vent, bad day, moody

[xiphoid2010]

This is totally a vent post. It serves no purpose other than vent drunken frustration.

Served its purpose. Very cathartic. Deleted.

Edit: a quick summary of events, just so some people wouldn't take things out of context.

1) Get word Friday that corporate want pharmacy to cut cost by 20%. Nice way to ruin a DOP's weekend.
2) Calendar: you working this weekend at the PRN job. It's a 12 day workathon.
3) Wife has the weekend off but tells me to give my son albuterol, knowing it's what he hates the most. Why she can't do it with a whole day off? God knows.
4) After everything fails, wrestles and force it down. He fights for his life, I go to work pissed.
5) Pharmacy tech calls off! MD and Nurses being a pain. All the **** to myself! Awesome day at work!
6) On the way home, by chance listening to an old CD, reminded about what once was. Got a bit moody and sad.
(7) Got home tired, got told to change son's diaper (God knows why it had to wait till I got home). My son is naturally still scared ****less from this morning, another struggle ensues.
(8) Upset at this stupidity and absurdity, we yelled at each other. I took myself out to cool off.

My wife realized that she made what was already bad worse and set me off. We made up. She didn't leave any chores for me when I got home sunday. It's all good.

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[radio frequency]

Have you thought about getting marital counseling? I read your posts like these and I just feel bad for you. I think there's a lot you and your wife need to talk through and it doesn't sound like it will happen on its own.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Do you think your wife feels like she has time to relax and "be herself?" What would you do if she stormed out of the house after a fight and left you with the two kids to take care of? You need marriage counseling to help you reconnect with your wife and figure out an equitable distribution of family duties. TBH, it seems like you expect her to do most of the stuff around the house and take care of the kids, and you just want to kick back with a beer. Finding a compromise that suits both of you would probably increase your chances of getting a BJ every once in a while. No way you're getting one tonight, unless you pay for it.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Do you think your wife feels like she has time to relax and "be herself?" What would you do if she stormed out of the house after a fight and left you with the two kids to take care of? You need marriage counseling to help you reconnect with your wife and figure out an equitable distribution of family duties. TBH, it seems like you expect her to do most of the stuff around the house and take care of the kids, and you just want to kick back with a beer. Finding a compromise that suits both of you would probably increase your chances of getting a BJ every once in a while. No way you're getting one tonight, unless you pay for it.

I have said many times in other post, that she is a good woman. But when I am working a this weekend, as a part of part of a 12 day stretch... Call me crazy, but YES, I do expect her to do bulk of the work these 2 days.

 

[southpharmindy]

Haha

Welcome to married life in the western world my friend. Best thing you can also do is forget about the ex. You would have the same problems.

I don't think marriage counseling would do you any good either.

 

[Momus]

No BJ... This is why there is always a pros around, you pay them to leave you alone :-D or better yet get a couple FWBs. Zero expectation, they are more fun than your wife.

Fact: Women expect you to make more than them and help with chores, as equal division as possible. ****ing BS. No wonder we die earlier.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

I have said many times in other post, that she is a good woman. But when I am working a this weekend, as a part of part of a 12 day stretch... Call me crazy, but YES, I do expect her to do bulk of the work these 2 days.

Sounds like she did. Maybe she was tired after taking care of both kids all day. It's not exactly a picnic. Ever done it yourself? I mean all day without any help from your wife. And she works full time too, right? You yelled at your wife because she asked you to change a diaper? How many diapers did she change today? What was she doing while you changed the diaper? Lying on the couch, kicking back? Somehow, I doubt it.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Fact: Women expect you to make more than them and help with chores, as equal division as possible. ******* BS. No wonder we die earlier.

Why is this BS? If both partners are working, what is the issue with dividing the household responsibilities?

I make substantially more than my husband. Does this mean I should expect him to do everything around the house?

 

[xiphoid2010]

No BJ... This is why there is always a pros around, you pay them to leave you alone :-D or better yet get a couple FWBs. Zero expectation, they are more fun than your wife.

Fact: Women expect you to make more than them and help with chores, as equal division as possible. ******* BS. No wonder we die earlier.

