Very depressed, need advice

[brotherbloat]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

Hi,

I am a Dr's wife. I am also a pre-med non-trad. I am 27 years old and a former professional artist.

Anyhow, I just took the August MCAT and did pretty badly--25. I am feeling so depressed right now, b/c after I decided to leave my previous career, I did a year of post bacc to take my pre med requirements for the first time, then I took the August MCAT right after that. Now I'm working full time as a clinical research assistant at a hosptial, and I guess will start to study for the re-take soon.

My problem is is that my self-worth and self-esteem are totally wrapped up in being a doctor. Now that I got this 25, I feel like I will never make it to med school. I don't know how I can untangle my entire self-worth from getting into med school. I feel worthless all the time, cry a lot, and can't seem to get interested in other interests to take my mind off this. I feel like my life "won't start" until I get into med school, which now won't be until fall 06 though I already applied for fall 05. How can't I avoid feeling like this? I am so bitter about the years I wasted in my previous career, and am very bummed about the thought of wasting the next two years until I get in somewhere. I'm having problems seeing this situation as a glass full situation at all. Being a doctor's wife does not help this situation. It only makes me feel more and more worthless, since I want to be a doctor more than anything.

Does anyone have any advice on how to not feel this way?

Thanks,

BB

 

[k's mom]

A 25 MCAT is not necessarily the kiss of death, unless you have your sights set on one particular school with high standards. As a non-traditional student from a non-science background, you have ALOT of what many admission committees are looking for in a student. My husband served on the admissions committee at his school, and you should be glad to know that they flat-out refused to accept someone with a 40MCAT because of mediocre letters of rec., attitude issues, etc... but accepted someone with a 25 that same day.
If you want to be a doctor, you will be a doctor. Just think back on how all-important the stupid SAT's seemed for getting into college...what a joke. Believe me, once you get an acceptance, MCAT scores won't cross your mind again. 😀

 

[Febrifuge]

Hi, I am a Dr's wife. I am also a pre-med non-trad. I am 27 years old and a former professional artist.

Hi! I am a non-trad premed too, I'm 34, and I'm a former actor. I still need my post-bacc stuff first, so I'll be taking the MCAT in Aug 2006.

...My problem is is that my self-worth and self-esteem are totally wrapped up in being a doctor.

You're right... that is the problem. And so you need to concentrate on two things. One, the re-take in April 2005, if you decide you need to. Two, "untangle" the self-worth, as you say. Only you can say which one should happen first, if they can't happen at the same time.

I feel worthless all the time, cry a lot, and can't seem to get interested in other interests to take my mind off this. I feel like my life "won't start" until I get into med school, which now won't be until fall 06 though I already applied for fall 05. How can't I avoid feeling like this?

Okay. First off, you need to give yourself a little time to grieve. But if you're asking about how to proceed from here, and you're ready to square your shoulders and do it, then here it is.

I say this with respect, and I say this with a first-hand understanding borne of being an arts person who is moving into medicine as a way to "contribute more" and "do something more real." Okay? I worry that you might not be ready to hear this yet, but it's important, and I've found it to be true, and helpful at times like this. Here goes.

Snap the hell out of it. Get over yourself. End the drama. Concentrate on the big picture about what you're doing, and why. Give yourself some credit for all you've accomplished so far. This idea that you've been floating all your life in a shapeless white void, waiting to be born, and nothing matters until you get admitted to med school is crazy talkin', and it's a big insult. To you, to other non-trads, to the people who still work in the arts like you used to. It leads nowhere. Knock it off.

I am so bitter about the years I wasted in my previous career, and am very bummed about the thought of wasting the next two years until I get in somewhere.

Again, that is a lot of disrespect for your own choices, and so it's disrespect for the person you were at the time. And in the end, when people flame out and fail, it's that kind of bitterness that gets 'em. Maybe you don't agree with those choices now, maybe you'd do it differently if you knew then what you know now -- but that does not make that time a waste. You have something the other kids in your app cycle don't: experience. Don't downplay it, especially now.

Likewise, you're at the early stages of something that is going to last a minimum of six more years. If you truly feel like getting ready for school is a "waste," if you can't see the value in it, then you should seriously reflect on whether you want to go through the whole process. People don't just suddenly start feeling productive and on-track the minute they get the letter in the mail; they don't stop having moments when the whole thing seems like a stupid idea. It continues all the way through residency and into practice. Consider, for your own sake, the idea that there may not ever be a magic moment when all this negativity stops, unless you yourself make it happen.

I'm having problems seeing this situation as a glass full situation at all. Being a doctor's wife does not help this situation. It only makes me feel more and more worthless, since I want to be a doctor more than anything.

Talk to your spouse. Tell him just what you've told us. Show him this thread, and then talk about it. I think you've done a fantastic job of putting your finger on the problem: you can't see right now what makes you worthy of credit and esteem without your being a doctor. I assume that he loves you and supports you in anything you do, so odds are good he can jog your memory about all the ways in which you are already an awesome, formidable woman, no matter what happens with this stuff. That, in turn, will make it easier to deal with the stuff.

And for the record, I'd take a 25, and run like hell with it. Yes, I'd make preparations to re-take in April; I'd attack it like I was planning an invasion. But I'd also work on a few key apps for this year. Hey, it's still pretty early. Assess your feelings again after you get an interview or two. Good luck!

 

[fourthyearmed]

One of my friends got in med school with a 24. She actually got into a better med school than I did. Don't give up. You may have to take it again but lots of people in my class did not get in on their first try. Med schools like older applicants and being married to a doctor, you already know what you're getting in to so they'll realize this and think more highly of you.

