Things I Learn From My Patients

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Geesh, the price we pay for laziness . . .
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nachoDoc said:
Every year about 10,000 people go to emergency rooms because of escalator accidents and 20 percent of those incidents involve hands, feet or shoes getting trapped.
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ZOMG and here I thought that was one of the irrational fears of childhood! Believe me, from now on I'll be taking the stairs whenever possible! :scared:
 
Background on me: I'm going for my masters in Psychology, hoping to work in the field of drug rehab after falling into drugs myself in high school, college, and after college. After realizing that my BA in Art History is nice, and I do love art and have been working in a local gallery I've decided it's time to do some good for others.

On to my ED story:
I was taken to the ER after being in a car accident. Drunk driver T-Boned my friend's car, on the drivers side. She suffered a shattered jaw, dislocated shoulder and a punctured lung due to rib fractures. I had 3 fractured ribs. I arrive at the ER and am placed in a room with a young girl, about 9-11 y/o I'm guessing. She is screaming bloody murder. The doctors come in to asses my injuries, everything went without a hitch and I'm simply waiting to be discharged and picked up by my parents. I'm put back into the room from hell. The doctors decide to give the screaming girl Haldol while waiting for the Psych department to come transport her to their unit. This was not the first dose of Haldol given to the girl.

Lesson learned: For some people, nothing short of coma can get the truly determined to calm down.

Second lesson learned: Always carry those Bose noise reducing headphones with you, you'll never know when you'll need them.
 
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Sorry to post twice but this is something that has been on my mind.

I've read a bunch of posts where some of you have said things along the lines of "if you have x amount of tattoos do not complain you are scared of needles." Personally I have quite a few tattoos, a full sleeve and various others. I am terrified of shots, IV's and needles in general. It's more of a psychological thing. Tattoo machines poke at the skin, they do not fully enter the body as shots, IV's and general getting blood drawn procedures do. I've come across many doctors who've given me funny looks or just deemed me difficult (which I am, when it comes to getting shots, blood drawn and especially IV's). Please don't assume that just because someone has tattoos that they like needles. However, if someone with an excessive, or even reasonable amount of piercings comes in and then pitches a fit about the needles, they're fair game.
 
nachoDoc said:
Every year about 10,000 people go to emergency rooms because of escalator accidents and 20 percent of those incidents involve hands, feet or shoes getting trapped.
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I knew my fear of escalators was justified!
 
nachoDoc said:
Every year about 10,000 people go to emergency rooms because of escalator accidents and 20 percent of those incidents involve hands, feet or shoes getting trapped.
Click to expand...

I am always fascinated when I read statistics like this. The question that always comes to mind is, who counts these things, and how?
 
Flopotomist said:
I am always fascinated when I read statistics like this. The question that always comes to mind is, who counts these things, and how?
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They've documented approximately 7000 pencil related injuries, annually
 
Its not so much learned as reaffirmed every few weeks

If you stuff things up your ass they will get stuck there.


What I don't understand is why the rest of America doesn't seem to be learning this. Perhaps they just need to hang out in the ER for a few weeks
 
ERMudPhud said:
Its not so much learned as reaffirmed every few weeks

If you stuff things up your ass they will get stuck there.


What I don't understand is why the rest of America doesn't seem to be learning this. Perhaps they just need to hang out in the ER for a few weeks
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I thnk it might be the "anything you can do I can do better" mindset.
 
ERMudPhud said:
Its not so much learned as reaffirmed every few weeks

If you stuff things up your ass they will get stuck there.


What I don't understand is why the rest of America doesn't seem to be learning this. Perhaps they just need to hang out in the ER for a few weeks
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Or we could just do one of those public service announcements on TV: "Hi, I'm doctor X. I know that many Americans enjoy putting things in their butt. I'm here to tell you that this, in addition to wearing Crocs on elevators, can be very dangerous."

This has been a public service announcement.
 
WallowaWanderer said:
Or we could just do one of those public service announcements on TV: "Hi, I'm doctor X. I know that many Americans enjoy putting things in their butt. I'm here to tell you that this, in addition to wearing Crocs on elevators, can be very dangerous."