As upset as I am, I would still think there are pros to the western construct of women. Job or ambition, my wife can hold her own. I wouldn't disrespect her because of that or think for a moment that she's a leech. Should I stumble in my climb, I trust that she alone can still hold things together. But at at the same time, she lacks that tenderness/attentiveness that paints a traditional asian girl. My ex was the opposite, so sweet and intoxicating weak was the portrait of her deadly ways, I loved and later hated her intensely. Neither my wife or my ex are all good or evil, but as women they are creatures of nature, playing to what strengths they had. What can we do but to try to see what webs they are spinning and take leap that we thought was right and then try our best to live with it.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Sounds like she did. Maybe she was tired after taking care of both kids all day. It's not exactly a picnic. Ever done it yourself? I mean all day without any help from your wife. And she works full time too, right? You yelled at your wife because she asked you to change a diaper? How many diapers did she change today? What was she doing while you changed the diaper? Lying on the couch, kicking back? Somehow, I doubt it.

While what you say have merits on days when both of us are working. It doesn't work on day when one works when the other does not. You already know that I work significantly more than she does from my many other posts. Why ask something you already know?

 

[All4MyDaughter]

While what you say have merits on days when both of us are working. It doesn't work on day when one works when the other does not. You already know that I work significantly more than she does from my many other posts. Why ask something you already know?

No, what I am trying to tell you is that being home all day by yourself with two small children IS work. She didn't have a day off any more than you did. What do you think she was doing all day?

 

[xiphoid2010]

No, what I am trying to tell you is that being home all day by yourself with two small children IS work. She didn't have a day off any more than you did. What do you think she was doing all day?

You know full well that kids sleep 12-18 hours a day. My 2 year old takes a 3 hr nap at noon, my 6 months takes 3 naps + a full night sleep. Nurses and doctors don't. Are you really trying to compare?

 

[All4MyDaughter]

You know full well that kids sleep 12-18 hours a day. My 2 year old takes a 3 hr nap at noon, my 6 months takes 3 naps + a full night sleep. Nurses and doctors don't. Are you really trying to compare?

I suspect you've never spent an entire day watching both kids with no help. But whatever. Bitching and yelling and storming out of the house because your wife asked you to change a ****ing diaper is weak. Running off to the bar to drown your sorrows and moon over your ex because your kid cried while you changed his diaper (they all do that... you must not change very many diapers) just makes you like look a petulant child.

 

[BMBiology]

First you fought with your wife and now you are fighting with A4M? On a Sat night?

Correct me if I am wrong. You had a bad breakup then you hooked up with your wife? She wanted to get married...you were not really sure but went along anyways? Now that you have two kids, you feel trapped?

 

[xiphoid2010]

I suspect you've never spent an entire day watching both kids with no help. But whatever. Bitching and yelling and storming out of the house because your wife asked you to change a ******* diaper is weak. Running off to the bar to drown your sorrows and moon over your ex because your kid cried while you changed his diaper (they all do that... you must not change very many diapers) just makes you like look a petulant child.

I have taken care of both of them when she's out of town visiting her family. But you are free to believe whatever. You already made up your mind that a woman's work trumps a guys.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

I have taken care of both of them when she's out of town visiting her family. But you are free to believe whatever. You already made up your mind that a woman's work trumps a guys.

Nope. I never said that. I said that you weren't the only person who worked today and that crying over being asked to change a diaper is stupid. By the way, taking care of kids isn't "a woman's work." It's the job of both parents, who are equally culpable for the creation of the children and equally responsible for their upbringing.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Nope. I never said that. I said that you weren't the only person who worked today and that crying over being asked to change a diaper is stupid. By the way, taking care of kids isn't "a woman's work." It's the job of both parents, who are equally culpable for the creation of the children and equally responsible for their upbringing.

and yes, to be equitable when one of them work, the other one need to do bulk of the work at home. I'm not pissed over a diaper. I'm pissed at the fact that she pushed off the bad part to me. I ended up havig to pin my son down and force albuterol on him before I go to work, then I had to spank him and force him to change diapers when I just got home and my son is scared ****less of me from this morning. This is BS.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

and yes, to be equitable when one of them work, the other one need to do bulk of the work at home. I'm not pissed over a diaper. I'm pissed at the fact that she pushed off the bad part to me. I ended up havig to pin my son down and force albuterol on him before I go to work, then I had to spank him and force him to change diapers when I just got home and my son is scared ****less of me from this morning. This is BS.

