What to do if your wife is not supportive?

[Noa]

I'd think the token wife would totally be pro med school

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[agent]

Originally posted by Noa
I'd think the token wife would totally be pro med school

dontcha think..

i shouldnt be even thinking in that direction..

bad noa.

 

[Mutterkuchen]

I don't think that deciding to become a doctor a little later in life is simply a career change. It is also a lifestyle change. If my wife suddenly wanted to make a lifestyle change for our lives I would have reservations too.

And all of the sex jokes on this thread are really not that funny or appropriate. This is a serious matter that all doctors will face in one form or another. If you get married in the future, your doctor lifestyle will affect how you live by definition. So lay off the licking and vibrating jokes, since they didn't even make anyone chuckle.

 

[spacecadet]

Originally posted by agent
yes im getting dragged to therapy this weeknd and I have no desire to justify my desires to a 3rd party, but I guess I have to.

Well, get used to this. You will have to justify your desires over and over in your application and interviews. It's even worse for non-trads.

 

[Noa]

Originally posted by agent


dontcha think..

i shouldnt be even thinking in that direction..

bad noa.

couldn't resist.

it's true about what spacecadet said about having to state your reasons over and over during interviews. but if it's something you really desire, you enthusiam for the field will show.

 

[agent]

Originally posted by JBJ
I don't think that deciding to become a doctor a little later in life is simply a career change. It is also a lifestyle change. If my wife suddenly wanted to make a lifestyle change for our lives I would have reservations too.

im already going to school fulltime and working fulltime finsihing up my bachelor's..

so really its not that much of a lifestyle change for now. things will only change if i get accpeted to med school.. my gpa is good, i just have to do well on the mcats and interviews.

unfortunately i dont think my wife will let me get that far.

edit>> i need to get my reasons and detailed explanations outlined and in order.

 

[silvercholla]

Originally posted by Noa
Well it seems a good majority declares she's has insecurities about you "changing" and becoming someone else than the person she married, well other than squid of course, you're the one with the issues. I don't agree with that at all. In that case ppl who would like to change their careers all need therapy then.

EEEEEHHHHHHH!!!! Wrong!!!!!! Not everyone who decides to do a 180 needs therapy. It's just that in this case it would most likely help. Or would you rather just have them scream and yell at each other and eventually get divorced. Oh no, how about him not going to medical school, but instead stay in whatever he is doing now, become resentful and have an affair, get the woman pregnant, and then get divorced all the while psychologically damaging thier son for a decent relationship. Okay wait, maybe instead you would have him go to med school with out her support and approval make her resentful, she has an affair and becomes pregnant and then they divorce , all the while giving thier son a nice healthy complex. Or maybe we can get a little morbid.... "Agent just hire someone to off her."

 

[silvercholla]

Sorry 'bout that... I am having a bad week. Didn't mean to sound so obnoxious. Really I am very sorry.

 

[dr kevin40]

ask her "how many licks does it take to get to tha center of oooooooo, oooooooooo"

(<-- lil kim)

 

[agent]

Originally posted by silvercholla
Sorry 'bout that... I am having a bad week. Didn't mean to sound so obnoxious. Really I am very sorry.

no problem.. i like hearing everyone opinion

 

[Noa]

Originally posted by dr kevin40
ask her "how many licks does it take to get to tha center of oooooooo, oooooooooo"

(<-- lil kim)

it that lil kim clijsters? if so, I watched her get defeated by Venus last Sunday at Stanford. It was so heartbreaking

holy crap silver.

They BOTH need to TALK it out. Since they cannot agree together, then they'd have to have an abritrator to help them out, if they want to keep the marriage from desolving into cat fights and the blame game.

But I don't agree that ppl who want to change their careers in general doesn't need therapy to make that decision valid.

 

[Cobragirl]

Other people have alluded to it, but I think when you go for your therapy session (which I also think is a GREAT idea), you need to discuss any fears your wife may have about you "leaving her when you make it big".

I dated a guy for 6 years and towards the end of our relationship we began to fight all the time about my desire to go back to college. He came up with many of the same reasons your wife did (money, lack of quality time, my ability to actually do well in school [hah, isn't that a joke now!!??]) and actively tried to prevent me from going back. It was so bad that I had to take a 1/2 day off work so that I could "sneak" up to school to register without him knowing. Well, when I came home and announced that I had signed up for classes (only 1/2 time so I could still work full-time & not "lose any money") he was ENRAGED. Sometime during all the screaming & fighting I heard him say>>>

"You're going to get your degree and leave me for someone else..."

Turned out that it wasn't about money (he made plenty for BOTH of us), or quality time, or anything else. He was jealous...period. Now, years later, he admits it. But it cost us our relationship....


