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Although, I'm still confused how this patient was able to get an HDTV when I don't even have one yet.
I think this is one of the questions that baffles ALL of us. (or at least me)
Although, I'm still confused how this patient was able to get an HDTV when I don't even have one yet.
Oh, it's not free.If you try, you will receive a free visit to the ER.
But those chairs are so comfy and they move!Sex should absolutely NOT lead to children.
*disclaimer: yeah, yeah, I know it CAN, but not very often. At least not right there in my office .
Sex should absolutely NOT lead to children.
Oh, it's not free.
But those chairs are so comfy and they move!
When you only have enough money to either go to dialysis, or pick up a new HDTV, it's nice to see picking up the HDTV wins everytime. Having to be admitted for dialysis then takes on new meaning as you just sat around for a few days watching your new tv, missing your dialysis appointments. Although, I'm still confused how this patient was able to get an HDTV when I don't even have one yet.
If you are going to bluff/threaten suicide then make sure the gun is unloaded INCLUDING the round that is chambered before placing the gun to your head and pulling the trigger.
It's a really bad time to get your math wrong.
-Mike
If you are going to bluff/threaten suicide then make sure the gun is unloaded INCLUDING the round that is chambered before placing the gun to your head and pulling the trigger.
It's a really bad time to get your math wrong.
-Mike
I thought for years this is how my uncle died. I just found out tonight it was a freak accident and they knew it was loaded, but of course no safety and playing still wasn't smart.
I'm not in medicine; I'm a chemistry prof (although I do have a lot of premeds in my classes). This thread has provided a lot of comic relief while grading finals.
Maybe this belongs on a teaching forum, but I hope noone minds if I put up a story too. My "brightest" students end up in the ER anyways.
If you're dissolving steel by boiling it in nitric acid, it's ok to pick up the beaker with your bare hands. Only the inside of the glass will be hot. After you drop the hot beaker and spill the boiling nitric acid over your hands, make sure that you clean up the mess of broken glass on your labbench before running your hands under the tap. It's very important that you don't lose points for lab technique.
When you come back to class 9 days later with bandaged hands, ask your instructor to repeat the same lab. She'll let you because you didn't manage to eliminate yourself the first time and you still can use your fingers. This time, you know that the beaker will be hot and you're thinking things through so you know that the bandages on the palms of your hands will work just like oven mitts. Then when you find out that you can feel the heat on your tender palms and spill the boiling acid over your hands again, it's ok, because bandages soak up acid very nicely and you'll have no mess on your bench.
They're out to kill me. Am I being paranoid?
Today I learned that if the toilet is backed up and you family jewels get dipped in the bowl when you try to sit down, and if you simply refuse to poop in a bedpan, a perfectly reasonable solution is to simply drop trou and plop a mudpile on the floor.
When your nurse expresses considerable consternation at the result, go ahead and do it again for good measure.
Your roommate will also appreciate this, and the pleasant scent you have filled the room with.
One of the best lessons I learned in my surgery rotation - if you're a diabetic who gets a perineal abscess, get it checked out ASAP before it turns into Fournier's gangrene of the scrotum!
This was something I had only read about once before but when I actually saw the necrotizing fasciitis eating his junk for lunch.........I will never forget it. After the excruciating trip to the OR to see if his 2 veg could be salvaged via extensive debridement (they were), he was basically left with 2 balls and their cords hanging in the open air.
Before getting a skin graft to patch up what was left of his ballsack, he also got daily dressing checks (just like any other surgery patient) and when the dressings needed to be changed, the pain was so bad that he had to be knocked out with ketamine!
scarred me for the full 2 weeks I had to see this guy
the funny part was he still found time to hit on every female that walked into his room
what a trooper.
I've learned that if you are allergic to latex, accidentally sit on just about any household object you want EXCEPT a tennis ball. Otherwise you might die.
Also, sex ed is very important, but was definitely not taught very well back in the day... and this is how a very old woman ends up coming into the ED repeatedly and being diagnosed with bladder infections.. until, with further examination, it is found that despite proclaiming to still be, "intimate" with her husband, her hymen is still mostly intact and her urethra is grotesquely stretched.
