which path would you choose?

[garbage20]

Suppoer you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, have a great non-medicine career as an artist (or whatever you fancy), marry a doc who's really into you (and still stayed clued into medicine vicariously), and have a very active life outside of medicine

Just wondering where other people stand on this. I'm NOT looking for advice! And yes, it's mutually exclusive!

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[WantsThisBad]

If you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, marry a doc who's really into you, and have a very active life outside of medicine

Even though I'm in this sort of situation, I'm not seeking advice in particular... just wondering where other people stand on this.

Is 30's far into life? I say go with choice B. It's a lot easier and less work. Then you could just spend their money and be lazy. Hope that helps.

 

[lainey234]

My husband is not a Dr, but other than that I am in situation B. I do not have to work. I could spend the next 20 yrs of my life watching Oprah and re-painting my living room to just the right shade of taupe, but instead I am turning my life upside down and going back to school. Sometimes I think I must be insane. Go with A - live the life YOU want to live, no other person can make you happy.

 

[wook]

Go with A - live the life YOU want to live, no other person can make you happy.

 

[ZanMD]

If it were me I'd choose A, but then I couldn't live my life through someone else as I am too independant of a person for that. Plus I'd feel guilty for essentially "using" someone else financially. Plus I'd feel that my sense of identity was defined through someone else, not my own actions.

But that's just me

 

[chopstick1]

If you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, marry a doc who's really into you, and have a very active life outside of medicine

Even though I'm in this sort of situation, I'm not seeking advice in particular... just wondering where other people stand on this.

the only question is do you want to do medicine? option B doesn't allow that..just living in the shadow of that. you can have an active life in medicine. a friend of mine works part time and travles >6 countries almost every year! but medicine's not for everyone, option B is good too. it's all about balance

 

[Sporky]

If you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, marry a doc who's really into you, and have a very active life outside of medicine

Even though I'm in this sort of situation, I'm not seeking advice in particular... just wondering where other people stand on this.

Do you really want this kind of advice from an online forum? Some things to consider: 1. You may or may not be very far into life - no one knows how long they will live.
2. What are you going to do about your eternity? Spinster? Do you know what that means?
3. You cannot find satisfaction outside of God. Seeking it by marrying someone will lead you to deify your husband and eventually begin hating him.

4. Why would marrying a doctor preclude you from becoming one? Why would becoming a doctor mean that you become a "spinster"?

Sporky

 

[garbage20]

Thanks for all the responses. Again, I'm not asking others to put themselves in my shoes and give me advice on my own situation, but more of a "Book of Questions" hypothetical to learn more about other people's perspectives.

Obviously in this forums, most would pick A. But some seem to prefer B. You know what I'm talking about, those dreams outside of medicine.

 

[MSc44]

My husband is not a Dr, but other than that I am in situation B. I do not have to work. I could spend the next 20 yrs of my life watching Oprah and re-painting my living room to just the right shade of taupe, but instead I am turning my life upside down and going back to school. Sometimes I think I must be insane. Go with A - live the life YOU want to live, no other person can make you happy.

agree

 

[Wickedgood]

I've done the whole housewife thing, and while I wasn't one of those coveted "doctor's wives" I don't see that marrying a doctor would have made a difference. I personally can't stand not working/going to school. It drives me batty, it makes me feel like my brain is going to mush. Activities are great, but depending on your social circle, they may or may not be rewarding to you. Participating in mother's day out, tupperware parties, scrapbooking - these are some of the things that "housewives" did back in my day to lessen the bordem and socialize.

The bigger question is why do you thing option A and option B are mutually exclusive? Two-doctor households are not unheard of. And why do you think that if you go to medical school, you would be condemming yourself to a life of dreaded spinsterhood? If you are in a relationship now to someone who is "really in to you" (and you him?) then even if this one dissolves you're likely to find someone else who thinks you are the bee's knees sooner or later.

If it is a matter of your biological clock or something, and think that you and/or the doctor boyfriend don't want to wait to have kids - then that is something you'd have to decide together. People on a message board aren't really the best ones to advise on life-altering decisions as to when or if to procreate.

