Write your own rejection letter (2009-2010 cycle)

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Dear stubborn DocMcCoy,

You recently applied for a seat in our medical school class of 2014, but you did not get it, as we have informed you by phone and by email. However, we have not heard back from you that you completely understand that you failed to get in. Please call or write and let us know that you realize that you are not a member of our school in any way, and never will be.

Sincerely,

dean X

Reply:

Dear dean X,

Thank you for your letter of rejection. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a seat in your medical class of 2014.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [insert school name here]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate matriculation procedures with your school immediately following graduation. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,
DocMcCoy

PERSISTENCE IS KEY😀


This one is so good it made me start crying! hahah
 
Dear Applicant:

In due consideration of the emotional stresses of applying to medical school we asked Young Gerald Bostock from the 7th Grade to write a haiku in lieu of a formal letter.

Haiku, by Gerald Bostock
-----
We found someone good,
But that someone is not you
Your app is just poo.


Yours,
Dean Wormer
 
Dear Sammich,

Hahahah you that that you, hahahahahah, hahahah ohhhhhhhhh, sorry I can't stop laughing, that YOU would get in HERE??!?? Ohhhhhh that's rich.

No.

But thanks for the laugh!

-Tufts and BU
 
Dear Applicant,

I regret to inform you that your application was thrown during our
in depth review process. Our review process consists of the entire Selections Committee going out barhopping thanks to YOUR secondary
application fee and we all pick up an application. The application that is held by the loser of the drinking game is promptly rejected. Regrettably, I lost. Therefore, you lost.

Thanks for playing and GTFO.




P.S. Please apply again next year so we can take your money and get your hopes up and string you along for several months again next year.
 
Ms. J. Lin
200 Tough Aspirations Drive,
Rosie View Estates,
Dreamland, CT 06701

Dean Rodney Dangerfield
South Harmon Institute of Technology
7448 Shyster Lane,
Bison Wads, CA 92705


February 2, 2010

Dear Applicant:

We regret to inform you that your application numbers tied with others; therefore the admissions committee had to invent a new and less biased means of breaking the ties. After pooling together the applicants' monies, the admissions committee purchased enough kegs and a brand new beer pong table. The committe was then divided into teams. These teams engaged in some intensive beer pong series in order to determine which medical school applicants would be received and which would be rejected.

In order to be fair, we divided the admissions committee team members into Team A and Team B. Team A made up those former pre-med and med students that typically averaged 4.0 and > 36 MCAT. Team B made up those former pre-med and med students that typically averaged 3.5 and < 35 MCAT. Interestingly enough, we found that Team B's beer pong skills far exceeded the beer pong skills of Team A. We have conducted no formal research on this, but we have noted this trend and postulate that Team B spent sufficiently greater quantities of time honing their beer pong skills.

Unfortunately your application was placed with Team A, seeing that your GPA and MCAT skills reflected a work ethic and academic talent that coincides with those members in Team A. We thought this was only fitting.


On a personal note, I understand the struggles of re-application and re-entrance into education. Thankfully, I am an example of persistence in education, as demonstrated in my movie "Back to School."

Please try again next cycle. We hope that Team A's beer ponging skills will improve greatly by then.

Respectfully,

Dean Rodney Dangerfield, South Harmon Institute of Technology
cc: Associate Dean Ben Lewis, S.H.I.T.
 
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Dear thamsenman,

GTFO of my school. Kthnxbye.

Sincerely,

Admssions Officer
 
Dear Misc,

Thank you for graciously giving us all of your personal information. Just a heads up: don't be surprised next time you check your bank account.

Sincerely,
Vacationing in Fiji
 
Dear skiddoc:

We regret to inform you that the monkeys we hire every year to fling poo at the applications we receive hit your application yesterday. This, of course, means a rejection.

Better monkey next year.

Dean Primatesky
 
hahhahahahahahhahaha. love it.

many thanks,
...twice rejected and preparing to try yet again
 
Dear skiddoc:

We regret to inform you that the monkeys we hire every year to fling poo at the applications we receive hit your application yesterday. This, of course, means a rejection.

Better monkey next year.

Dean Primatesky

🤣
 
I like this thread. Too bad I have no rejections, ever, so I can't contribute....


Oh wait, just kidding...here's one!


Dear MsTaco,

You know the whole idea of reach schools? You reached too far. Nice try though.

Peace out,
USC (x2), UCLA (x2), Penn, Wake Forest, U of Colorado, UCSF, Stanford, UNC, Duke (x1...hopefully not 2), UW (x2), and Georgetown. And a bunch of other schools that are pretending to maybe like you for a little while longer.

P.S. We attempted to contact UCI, to see if they would like to contribute to your rejection, but they have informed us that they prefer to entirely ignore your application. Twice. It is below them.


