What the heck! Parent is attacking my major T_T

[Compass]

OK, so I'm a Bioinfo major, and my dad is a CS Ph.D. Now, he has a problem on HIS laptop where his little Sound icon doesn't load up, and he basically asks me what the problem is without letting me see it. When I say I don't know, he says maybe I should learn a "practical" major. He doesn't want me to take a Bio major because OMFG if I don't get into med school I'm screwed, and he doesn't want me to take a CS major because 5 years puts me "behind everyone else." Urrggh, what do I do.

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[riceman04]

OK, so I'm a Bioinfo major, and my dad is a CS Ph.D. Now, he has a problem on HIS laptop where his little Sound icon doesn't load up, and he basically asks me what the problem is without letting me see it. When I say I don't know, he says maybe I should learn a "practical" major. He doesn't want me to take a Bio major because OMFG if I don't get into med school I'm screwed, and he doesn't want me to take a CS major because 5 years puts me "behind everyone else." Urrggh, what do I do.

yeah...my pops tried to psychologically stiff arm me into becoming a bio major...but I quickly grew wise of his ways and just decided I was not going to listen to him.

 

[Johnny_one_eye]

OK, so I'm a Bioinfo major, and my dad is a CS Ph.D. Now, he has a problem on HIS laptop where his little Sound icon doesn't load up, and he basically asks me what the problem is without letting me see it. When I say I don't know, he says maybe I should learn a "practical" major. He doesn't want me to take a Bio major because OMFG if I don't get into med school I'm screwed, and he doesn't want me to take a CS major because 5 years puts me "behind everyone else." Urrggh, what do I do.

Why the heck would you consider switching your major to something your dad wants you to major in? It's YOUR major and you've got to do the work. Best make it something you like.

 

[Haemulon]

What exactly is your question here? or are you just venting?

 

[Compass]

I'm not switching majors. I'm wondering what I have to do to get him off my back. When I told him I'm a programmer by major (that's basically what bioinfo is...), he told me to stop making excuses.

 

[Haemulon]

I'm not switching majors. I'm wondering what I have to do to get him off my back. When I told him I'm a programmer by major (that's basically what bioinfo is...), he told me to stop making excuses.

He does not sound like he is in the least bit supportive. So disregard what he says. It is really irrelevant anyway. And you could take it a step further by not even keeping him up to date with what you are doing or how you application process is going. If he won't support you, why should he be entitled to constant updates about your decisions or progress?

 

[jackieMD2007]

I have the utmost respect (respek??) for parents. I absolutely do. But here is the question: WHAT, exactly, is your dad going to do if he can't strong arm you into something that he thinks is practical? Cut off the tequila money? Its like when parents count down 3, 2, 1, what are they going to do if they get to zero? I mean, when you're 20 years old, it suddenly might NOT be so scary to find out. Or maybe you just don't like feeling like you might, maybe disappointing them. If that is the case, you need to get over that. As an adult you will disappoint your parents a few times, if only because your own standards are different.

 

[Merissa87]

I was in the exact same boat. I wanted to be a BIO major but my mom is a CS high tech executive. SHe said the same thing... "What are you going to do with a Biology Degree" She wanted me to be a CS major also. I had to meet her in the middle... changed my major to Nutrition with a Minor in Bio. If **** hits the fan and I don't get in on my first try.. I can do a little something with Nutrition. Besides the classes are easy and helping my GPA from when I was a Bio major.

 

[etf]

tell him that his problem is that he doesn't have a mac...then tell him that with your physicians salary, you'll get him a new macbook pro AND a mac pro with 30" studio display. see how he likes them apples...i'm sure he'll love them, since i love one of them...

 

[Compass]

I would like to take the time say that this accurate describes my frustrations.

Should I bonk my parent with my newly written capstone paper for my internship?

 

[jackieMD2007]

You're aware of the fact that your purpose in life is not to please your parents, right? I would say it is to please yourself, make yourself proud. Do what you gotta, but I think one of the big "growing up" things is not seeking parental approval. Don't ask your parents what they think you should do; tell them what you are.

 

[mynamewastaken]

You're aware of the fact that your purpose in life is not to please your parents, right? I would say it is to please yourself, make yourself proud. Do what you gotta, but I think one of the big "growing up" things is not seeking parental approval. Don't ask your parents what they think you should do; tell them what you are.

