vent, bad day, moody

[All4MyDaughter]

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The issue is not about changing diapers. It is about understanding and letting your spouse rest for a while after a 12-hour shift. Just chill. She has been taking care of the kids for 12 hours. What's another 30 mins going to do?

You chill. And if you don't like my posts, don't read them. 😀

 

[xiphoid2010]

If your wife had worked 12 hours and you demanded that she change your son's diaper right after she got home, I am pretty sure A4M would have accused you of being lazy and not being understanding.

A4M still doesn't get it. My wife was at home all day, but waited for me to come home after a bad day. My son was terrified of me from the morning albuterol wrestle, sending me to change diaper was just was just such an AWESOME idea.

 

[xiphoid2010]

I'm not twisting anything. You said her actions, which included the sins of asking you to give your child a medication and change his diaper, made your day hell. It was a direct quote.

And I quote: you are trying to twist things by take things "out of context". Please don't distort.

 

[xiphoid2010]

It's also weird that your son is scared of you

Ever try to give a 2 year old albuterol? What do you think a 2 year old do when a plastic mask is forced on his face and puff strange smelling stuff that he naturally refuse to inhale? Whoever does the albuterol is the bad guy for the day.

 

[Dr Wario]

I am curious Xiphoid, did you happen to let your wife know that you had a bad day and ask her if she could give you time to calm your nerves before interacting with your son? By your statements, you seem to imply that she forced you into those chores, but I wonder if she had simply asked and you are angry that she was not able to discern your mindset? Please don't take my question as a "shot" at you, more just as a curiosity.

 

[OmiPharmD]

You know full well that kids sleep 12-18 hours a day. My 2 year old takes a 3 hr nap at noon, my 6 months takes 3 naps + a full night sleep.

I have 4 kids and only one of them ever slept like this - and they managed to not sleep at the same times. I'm so jealous right now! They were exhausting when they were the age of yours but now they are all old enough to be helpful. They have chores and my husband hasn't done dishes or touched the vacuum in years. If he were to complain about the precious little bit of housework he does (basically making sure his laundry gets into the dirty clothes basket) he would be moving to the shed.

When the kids were little and we both were working full time we hired a housekeeper to come in every other week. It was much easier to keep the house tidy with a "pro" doing it very well twice a month.

 

[owlegrad]

Ever try to give a 2 year old albuterol? What do you think a 2 year old do when a plastic mask is forced on his face and puff strange smelling stuff that he naturally refuse to inhale? Whoever does the albuterol is the bad guy for the day.

So if your wife had done it she would have been the bad guy all day while staying home with him?

 

[xiphoid2010]

I am curious Xiphoid, did you happen to let your wife know that you had a bad day and ask her if she could give you time to calm your nerves before interacting with your son? By your statements, you seem to imply that she forced you into those chores, but I wonder if she had simply asked and you are angry that she was not able to discern your mindset? Please don't take my question as a "shot" at you, more just as a curiosity.

You are right, I probably should have let her know that it was rough. But I'm a guy who normally just keep it in and do his duty. Most days I just do what she needs me to get done, consider chores just a part of a second job. Yesterday, as soon as I walked in the door she wanted me to do the diaper, so I sighed and got to it, then of course it went badly, that was the final straw that made me go I've had enough.

Look, I know she's a good wife, and our marriage is overall a happy one and a very successful one I think. But there are days in any marriage that one or both people hit a rough patch. I take myself out, go vent, come back. One thing I learned is that arguing when mad is futile. When the underlying marriage is good, just cool off and let things go back to normal.

 

[xiphoid2010]

So if your wife had done it she would have been the bad guy all day while staying home with him?

There is no winner either way, we are just lucky that it's only on days when pollen count is high. But my reasoning is, whoever is at home while the other is out working should have the home front handled, not off loading it on the other person. That would be the equitable division of labor. If she had a second job while I had the weekend off, then it would be only fair for it to be my duty.

 

[xiphoid2010]

I have 4 kids and only one of them ever slept like this - and they managed to not sleep at the same times. I'm so jealous right now! They were exhausting when they were the age of yours but now they are all old enough to be helpful. They have chores and my husband hasn't done dishes or touched the vacuum in years. If he were to complain about the precious little bit of housework he does (basically making sure his laundry gets into the dirty clothes basket) he would be moving to the shed.

When the kids were little and we both were working full time we hired a housekeeper to come in every other week. It was much easier to keep the house tidy with a "pro" doing it very well twice a month.