******
Whatevers. It only takes one acceptance 😀
 
Dear ptodal,

It is with deepest regret that we will not be able to offer you a spot in the upcoming class beginning next fall. We understand the hundreds upon thousands of hours you have dedicated to studying in school since age 7 which you hoped would lead up to you becoming a physician. However, on the MCAT Verbal Reasoning section you missed one question on the mating tendencies of snails which caused your overall score to be one point lower. It is because of this that we have chosen another applicant with an MCAT score one point higher than yours, yet with a gpa 0.5 lower than yours, to take your acceptance. This person got the snail question right and will therefore be a better doctor than you could ever dream to be. We hope you appreciate the irony that we are sending you this rejection via snail mail.

Yours Truly,

Dean Pritchard
 
Dear infinity,

Congratulations! You have been rejected by [insert school]. I am writing to you to share with you what I believe will be exciting news. Based on a careful review of your application, we have deduced that it must be your goal to collect a record number of rejections this application cycle. Therefore [ ] School of Medicine will be honnored to add our name to your impressive list of rejections. It is our sincere hope that you reaaply the next cycle so that we may have the wonderful opportunity to again review your application for rejection. It was truely a pleasure.

XOXO,
Dean of rejections.
 
Dear Misc,

Thank you for graciously giving us all of your personal information. Just a heads up: don't be surprised next time you check your bank account.

Sincerely,
Vacationing in Fiji

:laugh:
This whole application process has truly been a money sink.
 
Dear Anxiety Stricken Applicant,

Have you seen that movie "Hes just not that into you?" Yea, neither have we..... but we're really just not that into you. Hope you have have a safe recovery from the blue balls we have just given you from your interview day. Hopefully another school will let you inside them to relieve the pressure.

Feel sorry for that school,

Dean Suck It
 
I like this thread. Too bad I have no rejections, ever, so I can't contribute....


Oh wait, just kidding...here's one!


Dear MsTaco,

You know the whole idea of reach schools? You reached too far. Nice try though.

Peace out,
USC (x2), UCLA (x2), Penn, Wake Forest, U of Colorado, UCSF, Stanford, UNC, Duke (x1...hopefully not 2), UW (x2), and Georgetown. And a bunch of other schools that are pretending to maybe like you for a little while longer.

P.S. We attempted to contact UCI, to see if they would like to contribute to your rejection, but they have informed us that they prefer to entirely ignore your application. Twice. It is below them.


******
Whatevers. It only takes one acceptance 😀




Truthfully, I haven't even applied yet. I just thought it was great stress relief, and as I said, the best thread on SDN right now. LOL😍

What's wrong with pre-catharsis??😎 I don't know if in this WHOLE pre-med process it could at all be considered too early for anticipatory anxiety. I find pre-grieving therapeutic.:smack:
 
I think more medical schools should be candid and blunt and just lay it out there in plain language in their rejections emails/letters. Take Wayne State's pithy rejection (actual quote):

"The admissions committee has carefully reviewed your application and determined that you are not a competitive applicant."

Medical schools should be sure to make it clear to all rejected applicants in no uncertain terms that they suck.
 
Dear Fireitup,

We fired up your application. In fact, this very letter is written with ink made from the remnants of said application. We're environmentalists.

Sincerely,

Admissions Committee

P.S.-We think the act of burning your application gave us mesothelioma. you will hear from our lawyer.
 
Dear yearn4ivy,

Really?
Rejected.

Dean Send-in-your-secondary-fee
 
Dear MedBoundForSure,

Are you outside the literal boundary of your mind? Seriously though, thanks for the cash suckaaaaaa.

peace up
 
Dear ptodal,

It is with deepest regret that we will not be able to offer you a spot in the upcoming class beginning next fall. We understand the hundreds upon thousands of hours you have dedicated to studying in school since age 7 which you hoped would lead up to you becoming a physician. However, on the MCAT Verbal Reasoning section you missed one question on the mating tendencies of snails which caused your overall score to be one point lower. It is because of this that we have chosen another applicant with an MCAT score one point higher than yours, yet with a gpa 0.5 lower than yours, to take your acceptance. This person got the snail question right and will therefore be a better doctor than you could ever dream to be. We hope you appreciate the irony that we are sending you this rejection via snail mail.

Yours Truly,

Dean Pritchard

HAHA!! This is too funny!! :laugh:

(...yet so true it makes me want to cringe!)
 
Dear Krak,

We at the admissions committee find that we cannot accept you due to certain conflicts inherent in your name. As medical practitioners we cannot, in good conscience, accept someone that promotes the distribution of a certain illegal substance. We know it may be hypocritical of us not to accept you since we did let the craiglist killer in (who knew a white, well-off kid could do that ... oops). Unfortunately, this is going to be the extent of our correspondence with you.