Are you also aware of the fact that an undergraduate major teaches you virtually nothing about any subject....I was a psych major...."and how does that make you feel?"....seriously, a college major on many levels (not all) is very superficial and is more to "show an interest" in a field before you delve further into it. chill.

 

[Ginkneephur]

My dad wanted me to be a fighter pilot but I'm too tall to fit in the cockpit

 

[geno2568]

Its not always easy to go against your parents...

my parents are paying about 15k worth of tuition/etc a year right now, plus any other fees that come up, including this entire application process (though i do work/study to help them out)

plus, they promised that they will help me pay off my college loans.

and my parents are in no way rich

So how can I go against them?

My dad wants me to be a doctor, so he's very supportive right now....but I can totally understand if people have trouble going against their parents.

 

[Haemulon]

Its not always easy to go against your parents...

my parents are paying about 15k worth of tuition/etc a year right now, plus any other fees that come up, including this entire application process (though i do work/study to help them out)

plus, they promised that they will help me pay off my college loans.

and my parents are in no way rich

So how can I go against them?

My dad wants me to be a doctor, so he's very supportive right now....but I can totally understand if people have trouble going against their parents.

I understand your point. But you can't let their financial assistance give them authority over you deciding what is best for your future. If it came down to it, it would be better to turn down their assistance and go it alone than to accept an easier ride financially and have them pulling your strings in a direction you do not want. Independence is tough, but doing for yourself is part of being an adult. I am glad that they are supportive of you, but of course I have a question in my mind as too whether or not you are doing the MD application to please your parents or because of what you really want to do?

Edit: And what would be so bad about paying off your own student loans?

 

[hanjoko]

but I think one of the big "growing up" things is not seeking parental approval. Don't ask your parents what they think you should do; tell them what you are.

The tricky part comes in when they provide finanical support...which is my case. They do not want me to go into medicine but they are willing to support me financially. So I guess in the end, my parents still love me and trust me even though they don't like what I am or what I am going to do with my life.

It will be super nice if they do suppot me emotionally, but I have decided not to seek their approval and go after what I really want in my life. If they like it, great. If not, then too bad. After all, it is my life, not theirs.

 

[coralfangs]

my mom says that my major (biotech) is evil
man, she was a doctor for God's sake and she doesn't even havean openmind

she got so disgusted when i told her about my 3eyed or abdomen-exploding drosophilas (act of nature) and my ideas about re-generating meat

 

[CptCrunch]

tell him that his problem is that he doesn't have a mac...then tell him that with your physicians salary, you'll get him a new macbook pro AND a mac pro with 30" studio display. see how he likes them apples...i'm sure he'll love them, since i love one of them...

Screw that, he should be running linux. Ubuntu!!!

 

[DoctorPardi]

Are you also aware of the fact that an undergraduate major teaches you virtually nothing about any subject....I was a psych major...."and how does that make you feel?"....seriously, a college major on many levels (not all) is very superficial and is more to "show an interest" in a field before you delve further into it. chill.

Hopefully an undergraduate education should teach you "somethings". You should be better at solving real life problems, be a better reader, better writer, you should know a significant amount about the field you majored in.

I think colleges (at least liberal arts colleges) try to teach you how to figure out problems and how to answer them on a higher level than just general chemistry. I feel like I have learned a lot going into my senior year and I don't know if what I learned about biology or chemistry specifically will help me, but the other tools I've learned I am sure will be invaluable.

 

[geno2568]

I understand your point. But you can't let their financial assistance give them authority over you deciding what is best for your future. If it came down to it, it would be better to turn down their assistance and go it alone than to accept an easier ride financially and have them pulling your strings in a direction you do not want. Independence is tough, but doing for yourself is part of being an adult. I am glad that they are supportive of you, but of course I have a question in my mind as too whether or not you are doing the MD application to please your parents or because of what you really want to do?

Edit: And what would be so bad about paying off your own student loans?

Thats actually an interesting question. Originally, i didnt want to go into medicine solely because my dad wanted me to go into it. It wasnt until sophmore year that I realized.."wait a minute..i actually want to become a doctor!"

And as far as paying off my own student loans...nothing, considering the compensations we are to expect when we finaly become attending physicians. But they are my parents...i cant turn my back on them...even if i didnt want to go into medicine.

I think also because i'm an immigrant, my view on this is a bit different.

