In 100% good faith: I do not know what it is you are trying to convey with this comment. You're engaging in the conversation, which implies there is some level of investment in the topic, and the comment itself comes across as both dismissive and vaguely hopeful. I'm confused by it.
And by the way- you got a dyed in the wool behavior analyst to agree with an explanation of human behavior that contained the word “ego”! Maybe there is some hope. Well done!
The power dynamic here comes in the form of expertise. Like Clinical ABA just pointed out, a lot of the posters here are students / people considering going into psych. That's where I was when I first found this board. You can easily tell who has been here for a really long time and who has expertise, and it's very intimidating. A lot of the long-time posters are friends IRL, which is a great thing! But knowing that, it also can make it scary because no one wants to be shouted down or made to feel stupid / not good enough, even in an anonymous online forum. Knowing that people are friends and you're not in that group, it's hard to stand up against overly sharp/mean comments, because no one wants to end up on the bottom of a dogpile. Especially when you're on the outside of an intimidating, prestigious, highly educated field, not even sure if you are good enough to ever belong. I'm not in that position anymore. But I remember what it felt like.
And I'm not normally someone who would ever use this concept!
Words to live by
I do see what you're saying, yes. And maybe this is just my perception and no one else's, but when you say something, it carries more weight. You're a neuropsychologist. You train people. You make hiring decisions. You've been around here for a long time. You clearly know what you're talking about, and you know the other regular posters. When a new, random, or throwaway account posts something, I don't think readers here take them as seriously. Probably by a big margin. It doesn't excuse the behavior. But I think that this might be why it can feel like a double-standard to some posters (you, maybe?) but not to others. It is a double-standard, in a literal sense. But when you put in the whole context, the impact just isn't the same. It's like the difference between a stranger insulting you or the popular kid from school insulting you. They both hurt, but they aren't on the same level. Does that make sense?
It’s haaaaaard being a mod on SDN. I think our current mods are doing a heck of a job of fostering a better community. They are doing a lot better than I did solo. It’s mostly a thankless job.
I try not to call out anyone by name except on the few occasions that I think a regular/established poster is really going hard on a newbie who is just looking for some help... Maybe I'm just not aware of my own behavior, but could you show me what you mean by a character attack?
There has definitely been some “tone policing” on here. In a perfect world there would be less snark and more white glove responses, but it’s a free forum with a range of opinions and no ethical requirement to only speak kindly.
Actually, yes, it's "far out," because your entire second paragraph is making excuses for some people doing things that this entire thread is focused on calling out.
So intimidating! I’m a first-generation college student from a completely unsupportive family and it took me a decade to finish undergrad while working full-time. I had never even heard of the concept of a funded program until a friend of mine got into a funded program in the arts and I was like, “umm does that exist for psychology too?” And she said, “yeah, I’m sure,” like I must be an idiot not to know that. I’m so grateful I ever had that conversation. She’s the one who encouraged me to look online for an information forum, and I found SDN. From reading the forum, I learned that I needed to get hands-on research experience to be considered for a funded position, so I did about 10-15 hours per week of volunteer research and another 4 hours doing clinical work for a year while studying for the GRE. I am extremely grateful for the valuable information I got here. But, because I already had a sense that I didn’t belong (old, not from an educated family, not from a good undergrad, etc), the lack of common kindness and level of sarcasm from the people I imagined to be in a position I wanted so badly and worried I would never achieve - I almost gave up. The potential level of disruption to my marriage, asking my partner to move, change jobs, leave all family and friends behind, maybe never to return... The stress of the decisions facing the people coming here asking our advice is intense. We are all so lucky, those of us who are established in our careers.
That is such an interesting perspective. Even though I supervise and teach interns, I miss teaching full classes. For me, this site is a way to be connected beyond the forensic subcategory of the field, and to fill my desire to continue mentoring people at the undergrad level, in whatever small way I can. I’m very curious to know what you like about responding to student questions here if you don’t value volunteering as a mentor for the sake of it?
I understand the frustration, but I'd say from years of modding this forum, we honestly don't favor certain posters (hell, I've modded one of my best friends), and reports are also reviewed from people from other areas of SDN. Again, if you see something that you think needs to be modded, please report it.
There are women on here who are extremely rude too. And I think saying that you wanted only one group to respond initially (women) is not the best way to be inclusive. I think I understand where your intentions were, but surely you must realize that saying you don’t care if an entire gender thinks you’re a bitch is antagonistic? At the very least it comes across like, “knives-out!” I appreciate the conversation starter. I also think you can work on ways to enhance being heard - your post required a number of clarifications and was definitely polarizing. Honestly I didn’t spend a lot of time digesting posts until about halfway in on the first page, and ignored the early stuff. It was kind pretty full-on, tbh, and I wasn’t gonna engage until it got calmer.
Just so we're clear, you get to be "deliberately provocative," but people with whom you disagree, especially if they are male, are somehow not allowed to do the same, because it's considered "sniping," "dunking on you," etc?
I’ve not been called out on the “d**ckish” comment, but have- at least indirectly- been called out on the “histrionic”
Or we could just tell you that’s a weirdly discriminatory request. No manager needed, we’re all (assumedly) adults and can speak to each other
I could probably go out of my way and spend substantially more time to sugar coat things. I probably wont. I try to be helpful. I try to be reasonable. I try to advocate and represent myself, this profession, etc well. I do that here and in person in the same way. This is volunteer advice so I'm willing to give what you see. From a consumer perspective, you get what you pay for. And in some ways, it's important people get blunt non judgmental advice to avoid potential misinterpretations. I am not intentionally provocative or anything, so I really dont find a convincing reason or need for me to 'do more'.
it's always interesting when, despite knowing the flaws of doing so, psychologists and those with graduate training infer motives of others casually.