Yes. Parenting is difficult. Toddler behavior is infuriating. I have two toddlers now, so it's twice the fun.

Why do you think your wife asked you to do those things? Just to make you mad?

 

[xiphoid2010]

Yes. Parenting is difficult. Toddler behavior is infuriating. I have two toddlers now, so it's twice the fun.

Why do you think your wife asked you to do those things? Just to make you mad?

Look, I'm not saying she was laying on the couch all day. Whether by design or unintentionally is irrelevant. The point is her actions made my day hell, and I need to get out of there before it really made me mad. Ok? I'm not gonna divorce her or think any less of her. But I need to drink some beer, vent to strangers, and piss into the wind, Ok?

 

[radio frequency]

Look, I'm not saying she was laying on the couch all day. Whether by design or unintentionally is irrelevant. The point is her actions made my day hell, and I need to get out of there before it really made me mad. Ok? I'm not gonna divorce her or think any less of her. But I need to drink some beer, vent to strangers, and piss into the wind, Ok?

I just think you could both be a lot happier if there was some way to talk the issues out and work together to fix them...

 

[ptosh]

Nurses and doctors don't. Are you really trying to compare?

So, now you are a doctor too???

 

[Momus]

LOL saying housework and baby sitting = work... it doesn't take more than 60% of attention span to do those. At the end of the day, you are at home. The other person, not a home, is actually working. I'd rather be the househusband than the going to work 200 times over.

Women are very ungrateful to men. They want everything after you give everything. The ****ing computer, the road, the car, the house they live in, are all built by men 95% of the time. What really cool achievement did they have? Nada. They expect you to go down there 100% of the time. When it's their turn , forgetabout it. You gotta beg and do nice things and hope for the best LOL. The only one thing they are good at genetically, nurturing a child, they fooking hate it. Face it, Xiphoid, do the chores after your 8 hours shift like a good little boy or divorce down the road LOL... Marriage is always a ****ty proposition to men.

 

[sosoo]

a typical guy. unprofessional/disrespectful at work, yelling his wife at home, and doesn't realize what he got til its gone.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

This is why I work night shift, have no kids, and married a nympho. I have literally none of your problems. My last BJ was like yesterday morning. I come home and I'm sitting here with a Coke Zero and a bag of chips watching the Swansea Tottenham match, posting on SDN.

Quit hospital, get job during graveyard, put your children up for adoption, and tell her you lick your pole more or you're done with her. Easy as that.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

doesn't realize what he got til its gone.

What, the typical self-absorbed American woman? Bwahahaha. A dime a dozen, useless, boring, and assume that they own their man.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

You need marriage counseling to help you reconnect with your wife and figure out an equitable distribution of family duties. TBH, it seems like you expect her to do most of the stuff around the house and take care of the kids, and you just want to kick back with a beer. Finding a compromise that suits both of you would probably increase your chances of getting a BJ every once in a while. No way you're getting one tonight, unless you pay for it.

If you listen to her advise, you'll actually get less sex.

Don't take relationship advise from an American woman. Ever. They are mostly all in on it together. Unless its one of the RARE ones that are for the total destruction of societal male expectations and actually allow men to be their equals in the home. I have this luxury because, again, I found the 1 in 100,000.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Deleted the original post. Sometimes a guy just want to vent, let it out feels better.

Many of us guys are raised on that our duty is to do the heavy hauling, provide and protect, and give girls a pass right or wrong. But we are still human, and we do get mad when pushed or taken for granted.

Anyway. My wife realized what she had done. I woke up this morning to some make up sex and good hot coffee. Like I said, she's a good woman, even if gets on my nerves once in a while. LOL. Time to head out to work.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

LOL saying housework and baby sitting = work... it doesn't take more than 60% of attention span to do those. At the end of the day, you are at home. The other person, not a home, is actually working. I'd rather be the househusband than the going to work 200 times over.

