Official 2015-2016: Oh no, I don't have a single Interview Invite thread!

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Citygirl44 said:
And some of my family and friends decided to " skip college" altogether. So they've been working mediocre jobs for the past 4 years while I've been " preparing to be a doctor". Funny thing is , right now they're way " ahead " of me. I have a boat load of undergrad loans and no med school acceptance yet.
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Same. I think I'd be happier if I did something else now...
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I don't know where to go. I haven't been happy in a long time. The thing is that I know it sounds stupid. Even as I type it I feel awful for letting something like medical school admissions completely take over my life. But it's true. The whole thing has cast a pall over my life and I can't shake it away. This gnawing, anxious, angry sadness is just my baseline emotion. It has been for awhile. I can't see joy in things. I hate myself for failing to make myself into an attractive medical candidate despite devoting my entire college career to that singular goal. I hate myself for wasting four interviews that could've gone to someone more deserving. But mostly I hate what this has made me into. When I find myself resenting one of my friends or even somebody on the internet for achieving their goal or celebrating it, I'm disgusted. That's never been who I am. But I can't stop myself. I just feel like something in me has broken and I don't know how to make it right. I don't know how much longer I can exist like this.
 
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No graduation party for me. I don't want to have to explain nothin to no one. Lol
 
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bananafish94 said:
I don't know where to go. I haven't been happy in a long time. The thing is that I know it sounds stupid. Even as I type it I feel awful for letting something like medical school admissions completely take over my life. But it's true. The whole thing has cast a pall over my life and I can't shake it away. This gnawing, anxious, angry sadness is just my baseline emotion. It has been for awhile. I can't see joy in things. I hate myself for failing to make myself into an attractive medical candidate despite devoting my entire college career to that singular goal. I hate myself for wasting four interviews that could've gone to someone more deserving. But mostly I hate what this has made me into. When I find myself resenting one of my friends or even somebody on the internet for achieving their goal or celebrating it, I'm disgusted. That's never been who I am. But I can't stop myself. I just feel like something in me has broken and I don't know how to make it right. I don't know how much longer I can exist like this.
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Do you have someone to talk to about this in real life? Like a school psychologist? Feeling like this is completely understandable (I feel it too a lot of days) but I also think that you need some serious support.
 
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Cotterpin said:
Do you have someone to talk to about this in real life? Like a school psychologist? Feeling like this is completely understandable (I feel it too a lot of days) but I also think that you need some serious support.
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I actually got into med school a couple years ago but a combination of unfortunate events and me going full stupid mode made me no longer able to attend.

The ensuing years were full of chronic depression, anxiety, and the hermit life. However, it was also mixed with reflections and the realization of your support network, and that there are true friends who don't want to lose you and don't want you to lose your sanity. You become more appreciative of the things in life you usually take for granted.

I honestly didn't think I would be able to get in again, yet here I am. Even if this cycle doesn't work out, You will always come back. And that's an if. Although it's almost over, it's not quite yet. Talk to somebody, preferably not online. It will help.

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Cotterpin said:
Do you have someone to talk to about this in real life? Like a school psychologist? Feeling like this is completely understandable (I feel it too a lot of days) but I also think that you need some serious support.
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My school's counseling center is severely underfunded and understaffed so I feel bad about taking an appointment from someone that really needs it, although I have thought about it.


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bananafish94 said:
My school's counseling center is severely underfunded and understaffed so I feel bad about taking an appointment from someone that really needs it, although I have thought about it.