My son didn't always sleep like that. But when we started putting him in day care, that's their schedule, and got my son to take nap at noon daily now. Our daughter is still pretty easy to handle being at 6 months, able to sleep through the night now, and naps after her bottles. It's that relatively easy period before they start crawling.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

If I stormed out at of the house and got drunk every time one of my kids cried when I gave them medicine/changed their diaper/clipped their nails/looked at them funny/told them not to bite the dog, I'd never be sober.

 

[opinionfree]

I find that when someone argues against every response they receive, to something they have originally posted, they aren't the easiest person to get along with. It just seems like you want everyone to say your wife's a bitch and your a hero. Unfortunately, the way your presenting yourself, is leading me to think the opposite is true.
There are 2 sides to every story. I'm feeling what you typed out is your truth, I'm just not sure it is a fair representation.

Work was tough, got it. Sounds like a day filled with frustrations, lots of pent up, unspoken anger that you brought home to your family. Well you can't get in trouble at home, so now your going to find that inner voice and unleash the pent up fury of the day, on your family. In my world, that's a coward. I scream, kick and fight AT WORK to whomever deserves it. So when I get HOME, I can braid hair, fight the monsters hiding all over the house and get a few quick grabs/squeezes from the other adult. My day of work is left at work, where it belongs.

I pray when I get home, that the home is still there and all occupants are alive. Nothing is ever done, even though I pay lots of people piles of money, to keep my home and family beautiful. I crawl in with exhaustion and I'm filled with happiness. I never have any expectations, so I'm happy that we've all made it another day. I grunt and point out things, get kisses and promises, life becomes better.

I've learned at work and in life, everyone comes with a set of expectations they think the world should adhere to. The problem, they never tell the world what is expected. They just wait for the world to fail and then they don't know how to express their frustrations and everything is a disaster. Never blame your family for making you run out for alcohol. Your using them as a disguise for something you wanted to do. That's cowardly behavior. This issue with your 2y/o son is distressing. You should be able to comfort and make him secure enough, not to fear a mask and some albuterol. Diapers, by your second child, you should be able to change with one hand and use a torsion balance with the other. Your household has a few issues, the most problematic seems to be you. I could care less if your wife ate bonbons and shopped all day long. So what. Worry about doing what you need to do and not what she's not doing for one day. Suck it up and learn to be a grateful father and husband. I'm left to wonder what your wife must think about you. I'd wager a dozen donuts, you're no prize.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

^great post.

My husband stayed home with the kids today because our daycare observes ALL federal holidays and is closed today. I'm working today and after it's all said and done, today will be a very long day. I'm already tired, and I have three more meetings before I can go home. When I get home, I know my husband will need help, with dinner, with baths, and with bedtime. The kids will want to play with Mommy. We'll watch Dora the Explorer and play trains. It's part of having kids. Once we're done with all of that, I'll get to relax and it will be my time.

I figure, my children didn't ask to be born to a mom who works a lot and has a job that's sometimes stressful. When I'm with them, it's my job to be their mother, be my husband co-parent and do what needs to be done. Whether or not I'm tired and cranky (which I often am). It's not the kids' fault and they shouldn't suffer for it. Am I always perfect? No way. No one is. But I always try.

 

[xiphoid2010]

I find that when someone argues against every response they receive, to something they have originally posted, they aren't the easiest person to get along with. It just seems like you want everyone to say your wife's a bitch and your a hero. Unfortunately, the way your presenting yourself, is leading me to think the opposite is true.
There are 2 sides to every story. I'm feeling what you typed out is your truth, I'm just not sure it is a fair representation.

Work was tough, got it. Sounds like a day filled with frustrations, lots of pent up, unspoken anger that you brought home to your family. Well you can't get in trouble at home, so now your going to find that inner voice and unleash the pent up fury of the day, on your family. In my world, that's a coward. I scream, kick and fight AT WORK to whomever deserves it. So when I get HOME, I can braid hair, fight the monsters hiding all over the house and get a few quick grabs/squeezes from the other adult. My day of work is left at work, where it belongs.

I pray when I get home, that the home is still there and all occupants are alive. Nothing is ever done, even though I pay lots of people piles of money, to keep my home and family beautiful. I crawl in with exhaustion and I'm filled with happiness. I never have any expectations, so I'm happy that we've all made it another day. I grunt and point out things, get kisses and promises, life becomes better.

I've learned at work and in life, everyone comes with a set of expectations they think the world should adhere to. The problem, they never tell the world what is expected. They just wait for the world to fail and then they don't know how to express their frustrations and everything is a disaster. Never blame your family for making you run out for alcohol. Your using them as a disguise for something you wanted to do. That's cowardly behavior. This issue with your 2y/o son is distressing. You should be able to comfort and make him secure enough, not to fear a mask and some albuterol. Diapers, by your second child, you should be able to change with one hand and use a torsion balance with the other. Your household has a few issues, the most problematic seems to be you. I could care less if your wife ate bonbons and shopped all day long. So what. Worry about doing what you need to do and not what she's not doing for one day. Suck it up and learn to be a grateful father and husband. I'm left to wonder what your wife must think about you. I'd wager a dozen donuts, you're no prize.