This has been a public service announcement.
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Not to be picky, but should read escalators. Trust me, my sister has a great fear of them (because they led to the place where she got brain surgery), and we have to tell her it's ok, we'll take the elevator instead (which also led her there, but the escalator was first).
:)
 
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ERMudPhud said:
Its not so much learned as reaffirmed every few weeks

If you stuff things up your ass they will get stuck there.


What I don't understand is why the rest of America doesn't seem to be learning this. Perhaps they just need to hang out in the ER for a few weeks
Click to expand...

I had just been thinking there should be a PSA for this when I saw the other PSA post....

"Don't stick stuff up your ass. It will get stuck there...

more_you_know1.jpg
 
If you are a 60 yo guy who has been out drinking all night and your friends manage to get you home so you can pass out in bed you should really just give up on work for the day. Should you decide that you must get to work (presumably so you can get fired for showing up drunk) call a cab. You should not try to get to work on a motor scooter and by motor scooter I don't mean on of those scaled down motorcycles. In this case I'm talking about one of those skateboards with a chainsaw motor on the back. You will fall asleep at the wheel and crash into a dumpster resulting in hilarity for everyone except you.

Quote of the day! "No sir, your arm isn't supposed to bend that way."
 
Kittenmommy said:
ZOMG and here I thought that was one of the irrational fears of childhood! Believe me, from now on I'll be taking the stairs whenever possible! :scared:
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Less chances of diabetes for you!!! :laugh: :laugh:

Sorry I had to throw that in there after our lecture on obesite in med biochem and the picture in that powerpoint of a bunch oflazy people jamming onto the escalator while very few were actually walking up the stairs right next to the escalator. :laugh:
 
I learned that a high 2 y/o looks just like a high 22 y/o only slightly smaller.

Kiddo got into his cough syrup. The dosage is 1 ml. He drank the entire 30 ml bottle. He was pretty "lit" I guess you could say and I found the spacey slightly amused expression upon his face chuckle worthy.

Now I wonder why they pulled infant cough syrups off the shelves? One of life's mysteries.
 
When the triage nurse asks you why you are in the Emergency Department, and you respond "I bit my tongue", do not look smug and tell her that you bit it while performing cunnilingus on your girlfriend because EVERYONE in the ED will laugh at you and contemplate including instructions on how to do it right in your discharge papers.

Also, the guy didn't even need stitches, and there was hardly a bump on his tongue.
 
Koala 33 said:
At first, I read this as "Your Hoo" and I got really disgusted. :scared:
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Ew. Thanks for the visual. :scared:

Another feeding lesson learned in the peds ER-

When your baby is 9 mo/o and you're on a tight budget but need to be feeding her solid food, one way to save money is to feed her shrimp fried rice which you have graciously pre-chewed.
 
pingouin said:
Ew. Thanks for the visual. :scared:

Another feeding lesson learned in the peds ER-

When your baby is 9 mo/o and you're on a tight budget but need to be feeding her solid food, one way to save money is to feed her shrimp fried rice which you have graciously pre-chewed.
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Thats foul.

On the subject of patients losing things in their nether regions...
I learned:

In order to save yourself the extreme humiliation of having to actually explain yourself to the triage nurse, and a med student, and a PA student, and a paramedic student, and the surgical intern, and the ER doc.... just read a medical textbook. At the ER, you can give a textbook history for bowel obstruction. Say no more.

The ER will order an obstructive series faster than you can say "Plug"

The surgical intern will inform you that your three day history of bowel obstruction should resolve once they remove the shampoo bottle from your distal colon.

"OK, thank you"
 
I'm not in medicine; I'm a chemistry prof (although I do have a lot of premeds in my classes). This thread has provided a lot of comic relief while grading finals.

Maybe this belongs on a teaching forum, but I hope noone minds if I put up a story too. My "brightest" students end up in the ER anyways.

