15 Things I’ve Learned My First Week of Med School:
- It is absolutely ****ing amazing that any of us are still alive
- Our brains can retain a lot more than we give them credit for
- Peanut M&M’s are the treatment for the disease that is med school
- There is a such thing as having too many resources and too much help (yet still needing more)
- There is always someone smarter than you…
- …but that doesn’t make you dumb
- It’s okay to have an unproductive day
- If you haven’t cried yet you will
- Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re not capable
- When you don’t know how to start, write down the title and just keep going—you can reword it later
- If the lecture is scheduled that day, then listen to it that day; nothing feels worse than being behind
- You are a genetic miracle
- Sometimes you just have to say “**** it” and order cheesecake
- You will feel guilty about putting something off, but sleep is more important than the 1 extra point you will get on a test from memorizing the insertion of that muscle
- When in doubt, remember that you are doing this so you can give your cat a good life
Please take the following with a certain level of humor:
15 things ive learnt my first week of M2 year... in the times of COVID
1) i cannot remember how to dress professionally anymore.... LIke, for real. Especially in 96 degree weather of southern virginia. More importantly, half of my clothes doesnt fit... Because of "COVID quarantine diet". AKA no diet at all. My standardized patient will just have to be flexible and understanding today.
2) apparently i could not remember what it is like to actually touch a human being either. It felt inappropriate. (i live alone, no relationships, quarantined alone for months). Every physical exam maneuver i did felt incredibly invasive... God, i wonder how M3s are doing now.
3) I am amazed at how much more "flexible" my standards got. Clean apartment? "flexible". Clean clothes? "flexible". Zoom call with research coordinators? Blouse and makeup on top, and old stretched out pants on the bottom: "flexible".
4) My dog is judging me. She is not used to having me so much around. (all lectures online). Every time i walk her, she looks at other people... i think she is plotting an escape.
5)It is DEFINITELY
"absolutely ****ing amazing that any of us are still alive".... especially the way i am eating and drinking.... truly amazing.
6) There are so many resources i should be using right now... And honestly i sort of dont care about any of them anymore. Maybe its just me, but i feel like part of you sort of dies by the beginning of the second year. You sort of dont care as much.
7) "There is always someone smarter than you…". True... after today's ultrasound lab, after not touching ultrasound since MARCH, i feel like EVERYONE in the world is smarter than me. My classmates havent said anything, but judging by silent desperation reflecting in their eyes, - we are all on the same page.
8) " …but that doesn’t make you dumb" - WEEEELLLLL>.... hmmmm. maybe it does
9) Havent cried yet. Too tired to cry. Feels so dumb to cry over medical school when people are legitimately dying... Plus i guess i am too tired to cry? Yeah, thats it. I am too tired. We are all to tired. By now me and my classmates (at least the ones i talked to) sort of came to that level of acceptance of reality, no matter how twisted, that whatever happens, you will simply be ok with it and survive.
10) If the lecture is scheduled for that day.... Listen to it by the beginning of next week. Or dont listen to it at all, if B&B has a shorter version. Or listen to it on 1.5 speed while taking a bath. Or playing a video game. You get my point. "Not all lectures are created equal". If someone told me that last year, i would have been offended. Now i get it.
11) i am not a genetic miracle. My heart is almost vertical in my chest (which pisses off all the ultrasound partners i get), my kidneys are vertical, and my lungs are weirdly small.... hmmm... I guess i am sort of a miracle? Regardless, by M2 year, you really dont care.
12) "Sometimes you just have to say “**** it” and order cheesecake"... yep, this is still the same. In my case it is not cheesecake, - i make cookies or pizza. But yeah, spot on!
13) Yes, you still feel guilty if you put something off... except instead of sleeping you watch a tv show or play a video game.... Yeah, not ideal, but you are sort of tired of caring.
14) Every time i feel guilty about lowering a standard for myself, i later realize, that i am a good person, and, hopefully, a good doctor, not because of some perfectionist idealistic expectations of myself, but because of the effort i put into things that i DO care about. So, i put those things first, and give the rest the minimum effort. Yes, maybe i will never be the best because of this. But i feel happier than when i was chasing every single grade, every single position, and every single accomplishment.
15) I used to think that "i" belong to "medical school". Kind of like, They chose me, and i am theirs. Now i realize, - it is not true. They are there for me. To give me resources that i need to be a good doctor. I am a consumer, they are the provider. And it is my job to decide that i want to learn, and consciously guide my experience. No one owes me anything.
