Womansurg's Drinking Problem

[Future GI Guy]

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I'm afraid OwlMyste got it ALMOST right, but not quite.

You see, WomanSurg does have a drinking problem, but it's not as you might imagine.

The problem: She cannot use straws.

I know, it's horrible, but I wanted to set the record straight.

Some may say, why can't she use straws, she's using Scalpels?

But the truth is, ever since she was iddy biddy, the straw has been a horrific problem for her. She prefers the "slammer" method of drinking, which most adults, having been through college parties, are extremely familiar with.

Indeed, this is compounded by the fact that WomanSurg has a second drinking problem:

She drinks 9 glasses of water a day, instead of the recommended 8.

Oh, the humanity!

Let's all stand up and support WomanSurg as she tries to lick this problem.

As for OwlMyste, she can put away a good bottle of milk if Earl warms it just right. She really takes a liking to the artificial nipple.

Sometimes, when she's "nursing those ducks back to health" she just cant resist the temptation to suckle on their artificial nipple (or whatever the heck she uses to nurse those duckies), somewhat defeating the purpose of feeding the duckies in the first place.

Still, OwlMyste "pretends" she enjoys her work, though she really just enjoys stealing food from these poor, vulnerable quackers.

Next time, OwlMyste, consult me before you post anything about WomanSurg.

I'd imagine, unlike you, she may know when I'm joking and when I'm serious.

 

[Annette]

Originally posted by Future GI Guy
You see, WomanSurg does have a drinking problem, but it's not as you might imagine.

The problem: She cannot use straws.

I know, it's horrible, but I wanted to set the record straight.

Some may say, why can't she use straws, she's using Scalpels?

But the truth is, ever since she was iddy biddy, the straw has been a horrific problem for her.

Was it a emotional trauma, Womansurg? Maybe a fun twisty straw might help you get over the trauma? Let me know, and I'll send you a nice one!

 

[womansurg]

Damn...is this what goes on in here while I'm working?

Well, I will admit to a bit of a problem. I have taken steps to rectify the situation however, the most important being that I've asked Owl to stand in as my sponsor. After she launched that SDN-wide intervention on my behalf, I know that her concern for me is genuine, her emotional maturity and willingness to act in accordance to her conscience unbounded. Won't you support Owl as I am guided by her wise and capable hands on this - my journey to sobriety?

Thank you.

*sluuuurp...droool* Damnit!!

 

[odoreater]

Damn you 2 are lame...............

I don't know what is more annoying an Owlmyste post or a GI-guy/womansurg post attempting to by funny..........

I'll have to think about that one........

<currently thinking>

😕

 

[womansurg]

Hmm...we may have a new target here, kids.

Being that the OwlMyste thread took over 3,000 hits in about three days...I think most people are finding GI Doc's stuff to be a nice diversion. (As for me, I'm just reacting and trying to keep up...)

You're an engaging writer. Why don't you start something going and we'll see how you do. Dope.

 

[Future GI Guy]

Odoreater,

Thank you for contributing.

Your insight in valuable to me; your prose is musical.

I will hold up your measuring stick every time I post, in hopes of avoiding both annoyance and being lame.

It is a high mark to achieve, but one I will strive for.

Thank you, Odoreater, for the challenge.

You light up my life.

GI Guy

 

[Future GI Guy]

Originally posted by odoreater
While I must admit that owlmyste is quite annoying and sophmoric with her ever changing careers and very poorly refrenced "research" those of you who are attacking her are just as *****ic as she is......

Okay, Odoreater, I'm confused.

If you've admitted in a previous thread that OwlMyste is quite annoying, and you find Womansurg and myself quite annoying (as you so clearly state in this thread), why do you continue to read the threads?

You've posted three messages, all of them in OwlMyste-related topics. You seem to be contradicting yourself a little here. The fact is, someone who was "annoyed" might very well AVOID these topics, knowing what they're related to merely by reading the subject line.