Actually, none of this is particularly suited to a messageboard, this one in particular. None of us know your beliefs, motivations, etc. - and each of us are giving opinions based on our own experiences. Take for example the poster who said: "3. You cannot find satisfaction outside of God. Seeking it by marrying someone will lead you to deify your husband and eventually begin hating him." Um, ok. I'm a divorced atheist who's living with her boyfriend. Should any of our opinions matter in the choices you make? I certainly hope not.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

My wife is a doc and I'm following option A all the way.

I have a friend who is embracing B. His wife is a pediatrician. He stays home with the kids, does real estate part-time, and goes hunting all the time. He loves it and is always trying to talk me into the "easy life."

As they say, "Different strokes for different folks."

 

[Law2Doc]

If you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, marry a doc who's really into you, and have a very active life outside of medicine

Even though I'm in this sort of situation, I'm not seeking advice in particular... just wondering where other people stand on this.

There is no law that says you can't both go to med school and get married. Having kids might be more complicated if you are already in late 30s, but not impossible if your future spouse has the means for daycare/nanny, but certainly the marriage component wouldn't be prohibitive.

 

[oldpro]

If you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

30 something isn't that old, I'm 42!

B) skip med school, marry a doc who's really into you, and have a very active life outside of medicine

You didn't include the divorce, a large amount of Marriages with Docs end in divorces. Plus isn't this gold digging?

Even though I'm in this sort of situation, I'm not seeking advice in particular... just wondering where other people stand on this.

Then why ask this stuff? If you are thinking this way you may never get in since it doesn't show a commitment to Medicine. Just my opinion.

 

[PhDtoDO]

Hey,

I'm 31 and just about to start medical school. I'm finishing my PhD in a med school and have dated several med students...although I don't recommend it...ha ha!

Just a piece of advice, medical students and doctors...particularly the male ones...can totally tell when someone is only in to them because they're a doc or pre-doc. Don't get me wrong, some of them love it, but are you so sure your special someone is going to be a doctor?

Doctors often marry doctors.

I'm not married, but I'm never going to be a spinster or whatever you said.

I have a life and it won't be defined my my relationships with men.


Many of my oldest and dearest friends are housewifes...by choice.

I envy the time they can spend with their kids, but its not for me.

I'll have kids someday, on my own terms.

Also, my friend who is married to a doc...med school professor...is totally as smart as he is and he knows it. She was also making many times what he made before she quit to stay home. They're house hunting and I'm sure she's paying her share of the downpayment if not most of it!

If you have any real doubts about going to med school, consider another profession like nursing...you'll make more than most residents and only have to work 3 days a week...and will not need as much schooling.

Many of my best friends are also nurses....they can stay at home AND work. They also know a lot of doctors;-)

Best of luck in your soul searching.

PhDtoDO

 

[Doctor Bagel]

I too am curious about why you think the two options are mutually exclusive. Will this doctor guy not marry you if you go to med school? If so, that could be a huge red flag. Also, I'm a cynic, but I think life's too uncertain to depend on living off of someone else's money. What if your future husband winds up being a jerk, what if he cheats on you? It'd be sad for you to feel you need to stick around because you don't have other means of support.

As for whether you should get married or go to medical school, I don't know.

 

[tdkneo]

Suppoer you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, have a great non-medicine career as an artist (or whatever you fancy), marry a doc who's really into you (and still stayed clued into medicine vicariously), and have a very active life outside of medicine

Just wondering where other people stand on this. I'm NOT looking for advice! And yes, it's mutually exclusive!

hahahahha

 

[mshheaddoc]

If you want be in medicine there are other routes too. Maybe you could get into clinical research.

I think those options aren't mutually exclusive and pretty much this is a pointless thread. You shouldn't marry a doctor for the life if you can't be one.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

You didn't include the divorce, a large amount of Marriages with Docs end in divorces.

When my wife was an intern they were told only 20% of marriages make it through residency. I wish I had a reference article, which I don't, but that is a crazy statistic.

We made it through with a couple of kids, but it was three solid years of suck-i-tude. I can't wait to do it again!