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I promise I was in the same boat as you last cycle. And my worst scenario happened where I had to reapply but was on three waitlists until August. But I finally got my MD acceptance like 3 weeks ago. Even tho this might be the lowest point for you, it's exactly that. The lowest point. You will go up from here
 
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bananafish94 said:
When I find myself resenting one of my friends or even somebody on the internet for achieving their goal or celebrating it, I'm disgusted. That's never been who I am.
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You're only human. We all have a part of ourselves that we're not so proud of. But given the circumstances, those are valid emotions I think.

bananafish94 said:
I just feel like something in me has broken and I don't know how to make it right. I don't know how much longer I can exist like this.
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You're probably not the only one feeling this way. I mean, you may be waking up every day hoping to expect something new, getting disappointed at the end of the day, and repeating the whole hoping-disappointment cycle for ~100 times already. You're basically being conditioned to associate hopeful thoughts with feelings of disappoint. It's no wonder you feel broken. Lord knows many of us have been going through the same thing...
 
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bananafish94 said:
My school's counseling center is severely underfunded and understaffed so I feel bad about taking an appointment from someone that really needs it, although I have thought about it.


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It sounds to me like you're someone that really needs it. You're suffering. :(
 
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I just wanted to chime in here for a second. I can completely relate to the feeling of wanting nothing more than to get into med school, but you guys can't let this process eat you alive. there were days I was pretty certain I was never going to get in, and some days really sucked, but you can never let it break you. I kept fighting and pushing with everything I had, and eventually it worked out, just like it will for all of you.

the best advice I can give you, not only for right now but also for when you get into med school, is to STOP comparing yourself to others. there will always be people ahead of you and people doing better than you, and if you let that eat at you now before your real journey even begins then you'll never survive the stresses of school. learn to worry about yourselves and learn to enjoy things outside of this pre-med bubble. there is so much more to life, and you have to find ways to stay busy and happy outside of it all.

with all that said, if you're experiencing anhedonia, then realize that's a serious symptom of depression and I would highly recommend you go talk to someone if you're feeling that way. you will all succeed if you want it badly enough, but don't let it take your sanity in the process. you're going to need it to survive what comes after you get in, and yes, you WILL get in sooner or later. all the best to everyone, and keep pushing forward. feel free to message me if I can be of any help.
 
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bananafish94 said:
I don't know where to go. I haven't been happy in a long time. The thing is that I know it sounds stupid. Even as I type it I feel awful for letting something like medical school admissions completely take over my life. But it's true. The whole thing has cast a pall over my life and I can't shake it away. This gnawing, anxious, angry sadness is just my baseline emotion. It has been for awhile. I can't see joy in things. I hate myself for failing to make myself into an attractive medical candidate despite devoting my entire college career to that singular goal. I hate myself for wasting four interviews that could've gone to someone more deserving. But mostly I hate what this has made me into. When I find myself resenting one of my friends or even somebody on the internet for achieving their goal or celebrating it, I'm disgusted. That's never been who I am. But I can't stop myself. I just feel like something in me has broken and I don't know how to make it right. I don't know how much longer I can exist like this.
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I have been following this thread for a while when I was feeling anxious and frustrated. I've gone through the nightmarish wait with no acceptances and only waitlists, seen people no more qualified than me getting into the best schools- i completely get what you were saying. However, what I now realize is that life is not fair and the world sucks sometimes, but it does not matter in the long run and it is truly what you make out of it. If you work hard and persist, I believe something good will happen.

We will all face mortality at some point and none of this will matter- it won't even be a big deal if you look back at this five years later. I don't mean this in a pessimistic way. I wasn't going to take a vacation before med school starts because I thought I didn't deserve it, since I didn't get into a better school. However, I took a hard look at all the highlights in my life thus far and realized that there are far more important things- family, health, time spent with loved ones, having a dream and being passionate about it, for example. That's what's amazing about people in my opinion: they adapt and learn to face failures and disappointments. It is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, yet it also almost kills you. But I truly believe that theres nothing greater that you can learn from than a failure or a frustrating year applying to med schools like this. It might surprise you how much you don't know about yourself.


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Citygirl44 said:
No graduation party for me. I don't want to have to explain nothin to no one. Lol
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AMEN to that lol. I graduated in December. & my response ever since then has been, "Oh, I'm still waiting to hear back".
Lawd. Just so ready to be able to say that I've been accepted somewhere.
 