Reminds me of why opposing traffic stops every time there's an accident. I'm often "annoyed" that there's an accident on the other side of the highway, but with all that crumpled mess, I just can't help myself, I have to get a good look.

Oh, and thanks for calling me "*****ic." I love a good adjective when it so clearly applies.

it is quite enjoyable to watch residents in all specialites go back and forth with a high school kid and at the same time it is quite pathetic (I'm looking at you womansurg and GI guy)..............although you are entertaining me vastly you all did seek her out and bring her back to this forum when she was posting somewhere else..........

As Wu stated, most of us have just recently (last 2 weeks) graduated medical school. (I don't know about Womansurg, though I would think she graduated a few years back.) Therefore, the reason why I can post at will on this thread is because my wife is working all day, and all I do is run errands and read novels waiting for judgment day in the latter part of June.

Womansurg also addressed this in the other thread, and I will agree with her. All parties, myself and OwlMyste included, continue to post messages back and forth because we enjoy it.

If OwlMyste wasn't having fun, surely she would stop posting all together and stop giving us more fodder.

As for the other sections of this snippet of quotation, you remind me a little of my guidance counselor in high school.

"You're very smart, GI Guy, but you could be smarter. You could easily get into a top 20 college, but if you apply to an IVY, you'll probably be shamed. Great score on the ACT, one of the top 5 in your class....why didn't you score higher?"

It's the positive?negative?positive sandwich, when you criticize us as being "pathetic" then go on to say you are "entertained."

Why the contradiction in your personal emotions towards the thread? View it as EITHER pathetic or entertaining, and go with it. Both emotions, running concurrently, reeks of emotional imbalance, and that?s just not healthy.

So if the drunk surgeon (ahem/excuse me surgical RESIDENT) wants to show off her sdn chops by contiuing to pick on the whipping barnyard animal of the group then let her do so.........just realize how sad it looks to those of us who don't say anything

Then why say anything at all? If you're so outraged, why not just send a private message to let us know. Methinks you enjoy seeing your message posted, wanting others to steer the conversation towards you.

That's fine. I?ll oblige just this once.

Odoreater, again, thanks for your comments.

While they mean nothing to me, your attempt at appearing "morally superior" is certainly a noble one.

Good luck to you.

GI Guy

 

[OwlMyste]

Originally posted by Future GI Guy



As for the other sections of this snippet of quotation, you remind me a little of my guidance counselor in high school.

"You're very smart, GI Guy, but you could be smarter. You could easily get into a top 20 college, but if you apply to an IVY, you'll probably be shamed. Great score on the ACT, one of the top 5 in your class....why didn't you score higher?"

You know, GI Guy...I don't think the counselor addressed you by your screenname here on SDN. she more than likely addressed you by your name given to you at birth. Care to tell the rest of SDN what your real name is?😛🙄

 

[odoreater]

Wow GI-Guy, a lot of thought went into taking my 2 posts and breaking them down into smaller pieces that you were able to dissect with your keen use of logic and reason...................

Truly I am impressed and befuddled

I guess that'll be the end of my posts as I have been outwitted through such an elegant rebuttal of my previous posit.......

I guess my posts have represented a dichotomy...on the one hand expressing my disdain for your pitiful attempts at humor and sarcasm mostly at the expensive of a psychotic (soon to be 20 y/o) high-school student..........and the other explaining how the back and forth cantor between the 2 camps has amused me........

This truly must have confused you GI-guy.........especially if you were working on one of you Homeresque epic posts........they do amuse me so and show such mastery of the English language and a keen sense of wit..........please do not stop writing b/c I have confused you.............

I have a suggestion, lets all be friends the 3 of us..........that way we can get together one fine night........womansurg can drink and tell us about her newfound love of the 80 hour work week...........you GI guy can tell us entertaining stories around the campfire.........and owl can dance around us telling us how the owls speak to her and tell her to become a Ferret toxicologist......