 

[garbage20]

When my wife was an intern they were told only 20% of marriages make it through residency. I wish I had a reference article, which I don't, but that is a crazy statistic.

We made it through with a couple of kids, but it was three solid years of suck-i-tude. I can't wait to do it again!

Agreed. To other posters -- we all have our beliefs of what's doable. I'm not saying it hasn't been done before, but in terms of a quality relationship (and family) having just one be a doctor better than two. And no, the fact that we have shown different perspectives indicates that this isn't all that useless of a thread.

 

[garbage20]

Plus isn't this gold digging?

Not if you love someone. If, in a couple, one is farther along in her medical career and her partner is willing to take a back seat with his own career aspirations to maintain a healthy and supportive relationship -- it all makes perfect sense. A lot of committed couples do this, in every field.

You didn't include the divorce, a large amount of Marriages with Docs end in divorces

It's exactly that selfish attitude of "my career comes first" that results in so many divorces.

 

[garbage20]

You shouldn't marry a doctor for the life if you can't be one.

Ouch! Fangs!

 

[mich79]

My humble opinion is that, you want to have accomplishments for yourself and not live your life thru someonelse in this case husband/significant other etc. You dont know what the future holds. i say if you want to go to med school then do it. There is nothing that says you will become a spinster nor that you will end up marrying a doctor. the aim should be, to be happy and enjoy what you do whatever it maybe.

Suppoer you are pretty far into life... 30s, wanting to settle down, which would you choose?

A) go to med school... potentially become a spinster

B) skip med school, have a great non-medicine career as an artist (or whatever you fancy), marry a doc who's really into you (and still stayed clued into medicine vicariously), and have a very active life outside of medicine

Just wondering where other people stand on this. I'm NOT looking for advice! And yes, it's mutually exclusive!

 

[mshheaddoc]

Ouch! Fangs!

I meant if you "can't" either career choice or can't get in. I've seen some people mention they will do that.

 

[Trismegistus4]

I would choose option B, especially if I were a woman and wanted to have kids. This would work out so much better all around that way. Frankly, I have never understood people who say they "have to" work or "can't stand" not working. There are more books I want to read than could be read in a lifetime, and to me it seems to much better to have to deal with the difficulties of chasing a couple of screaming toddlers around while trying to make dinner than dealing with the difficulties of a workplace and having to worry about making an income.

Also, I, personally, would not want to marry a female doctor, though obviously that's not something that bothers a lot of male doctors.

 

[Wickedgood]

I would choose option B, especially if I were a woman and wanted to have kids. This would work out so much better all around that way. Frankly, I have never understood people who say they "have to" work or "can't stand" not working. There are more books I want to read than could be read in a lifetime, and to me it seems to much better to have to deal with the difficulties of chasing a couple of screaming toddlers around while trying to make dinner than dealing with the difficulties of a workplace and having to worry about making an income.

Also, I, personally, would not want to marry a female doctor, though obviously that's not something that bothers a lot of male doctors.

The thing is, "chasing a couple of screaming toddlers" is not everyone's idea of the perfect life choice. There are MANY differences between being a housewife and "dealing with the difficulties of a workplace" aka having a paying job. It is like comparing two completely different jobs - like working at McDonald's versus a corporate management position. Money is not the only reason people pursue careers - they do so for many reasons: because the work interests them, because they feel it makes a difference, because they want to use their skills and knowledge - the list goes on and on.

You are implying that women should stay home and be reliant on their spouses for support. To give up any dreams and ambitions they might have had for themselves, and focus all their hopes on their spouse and children. While that is a viable, ligitimate choice for a woman to make, to assume that it is the CORRECT position for ALL women who decide to marry and have children is pretty sexist. In fact, I find your entire post to be offensive.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

The thing is, "chasing a couple of screaming toddlers" is not everyone's idea of the perfect life choice. There are MANY differences between being a housewife and "dealing with the difficulties of a workplace" aka having a paying job. It is like comparing two completely different jobs - like working at McDonald's versus a corporate management position. Money is not the only reason people pursue careers - they do so for many reasons: because the work interests them, because they feel it makes a difference, because they want to use their skills and knowledge - the list goes on and on.