Women are very ungrateful to men. They want everything after you give everything. The ******* computer, the road, the car, the house they live in, are all built by men 95% of the time. What really cool achievement did they have? Nada. They expect you to go down there 100% of the time. When it's their turn , forgetabout it. You gotta beg and do nice things and hope for the best LOL. The only one thing they are good at genetically, nurturing a child, they fooking hate it. Face it, Xiphoid, do the chores after your 8 hours shift like a good little boy or divorce down the road LOL... Marriage is always a ****** proposition to men.

Not necessarily true on several counts. Several women have done great things. But insofar as the interpersonal goes, you need to meet someone that's a total gender egalitarian. It is true that we live in a time of female privilege (even if they don't realize it) and male subservience, but there are those rare women that understand how a century of the feminist movement gone unchecked has resulted in such a **** world for so many unfortunate men caught in the marriage-no sex-kids-endless work cycle. We are expected to be such stoic providers. If we dare show emotion, we are "typical disrespectful men" or whatever nonsense.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I woke up this morning to some make up sex and good hot coffee. Like I said, she's a good woman, even if gets on my nerves once in a while. LOL. Time to head out to work.

So the correct advise was "do nothing, it will fix itself."

Ok, cool.

 

[radio frequency]

@xiphoid2010 , wasn't your wife a pharmacist? Did she become a stay at home mom or something?

 

[Jibby321]

I never want children......EVER. idk how you people do it.

 

[StellargalS]

The SDN equivalent on Sex and Marriage = http://www.loveshack.org/

All kinds of pearls on topics from adultery to cunnilingus. I thank you for your rant just the same. My cupeth runeth overeth.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

I never want children......EVER. idk how you people do it.

Thus far, not reproducing is clearly the best decision I've ever made. Its complete torture and with human beings becoming worth less and less every year, there's a decent chance your kid winds up a loser.

 

[Jibby321]

Thus far, not reproducing is clearly the best decision I've ever made. Its complete torture and with human beings becoming worth less and less every year, there's a decent chance your kid winds up a loser.

Agreed!

It's funny any undergrad bio course we've taken has always said that the ultimate goal in life for all organisms is to reproduce and pass your genetic info on. But for the case of humans if have to disagree. Has any one seen that movie idiocracy? I think that's the name.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Look, I'm not saying she was laying on the couch all day. Whether by design or unintentionally is irrelevant. The point is her actions made my day hell, and I need to get out of there before it really made me mad. Ok? I'm not gonna divorce her or think any less of her. But I need to drink some beer, vent to strangers, and piss into the wind, Ok?

Having to give your kid albuterol and change his diaper made your day hell? That's hilarious. I feel for your wife. It must be exhausting have to take care of three children without any help, on top of working full time.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

If you listen to her advise, you'll actually get less sex.

Don't take relationship advise from an American woman. Ever. They are mostly all in on it together. Unless its one of the RARE ones that are for the total destruction of societal male expectations and actually allow men to be their equals in the home. I have this luxury because, again, I found the 1 in 100,000.

Pretty sure my husband and I are equals in our home. Your advice seems to be conflicting. You want equality, but you think men who do housework get less sex? So, men shouldn't do housework? Doesn't sound like equality. Sounds like 1950.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

LOL saying housework and baby sitting = work... it doesn't take more than 60% of attention span to do those. At the end of the day, you are at home. The other person, not a home, is actually working. I'd rather be the househusband than the going to work 200 times over.

Oh, I was unaware that you had children. It's cool that you're such an expert on child care and housework.

 

[Jibby321]

I do ALL the cooking!!! I love cooking. My GF gets the cleaning. I hate cleaning she hates cooking so it works out for us.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

I do ALL the cooking!!! I love cooking. My GF gets the cleaning. I hate cleaning she hates cooking so it works out for us.

I do most of the cooking and grocery shopping. When I'm not going to be home at dinner time, I try to have something made that's easy for my husband feed the kids, like leftovers or frozen pizza. We split the clean up after meals, usually dependent on what else needs to be done at the time. Our younger kid goes to bed right after dinner, so whoever isn't doing bedtime cleans the kitchen. Neither one of us likes cleaning the house, so we hired a maid who comes every two weeks and does bathrooms, floors, etc. My husband likes to mow the yard and do exterior maintenance. We use a landscaping company for complicated stuff. Laundry and kid stuff are divided equally, though my husband probably spends a bit more time with the kids than I do, because I work more.