If you're dissolving steel by boiling it in nitric acid, it's ok to pick up the beaker with your bare hands. Only the inside of the glass will be hot. After you drop the hot beaker and spill the boiling nitric acid over your hands, make sure that you clean up the mess of broken glass on your labbench before running your hands under the tap. It's very important that you don't lose points for lab technique.

When you come back to class 9 days later with bandaged hands, ask your instructor to repeat the same lab. She'll let you because you didn't manage to eliminate yourself the first time and you still can use your fingers. This time, you know that the beaker will be hot and you're thinking things through so you know that the bandages on the palms of your hands will work just like oven mitts. Then when you find out that you can feel the heat on your tender palms and spill the boiling acid over your hands again, it's ok, because bandages soak up acid very nicely and you'll have no mess on your bench.

They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
 
stibiobacter said:
I'm not in medicine; I'm a chemistry prof (although I do have a lot of premeds in my classes). This thread has provided a lot of comic relief while grading finals.

Maybe this belongs on a teaching forum, but I hope noone minds if I put up a story too. My "brightest" students end up in the ER anyways.

If you're dissolving steel by boiling it in nitric acid, it's ok to pick up the beaker with your bare hands. Only the inside of the glass will be hot. After you drop the hot beaker and spill the boiling nitric acid over your hands, make sure that you clean up the mess of broken glass on your labbench before running your hands under the tap. It's very important that you don't lose points for lab technique.

When you come back to class 9 days later with bandaged hands, ask your instructor to repeat the same lab. She'll let you because you didn't manage to eliminate yourself the first time and you still can use your fingers. This time, you know that the beaker will be hot and you're thinking things through so you know that the bandages on the palms of your hands will work just like oven mitts. Then when you find out that you can feel the heat on your tender palms and spill the boiling acid over your hands again, it's ok, because bandages soak up acid very nicely and you'll have no mess on your bench.

They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
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It sounds like they are out to kill, or atleast maime, themselves. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
 
Drogba said:
It sounds like they are out to kill, or atleast maime, themselves. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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Agreed. I'm thinking that particular student is going for a Darwin Award. Do they have an Outstanding Achievement category? Because they really should.
 
stibiobacter said:
They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
Click to expand...



There's no need to fret. They're learning one step at a time and at the rate they're going, you'll probably be retired by the time they figure out the steps to actually carry out your murder.





How to get help in getting into your wheel chair:

Venomously insult each and every one of your care providers, including the janitor, to the point that even ED staff is shocked (you receive 5 bonus stool cultures for such an accomplishment). Then when you ask for help into your wheel chair so you can leave AMA, they will drop you into your wheel chair so rapidly it will knock the breath out of you.
 
stibiobacter said:
I'm not in medicine; I'm a chemistry prof (although I do have a lot of premeds in my classes). This thread has provided a lot of comic relief while grading finals.

Maybe this belongs on a teaching forum, but I hope noone minds if I put up a story too. My "brightest" students end up in the ER anyways.

If you're dissolving steel by boiling it in nitric acid, it's ok to pick up the beaker with your bare hands. Only the inside of the glass will be hot. After you drop the hot beaker and spill the boiling nitric acid over your hands, make sure that you clean up the mess of broken glass on your labbench before running your hands under the tap. It's very important that you don't lose points for lab technique.

When you come back to class 9 days later with bandaged hands, ask your instructor to repeat the same lab. She'll let you because you didn't manage to eliminate yourself the first time and you still can use your fingers. This time, you know that the beaker will be hot and you're thinking things through so you know that the bandages on the palms of your hands will work just like oven mitts. Then when you find out that you can feel the heat on your tender palms and spill the boiling acid over your hands again, it's ok, because bandages soak up acid very nicely and you'll have no mess on your bench.

They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
Click to expand...

When this student comes to you asking if you would submit a Letter of Reccomendation to their med school application file, what are you going to do?
 
howelljolly said:
When this student comes to you asking if you would submit a Letter of Reccomendation to their med school application file, what are you going to do?
Click to expand...

Actually students like this do ask for letters for recommendation. I usually try to hint strongly that they ask someone else. If they insist, I write a letter along the lines of Hu is an good student in lecture; however, his/her technical skills need improvement.