That would be a hoot

 

[OwlMyste]

Originally posted by odoreater
I guess my posts have represented a dichotomy...on the one hand expressing my disdain for your pitiful attempts at humor and sarcasm mostly at the expensive of a psychotic (soon to be 20 y/o) high-school student..........and the other explaining how the back and forth cantor between the 2 camps has amused me........

Those that call others "Psychotic" are but Psychotic themselves.....oh and by the way, Junior, My Graduation Ceremony is at exactly 7pm...EST, on May 23, 2003.........coincidentally! it's tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🙄

 

[mikecwru]

Originally posted by OwlMyste
Those that call others "Psychotic" are but Psychotic themselves.....oh and by the way, Junior, My Graduation Ceremony is at exactly 7pm...EST, on May 23, 2003.........coincidentally! it's tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🙄

Why are you graduating HS at 19? Did you get held back a year?

mike

 

[Wrigleyville]

Originally posted by mikecwru
Why are you graduating HS at 19? Did you get held back a year?

mike

Ah, the elephant in the room that I've been hoping someone would point out. I believe she is nearly 20.

Wrigley

 

[Future GI Guy]

Originally posted by odoreater
they do amuse me so and show such mastery of the English language....//....mostly at the expensive of a psychotic high-school student

Excellent.....use....of.....sarcasm.....grammar....and the word "expensive......"

 

[Future GI Guy]

Originally posted by OwlMyste
Those that call others "Psychotic" are but Psychotic themselves.....oh and by the way, Junior, My Graduation Ceremony is at exactly 7pm...EST, on May 23, 2003.........coincidentally! it's tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🙄

OwlMyste,

Those who call others "Psychotic" are usually Psychiatrists or Emergency Room Physicians.

Oh, and in all seriousness, congratulations on graduating. I know you may not believe me (in light of my sarcastic history), but I really mean that. Congratulations, and don't do anything stupid afterwards. (Will there be an all-night Project Graduation?)

GI Guy

 

[OwlMyste]

Originally posted by Future GI Guy
OwlMyste,

Those who call others "Psychotic" are usually Psychiatrists or Emergency Room Physicians.

Oh, and in all seriousness, congratulations on graduating. I know you may not believe me (in light of my sarcastic history), but I really mean that. Congratulations, and don't do anything stupid afterwards. (Will their be an all-night Project Graduation?)

GI Guy

thanks...there IS a project graduation, but I'm not going to it. My mother is having a graduation party for me tonight, and inviting all or most of the family......we will have food like Ham rollups, roast beef sandwiches, pepperjack cheese cubes(or in this case, cheese slices...) deviled eggs, 7 layer mexican dip, etc....so basically....party at my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😀👍😎

 

[OwlMyste]

Originally posted by mikecwru
Why are you graduating HS at 19? Did you get held back a year?

mike

yea...I got held back in the 7th grade. theres not a day that goes by that I don't kick myself for it, too....(figuratively speaking...😛)

 

[soon2bdoc2003]

Originally posted by OwlMyste
yea...I got held back in the 7th grade. theres not a day that goes by that I don't kick myself for it, too....(figuratively speaking...😛)

If I had 3 or 4 more people like you I could give Howard Stern a run for his money.. so when are you gonna post some nude pics??

 

[mikecwru]

Originally posted by OwlMyste
yea...I got held back in the 7th grade. theres not a day that goes by that I don't kick myself for it, too....(figuratively speaking...😛)

What did you get held back for?

mike

 

[OwlMyste]

Originally posted by mikecwru
What did you get held back for?

mike

I didn't do my work. but hell, I did better than my brother. He dropped out of school after the 9th Grade. Atleast I graduated from High School. (even though it hasn't hit me yet)

 

[soon2bdoc2003]

Originally posted by OwlMyste
I didn't do my work. but hell, I did better than my brother. He dropped out of school after the 9th Grade. Atleast I graduated from High School. (even though it hasn't hit me yet)

I want pics of the brother too (naked or not).. better yet how about some pics of the graduation party????