Granted, your wife DOES have many valid points of contention, but the underlying problem may be much more primitive. Go to counseling, and if you truly love your wife (sounds like you do), reassure her (on a daily basis, if need be!) that you love her & your dreams will be her dreams too!!!!

PS- I'm now married to a wonderful man who supports me in every way...and is looking forward to being a "doctor's house-hubby"

 

[agent]

thats a great story cobragirl.. im glad it worked for you and maybe itll work for me as well..

therapy session tommorrow

 

[dr kevin40]

Originally posted by Noa


it that lil kim clijsters? if so, I watched her get defeated by Venus last Sunday at Stanford. It was so heartbreaking

holy crap silver.

They BOTH need to TALK it out. Since they cannot agree together, then they'd have to have an abritrator to help them out, if they want to keep the marriage from desolving into cat fights and the blame game.

But I don't agree that ppl who want to change their careers in general doesn't need therapy to make that decision valid.

noa,

lol. how did you associate that w/ kim clijsters? outta all the random things to...

its lil kim. u know the ho-alicious female rapper.

 

[edmadison]

I'll cast my vote with the squid here...

If your are single and have no kids, your decisions are yours. Once you are married and/or have children, everything you do impacts others. Your first obligation is to them. That being said, your wife has an obligation to support you and listen to you with an open mind.

Going to a counselor is not the same as going to a psychoanalyst. Having a neutral person help you and your spouse see each other's view is a good thing, don't look at it with dread.

Good luck

Ed

 

[silvercholla]

Originally posted by Noa
In that case ppl who would like to change their careers all need therapy then.

I was responding to this part of your statement... and I apologized afterwards so I really don't see where the " " comes in, but like I said before I am having a really bad week!!!!!!!!!! OKAY!!!!!!I AM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!

 

[kaos]

Well, I'm kinda in the same kind of situation, except it's my man doin' the hating. Although he doesn't straight out and say it (unless he's very very mad), he'll make little suggestions that I'm not spending enough time with him, etc. etc. And I wonder, how's it gonna be if I actually do get into med school and he doesn't see me for days on end?

 

[agent]

Originally posted by kaos
Well, I'm kinda in the same kind of situation, except it's my man doin' the hating. Although he doesn't straight out and say it (unless he's very very mad), he'll make little suggestions that I'm not spending enough time with him, etc. etc. And I wonder, how's it gonna be if I actually do get into med school and he doesn't see me for days on end?

Dont worry kaos..

if it was meant to be then your man will eventually get on board.. there was a great deal of good advice in this thread almost all of which I have used.

I saw the therapist (a PHd) on saturday.. we came to a compromise that helps the entire family and is less risky. i will finish school getting a teaching degree and take the mcats. if i do really poorly with gpa/mcats and dont get into a school(he knows the dean of UIC) then I will get a job teaching science, otherwise if I get in to UIC, we agreed that my wife would be supportive. Overall the counseling really helped things. I'm actually glad I did it.

 

[otter]

Originally posted by agent

we came to a compromise that helps the entire family and is less risky. i will finish school getting a teaching degree and take the mcats. if i do really poorly with gpa/mcats and dont get into a school(he knows the dean of UIC) then I will get a job teaching science, otherwise if I get in to UIC, we agreed that my wife would be supportive. Overall the counseling really helped things. I'm actually glad I did it.

Wow, that puts a lot of pressure on you to kick butt the first time with everything, including the MCAT and your interview. I really hope things work out. But I also wonder how reasonable it is for you to have to give up on your dream just cuz you don't get in on your first try. You could get sick on the day of the MCAT, you could get stuck with a tough interviewer at UIC.

You're only 25, and that's young! Your wife should recognize that giving med school a serious shot warrants that you allow yourself the option to reapply in case you don't get in the first time. This is especially the case for you, since your only option is to go to UIC. To me, it seems like a reasonable compromise to say that your wife will give you two chances to get into UIC. If that doesn't work out, then you'll go teach science. Is it too late to change your compromise?

Two other things I want to say... First (this is more of a question), does your wife find any appeal/attraction in your ambition and drive to pursue a challenging and respected career? Second thing is, you said that "if I get in to UIC, we agreed that my wife would be supportive." I hope it's implicitly understood that she'll be supportive during your application process, as well.

I realize I've been saying she needs to do this, do that... I don't mean to put the blame on your wife or anything. But I think you'll be happier in your marriage if you know you can accomplish some of your major goals within the marriage's framework. You and your wife should support each other's goals. And, your goal is one that requires that you get started on while you're still young.