- Joined
- Sep 19, 2015
- Messages
- 29
- Reaction score
- 87
This is a copy of the letter I sent ACEP:
Dearest ACEP,
I don’t know how to put this any other way, but I think we should break up. I know we have been together for many years and things were getting serious between us. I gave you thousands of dollars, and you gave me your fellowship pin. Although, it’s true I never got around to telling my parents about you.
It’s not you, it’s me. You deserve someone more up to your standards. I have a dirty secret that I have never told you. I have been cheating on you. Not only with AAEM [1] (what can I say, they like me just the way I am—plus that minute man really fills out his breeches [2]), but also with the NRA.
That’s right, all these years when you thought I was NOT a cold-blooded child murderer, I was really a gun owner.
I knew about your firearm policy when I joined [3]. I thought I could slip by—that maybe you didn’t really know what you wanted. After all, you don’t have a policy about what types of cars, swimming pools, knives, pressure cookers, fertilizer, and other dangerous objects the government should allow its subjects to possess. Neither is there a policy for or against abortion, even though there were more than 80 times as many abortions as firearm homicides in 2014 (most recent year data available) [4,5]. Because of this I saw some sense in you, like maybe you didn’t feel the need to comment on issues that were out of your purview.
But no, you had to find the hottest political button you could and take a very vague stand on it. After all, what does “restrict the sale and ownership of weapons, munitions, and large-capacity magazines that are designed for military or law enforcement use” mean? Since you want to restrict not just sales, but ownership, will ACEP members be asked to go door-to-door rounding up existent firearms? What is military use? The military uses automatic weapons, which have been not been sold to civilians since 1986 [6]. What is a large-capacity magazine? I have to admit that lugging around a 100-round drum can get tiring [7]. But, after reading about all the stumping Dr. Paul Kivela has done over the past few months [8,9], I can see that this language is just politi-speak for equipment that is in common use today—equipment that I, my family, my neighbors, and many of my friends have in spades.
So, you see, my “kind” and I are horrible people with blood on our hands. You are too good for my world. I will always think of you fondly, even if you bad-mouth me to your friends. Every year on our anniversary I will take the money I would have put toward membership and buy a gun to remember you by.
With love,
Dr. M
1. AAEM
2. No reference needed. I mean just look at the guy!
3. Firearm Safety and Injury Prevention // ACEP (accessed 2/25/2018)
4. Abortion Surveillance — United States, 2014 (accessed 2/25/2018)
5. Expanded Homicide Data Table 8 (accessed 2/25/2018)
6. S.49 - 99th Congress (1985-1986): Firearms Owners' Protection Act
7. AR-15 Drum Magazine, .223 Caliber, Black, 100 Rounds - 292604, Rifle Mags at Sportsman's Guide (accessed 2/25/2018)
8. ACEP Statement on Florida School Mass Shooting (accessed 2/25/2018)
9. ACEP Statement on Mass Shooting at Texas Church (accessed 2/25/2018)
*It is interesting to note that Dr. Kivela used the same shtick in the Sutherland Springs shooting. This case is one of the most blatant examples of a good guy with an “evil assault weapon” heroically defeating an armed piece of excrement and saving lives.
Dearest ACEP,
I don’t know how to put this any other way, but I think we should break up. I know we have been together for many years and things were getting serious between us. I gave you thousands of dollars, and you gave me your fellowship pin. Although, it’s true I never got around to telling my parents about you.
It’s not you, it’s me. You deserve someone more up to your standards. I have a dirty secret that I have never told you. I have been cheating on you. Not only with AAEM [1] (what can I say, they like me just the way I am—plus that minute man really fills out his breeches [2]), but also with the NRA.
That’s right, all these years when you thought I was NOT a cold-blooded child murderer, I was really a gun owner.
I knew about your firearm policy when I joined [3]. I thought I could slip by—that maybe you didn’t really know what you wanted. After all, you don’t have a policy about what types of cars, swimming pools, knives, pressure cookers, fertilizer, and other dangerous objects the government should allow its subjects to possess. Neither is there a policy for or against abortion, even though there were more than 80 times as many abortions as firearm homicides in 2014 (most recent year data available) [4,5]. Because of this I saw some sense in you, like maybe you didn’t feel the need to comment on issues that were out of your purview.
But no, you had to find the hottest political button you could and take a very vague stand on it. After all, what does “restrict the sale and ownership of weapons, munitions, and large-capacity magazines that are designed for military or law enforcement use” mean? Since you want to restrict not just sales, but ownership, will ACEP members be asked to go door-to-door rounding up existent firearms? What is military use? The military uses automatic weapons, which have been not been sold to civilians since 1986 [6]. What is a large-capacity magazine? I have to admit that lugging around a 100-round drum can get tiring [7]. But, after reading about all the stumping Dr. Paul Kivela has done over the past few months [8,9], I can see that this language is just politi-speak for equipment that is in common use today—equipment that I, my family, my neighbors, and many of my friends have in spades.
So, you see, my “kind” and I are horrible people with blood on our hands. You are too good for my world. I will always think of you fondly, even if you bad-mouth me to your friends. Every year on our anniversary I will take the money I would have put toward membership and buy a gun to remember you by.
With love,
Dr. M
1. AAEM
2. No reference needed. I mean just look at the guy!
3. Firearm Safety and Injury Prevention // ACEP (accessed 2/25/2018)
4. Abortion Surveillance — United States, 2014 (accessed 2/25/2018)
5. Expanded Homicide Data Table 8 (accessed 2/25/2018)
6. S.49 - 99th Congress (1985-1986): Firearms Owners' Protection Act
7. AR-15 Drum Magazine, .223 Caliber, Black, 100 Rounds - 292604, Rifle Mags at Sportsman's Guide (accessed 2/25/2018)
8. ACEP Statement on Florida School Mass Shooting (accessed 2/25/2018)
9. ACEP Statement on Mass Shooting at Texas Church (accessed 2/25/2018)
*It is interesting to note that Dr. Kivela used the same shtick in the Sutherland Springs shooting. This case is one of the most blatant examples of a good guy with an “evil assault weapon” heroically defeating an armed piece of excrement and saving lives.