 

[EnterTheMonkey]

Originally posted by daveyboy
You people are spending way too much time making fun of a naive 19 year old girl that wants to make something of herself. This is pathetic and mean. Display some integrity and stop. Please.

Funny -- people say the same thing to me about taunting medical students (who are generally several years my junior) on SDN -- but I just can?t seem to make myself stop!

Okay, everyone, I?m just here to warn you all about your fellow SDNer, Future GI Guy.
Future GI Guy is one serious FREAK! Owlmyste probably knows what I?m talking about, poor girl -- I shudder to think. This is very difficult for me to talk about, but I feel that it is my civic duty to warn you all, so I?m going to try.

I met Future GI Guy when I was doing a stint as a ?paid clinical teaching associate? -- or something like that. It?s a grueling job, but it?s the only kind of (very)odd job that I can do and still collect my social security. Let me tell you, GI Guy really puts the ?ass? in associate! He kept making these corny jokes about how he gets more ass than a toilet seat. But, underneath that ?ass?inine exterior, I knew there was hiding an insecure, anally-fixated little boy, and this kind of led me to take a shining to him. Although I am many, many years his senior, he told me that he loves old women because ?anus? is actually Latin for ?old woman.? Didn?t know that. He also told me wrinkles really get him ?sprung.? Whatever that means!

Anyway, 20 bucks is 20 bucks. I agreed to meet him in the men?s room in an hour.

I don?t know how much of this I can actually reveal on SDN without breaking the rules, so I will try my best to be discreet.

When he told me he would flex his ?muscles of love? for me, I didn?t know he was talking about THAT muscle! He told me that it was the strongest muscle in his body because it paid his way through his medical training.

Anyway, first, he made me dress in a Roto Rooter uniform and handed me a huge plumbers snake, and, well, you can probably guess the rest, and he kept calling me ?Max.? He also made me sing that ?I fell into a burning ring of fire? Johnny Cash song while I was snaking him in two. Very strange.

Then he had me put on a white coat with a name badge that said ?Womansurg? on it, and straws in the pocket, and he begged me to give him a long, slow colonoscopy. He must have a thing for women in uniform or something. The whole time he just kept yelling out, ?who?s your patient? Who?s your PATIENT!?!??

Next he had me shove a toilet paper roll up his bum and shovel two small owls (stuffed -- thank God!) that he called ?Jennifer? and ?Jessica? up there and then diaper them in. He kept squealing something like, ?yeah, claw me cross-eyed, my little hooters.? The whole thing was quite disturbing.

Afterwards, while I was smoking a cigarette, he kept giving himself nitrous oxide hits and moaning, ?Dr. Mom, I?m ready for my sponge bath now -- and I?ve been a very, very dirty boy!?

Being on a fixed income, I was, of course, totally committed to the 20 bucks, but at that point I just couldn?t stand any more. I tore off my uniforms, busted out of the bathroom, grabbed my walker, and took off.

It hasn?t gotten this freaky since Geek Medic (you know -- the certified trauma junkie) asked me to play ?car wreck? with him and squirted me down with a squeeze bottle of ketchup.

Oh well, it?s a living!

 

[southerndoc]

It hasn?t gotten this freaky since Geek Medic (you know -- the certified trauma junkie) asked me to play ?car wreck? with him and squirted me down with a squeeze bottle of ketchup.

Well, at least you didn't tell the story about me, you, and the Kentucky jelly!

This one time, at band camp . . .

Ah, nevermind!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Sigh. Do you guys have to make life for the moderators here this difficult?


🙂

 

[Future GI Guy]

Wu,

As you probably know, I had nothing to do with this message.

You can tell this by the fact that 'the monkey's' story is a somewhat mediocre attempt at humor.

In addition, the story lacks true development. There are too many characters. There?s not enough movement. The spacing is all wrong, etc., etc.