You are implying that women should stay home and be reliant on their spouses for support. To give up any dreams and ambitions they might have had for themselves, and focus all their hopes on their spouse and children. While that is a viable, ligitimate choice for a woman to make, to assume that it is the CORRECT position for ALL women who decide to marry and have children is pretty sexist. In fact, I find your entire post to be offensive.

Agreed. I'll also add that I know a lot of miserable stay at home moms, so it's not as idyllic as it seems. In fact, the doctor/sahm dynamic has not been successful for the people I know who've done it. When you're stuck at home with screaming kids all day, you'd rather be married to a guy who will come home before 9 pm and help you out.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

It's exactly that selfish attitude of "my career comes first" that results in so many divorces.

Do you have any documentation in support of this assertion?

 

[Trismegistus4]

The thing is, "chasing a couple of screaming toddlers" is not everyone's idea of the perfect life choice. There are MANY differences between being a housewife and "dealing with the difficulties of a workplace" aka having a paying job. It is like comparing two completely different jobs - like working at McDonald's versus a corporate management position. Money is not the only reason people pursue careers - they do so for many reasons: because the work interests them, because they feel it makes a difference, because they want to use their skills and knowledge - the list goes on and on.

You are implying that women should stay home and be reliant on their spouses for support. To give up any dreams and ambitions they might have had for themselves, and focus all their hopes on their spouse and children. While that is a viable, ligitimate choice for a woman to make, to assume that it is the CORRECT position for ALL women who decide to marry and have children is pretty sexist. In fact, I find your entire post to be offensive.

Well, I find YOUR entire post to be offensive. When the USA becomes a third-world, hispanic country, it will be precisely because of attitudes like this. Mexicans don't seem to have a problem having 8 kids per family, unlike native born whites, who want to have 1 or 2 at most, because the women can't wait to get back to work.

And I know people claim to work because the work interests them, I just don't understand it. Why would anyone want to work if given the option not to? The very word "work" connotes something one doesn't want to do--else they wouldn't have to pay people to do it. Why have all our women seemingly gone crazy with this idea that work is pleasurable?

 

[QofQuimica]

And I know people claim to work because the work interests them, I just don't understand it. Why would anyone want to work if given the option not to? The very word "work" connotes something one doesn't want to do--else they wouldn't have to pay people to do it. Why have all our women seemingly gone crazy with this idea that work is pleasurable?

Because we all have different ideas of what constitutes "work" and "fun." I happen to like kids in small doses, but to me, having to spend all of my time caring for small children would make me want to shoot myself. I'm not saying that I'd find NOTHING rewarding about that work, but it would definitely be WORK for me, in the negative sense that you are intending with your use of the term. Whereas, there are many aspects of science and medicine that I do find to be "fun." We're all different, and we are looking for different things out of our lives. If you want to be a stay-at-home dad, I'm sure you would find that some of the women on this forum would be willing to take you up on that.

OP, I think your question is an egregious false dichotomy to the point of being utterly ridiculous. There is NO reason why you can have only those two choices available to you. You could choose to marry a different man, enter a medical career where you'd work part-time, or heck, even pick a different career in the health care field. If you can't have your own children, you can adopt. There are infinite possiblities out there, and they are limited only by your own willingness to conceive of them. "None of the above" is always an option, and maybe, if you're dissatisfied with these two options that you've presented, it's one you should start considering.

 

[Wickedgood]

Well, I find YOUR entire post to be offensive. When the USA becomes a third-world, hispanic country, it will be precisely because of attitudes like this. Mexicans don't seem to have a problem having 8 kids per family, unlike native born whites, who want to have 1 or 2 at most, because the women can't wait to get back to work.

And I know people claim to work because the work interests them, I just don't understand it. Why would anyone want to work if given the option not to? The very word "work" connotes something one doesn't want to do--else they wouldn't have to pay people to do it. Why have all our women seemingly gone crazy with this idea that work is pleasurable?

WOW. You've gone from not only being a sexist, but a racist as well.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

WOW. You've gone from not only being a sexist, but a racist as well.

Amazing, isn't it, or not.