 

[Callogician]

You're aware of the fact that your purpose in life is not to please your parents, right?

In some cultures, family is very important.

 

[Dr.TobiasFünke]

When I was worried about other options if I couldn't get into medical school I began to research alternative career paths I could take with a bio major... you'd be surprised. You can do anything from Law to business. Leaving college with a competitive major, many industries know you are capable and able to learn complex material easily. Think about it, with minor training one could go into investment banking research specializing in biotechnology or pharmaceuticals and be able to forecast, better than most in the investment field, the direction and earnings potential of a company. If you want to go to law school, patent law is very lucrative for science majors. Also you could teach.
There are countless other examples as well. You are not left without choices with a biology degree. Trust me.

 

[WildTumor]

It's your decision. Don't let your dad boos you around.

 

[hanjoko]

I think also because i'm an immigrant, my view on this is a bit different.

tell you what...I did not come to the US till I was 20 and I am from a culture where family is supposed to be everything in your life. So I hope that I can understand your situation better than people who are born here in the US.

HOWEVER, you have to understand that your family is NOT supposed to be your everything. I learned this lesson the hard way...I think my family almost disowned me but the funny thing is - I learned that I have to live for myself, not for anybody else. In fact, I cannot live for anybody else.

I pretended that I could do so just so that they were happy for twenty years but in the end, things were just not working out and I was very very depressed / sad / confused / frustrated...it is not until that I realize what I want in my life was I able to be the person that I really am...and truly happy.

So...money isn't everything. Family is not everything. I am not saying that you should be selfish and think only about yourself but you shouldn't live for other people.

 

[durfen]

OK, so I'm a Bioinfo major, and my dad is a CS Ph.D. Now, he has a problem on HIS laptop where his little Sound icon doesn't load up, and he basically asks me what the problem is without letting me see it. When I say I don't know, he says maybe I should learn a "practical" major. He doesn't want me to take a Bio major because OMFG if I don't get into med school I'm screwed, and he doesn't want me to take a CS major because 5 years puts me "behind everyone else." Urrggh, what do I do.

Tell him 5 years doesn't mean behind. Hell I'm takin' 5 years to do CS and Bio. 1 year behind doesn't mean anything in the long term. If you like CS go for it, and think of it as a backup to medicine and even something that would enhance your practice.

That said, CS PhDs, in my experience, generally can't fix client computers, but they can use UNIX clusters really well and make a mean makefile. I've had more than one CS PhD not know how to do pretty simple things, like setting up a filter in Eudora etc.

 

[durfen]

tell you what...I did not come to the US till I was 20 and I am from a culture where family is supposed to be everything in your life. So I hope that I can understand your situation better than people who are born here in the US.

HOWEVER, you have to understand that your family is NOT supposed to be your everything. I learned this lesson the hard way...I think my family almost disowned me but the funny thing is - I learned that I have to live for myself, not for anybody else. In fact, I cannot live for anybody else.

I pretended that I could do so just so that they were happy for twenty years but in the end, things were just not working out and I was very very depressed / sad / confused / frustrated...it is not until that I realize what I want in my life was I able to be the person that I really am...and truly happy.

So...money isn't everything. Family is not everything. I am not saying that you should be selfish and think only about yourself but you shouldn't live for other people.

My parents and siblings don't care what I do, as long as I do it right (i.e you want to go to medical school? Do some shadowing, get some research etc.). They support me fully to this end. Also, I sometimes feel that I can be myself only at home.

 

[Johnny_one_eye]

You're aware of the fact that your purpose in life is not to please your parents, right? I would say it is to please yourself, make yourself proud. Do what you gotta, but I think one of the big "growing up" things is not seeking parental approval. Don't ask your parents what they think you should do; tell them what you are.

I think Jackie's got it nailed here...

 

[geno2568]

tell you what...I did not come to the US till I was 20 and I am from a culture where family is supposed to be everything in your life. So I hope that I can understand your situation better than people who are born here in the US.

HOWEVER, you have to understand that your family is NOT supposed to be your everything. I learned this lesson the hard way...I think my family almost disowned me but the funny thing is - I learned that I have to live for myself, not for anybody else. In fact, I cannot live for anybody else.

I pretended that I could do so just so that they were happy for twenty years but in the end, things were just not working out and I was very very depressed / sad / confused / frustrated...it is not until that I realize what I want in my life was I able to be the person that I really am...and truly happy.

