So, I'm working in the cysto room one day..... I come out into the holding area to see my next patient, and I see everyone is looking at me. I look at the nurses and say OK, WTF is going on? They all smile and one of them says, "We were wondering if you were going to let her bring THAT into the OR?" I tilt my head to the side and look quizzically at her, just like my dog does when I start talking to him. She says, "Just go see your next patient."
I go over to the bay and I see my 24y/o female patient, with her mother standing beside her. And she is clutching a doll. A baby doll. The most hideous baby doll I have ever seen. Most of the blond hair is gone, so it looks like it just got plugs. It's clothes are long gone. The face of it is weird, there is dirt ground into it from obviously years and years and years of handling.
So as I go and start asking the relevant questions, I can't help but glance repeatedly at the bride of chucky during the interview. I thought she was going to have some mental/emotional limitations, but no. Just your standard 24 y/o bringing her childhood toy with her.
Now I go to bring her into the OR, I tell her it's time to go. I'm just about to tell her that there is no way on god's green earth that that fu*king doll is coming into the OR, when she gives it to her mother and, (whew) we go in.
But that's not it......
We pull up to the cysto table and ask her to move over, (by the way, she has a hydro) and I notice something peculiar on her lower back. She has a c**-catcher! Did she bring her dollie to the tattoo parlor? Did dollie have any input to the size of the goth looking cross on her sacrum?
I keep my mouth shut like a good little boy and start putting my leads on. When she stops and says "Wait, I have to ask the doctor something." I say "That's OK I'm a doctor too, what is your question?"
"I have a clit ring, should I take it out?"
So I call across the room to the urologist and say"HEY MIKE, SHE'S GOT A CLIT RING, DO YOU NEED IT OUT?" I get these two saucer eyes staring back at me from the urologist. He takes a moment, composes himself, and nods no. So I tell her, "Don't worry, we'll take care of that."
Fortunately, the piercing is small and doesn't interfere with the urethra, so we proceed. An uneventful case ensues and I'm bringing her to recovery. First thing she says as she wakes up is....(guess)
1. How did everything go?
2. Were there any problems?
3. Where's my Dolly?
If you guessed any of the above, you were mistaken. Her first words were, "What did you do with my clit ring?" Still in a half stupor.
I say, glibly, "Don't worry, don't worry,.........We gave it to your mother."
She suddenly wakes right up and says, "OH NO, MOMMY DOESN"T KNOW!"
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When will these silly girls realize, and leave their clit rings at home? It's OK. We really, really don't need to see them.
In fact, you can leave them with your dollys.