 

[LADoc00]

HUH?

Your a doctor's wife and you still want to be a doctor? What the hell kinda of doctor is he? The kind that sits at the beach all day waiting for sun burned tourists?
Im a doctor and my self-esteem isnt wrapped up in it. Its a job, not a higher calling from God. No I havent found the secret path to Nirvana yet either. And Im dirt poor, I ate PB&Js last week for dinner, every night. WOOHOO this is awesome, its like going to heaven, I drive a beater Honda and live in a studio apartment and have drink the machine espressos because they are 50 cents and I cant afford Starbucks!

Come on in, the water is FINE!

 

[Febrifuge]

Heh heh.

LADoc might be a little extreme, but s/he's got some good points. I think it's a horrible trap, to think of medicine as a "calling" that will magically give meaning and weight to everything you do. When you become a doctor, you'll still be the same person you are now. If you're funny, you'll be funny. If you're an abstract thinker, you'll be an abstract thinker who needs to study a lot of concrete ideas. If you're too self-contemplative and reticent, you'll find ways to express those characteristics in your studies and work. Having education and experience will have an effect on you, but it won't rebuild your personality from the ground up, and it won't give you some sort of moral, intellectual, or existential center if you feel you lack for one now.

There's no shame whatsoever in being young, being unsure, being hesitant, or wanting something more. But whatever choices we make in life, we need to own those, and follow them through. That's where the sense of satisfaction and peace come from: it's all about commitment. Heck, you're married; you already know this stuff, you just need to tie it all together.

So, the thing is to grab hold of whatever it is that makes you want to become a doctor in your own right -- especially considering what you know of "the life" from being married to one. Make sure you're doing the right thing for who you are, and not expecting to change something about yourself based on what you study or what you do for a living. Just be honest with yourself. There is no wrong answer here. 🙂

If you can get to the point where working for 6 hours straight (without so much as a pee break) to earn 10 minutes of quality time with that vending machine capuccino seems like the best thing in the world, then you have yourself a ball game!

One last point. LADoc is right: doctoring is a job. It's a unique one, and there's a lot to the other dimensions of it, but the alpha and omega of it is, it's a kind of work people do, to earn a living. And for every person who gets in to med school and then decides it's the wrong job for them, there are about a hundred of me, who would love a shot at it and are working to get there. So, I wish you all the best, but don't take my seat. I frickin' love that vending machine stuff!

 

[LADoc00]

love that vending machine stuff!

Dude, the 50 cent espressos are the way to go! Maxwell house kicks butt! I need to try the cheesy espresso machines (I think Nestle has one too) at every med center in LA.

I used to envy those BMW SUV driving preppy boobs who walk down the halls carrying their 5 dollah venti nowhip, extra foam, mochachilla deluxe with multicolored sprinkles-crap, they are same people who cut in front of me at the Sky Bar in Hollywood because they have a second cousin who is a producer with Disney. Damn them, damn them to hell I say!

 

[LADoc00]

Dude, the 50 cent espressos are the way to go! Maxwell house kicks butt! I need to try the cheesy espresso machines (I think Nestle has one too) at every med center in LA.

I used to envy those BMW SUV driving preppy boobs who walk down the halls carrying their 5 dollah venti nowhip, extra foam, mochachilla deluxe with multicolored sprinkles-crap, they are same people who cut in front of me at the Sky Bar in Hollywood because they have a second cousin who is a producer with Disney. Damn them, damn them to hell I say!

BTW
The free mind becomes the butt?
I see you prep school latin guy!!!!

 

[Khenon]

Hey I sympathize. I took the MCAT in April and got a 22N. Studied my ass off all summer and retook in August . . . 23Q. Talk about bent! I was seriously pissed. But after my period of feeling sorry for myself I decided to make a plan. It could work for you too. Plan to retake the MCAT. Plan to do some more volunteering or leadership activities in your community. Plan how you could do better on your application next year. It makes me feel alot better to "do" something. If I just sit around and think about it, I get upset again (why me? my app is great except this stupid test. I can't believe I'm being judged over this stupid number. etc). But if I'm actively trying to accomplish something, I don't think about my horrible score, and how I won't get in this year (yes, I already applied too), and how much this is all costing me (in time, money, and effort). Anyway, that's my two cents. Maybe it could work for you too. Best of luck and take care.

 

[Febrifuge]

BTW
The free mind becomes the butt?
I see you prep school latin guy!!!!

Ha! Speaking as a guy who went to his state college, and lived in a trailer from ages 10 to 16, I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks!

It's a little loose as a translation, but it's meant to be "Free (your) Mind, (and your) Ass (will) Follow." Good advice all around, I think. I also used to sort of be in awe of the super-hard-driving, status-conscious people. I figured if they got that intense about ordering their coffee, they must be fantastic doctors, right?

Wrong. 10 years in the world of work confirms that people who are a-holes about the little things are often a-holes about the big things too. A really excellent physician will be someone who isn't trying to prove something, or get attention; they just kick ass in their own way, and make sure the right people know it, at those times it even matters. So, for our original poster here, for example, the question comes back to not "what kind of a person do you wish you were?" but "how would you go about becoming a doctor, considering the sort of person you are?"

And I still say she'll be fine... assuming she can get past the surface stuff and concentrate on the big picture. I bet that helps her next MCAT score, too. 👍

 

[LADoc00]

Rock on bro, glad you made it. Now go into Radiology and buy that whole damn trailer park!
PS-Ive dated women who lived in trailer parks and 8-mile aside, they are hot!
😎

Notice: this a complete derailment of the thread. Warning. Warning.