As to "they're out to get me", the acid dropping student managed to spill only on herself. Often, such students are threat to others around them. I had one student who figured that if you plug a container tightly, the water will boil faster. The glass stopper whistled past my ear and shattered against the wall behind me.:eek:
 
stibiobacter said:
I'm not in medicine; I'm a chemistry prof (although I do have a lot of premeds in my classes). This thread has provided a lot of comic relief while grading finals.

Maybe this belongs on a teaching forum, but I hope noone minds if I put up a story too. My "brightest" students end up in the ER anyways.

If you're dissolving steel by boiling it in nitric acid, it's ok to pick up the beaker with your bare hands. Only the inside of the glass will be hot. After you drop the hot beaker and spill the boiling nitric acid over your hands, make sure that you clean up the mess of broken glass on your labbench before running your hands under the tap. It's very important that you don't lose points for lab technique.

When you come back to class 9 days later with bandaged hands, ask your instructor to repeat the same lab. She'll let you because you didn't manage to eliminate yourself the first time and you still can use your fingers. This time, you know that the beaker will be hot and you're thinking things through so you know that the bandages on the palms of your hands will work just like oven mitts. Then when you find out that you can feel the heat on your tender palms and spill the boiling acid over your hands again, it's ok, because bandages soak up acid very nicely and you'll have no mess on your bench.

They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
Click to expand...

:laugh:

That's hilarious. Is she going to get a third chance? Maybe she'll earn a Darwin award. And just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
 
docB said:
:laugh:

Is she going to get a third chance? Maybe she'll earn a Darwin award.
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Actually, I never saw that student again. I'm guessing that the second time she burned her hands badly enough that she was out of school for a while and probably changed majors. A Darwin award is still possible. Maybe she could start a plague as a bio major??
 
stibiobacter said:
Actually, I never saw that student again. I'm guessing that the second time she burned her hands badly enough that she was out of school for a while and probably changed majors. A Darwin award is still possible. Maybe she could start a plague as a bio major??
Click to expand...

Oh, thanks. Now I'll be up all night worrying! :scared:
 
stibiobacter said:
Actually students like this do ask for letters for recommendation. I usually try to hint strongly that they ask someone else. If they insist, I write a letter along the lines of Hu is an good student in lecture; however, his/her technical skills need improvement.

As to "they're out to get me", the acid dropping student managed to spill only on herself. Often, such students are threat to others around them. I had one student who figured that if you plug a container tightly, the water will boil faster. The glass stopper whistled past my ear and shattered against the wall behind me.:eek:
Click to expand...

Alright maybe they are trying to kill you!
 
howelljolly said:
They've documented approximately 7000 pencil related injuries, annually
Click to expand...
I read this as "7000 PENIS related injuries..." and the sad part is I did the whole "um hm," nod thing. It took a while before I realized I was wrong....

time to stop studying theriogenology...
 
stibiobacter said:
They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
Click to expand...
Dear God Man,

Whatever you do DO NOT have them do the lab where they make tiny amts of hydrogen and then light it on fire when it reaches the ceiling...they'll blow you up!
 
I like the one where you get to oxidize magnesium. Magnesium + Bunsen burner = pretty!
 
These chemistry stories remind me of back when I was in high school. A pair of students in my chem lab started a fire because they heated ethyl alcohol directly against the flame. They then tried to put the fire out by smothering it with paper towels. They learned very quickly that it was a bad idea.
 
GoofyDoc said:
These chemistry stories remind me of back when I was in high school. A pair of students in my chem lab started a fire because they heated ethyl alcohol directly against the flame. They then tried to put the fire out by smothering it with paper towels. They learned very quickly that it was a bad idea.
Click to expand...

Because, of course, the best way to put out a fire is to pile flamable material on top of it.
 
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Today I learned that if the toilet is backed up and you family jewels get dipped in the bowl when you try to sit down, and if you simply refuse to poop in a bedpan, a perfectly reasonable solution is to simply drop trou and plop a mudpile on the floor.

When your nurse expresses considerable consternation at the result, go ahead and do it again for good measure.

