i cant help much with these decisions, seeing as i didnt apply to any of those 3 last year when i was looking
but i can give a little word about new haven -- since i grew up there. its actually a cool city for its size. certainly cant offer the loads of things that philly and nyc can, but for a smaller city, its got lots of culture, water, outdoor stuff nearby. i loved being so close to the shore as a kid. just a short ride up the highway lands you in madison, old saybrook, etc -- sailing, boating, fishing, you names it.
the city itself? some parts are full of mansions (think westville) and some parts are less than savory, but that is true in every city: nyc, philly, baltimore, etc. you just know where to go and where not to go at different times.
i wouldnt worry about "meeting a husband and having kids" there. its a city full of intelligent young people. and they are not hard to meet. you meet them in new haven just like you would in any other school.
good luck with your decisions, guys -- and dont worry too much -- like colleges, there is probably more than one place where you will be happy.