So...money isn't everything. Family is not everything. I am not saying that you should be selfish and think only about yourself but you shouldn't live for other people.

I'm not saying that my family is my everything, and i'm not saying that you should do whatever they say if it makes you miserable. What I am saying is that its often very difficult to break away from your parents, and its not always an option.

 

[jackieMD2007]

I'm not saying that my family is my everything, and i'm not saying that you should do whatever they say if it makes you miserable. What I am saying is that its often very difficult to break away from your parents, and its not always an option.

People always have options. They just choose not to pursue them. Sure, if you break away from the financial pursestrings, you might be livin' on a prayer and top ramen. You don't want the parents to be lording over you, pay your own bills. Until then, sit down and shut up. Don't kid yourself: money is power.

 

[geno2568]

People always have options. They just choose not to pursue them. Sure, if you break away from the financial pursestrings, you might be livin' on a prayer and top ramen. You don't want the parents to be lording over you, pay your own bills. Until then, sit down and shut up.Don't kid yourself: money is power.

why else would we be doctors?

 

[Haemulon]

why else would we be doctors?

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding/being sarcastic.

 

[DaffyDoc]

I say stop listening to your parents and do what YOU want to do. Why are there so many kids who are applying to medical school because THEIR MOMMY wants them to be a doctor? What about what YOU want?

 

[DaffyDoc]

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding/being sarcastic.

Word...

 

[Andre04]

OK, so I'm a Bioinfo major, and my dad is a CS Ph.D. Now, he has a problem on HIS laptop where his little Sound icon doesn't load up, and he basically asks me what the problem is without letting me see it. When I say I don't know, he says maybe I should learn a "practical" major. He doesn't want me to take a Bio major because OMFG if I don't get into med school I'm screwed, and he doesn't want me to take a CS major because 5 years puts me "behind everyone else." Urrggh, what do I do.

Wait, your dad's PhD is in computer science, he can't figure out his computer, and he's telling you you're the one without a practical major?! So confused.

 

[durfen]

I say stop listening to your parents and do what YOU want to do. Why are there so many kids who are applying to medical school because THEIR MOMMY wants them to be a doctor? What about what YOU want?

It really depends on what kinds of parents you have. Parents should want what their kids want and should not forcefully tell the kids what to do. However, it should go both ways, that is the kids should also give their parents some credibility for knowing what is good for them (for one thing, generally speaking your parents know you better than you know yourself, teenage angst aside).

 

[chewsnuffles]

Tell him 5 years doesn't mean behind. Hell I'm takin' 5 years to do CS and Bio. 1 year behind doesn't mean anything in the long term. If you like CS go for it, and think of it as a backup to medicine and even something that would enhance your practice.

That said, CS PhDs, in my experience, generally can't fix client computers, but they can use UNIX clusters really well and make a mean makefile. I've had more than one CS PhD not know how to do pretty simple things, like setting up a filter in Eudora etc.

Sorry, if my dad was that big a "newb" at computers, yet had a PhD in comp science, I'd go ape $hit on him. Sorry, but I'd seriously probably slap him.
I'm just pissed at this post for so many reasons.
Did you mention to your dad that his job is probably going to get out sourced in the next 10 years to india where it will be done better (by someone who can actually use their computer) for 1/5th the pay. Not to diss on your dad, or anyone with a PhD (although many diserve it) but he cant say anything about your major. Yes, bio doesn't hold the BEST options outside of medicine, but whatever, its your major.
And it is still a better major in my opionion than CS because Bio can't be sent via fiber optic as easily to india as CS work can. Engineering is doomed too by the way. Its all become comoditized. My dad knows all about this and got lucky, but not all of his peers wound up with jobs when the smoke cleared after boing layoffs.

 

[hanjoko]

People always have options. They just choose not to pursue them. Sure, if you break away from the financial pursestrings, you might be livin' on a prayer and top ramen. You don't want the parents to be lording over you, pay your own bills. Until then, sit down and shut up. Don't kid yourself: money is power.

Exactly. You will always have an option to go against your parents. The question is - whether you are willing to do it or not and at what price you are willing to pay. It might be extremely difficult and unpleasant both financially and emotionally, but you have to decide for yourself what you are willing to give / take in this relationship.