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Cotterpin said:
It sounds to me like you're someone that really needs it. You're suffering. :(
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There are people who have good reasons to be upset; they are the ones who deserve access to limited resources.

Thank you all for the kind words. Hopefully someday I'll get in
 
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bananafish94 said:
I'm just getting flashes of going to graduation and everybody I've worked with over the past four years asking me where I'm going to medical school. And my family is going to be there and I don't think I've ever dreaded something so intensely in my entire life.
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You don't have to explain anything to anyone. If someone asks you your plans after graduation, just say "I plan on going to medical school." If talking about WLs is going to make you upset, you don't have to offer up the information. A few weeks ago, I had to stand up in front of a bunch of people, many of who were donors for a research program I'm in, and say my plans after graduation. All i said was "I plan to go to med school" and no one asked any questions. I didn't want to get asked a bunch of WL questions, especially since out of 6 of us in the program, another person was accepted to one of our state schools (the one that rejected me 4 times actually lol) and other people were accepted to other grad schools. It sucks but you'll get through it!
 
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@bananafish94 i don't post often but I read this thread all the time and I look forward to your silly posts. You sound like a really good and kind person and I think you're going to get the news you deserve soon.
 
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bananafish94 said:
There are people who have good reasons to be upset; they are the ones who deserve access to limited resources.

Thank you all for the kind words. Hopefully someday I'll get in
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This thing where you are telling yourself that you don't deserve to be helped is just another indication of how much you do actually need help. But I don't want to keep bugging you about it here. Just know that I'm rooting for you. :xf:
 
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Cotterpin said:
This thing where you are telling yourself that you don't deserve to be helped is just another indication of how much you do actually need help. But I don't want to keep bugging you about it here. Just know that I'm rooting for you. :xf:
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thank you. I'm rooting for you too
 
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Guys please don't let me get you down. This was just a terrible week for me, but I don't want to burden you. This is supposed to be a happy thread so I'll try to keep it that way!
 
bananafish94 said:
The more I think about it the more I think I might just not go to graduation.
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That quite possibly could be something you regret later. That's not something you get to do again.

I have a history of clinical depression. I know what it's like to want to disappear or worse. As hard as it is, I've learned that's usually the time you need people most.
 
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bananafish94 said:
The more I think about it the more I think I might just not go to graduation.
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Go to your graduation. Years down the road, you'll look upon it fondly as a great rite of passage moment.

As you know, I've been following your posts throughout many forum threads, namely the Rosalind Franklin one. Count me in as one of the many that are rooting for you. I'm also on the WL there and look forward to the prospect of meeting you in person on orientation day assuming we get in by the good grace of the medical school gods. Stay positive, as May 2nd hasn't gone by yet.


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bananafish94 said:
The more I think about it the more I think I might just not go to graduation.
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I am going (mine is grad school) but you should really go to yours! As someone told me...celebrate for the moment!


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Angelyka said:
I am going (mine is grad school) but you should really go to yours! As someone told me...celebrate for the moment!


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I've always hated tempting fate by celebrating prior to achievement, so that's another thing. But it's still very much up in the air at this point.
 
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bananafish94 said:
I've always hated tempting fate by celebrating prior to achievement, so that's another thing. But it's still very much up in the air at this point.
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Lol I do the same thing. I think it's a quote from the count of Monte cristo (book): "don't congratulate me until I've kissed the bride" regarding him getting married

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bananafish94 said:
The more I think about it the more I think I might just not go to graduation.
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Everyone please go to your graduations. You're all driven high-achievers, so you're hyper-focused on what comes next, but please don't downplay what you've already accomplished. Getting a bachelor's degree is an incredible achievement that takes an enormous amount of time, effort, and dedication. It might seem like an average accomplishment to those who frequent this forum, but I'm working in a place now where people have to make unbelievable sacrifices just to get through high school, and going to college is simply out of the question. Do not take the educational level you have already achieved for granted. You earned that diploma. You deserve to celebrate that accomplishment. Whatever happens next, happens next.
 
