid-20s. I knew the guy was young and tough enough to be a ranger, and the instructors mentioned that his march time was a little faster than mine, so I glared at him all week as we marched around from place to place. The word on the street going into that final evening was that the winner of the road march would be anointed the Road March Champion and presented with an engraved hatchet; this is what they did traditionally at the Air Assault courses back in the States. I ran into some of the instructors in the barber shop the night before the march, and they asked me why I was getting a haircut. I thought back to before all this started, when we were racing for a chance to challenge the EFMB training. One of the other officers in our unit asked me if I was going to win the race. I told her then, "If you run a race you should always do your best and run to win." I told the Air Assault instructors something similarly ambiguous, and went back to the barracks to check my gear a final time before bed.
At 0430 we were already lined up, chatting in the darkness next to our heavy packs, and trying our best not to let the nerves get to us. A failure on this last morning, either by missing an item from the packing list or walking too slowly, would invalidate the previous ten brutal days of training. For safety, they insisted we only drink water from our Army issued one quart canteen that we carried on our hip, and we had to show that it was empty at the halfway point and at the end. The only light source we were allowed to carry was a chemical light stick, taped to the chest strap on our pack. They checked that each of our canteens was full and reminded us that intentionally dumping the water on the ground was a safety violation and we would be dropped from the course, never to return (NTR). There are only a few things that can get you dropped NTR in the course, and all of them are for risking your life or someone else's. Most other serious mistakes will get you dropped from this course, but you can try again with another class of Air Assault. At 0455 we lined up, the Ranger at the front of the pack with the Guidon, and the rest of the 150 or so of us crowded behind a line on the narrow two lane road.
To avoid chaos, the Guidon bearer got a 30 second head start, and we all watched his green glow bounce away down the road and around the first turn out of sight. When we finally started, it felt like a load was lifted from my shoulders: the anticipation of the previous year of training and waiting was finally over, and I could finally start earning my badge. About thirty of us took off jogging quickly down the incline, trying to get enough space to avoid bumping into another person ungainly carrying a rifle and 35 pounds of gear. I was near the rear of that first vanguard because I knew from experience that 12 miles is a long way to jog at any pace, and you can lose everything by burning out at the halfway point.
Here I flashed back to my bunkmate from the previous training. He was a fast runner, and he once tried running 12 miles with 50 pounds of gear. He ended up collapsing at mile 8 with rhabdomyolysis, out of sight of all the other runners. He woke up the next day in the hospital because his body, for lack of easy fuel, had decided to digest his muscles and the byproducts of which caused his kidneys to fail. He told us that his mind was able to push his body past the point of muscle failure and he suffered the consequences.
I jogged at an easy pace, slowly passing those early runners as they slowed down in the first mile. Back when I first started to train for these races, I would jog for some number of minutes and then walk for the same. This was my strategy until someone told me they threw strategy out the window and just ran as long as they could. Ever since, my strategy has been slow and steady: jog at a pace that I can maintain for 12 miles, stopping only to drink water and chug Ensure. The course that day was out-and-back, three miles each way. We ran the course twice to make 12 miles. About halfway out, the paved road became a gravel road through the woods, and it was very dark. There were occasional chemlights marking the road, but other than that it was just the dim glow and silhouettes from other runners in front of me. Every so often I'd see someone in the distance ahead of me and I'd get close enough to see that they were just carrying an ordinary rifle. At the three mile turnaround point, no one had passed me going the other way, so I knew I was close to the leader. They had a vehicle with its headlights on at the top of a hill, and I finally saw the silhouette of someone carrying a flag! It took me three miles, a quarter of the course, but I had pulled even with even the fastest of the soldiers in the class. A few hundred meters into the return leg of the first lap, I passed him my rifle and took the Guidon. He seemed happy to give it up: no longer chased and pressured to run, he started to walk. The flag, despite its size, was quite a bit lighter than the rifle I had been carrying, and I knew at that moment that they'd never catch me. All I had to do was drink water and keep going a little longer.
Near the return leg of the second lap, the sun started to come up and I finally felt tired. Somehow it's easier for me to run in the dark when I can't see how far ahead the road streches, when I can just surrender to my thoughts: focus on putting one foot in front of the other and dreaming of laying down the pack at the end of the race. I had run nine miles but watching the trees slowly crawl by for another three seemed agonizing. I would tell myself just run to the next bend and then you'll be out of the woods, just run a little longer and you can walk while you unstrap your canteen and drink a little more water to lighten your load. I imagined that instead of a backpack full of gear and a flagpole, I was carrying one of my children on a nighttime walk. I did that countless times for three babies and now a fourth: wrapped up in blankets, I could never drop that bundle. Soon, I saw the lights and the paved road of the final mile. I was soaked from head to toe in sweat and my uniform clung to my legs, but my legs didn't stop. I looked back on the longest straightaway and couldn't see anyone behind me. I could have walked and still won the race, but I wanted to show them what a skinny motivated kid from Indiana, a dentist no less, could do. I ran through the small crowd at the finish line, jabbed the Guidon into the pavement so the metal spike on its end rang out, and I yelled in triumph, "Dental leads the way!" I finished nine minutes before the next person, nearly a mile ahead.
Now, my hatchet sits in the window of my dental treatment room where I can see it every day. The winged helicopter emblem of the Air Assault school is etched on near the steel blade and the carved words on the handle read, as they always did and always will, "CPT ***, Road March Champion."