Oh, and if you are going to use a catheter and a syringe to inject wine into your bladder so that you can then piss it into a wine glass for the patrons the gay bar you work at... well, first, you might not want to do it.. but if you insist, try using a new catheter each time.
I admit to not having experienced these first hand, but I heard them from extremely good sources at the Fire Department I used to work at.
Oh. my. god. I've been reading this thread since the beginning of part I and this is the only one which has inspired true disbelief in me. Did this really happen? Is that even possible...
I read that story out of the book Emergency. In it, the lady was in her 70s.
I definitely need to get that book. I read "Just here trying to save a few lives," a while back, which was thoroughly depressing. Have you read that one?
How to get out of the "are you married" question:
This all depends on if your wife can manage to get your girlfriend's cell number. As you enter the ER for "not feeling right", notice girlfriend answer her cell and her face turn red. When girlfriend asks you why this woman is claiming to be your wife, lose all color, collapse, code.
Yes, that one was written by a physician working under Doctors Without Borders. She talked quite a bit about poverty. Emergency is made up of short stories written by lots of authors---some are funny and others are sad. I founf a used copy on Amazon for about $2.
On average, 100 people a year choke to death on ballpoint pens.For this reason I only use pens.
I work in the medical unit of a jail. Okay if I post a few things I've learned here?
If you don't want to go to jail for arson, get caught in your own conflagration. After ten months in the burn unit with 95% FT burns, the judge will look at you in your wheelchair, minus hands and facial features, and decide you are no longer a threat to society, and stay all charges.
I work in the medical unit of a jail. Okay if I post a few things I've learned here?
If you are having a heated discussion with the police, by all means, try and forcibly take the gun from one of their holsters. The police REALLY hate that, so you'll get to spend part of your incarceration under guard in hospital instead of in the jail.
If you go into your methadone pharmacy, threaten the pharmacist with a knife, tie her up with duct tape, make off with a 32-ounce bottle of methadone 5mg/mL solution, and come back two weeks later as if nothing happened asking for your usual dose, I'll be very happy to see you in my jail. Your rants about laying assault charges against "that bitch" (the pharmacist, who grabbed your arm and wouldn't let go while her assistant called 911) are especially amusing.
If you don't want to go to jail for arson, get caught in your own conflagration. After ten months in the burn unit with 95% FT burns, the judge will look at you in your wheelchair, minus hands and facial features, and decide you are no longer a threat to society, and stay all charges.
My friends reaction started bubbling. Inquisically she called over our instructor. The instructor, a sweet Italian lady, gets a look of pure panic on her face. She takes the sash, slams it shut, and tells everyone to back away immediately. Luckily, nothing happened.If you are nitrating toluene, and the other people in the lab are running away, join them.
My friends reaction started bubbling. Inquisically she called over our instructor. The instructor, a sweet Italian lady, gets a look of pure panic on her face. She takes the sash, slams it shut, and tells everyone to back away immediately. Luckily, nothing happened.
Maybe I was absent in chemistry on this day, but what friggin lab has you do anything that could even accidentally involve the nitration of toluene?
I wasn't ever absent, but I WAS thinking to myself, "So? You're nitrating a big ol' aromatic ring with a methyl group for a head. What's the big friggin' deal? It's not like it's gonna explo.... oh."
Who's bright idea was it to let a bunch of 18-20 year olds play with dangerous chemicals?
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for letting natural selection kick in on occasion, but some of us poor saps had to supervise them.
Maybe I was absent in chemistry on this day, but what friggin lab has you do anything that could even accidentally involve the nitration of toluene?
There were some brilliant kids in my orgo lab but some of them had no common sense and no real world experience. For example anyone who has ever cooked for themselves knows you don't heat a closed system. At least one guy (who probably works for JPL or MIT now) learned that one in a really exciting and percussive way.Who's bright idea was it to let a bunch of 18-20 year olds play with dangerous chemicals?
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for letting natural selection kick in on occasion, but some of us poor saps had to supervise them.