Like Maxheadroom, I too majored in English Literature, and I appreciate a well-written piece, even if it is at my expense.

However, this post lacked any evidence of thought, wit, or comedy.

GI Guy

 

[womansurg]

Nah, it was hilarious. You're too hard on yourself. Although I thought the womansurg character should've been hollering 'who's your doctor? Who's your doctor?!?

 

[DrMom]

Originally posted by womansurg
Nah, it was hilarious. You're too hard on yourself. Although I thought the womansurg character should've been hollering 'who's your doctor? Who's your doctor?!?

I feel left out (even though this is the residency forum) 😉

 

[womansurg]

Originally posted by DrMom


I feel left out (even though this is the residency forum) 😉

Everyone's welcome to this party!

[pad post]

 

[DrMom]

My invitation is considered a pad post!!! I'm soooooo offended!!!!! 😡

 

[womansurg]

Originally posted by DrMom
My invitation is considered a pad post!!! I'm soooooo offended!!!!! 😡

How else am I gonna catch up with your 13 plus posts per day average? I've been chasing you all over the board tonight.

Don't you respond....don't you do it...I mean it...I need to get the upper hand here...

[pad]

 

[DrMom]

did you really think I could just walk away?

you gotta wait until I get offline for a while, like dtreese does to me on word association.

 

[EnterTheMonkey]

Originally posted by Geek Medic
Well, at least you didn't tell the story about me, you, and the Kentucky jelly!

Oh yeah -- it?s all coming back to me now -- in a horrific flashback. I must have repressed the memory. I was imprisoned in a dry well, and you were standing over me in a nurse outfit saying, ?It rubs the K(entuck)Y jelly on its toast, or it gets the ?hose? again.? And I thought I watched way too many movies!

Alas and alack, the life of a geriatric "gigola" is NOT an easy one. I?ve had 40 hip replacements, and 20 of them were before I hit Medicare age. I just want to tell all of you out there in SDNland that no matter what your educational and career plans are, or how often they may change like Owlmyste?s (after all, she JUST graduated from high school), stick with them come hell or high water. Don?t end up like me!

If you pick the right door, there is an endless road of possibilities on the other side. If you pick the wrong door, there is Future GI Guy with a 20 dollar bill protruding from his ?old woman.?

Man o man, am I ever getting too old for this sh*#!!!

 

[DrMom]

Originally posted by EnterTheMonkey
If you pick the wrong door, there is Future GI Guy with a 20 dollar bill protruding from his ?old woman.?

*must erase very frightening mental image*

 

[EnterTheMonkey]

Originally posted by Future GI Guy
A Confession
Dear SDNers,

I have a confession to make.

OwlMyste and I have been seeing each other for the past two weeks.

It all started about two weeks ago,....

Oh, so you can kiss and tell, and I can?t?

Originally posted by Future GI Guy
I warn you all: Jessica will probably deny everything, but you can see the 5 pictures of her Hooters for yourself.

And now here YOU go, denying everything! Unfortunately, everyone, Future GI Guy?s high-pitched squealing shattered all the light bulbs in the men?s room (in addition to my glass eye), and so I couldn?t take pictures like he did with Jessica. Next time!

Originally posted by Future GI Guy
As you probably know, I had nothing to do with this message.

You can tell this by the fact that 'the monkey's' story is a somewhat mediocre attempt at humor.

Are you ABSOLUTELY sure I?m not one of your multiple personalities? You see, the dominant personalities are aware of the subordinate ones but not vice versa, so how would you even know?

 

[Future GI Guy]

So much for plausible deniability.

But let?s not exaggerate the story, Monkey Boy. It wasn?t a Men?s room, it was a dressing room in the ?Plus? Size Department of McFatty?s Department Store.

And everyone knows, I don?t carry around $20?s. I?m more of a dollar bill man.

If you?d gotten the facts straight the first time, I would have fessed up.

After all, older women are beautiful lovers.

That fact, I will never deny.

GRRRRR.