As the original post clearly said, it's just to vent to some strangers. Go back when cooled off. Ever have a need to do just that? And writing that my wife's a good woman in sure is a strange of me to trying to call her a bitch. But hey, if you want to make a vent thread any more than that, or pass judgment online, it's a free country.

And "I don't care if someone ate bonbons and shopped all day long, you suck it up". That's your secrete to a successful marriage? Hey everyone, listen to this guy here. The solution to problems is just to suck it up! Sorry, me and my wife don't go for that and we work things out a little better than just sucking more of it up.

PS. hey, I've been preparing a draft to decrease the proposed 20% cut on pharmacy cost, outlining why it's is too much and cause more risks/problem. But maybe you can help me with how my staff and I can better "suck it up" and be grateful that we have jobs.

 

[kvl1027]

I'm going to give you some unbiased and helpful advice from that I received from my boss's wife. (they have been married for over 50 years).

I was having similar issues with my wife, keep in mind that she does not "work" in the conventional sense as she is a stay at home mom. I have been married for what will be 10 years in May, and just a few years ago every argument turned into "who did more". Was it me who worked two jobs or was it her who's job was essentially 24/7, but perhaps easier at times. (A little more down time) Night time household duties were shared, I would cook most of the time and clean the dishes. She would clean the kids and get them in bed.

Well, there was this period of time when I was getting up 2 hrs before I needed to make lunch for my kids and help get them ready for school, while my wife got ready in the morning. The truth is, she was not managing her time properly and my urge to help her became a habbit and she began to expect it. It became difficult for me over time and I was getting worn out. I mean, once my kids are in school my wife has 6.5 hours to herself everyday and then I'm splitting the duties at night and waking up early to help her. It just had to stop and we were fighting and at each other's throats. I would be at work and and then 30 minutes before closing my wife would call and ask what we should do for dinner. The craziest part of my day and I'm being called to make a simple decision my wife has had all day to figure out.

I got into a conversation with my Boss's wife about this issue and she gave me the best advice and things have been fantastic. She said back in the day and Man and Woman's role were more defined by society. Things are different now and no one actually discusses what is expected of each other, but we all have expectations. She told me to sit down with my wife and put out expectations onto paper. Write out what she expects of me and what I expect of her. Define the roles.

Now here is the interesting part. When I proposed this to my wife, she did not want to engage in the exercise. I suspected at the time and later confirmed that is was because she knew that I was doing more than my share. During our discussion she found out that one of the most important things for me was for dinner to be ready when I got home or at least have meals planned out for the week, so I wasn't having to make that decision while at work. We sit down on Sundays and I help her plan the meals for the week. Her job is to make the meals and have them ready.

I work 55hrs/week and she stays home. She gets up with the kids in the morning and gets them to school and I sit and have my coffee and watch The Morning Drive on The Golf Channel. On a few ocassions, when she is running behind, she asks me to help and I am more than happy to comply. (But it is no longer expected). I have a day off during the week and my wife and I go to breakfast together after the kids are at school and maybe do some shopping or I take her to hit some golf balls and we just chill for a few hours. Then I go play golf. She cooks, I do the dishes or get the kids cleaned up and she does the dishes. She puts them to bed most nights, but sometimes I'll do it if she is just fed up and tired.

Bottomline is, we hashed it out. We have never help back, I let her know when she's being a B!$%H and she lets me know when I'm being an @$$. But something we never did was lay out the roles and come to an agreement. Once we did, everything fell into place. Try it man, it saved my marriage.

My scenario is slightly different because my wife was a stay at home mom and things were skewed, which she admitted. I have stayed hom with my kids all day and thought it was a piece of cake. My wife has gone out of town for 3 days and I thought it was a piece of cake. Keep this in mind, if you are not the one that is with them, all day everyday, they will behave better for you. My kids act much differently for my wife then they do for me. They are way easier when I have them and are much more difficult for her, because they are more comfortable with her. Good Luck man, you'll get through this if you both want to, but if you both don't want it to work, then unfortunately you can't make something from nothing.

