So, I think it might help for you to just stop looking for a while. I think one reason I was able to get so close to my SO was that I wasn't trying to evaluate her as a potential wife. We just talked and 2-3 days later (read meetings for you, since I was around her and our friends everyday for most of the day) I realized she was great for me.
As others have said, dating sites are filled with weird people and in rural areas, there are few "normal" people to balance them out. Maybe try a dating site and set your search preferences to cover the areas with high population densities? Just broadcast your interests and try to find friends without worrying about potential for anything more than friendship. Then a lot of other people will know about you and talk about you to their friends. Hopefully you can find friends that have interests similar to yours so these girls that hear about you are likely to have similar interests.
I hope the last paragraph made sense. I had to rush it since I'm about to leave work. Anyway, it seems like your inclination to filter people is causing problems and you'll probably do better in situations that are more friend-like than date-like, at least while your still trying to find people.
Yeah, I hear you. I did decide to stop actively looking for now. Not as in "I give up, I'm joining the monkhood!" But the other stuff wasn't my style and it wasn't working. Online dating is really a meat market and it really was working against me. Being honest, I was just looking for the "best" woman -- the handful that were attractive and educated. And if you think about it, they would be doing that too (looking for the best man available). Not just in this rural area, but also in a large city. So although I did look in a large city -- I set my parameters for the metro area I just left -- I was getting no results. The reason is because in a large area, there were honestly better guys than me. I'm a doctor, but I'm not hot -- I've been told that I'm "cute," but it's more like "your little brother cute." I ran into a few female physicians on online dating, one of whom was pretty attractive, and I thought she'd be like "ooo, a doctor, OK!" But she wasn't interested, apparently. It was sort of like that TED Talks video, where the woman said that in a city of over a million men, she figured that some thirty men actually fit her criteria. That really resonated with me because, even though I'm blaming the rural area I'm in (and it does factor in), the truth is that if you stuck me in New York City, I'd also probably say that less than 100 women fit my criteria. Then the odds that I would fit hers is probably similarly small.
Now, that's not to say that I feel that there's zero chance I would meet someone I was interested in. But if I focus on checking off a list of criteria, then there would be zero chance. Realistically, that's not how we find dates or spouses, I don't think. Like, it's not like as soon as you meet someone you say "are you funny?? Are you educated?? Do you like Top 40 music?? No? Then see you later!" But you do on online dating, so you're often not even giving anyone a chance. I don't know how some people make profiles and get people to respond to them, but I apparently don't have that magic touch. So I ditched online dating, likely permanently. It's a vehicle that doesn't work for me, not here in the sticks, and not in the largest city in North America.
You're right, I think I need to try to distract my brain from its filtering. When I'm just out doing whatever, that would probably be the best distraction. Now, problematically, since I'm an introvert, when I'm out doing whatever, it's usually an activity where I'm not concentrating on people around me. Like if I'm at a mall, I can't just wander around looking at people and I definitely couldn't approach someone I was interested in. I generally need to be there for a reason like "I'm going to this store to buy a shirt and then I'm leaving." So I'm trying to break out of that aspect of my personality. But to be honest, part of me doesn't care. I mean, realistically, I'm an introvert. Whoever I date would have to accept that. So it's sort of silly to pretend I'm an extrovert to get the woman and then have her glaring at me as we sit quietly somewhere when we're perhaps a year into it.
A lot of the issues are also that I'm a very conflicted person. I would like to meet someone like me, but if I stop and think about it, I'm a huge mess. For example, I like to live in larger cities because I like to "be in civilization." But I also hate crowds and I enjoy being out in the wild. Like, where I am is very serene. There's almost no traffic ever -- I can drive to work and maybe hit the brakes once or twice -- and in the mornings you can hear birds chirping in the trees and deer run around (for real, no joke) and it totally beats hearing honking horns or inhaling exhaust. Those two things are in complete opposition to one another. Where would I find a woman like that? Generally the women who are well-educated would not want to be out in "the sticks," much like I don't. And the women who do are country girls who "don't care about looking like sticks figures" and like to get dirty. But even though I like their down-to-earth nature and lack of pretension, it's TOO down-to-earth. And they're not interested in a nerd like me, they want a guy who is "a man's man." I mean, what I've found online are that, sure, there are gold-diggers in this area who are looking for a rich guy. But there are also a lot of women whose primary criteria for a date is "I need a guy who knows how to use tools" or "he should be able to fix his car if it breaks down." I'm not that guy, lol, I own a hammer and a screwdriver and that's it. So I sort of live in two worlds and belong to neither.
I guess that's a long way of saying that I, on some level, came to grips with the fact that I might not find anyone. Not that I've given up, but that I'm being realistic about it. I'm still looking, but it's sort of ambivalently at this point. If I run into an interesting, cute girl, awesome. If not, then that was sort of what I expected. (I know that sounds pessimistic and fatalistic, but that's just where I am.)