Your roommate will also appreciate this, and the pleasant scent you have filled the room with.
 
Hawaiian Bruin said:
Today I learned that if the toilet is backed up and you family jewels get dipped in the bowl when you try to sit down, and if you simply refuse to poop in a bedpan, a perfectly reasonable solution is to simply drop trou and plop a mudpile on the floor.

When your nurse expresses considerable consternation at the result, go ahead and do it again for good measure.

Your roommate will also appreciate this, and the pleasant scent you have filled the room with.
Click to expand...

OMG you've got to be kidding me. Honestly, what the heck is wrong with some people?? :confused:
 
I second the oxidizing magnesium ribbons as the most pleasing chemistry experiment. Although my HS did find chunks of sodium sitting around the in store room which we disposed of by throwing in tubs of water outside and watching explode. No injuries. Nothing really as aesthetically pleasing in EM. Slit lamp exam perhaps? And I did see a 3D reconstruction cerebral angio of a ruptured AVM...
 
Magnesium ribbon is really cool... as a fuse for your thermite reaction.

I'm not too sure that one was legal actually, but the school I went to had a really good Chem program, and reasonably insane students.
 
Febrifuge said:
Magnesium ribbon is really cool... as a fuse for your thermite reaction.

I'm not too sure that one was legal actually, but the school I went to had a really good Chem program, and reasonably insane students.
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Wow. Which one are you in that video? I think all of you need your heads examined! :p
 
I'm not anybody in that video, but when we did it it wasn't on videotape.

What you're seeing is a reaction that kicks out enough heat to melt iron; it burns through the two flowerpots and drips into the bucket full of sand. Back in WWI and WWII, they used thermite bombs to melt through the armor of tanks.
 
Febrifuge said:
I'm not anybody in that video, but when we did it it wasn't on videotape.

What you're seeing is a reaction that kicks out enough heat to melt iron; it burns through the two flowerpots and drips into the bucket full of sand. Back in WWI and WWII, they used thermite bombs to melt through the armor of tanks.
Click to expand...

You guys are lucky that you didn't end up in this thread as examples! ;)
 
Febrifuge said:
I'm not anybody in that video, but when we did it it wasn't on videotape.

What you're seeing is a reaction that kicks out enough heat to melt iron; it burns through the two flowerpots and drips into the bucket full of sand. Back in WWI and WWII, they used thermite bombs to melt through the armor of tanks.
Click to expand...

They still use thermite grenades to destroy/disable dicovered enemy equipment and weapons. A thermite grenade placed on an engine block will burn a nice hole nearly through it. Placing one down a mortar tube puts it out of service quite nicely.
 
Yep, we've got them in dentistry too.

As in, a paste of Clorox and Comet is an excellent way to whiten your teeth.

Also, if your four front teeth fall out from untreated perio, an acceptable solution is to simply super glue them together and wear them around shoved up under your upper lip.
 
It would have been a little more convincing if he hadn't transposed #8 and #9.

Thank God we wear masks, LOL. Hard to keep a straight face.

Just read through the rest of this continuation thread, and on the baby food issue, I'm now reconstructing a three year old whose cranked out mother figured that straight Coca Cola in her bedtime bottle would help the child sleep. Not sure if it was the sugar or the caffeine that was the active ingredient there, but I can say it didn't do much for her teeth.

My favorites are the ones who bring their kids in with completely rotted out dentition and when I ask "how often do you brush their teeth?" the answer is a completely baffled, "oh, you're supposed to brush little kids' teeth?" Usually the same ones who won't even go in the room where we dispense fluoride, 'cause that stuff'll kill ya*.

Sex should absolutely NOT lead to children.



*disclaimer: yeah, yeah, I know it CAN, but not very often. At least not right there in my office ;) .
 
When you only have enough money to either go to dialysis, or pick up a new HDTV, it's nice to see picking up the HDTV wins everytime. Having to be admitted for dialysis then takes on new meaning as you just sat around for a few days watching your new tv, missing your dialysis appointments. Although, I'm still confused how this patient was able to get an HDTV when I don't even have one yet.
 
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