 

[opinionfree]

You wrote:
and yes, to be equitable when one of them work, the other one need to do bulk of the work at home. I'm not pissed over a diaper. I'm pissed at the fact that she pushed off the bad part to me. I ended up havig to pin my son down and force albuterol on him before I go to work, then I had to spank him and force him to change diapers when I just got home and my son is scared ****less of me from this morning. This is BS.
xiphoid2010, Saturday at 8:33 PM Report

I respond: You should immediately report your actions to Child Protective Services. You are an unstable, time bomb and I fear for your babies. You are very lucky, I don't know who you are. How you could even think of defending your behaviour. By your own account, your actions, constitute CHILD ABUSE and ENDANGERMENT. Congratulations on your 'venting'. I feel honored to know that your an unrecognized alcoholic, that psychologically abuses his wife and physically abuses his babies, using corporate metrics to validate your male shortcomings. Spin your words or intentions anyway you like, get HELP. You are a serious danger to your babies, emotionally and physically. Do the honorable thing and report yourself.

 

[kvl1027]

You wrote:
and yes, to be equitable when one of them work, the other one need to do bulk of the work at home. I'm not pissed over a diaper. I'm pissed at the fact that she pushed off the bad part to me. I ended up havig to pin my son down and force albuterol on him before I go to work, then I had to spank him and force him to change diapers when I just got home and my son is scared ****less of me from this morning. This is BS.
xiphoid2010, Saturday at 8:33 PM Report

I respond: You should immediately report your actions to Child Protective Services. You are an unstable, time bomb and I fear for your babies. You are very lucky, I don't know who you are. How you could even think of defending your behaviour. By your own account, your actions, constitute CHILD ABUSE and ENDANGERMENT. Congratulations on your 'venting'. I feel honored to know that your an unrecognized alcoholic, that psychologically abuses his wife and physically abuses his babies, using corporate metrics to validate your male shortcomings. Spin your words or intentions anyway you like, get HELP. You are a serious danger to your babies, emotionally and physically. Do the honorable thing and report yourself.

A bit of an overreaction I think. I don't think anything here constitutes abuse. This is typical of two stressed out individuals who are married and misunderstand each other. I have pinned my child down to give medicine. I have had to hold my child down to change a diaper. I have argued with my wife and said things I didn't mean. I have spanked my child.

Do you have kids? Are you married? If so, you have very likely done these things. If you don't have kids and you are not married, then you don't really understand where this guy is coming from.

Having a beer after a stressful day, does not constitute alcoholism. Or perhaps I'm an alcoholic. They just need to work some **** out and work it out quick.

He is wrong in this, she is wrong in this. This is not one-sided and it rarely is. They both need to give and understand where each other is coming from. The pissing contest has to stop.

 

[npage148]

Not denying that we are all guilty of this but using alcohol to relax/de-stress is a classical sign of problem drinking. So drinking after a stressful day is not appropriate especially when combined with issues managing child care stress

 

[xiphoid2010]

I'm going to give you some unbiased and helpful advice from that I received from my boss's wife. (they have been married for over 50 years).

I was having similar issues with my wife, keep in mind that she does not "work" in the conventional sense as she is a stay at home mom. I have been married for what will be 10 years in May, and just a few years ago every argument turned into "who did more". Was it me who worked two jobs or was it her who's job was essentially 24/7, but perhaps easier at times. (A little more down time) Night time household duties were shared, I would cook most of the time and clean the dishes. She would clean the kids and get them in bed.

Well, there was this period of time when I was getting up 2 hrs before I needed to make lunch for my kids and help get them ready for school, while my wife got ready in the morning. The truth is, she was not managing her time properly and my urge to help her became a habbit and she began to expect it. It became difficult for me over time and I was getting worn out. I mean, once my kids are in school my wife has 6.5 hours to herself everyday and then I'm splitting the duties at night and waking up early to help her. It just had to stop and we were fighting and at each other's throats. I would be at work and and then 30 minutes before closing my wife would call and ask what we should do for dinner. The craziest part of my day and I'm being called to make a simple decision my wife has had all day to figure out.

I got into a conversation with my Boss's wife about this issue and she gave me the best advice and things have been fantastic. She said back in the day and Man and Woman's role were more defined by society. Things are different now and no one actually discusses what is expected of each other, but we all have expectations. She told me to sit down with my wife and put out expectations onto paper. Write out what she expects of me and what I expect of her. Define the roles.

Now here is the interesting part. When I proposed this to my wife, she did not want to engage in the exercise. I suspected at the time and later confirmed that is was because she knew that I was doing more than my share. During our discussion she found out that one of the most important things for me was for dinner to be ready when I got home or at least have meals planned out for the week, so I wasn't having to make that decision while at work. We sit down on Sundays and I help her plan the meals for the week. Her job is to make the meals and have them ready.