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hedevoe said:
@bananafish94 i don't post often but I read this thread all the time and I look forward to your silly posts. You sound like a really good and kind person and I think you're going to get the news you deserve soon.
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Thank you. I'm lucky to have found such a wonderful group of people. I just wish the medical schools thought that.
 
Guys cheer up!!! The new Drake dropped today!! #Views #fleek #100 #startedfromgenchemnowwewaitlisted
 
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I'm going to graduation. I will have on my widest smile, laugh, take pictures and hang out with my friends for a few hours ( some of them I will never see again). Many of my family members are coming, I"ll pretend like I have it figured out. I'll tell them with a smile, " oh, I'm going to med school this year or next year, there are a few things that I'm thinking about doing before I start that journey, I haven't decided yet". Most people won't question that answer, they don't know what applying/ being accepted to med school entails. But after graduation, I will probably cry and go back to sulking. But ten years from now I want to be able to look at /have those graduation pictures. Hopefully I can sit around with my spouse/ kids/ doctor friends and tell stories about what I was really feeling when I took those " smiling pictures". But no graduation party though, lol. After 5 hours of "faking it" , I just want to go home.
 
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Want advice from someone a bit older with a different viewpoint? A) use your resources. Go talk to someone, it really helps. This "I don't want to take slots" is non-sense. You clearly would benefit from it, and are displaying pretty clear signs of depression. Which isn't something to be viewed as bad or negative. B) go. To. Graduation. It's there to celebrate the 4 years of hard work - NOT to celebrate or anything to do with med schools. That's what a white coat ceremony is for. I've graduated 3 times, and didn't go to my first one, and I deeply regretted it later. Let yourself enjoy that fact that you completed a degree, it is an accomplishment worth celebrating.


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here's hoping for some movement next week. fingers crossed!

has anyone gotten good news lately?
 
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And to add to that - don't let this define you - you are more than just an applicant, yes it's your goal in life, but you are way more than that. It's a lesson you will need to learn in becoming a physician as well. I know this time is tough, but there are always positives. Things will be hard, things won't go your way, but we all need to find ways to cope.

And many, many, qualified people don't get in their first time. You need to keep in mind it's not a fair judgement of you as a person - how could it be? 8-11k applicants for 150 slots? You are summarizing your entire life into 15 mini paragraphs, a 1 page personal statement, and a GPA and MCAT. Half of this is luck - who you got, did they relate to you, etc.

Stay positive!
 
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In case y'all haven't seen something like this (a "Failure CV"—though I hate the use of the word "failure") before, remind yourself that for every success, we come up short many times more. This will work out somehow. Positive vibes!

https://www.buzzfeed.com/leticiamiranda/acad-epic-fail
 
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bananafish94 said:
Thank you. I'm lucky to have found such a wonderful group of people. I just wish the medical schools thought that.
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Medical schools only see a really tiny bit of who you are! I honestly think some of being accepted comes down to sheer luck. Don't let being accepted define how you think of yourself. We all think you're pretty bloody funny, and you're very supportive of everyone, and those are things it's hard for a medical school to see, but matter so much in the real world.
 
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I'm waiting for one also. It's kind of cruel at this point.
 
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I love how Drexel doesn't even send us an email saying hey we're done. I had to go check on portal.
 
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chocolate23 said:
I love how Drexel doesn't even send us an email saying hey we're done. I had to go check on portal.
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Lol I checked Drexel's portal like a month ago to see if I was still on Hold, couldn't log in... they just deactivated my login info without emailing me or anything. Still haven't gotten a rejection email.

Savages.
 
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NotaCop said:
Lol I checked Drexel's portal like a month ago to see if I was still on Hold, couldn't log in... they just deactivated my login info without emailing me or anything. Still haven't gotten a rejection email.

Savages.
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That is terrible.
 
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