Reading this thread... it seems like, because I make a lot more (more than 2X more) money than my husband, that he should be doing all of that stuff and I should be lying on the couch telling him to make me a sandwich?

 

[Jibby321]

I do most of the cooking and grocery shopping. When I'm not going to be home at dinner time, I try to have something made that's easy for my husband feed the kids, like leftovers or frozen pizza. We split the clean up after meals, usually dependent on what else needs to be done at the time. Our younger kid goes to bed right after dinner, so whoever isn't doing bedtime cleans the kitchen. Neither one of us likes cleaning the house, so we hired a maid who comes every two weeks and does bathrooms, floors, etc. My husband likes to mow the yard and do exterior maintenance. We use a landscaping company for complicated stuff. Laundry and kid stuff are divided equally, though my husband probably spends a bit more time with the kids than I do, because I work more.

Reading this thread... it seems like, because I make a lot more (more than 2X more) money than my husband, that he should be doing all of that stuff and I should be lying on the couch telling him to make me a sandwich?

Yea she does the house cleaning and we split the cleanup after dinner. We have horses so that occupies a lot of our time too. Her parents both work EMS (two jobs) (yea we both still live with our parents ) I don't live there but I spend 16hrs a day between studying and taking care of everything with her. 3horses 4 dogs those are enough "children" for us. Haha plus we are both students. So are time is allocated precisely. So I do the cooking for her family. Even after I come over after I work I end up cooking dinner.

 

[Momus]

Oh, I was unaware that you had children. It's cool that you're such an expert on child care and housework.

Fact: Everyone and their mom can take care of children, clean the house, feed the baby and change diapers. You are not special.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Fact: Everyone and their mom can take care of children, clean the house, feed the baby and change diapers. You are not special.

If so, why does having to give his kid medicine and change his diaper make the OP's life a living hell?

Fact: just because most people have the basic skill set to take care of a home and children, it doesn't mean that doing so isn't work, isn't tiring, and isn't stressful.

 

[xiphoid2010]

@xiphoid2010 , wasn't your wife a pharmacist? Did she become a stay at home mom or something?

She still works at that LTC pharmacy. I work LTACH + PRN at another hospital. So some weekends I'd be working while she's at home. Work a 12 day stretch does kinda suck, but we both agreed pay off stuff like student loans faster is a good thing.

 

[npage148]

Despite your morning romp and hot coffee I think you totally made he right decision when you decided your career was more important than family I those couple of old threads.

Wife and I don't have kids, it's pretty sweet. Extra money to spend on ourselves and no kids to take care of after a day of work.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Having to give your kid albuterol and change his diaper made your day hell? That's hilarious. I feel for your wife. It must be exhausting have to take care of three children without any help, on top of working full time.

Wow, as soon as I delete the original post, you conveniently comes in to try twist it by take things out of context. For your benefit I'll just repost a quick summary of events back on top to set things straight.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Wow, as soon as I delete the original post, you conveniently comes in to try twist it by take things out of contest. For your benefit I'll just repost a quick summary of events back on top to set things straight.

I'm not twisting anything. You said her actions, which included the sins of asking you to give your child a medication and change his diaper, made your day hell. It was a direct quote.

The point is her actions made my day hell

 

[BMBiology]

If your wife had worked 12 hours and you demanded that she change your son's diaper right after she got home, I am pretty sure A4M would have accused you of being lazy and not being understanding.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

If your wife had worked 12 hours and you demanded that she change your son's diaper right after you got home, I am pretty sure A4M would have accused you of being lazy and not being understanding.

Nope. The whole idea that changing a diaper is a big freaking deal and could ruin anyone's day is just plain stupid. I am used to working long days and when I get home, my husband needs help with the kids. I don't cry and stomp around the house and accuse him of ruining my life.

 

[npage148]

It's also weird that your son is scared of you

 

[BMBiology]

Nope. The whole idea that changing a diaper is a big freaking deal and could ruin anyone's day is just plain stupid. I am used to working long days and when I get home, my husband needs help with the kids. I don't cry and stomp around the house and accuse him of ruining my life.

The issue is not about changing diapers. It is about understanding and letting your spouse rest for a while after a 12-hour shift. Just chill. She has been taking care of the kids for 12 hours. What's another 30 mins going to do?