I work 55hrs/week and she stays home. She gets up with the kids in the morning and gets them to school and I sit and have my coffee and watch The Morning Drive on The Golf Channel. On a few ocassions, when she is running behind, she asks me to help and I am more than happy to comply. (But it is no longer expected). I have a day off during the week and my wife and I go to breakfast together after the kids are at school and maybe do some shopping or I take her to hit some golf balls and we just chill for a few hours. Then I go play golf. She cooks, I do the dishes or get the kids cleaned up and she does the dishes. She puts them to bed most nights, but sometimes I'll do it if she is just fed up and tired.

Bottomline is, we hashed it out. We have never help back, I let her know when she's being a B!$%H and she lets me know when I'm being an @$$. But something we never did was lay out the roles and come to an agreement. Once we did, everything fell into place. Try it man, it saved my marriage.

My scenario is slightly different because my wife was a stay at home mom and things were skewed, which she admitted. I have stayed hom with my kids all day and thought it was a piece of cake. My wife has gone out of town for 3 days and I thought it was a piece of cake. Keep this in mind, if you are not the one that is with them, all day everyday, they will behave better for you. My kids act much differently for my wife then they do for me. They are way easier when I have them and are much more difficult for her, because they are more comfortable with her. Good Luck man, you'll get through this if you both want to, but if you both don't want it to work, then unfortunately you can't make something from nothing.

Thank you. It's good to finally see there are people beings in here with real world experience of being human. My wife and I haven't been married as long as you, but it's been almost 3+ years now and been together 4 years before that. Everyone have bad days now and then, and many days we comfort each other, but occasionally we make their day even worse (unintentionally in our marriage). Like you said, things like this happen probably even in the best of marriages. When that happens, each couple deal with it differently. Me, I take myself out of the picture to vent and cool off. When it happens to her, she does go to the mall and then locks me out of the bedroom.

It's kind of funny-sad looking at it once we make up, and we always do. We haven't had any pissing contest that lasted more than a day... maybe once it lasted 2 days. 🙂 We help each to get the chores done, usually I just listens to what she wants me do and it works well most days. But maybe siting down one day to formalize our expectations and duties around the house can't hurt. I'm not denying we don't have our fights, but I think we are doing pretty decent. Got a boy and a girl, my son favors me (unless I'm the albuterol moster), and my wife is biased towards our daughter. Deep down, we both know we got it pretty good, have each other and so much else, and that's what makes making up so quick and easy.

 

[wucool33]

I could care less if your wife ate bonbons and shopped all day long. So what. Worry about doing what you need to do and not what she's not doing for one day. Suck it up and learn to be a grateful father and husband. I'm left to wonder what your wife must think about you. I'd wager a dozen donuts, you're no prize.

hmmm... sounds like an extreme feminist nazi.

And learn the difference between "your" and "you're"... It was painful to read.

 

[Rockinacoustic]

I've never been a parent, but the most troubling thing I sense from your attitude is that you treat work like your child, and your son like a job.

 

[Hello2000]

She was probably ironing your shirts when she asked you to change the diaper although that's no excuse for her not doing it. She should have put down the ironing changed the diaper then went back to finishing your shirts. That's what my wife would have done.

If me and the missus do have a blow out she usually just shouts "well guess who'll be sucking their own d**k tonight?"

 

[All4MyDaughter]

OMG my kids were in a horrible mood last night. I got home in the middle of dinner. They wouldn't eat. Everyone was cranky, including me so I stormed out of the house and... wait. That's not what happened. I helped my husband finish dinner and then got the kids ready for bath and then put the baby down for an early bedtime. Then I read to my son and his daddy finished his bedtime while I did some cooking for today. Husband cleaned the garage out and then we both read before we went to bed. We have an exciting life!

 

[StellargalS]

Nope. The whole idea that changing a diaper is a big freaking deal and could ruin anyone's day is just plain stupid. I am used to working long days and when I get home, my husband needs help with the kids. I don't cry and stomp around the house and accuse him of ruining my life.

How do you guys not throw up? Babies were originally raised in the wild and no pooh got smashed into crevices. There is just too damn many of us now. THIS is the problem. Someone needs to invent an enzyme that disintegrates pooh! Half the problem is solved.

 

[sakigt]

Its like preoxygenation for RSI. You take a few tidal breathes with the diaper on while getting your wipes ready (3, 2 for the real cleanup and 1 for just in case) and spread open the diaper. Then you go for it while holding your breathe. First attempt pass is key. Also, breastfeeding delays the true stink and allow sufficient bonding time so that you arent as angry about it.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

How do you guys not throw up? Babies were originally raised in the wild and no pooh got smashed into crevices. There is just too damn many of us now. THIS is the problem. Someone needs to invent an enzyme that disintegrates pooh! Half the problem is solved.