Sure. Money is power but if it comes with the price of sacrificing my freedom, then forget it. If you are willing to give in a little to exchange for the finanical security, that's fine as long as it is your choice.

 

[hanjoko]

It really depends on what kinds of parents you have. Parents should want what their kids want and should not forcefully tell the kids what to do. However, it should go both ways, that is the kids should also give their parents some credibility for knowing what is good for them (for one thing, generally speaking your parents know you better than you know yourself, teenage angst aside).

I guess it really depends on what kinds of parents you have, and what kind a kid you are. I have come to realize that although my parents love me, they for sure have no ideas about what I need or what is *good* for me.

So "generally speaking," my parents do not know me better than I know myself. But again, that's just me.

 

[Mr. McDuck]

Thank Jeebus I'm financing my own education. I wouldn't listen to my parents about my major anyway, but at least now I don't feel guilty about it.

 

[durfen]

I guess it really depends on what kinds of parents you have, and what kind a kid you are. I have come to realize that although my parents love me, they for sure have no ideas about what I need or what is *good* for me.

So "generally speaking," my parents do not know me better than I know myself. But again, that's just me.

Yeah, it really depends on who you listen to throughout your life. The culture in America is such that you should trust friends, who are 8 years old and also have no clue about life, rather than your parents. Many (not you specifically) end up being influenced by MTV rather than the parents. We call that 'individualism' and 'finding your identity' when really it is not, it's just being influenced by different factors. In the end, the parents really don't know you, MTV does.

 

[Tatowedges]

I don't post very often but felt a little compelled to suggest that if we just keep our minds open to other cultures and value systems, it will make more sense.

Bear in mind that most of you are speaking from a point of view of an strictly American, individualistic, capitalistic point of view. And it is very difficult for a person raised in one system to understand what it is like to grow up with different values.

I am an immigrant too and I have lived in rural China (where I had an extensive family network) as well as Los Angeles, where I have no other relatives but my mom and dad.

Having seen both types of value systems, I can see where both sides are coming from.

 

[baylormed]

I can understand that. I come from a family that values science/business careers as opposed to others (like English, religion, philosophy, literature, etc, etc).

However, my parents told me they would be okay with whatever I wanted to with my life, something for which I am thankful, even if they were secretly praying I would choose something like the careers they had in mind, lol.
I say this because one time during sophomore year, I joked to my dad about changing from bio to philosophy (just to see what he'd say), and I got something between a gasp, grunt, and a "what in the world are you thinking!?!?" kind of sound on the other side of the phone...

I chose medicine as a goal, which makes my parents happy, so I don't get much nagging on that side.

However, OP, you must do what YOU want to do, because at the end, it's YOU who is going to live with that diploma for the rest of your life.

 

[jackieMD2007]

Exactly. You will always have an option to go against your parents. The question is - whether you are willing to do it or not and at what price you are willing to pay. It might be extremely difficult and unpleasant both financially and emotionally, but you have to decide for yourself what you are willing to give / take in this relationship.

Sure. Money is power but if it comes with the price of sacrificing my freedom, then forget it. If you are willing to give in a little to exchange for the finanical security, that's fine as long as it is your choice.

Yes. Agree. Good work.

 

[mvenus929]

My dad's a nurse, and he used to be completely against me being a doctor. I think he just thought that I didn't know what I was getting myself into (which, admittedly, I didn't). He's alright with it now, but still isn't completely supportive. We don't have the greatest relationship, so I don't really use his word for much *shrugs*.

 

[Compass]

I must point out that I'm the first generation ABC in my family. And the stereotype of "OMG THEY'RE EVERYWHERE" combined with every family wanting their kid to succeed (no, my ABC friends are not all becoming doctors, but they're all wanting to succeed) is kind of taking a toll on society and the average student.

 

[jackieMD2007]

ABC?

 

[ClosetNerd]

ABC?

American Born Chinese

 

[jackieMD2007]

Oh. I had never heard that one before.

 

[ADeadLois]

American Born Chinese

I think there's a similar acronym for first-generation Indian Americans as well, if not the same one.

 

[ClosetNerd]

I think there's a similar acronym for first-generation Indian Americans as well, if not the same one.

That one is:

ABCD

American Born Confused Desi


Either way I think what Compass was saying is there are conflicting cultural pressures that hard to sort out.

It isn't easy to have one foot in one society and one foot in another.