P.S. please take this wonderful consolation prize for trying anyway. *proceeds to pull down pants and handle business* Enjoy!!

Adcom
 
Dear Krak,

We at the admissions committee find that we cannot accept you due to certain conflicts inherent in your name. As medical practitioners we cannot, in good conscience, accept someone that promotes the distribution of a certain illegal substance. We know it may be hypocritical of us not to accept you since we did let the craiglist killer in (who knew a white, well-off kid could do that ... oops). Unfortunately, this is going to be the extent of our correspondence with you.

P.S. please take this wonderful consolation prize for trying anyway. *proceeds to pull down pants and handle business* Enjoy!!

Adcom

I hope the craiglist killer is in jail. I'm sure Boston University was thoroughly embarrased by his association to their university.

You should make your signature, "Crack is whack" Whitney Houston style 🙂
 
Dear ptodal,

It is with deepest regret that we will not be able to offer you a spot in the upcoming class beginning next fall. We understand the hundreds upon thousands of hours you have dedicated to studying in school since age 7 which you hoped would lead up to you becoming a physician. However, on the MCAT Verbal Reasoning section you missed one question on the mating tendencies of snails which caused your overall score to be one point lower. It is because of this that we have chosen another applicant with an MCAT score one point higher than yours, yet with a gpa 0.5 lower than yours, to take your acceptance. This person got the snail question right and will therefore be a better doctor than you could ever dream to be. We hope you appreciate the irony that we are sending you this rejection via snail mail.

Yours Truly,

Dean Pritchard

omg i love this thread. this, and many other posts, made me LOL. amazing!!
 
Dear Jane,

Please do not be offended because your name is not actually Jane, but you see, your application was so bad that we decided to place you in the tier that only deserved a photocopy of the tier that deserved personalized rejections. I hope you are not too disappointed. Good luck with other schools. Please do not contact us in the future. Remember, silence is golden.


Best,

Dean 😀
 
I actually did get rejected from a school I did not apply to. I sent my primary to them THIS year but did not complete it. Then I get:

"Dear startswithb,

We regret to inform you that we cannot offer you admission into our School of Medicine Class of 2013."

Did not apply last year...WTF?
 
Okay, this thread is making my day. Humor can at least temporarily outweigh the depression surrounding these letters.

Dear MJM09,

Every year we receive thousands of applications from qualified applicants. Unfortunately you were not one of them. We offered you a secondary application on the off chance that you were a half African American half Hispanic child from a single parent family who inexplicably would be able to donate not less than $1.5 million to our new building campaign, but you were none of those things. Your secondary fee will be used to evaluate the applications of those more qualified than you. You are welcome to continue sending us secondary fee checks, but please do not waste our time reapplying.

Sincerely,
Dean of Admission's Administrative's Assistant's Secretary being paid $10 an hour to write these letters


And, another:

Dear MJM09,

As you have no doubt figured out by the other members of SDN being invited to our final round of interviews and you hearing nothing, your application has been rejected. We realize now that we should have just rejected you in October, but this method allows us to give the illusion we will review your application numerous times throughout our rolling cycle. Since you have not turned into a completely different person than you were in October, we will be unable to offer you even a courtesy interview to redeem yourself. I hope it will serve as some consolation that your application will be shredded and recycled to print acceptance letters to other applicants.

Sincerely,
Office of Admissions
 
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Dear Applicant000,

This letter is to inform you that the "under review" status you have had since July of last year was a code for "you have been rejected". Gotcha! Just thought we leave you hanging there so you'll think again before you decide to apply to our school!

Dont bother next time,
Temple university school of medicine

p.s. dont let anyone know about this code, we like to keep it to ourself for future applicants :meanie:


i still wonder if they'll one day send this letter 🙄
 
Dear Applicant XXX

We the committee is happy to inform you that you won the Spanish National Lottery. Please send $1000 in cash to this address
UFEZ College of Medicine
1023 Sucker Drive.
Townville. NZ 2313432
to be eligible for the lump sum payment of 1,000,000 Euros.
About medical school, you wont be need it anymore because you are rich. Please send the $1000 ASAP!

And again congratulation on winning
Dean Carlos Santana (yes the musician)
 
Dear Applicant 109381,

It is our pleasure to inform you of your rejection. The main reason for this was because your applicant number is not an even number. Even if it was, we would come up with another arbitrary reason for rejection. We got lucky there.

Sincerely,
Dean Evensteven
 
Meat,

Wtf. Honestly. What were you thinking writing about butchering in your secondary essays. Really. What kind of of ho-dunk, a** backwards facility do you think this is?

Hugs and Kisses,

All California Schools.
 