I must admit it is pretty gross. When I was pregnant with Boy #2, Boy #1's diaper did make me throw up, several times. Now, both of their diapers are equally disgusting.

 

[xiphoid2010]

How do you guys not throw up? Babies were originally raised in the wild and no pooh got smashed into crevices. There is just too damn many of us now. THIS is the problem. Someone needs to invent an enzyme that disintegrates pooh! Half the problem is solved.

Its not bad once you get used to it. Just make sure you don't spill it on those days when they are trying to resist. Lol. Once you are done, use one of those small plastic bags you buy grocery in, tie it up and put it on a garbage can OUTSIDE of the house.

 

[StellargalS]

Its not bad once you get used to it. Just make sure you don't spill it on those days when they are trying to resist. Lol. Once you are done, use one of those small plastic bags you buy grocery in, tie it up and put it on a garbage can OUTSIDE of the house.

You really did just need to vent. I am glad.

 

[SELDANE]

This is totally a vent post. It serves no purpose other than vent drunken frustration.

Served its purpose. Very cathartic. Deleted.

Edit: a quick summary of events, just so some people wouldn't take things out of context.

1) Get word Friday that corporate want pharmacy to cut cost by 20%. Nice way to ruin a DOP's weekend.
2) Calendar: you working this weekend at the PRN job. It's a 12 day workathon.
3) Wife has the weekend off but tells me to give my son albuterol, knowing it's what he hates the most. Why she can't do it with a whole day off? God knows.
4) After everything fails, wrestles and force it down. He fights for his life, I go to work pissed.
5) Pharmacy tech calls off! MD and Nurses being a pain. All the **** to myself! Awesome day at work!
6) On the way home, by chance listening to an old CD, reminded about what once was. Got a bit moody and sad.
(7) Got home tired, got told to change son's diaper (God knows why it had to wait till I got home). My son is naturally still scared ****less from this morning, another struggle ensues.
(8) Upset at this stupidity and absurdity, we yelled at each other. I took myself out to cool off.

My wife realized that she made what was already bad worse and set me off. We made up. She didn't leave any chores for me when I got home sunday. It's all good.

This is totally a vent post. It serves no purpose other than vent drunken frustration.

Served its purpose. Very cathartic. Deleted.

Edit: a quick summary of events, just so some people wouldn't take things out of context.

1) Get word Friday that corporate want pharmacy to cut cost by 20%. Nice way to ruin a DOP's weekend.
2) Calendar: you working this weekend at the PRN job. It's a 12 day workathon.
3) Wife has the weekend off but tells me to give my son albuterol, knowing it's what he hates the most. Why she can't do it with a whole day off? God knows.
4) After everything fails, wrestles and force it down. He fights for his life, I go to work pissed.
5) Pharmacy tech calls off! MD and Nurses being a pain. All the **** to myself! Awesome day at work!
6) On the way home, by chance listening to an old CD, reminded about what once was. Got a bit moody and sad.
(7) Got home tired, got told to change son's diaper (God knows why it had to wait till I got home). My son is naturally still scared ****less from this morning, another struggle ensues.
(8) Upset at this stupidity and absurdity, we yelled at each other. I took myself out to cool off.

My wife realized that she made what was already bad worse and set me off. We made up. She didn't leave any chores for me when I got home sunday. It's all good.

Wow, sounds like a rough day. Back in the day when I was raising kids I would have mixed myself a double and lit a cigarette. But I guess times have changed.

 

[spacecowgirl]

I have to neb my daughter, she doesn't fuss at all. There is no fear or spanking or yelling about it.

You and your wife need to read the Five Love Languages.

Marriage isn't 50-50, it's 100-100.

 

[spacecowgirl]

Before I had a kid, when I wasn't sure I wanted kids, I hated when Smug Parents talked about how their lives were now complete and that there are things you can't understand until you have kids.

They were right. Having a kid is the best thing I have ever done in my life.

 

[spacecowgirl]

I must admit it is pretty gross. When I was pregnant with Boy #2, Boy #1's diaper did make me throw up, several times. Now, both of their diapers are equally disgusting.

If I have a much morning sickness with my next pregnancy as I did with my first, my husband will be changing all the poopy diapers (and hopefully not pouting about it).

 

[xiphoid2010]

I have to neb my daughter, she doesn't fuss at all. There is no fear or spanking or yelling about it.

You and your wife need to read the Five Love Languages.

Marriage isn't 50-50, it's 100-100.

He doesn't have asthma, but allergies. High pollen and mold give him bad nasal/sinus/cough and occasional bronchospasm. MD didn't prescribe nebs, it's HFA + chamber. It's only for the relatively rare PRN use (average less than once a week, sometimes more than a month would go by). That's probably why haven't learned it's not to be feared. I read Baby 411, my wife more, but reading on book is one thing, your babies are another. Most of thing we figured out came down to trial and error. Well, our parents didn't have baby books back in the days either.

Marriage is a joint venture. I also think it should be a relatively fair one at that, and we got that in ours. Like all marriages, spouses will get on each other's nerves and make mistakes at times. And if all it takes is a quick vent or a trip to the mall to blow off some steam as a result of an unusually bad day, that's pretty well compensated and human in my book.

 

[rph3664]

If I have a much morning sickness with my next pregnancy as I did with my first, my husband will be changing all the poopy diapers (and hopefully not pouting about it).

Or maybe the child will be potty trained already?

Threads like this make me all the more grateful that I didn't have any children.

 

[spacecowgirl]

Yeah, I keep forgetting she will be potty trained pretty soon and definitely before we have another kid

The amount of tolerance I have for my own kid's bodily functions is amazing to me. It's all biology.

 

[rph3664]

The amount of tolerance I have for my own kid's bodily functions is amazing to me. It's all biology.

That's how I feel about my cats.

 

[owlegrad]

That's how I feel about my cats.

Do you know how sad this sounds?

 

[Jibby321]

Do you know how sad this sounds?

If rph3664 said dog(s) would it be less sad?

 

[rph3664]

Do you know how sad this sounds?

Why? I clean up after them without batting an eye. It's just part of being owned by them.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Pretty sure my husband and I are equals in our home. Your advice seems to be conflicting. You want equality, but you think men who do housework get less sex? So, men shouldn't do housework? Doesn't sound like equality. Sounds like 1950.

The 1950s were more fair to men in general. Granted, women couldn't work, but men weren't expected to do equal housework and also work more hours. There was a logical division of labor. Today its not like that. Ad your household is one out of the ordinary. Today, on average, men work 7 more hours a week (we never hear about this when people ramble on about the "wage gap.") Thus, it would reason, women should be expected to do 7 more hours of housework a week. But its not like that at all. Today's Modern American Woman™ has the gall to demand men do housework equally. Its pretty obvious that xiphoid works more than his wife. And in the typical American household for whatever reason, the more men do housework, the less sex they get. So it only makes sense in a business sense to do less housework in the matriarchal world of the household. If you can't change the system yourself, play it the best you can. Its clear that now he's already plopped out children and the wife has secured her role as the "primary parent" that this is his best move. Its too late to go back.

But to answer your question? In a perfect world, women would get off their collective lazy asses and work more in jobs. Not only that, but work more dangerous jobs like underwater welding and coal mining. Take it upon themselves to be the wage earners. Ideally, everything would be 50:50. Education, wages, military, everything. Not just equal choice, but equal responsibility. Then there will be no wage gap nor hours gap. But most women, and certainly the feminist type, don't actually want equality. They are afraid of true equality. As they should be. They might be expected to take on more responsibilities and will no longer be considered delicate little snowflakes that are more important than men.

 

[spacecowgirl]

WVU - I don't know the same women that you know. I guess I surround myself with educated, hard-working, wage-earning women - may of whom served in the military. If anything the husbands/ex-husbands of the people I know are the underemployed, undereducated lazy ass ones.

 

[xiphoid2010]

I think WVU is referring to the overall picture. Pharmacists are among the top 3% income earners, and a doctorate is also the highest degree. Basically we are at/near the top of the education and income hierarchy, and most people you meet won't be able to match ours.

I'm fortunate to have married another pharmacist, but most of my peers are married to spouses with fewer credentials. Even then, thank goodness I am ahead in career and income, or else woe to me during gossips. Here is also where the bias WVU refers to comes into play. A male pharmacist with higher income and education marries a girl with less, everyone think it's totally normal. Now if the picture is reversed, female pharmacist making more, people will think the guy is a lazy ass and a loser even if he's not. You might not think so, but we all know a big part of society does. And that's unfair. I think that's the double standard and inequality WVU is referring to.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

WVU - I don't know the same women that you know. I guess I surround myself with educated, hard-working, wage-earning women - may of whom served in the military. If anything the husbands/ex-husbands of the people I know are the underemployed, undereducated lazy ass ones.

Yeah. Some of my friends have husbands who make much less than they do, but still expect the wife to take care of the house and kids and stuff. 👎

 

[WVUPharm2007]

WVU - I don't know the same women that you know. I guess I surround myself with educated, hard-working, wage-earning women - may of whom served in the military. If anything the husbands/ex-husbands of the people I know are the underemployed, undereducated lazy ass ones.