Dear Morsetlis,

Please retry next year because obviously you have no idea how special and unique people have to be to get into a UC school.

Signed,

UC schools.

P.S. Try not being so Asian with such a low, low, low GPA of 3.63.
 
De....
 
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.
 
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yo,

you're OUT.

stamp-lessly yours,

Stanford University School of Medicine
 
Dear ptodal,

It is with deepest regret that we will not be able to offer you a spot in the upcoming class beginning next fall. We understand the hundreds upon thousands of hours you have dedicated to studying in school since age 7 which you hoped would lead up to you becoming a physician. However, on the MCAT Verbal Reasoning section you missed one question on the mating tendencies of snails which caused your overall score to be one point lower. It is because of this that we have chosen another applicant with an MCAT score one point higher than yours, yet with a gpa 0.5 lower than yours, to take your acceptance. This person got the snail question right and will therefore be a better doctor than you could ever dream to be. We hope you appreciate the irony that we are sending you this rejection via snail mail.

Yours Truly,

Dean Pritchard

:laugh: This is hilarious because it is so true. I'm sure almost everyone on here can think of some tiny little detail in their life that has "contributed" to a rejection.
 
Dear lykyamy00,

We are delighted to inform you that after completing your application in July and waiting nearly 9 months for a response we are going to put an end to your anxiety and let you know that actually you were rejected back in September and we just never got around to letting you know. We've been interviewing so many fabulous people that we just didn't have time to send you the standard rejection email and figured that since you were clearly undeserving of a spot in our class yet you applied anyway, it was necessary to torture you as revenge for torturing us with your application.

We would say good luck in your future endeavors except that we have already seen that after working the last 17 years of your life with the goal of becoming a physician that you just don't cut it. We just want to spare you the pain of applying another cycle and inform you that you just aren't good enough. You didn't cure cancer, build a piano, organize an expedition mission to the moon, or support your 11 younger brothers and sisters after your parents died when you were 8. Oh also you don't have a 45 MCAT&#8230;.

We would like to wish you better luck on making the most of the next 17 years of your life! May they be more unique and productive than the first 23.

Sincerely,
ADCOM
 
Dear Comoroa,
We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in our medical school. Thank you for helping to fund us with your application fees. Thank you for spending a large sum of money to fly out to interview with us. Obviously you are interested in our school, and we are glad that the copious amounts of fliers and emails about our school that we sent you made you interested.

However, despite your obvious interest, we are sorry to inform you that you have been rejected since we read your AMCAS. We really only wanted you to fly out for an interview because it makes us look more exclusive if we accept a lower percentage. Also, we had a feeling you were really funny looking, and we needed a good laugh, so we sent you the interview offer.

There were multiple reasons to reject you. 1. You don't have a 45 MCAT. 2. You do not go to an Ivy League school. 3. You have yet to win a Nobel Prize in Chemistry. 4. You are already engaged and we actually need more single women at our school. 5. You rooted for the Saints and not the Colts in the last Superbowl. And last but definitely not the least: 6. Your school's basketball team was highly ranked last year and we had them going to the Final 4 in basketball and they caused us to lose a bunch of money when they failed miserably.

Please rectify these lapses in your application before you apply again.

Heart Always,
ADCOM
 
Dear Hifey,

Yes....but no.

sincerely,

adcom
 
I figured I'd post the acual UC Davis rejection email I received in 2009. Please note the bolded misspelled word:

Dear Applicant:
Thank you for applying to the UC Davis School of Medicine.

After careful consideration, we are unable to offer you a position for the class entering
in July 2009. We received applications from a highly competitive pool of nearly 5,000
students like yourself. Wiith only 105 seats available, the Admissions Committee faced
an extremely difficult task.

Best wishes for your future endeavors.

Admissions Committee
University of California, Davis
School of Medicine
Office of Admissions


Dear Csmittyb,

You aren't even good enough for spell check. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!

UC DAVIS SOM
 
Dear rawman,

After careful review of your application, we will be unable to offer you a seat for this year's class. Although your qualifications match the standards of our previous classes, your letters of update/interest/intent did not fully convince us that your promise of servitude will also include a weekly car detailing in addition to breakfast in bed. Therefore, we urge you to apply again next year for a chance in these opportunities.

There's still room on the left cheek,
Dean of Admissions
 
Dear Applicant,

Although you already paid secondary fees towards the Osteopathic/Allopathic Physician program we would like to offer you our Master's Program. See our Master's program will only cost you $25,000 and 2 more years of your life, but it will strengethen your science gpa by .004 points then you can reappy! Isn't that great! There is even a bonus: if you still don't get into medical school this master's will be pointless and will not help you in any other field. Not only are we physicans but we are businessmen too.

Sincerely,

[Insert School of Your Choice]
 
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