The anecdotal evidence that is your personal world is irrelevant, because the objective statistics show otherwise. The vast majority of American women are pretty insufferable. And I know plenty of them in my anecdotal world. Most saps play into it. I call them "whipped." Oh, they work 44 hours a week to their spouses 35...and they do half the housework...oh, except for the "manly" stuff like home maintenance, lawn maintenance, and automotive maintenance. Then its all them. They let their wives make all of the major financial decisions, too. Which house to buy? Where to go on vacation? The VAST majority of household financial decisions are made by women. There is actually a saying. "Happy wife, happy life!" Disgusting. And Valentine's Day? They sure are stupid enough to play into the game even more. I pity the **** out of them. But men on general most certainly do work harder (or at the very least, longer). Evidence supports this.

Though the "undereducated, undereducated" thing is interesting. This is 100% true. Mostly because the educational system is set up to prefer women. The statistics certainly back this up. Women score no better on aptitude tests and IQ tests, yet continuously get better grades and more education (except for the most prestigious degrees, that's much more equal.) You'd think that one would be concerned about this and want to address this loss of intellectual potential, yet I hear nothing but crickets. Its never even brought up. No, I'm sure you're fine with men only getting 40% of college degrees. It's the wrong kind of institutionalized sexism. Therefore its ok.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Yeah. Some of my friends have husbands who make much less than they do, but still expect the wife to take care of the house and kids and stuff. 👎

Yes. If you can't beat 'em...use examples from your personal life bubble. Though we are talking work, not money. If you make more money and work 15 hours less a week, yes, I would expect those women to do more housework. If they worked 40+ hours and he sat on his as ll day and did nothing, then I would expect him to do all of the housework.

I suspect both of you are exaggerating, though.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Yes. If you can't beat 'em...use examples from your personal life bubble. Though we are talking work, not money. If you make more money and work 15 hours less a week, yes, I would expect those women to do more housework. If they worked 40+ hours and he sat on his as ll day and did nothing, then I would expect him to do all of the housework.

I suspect both of you are exaggerating, though.

Exaggerating about what?

 

[StellargalS]

At first read WVU's posts strike up hostility in me. Then I reflect a little more on all the friends that left me behind for their precious and hard sought after American dreams of marriage and babies. The truth is I am more of an exception than rule. I didn't settle into marriage because I knew in my heart it wasn't going to stick. This, remaining unmarried, is not all that uncommon with women pharmacists. Reasons unknown.

Frankly at 42 I am glad to be on the other side of that rat race. While I did pine for a baby for a while I recognize that it was a physiologic urge. The good news is that it passed and I am glad to have no children mainly because the world is a mess. The unforeseen upswing is that I am having a ball dating older men my age. Why? Because we actually have substance! Men in their 40's are smarter with me and that makes them sexier then they were in their so called "prime".

I am sure family is fun but if it doesn't stick or if you don't force it take heart. At least in California "single bread winners" are having fun way after the proverbial party stops thumping, and this was a pleasant surprise that I was not prepared for.

 

[Jibby321]

Moral of the story: no babies makes you happier!

 

[WVUPharm2007]

At first read WVU's posts strike up hostility in me. Then I reflect a little more on all the friends that left me behind for their precious and hard sought after American dreams of marriage and babies. The truth is I am more of an exception than rule. I didn't settle into marriage because I knew in my heart it wasn't going to stick. This, remaining unmarried, is not all that uncommon with women pharmacists. Reasons unknown.

Frankly at 42 I am glad to be on the other side of that rat race. While I did pine for a baby for a while I recognize that it was a physiologic urge. The good news is that it passed and I am glad to have no children mainly because the world is a mess. The unforeseen upswing is that I am having a ball dating older men my age. Why? Because we actually have substance! Men in their 40's are smarter with me and that makes them sexier then they were in their so called "prime".

I am sure family is fun but if it doesn't stick or if you don't force it take heart. At least in California "single bread winners" are having fun way after the proverbial party stops thumping, and this was a pleasant surprise that I was not prepared for.

Imagine how boring you'd be with children. Good for you. You survived the murder of yourself by child. Too few of us will be that blessed. You are part of the reason why I say "many" rather than "all." Also why I don't take jabs at the "average man" personally. Because, thank God, that isn't me. Though I do try to understand and empathize with their plight. In which it sucks to be them. The average dude needs an advocate somewhere. Because nobody anywhere cares. Being a married man with children penciled into the "provider" role is pretty much my definition of hell. You no longer live your life. You transform into this weird human worker ant that then lives to support the queen bee...er, your kid...and that's it. You as a person is over. You are then you, the parent of whoever.

 

[WVUPharm2007]

Exaggerating about what?

The laziness of said males.