Accept large gift from boss?

[bitnervous]

I have been working in a research lab for a year, and I will be leaving to study abroad for a year before I start med school at the same university. I may continue to work part time at the lab while I am abroad (doing stuff that can easily be done remotely) and also possibly when I am in med school.

My boss just gave me a check for $1000, saying it is a token of gratitude for the work I have done this year (I am usually paid for by the university as an hourly employee). I did not open the envelope containing it until I was alone, so I have not technically accepted the gift yet.

Do I keep it? Money is always good, but isn't it an inappropriate amount? Also, would giving it back just be a slap in the face?

I tried to find guidelines on gifts through my university's website, but I couldn't find anything. Any thoughts?

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[eldoctor]

I have been working in a research lab for a year, and I will be leaving to study abroad for a year before I start med school at the same university. I may continue to work part time at the lab while I am abroad (doing stuff that can easily be done remotely) and also possibly when I am in med school.

My boss just gave me a check for $1000, saying it is a token of gratitude for the work I have done this year (I am usually paid for by the university as an hourly employee). I did not open the envelope containing it until I was alone, so I have not technically accepted the gift yet.

Do I keep it? Money is always good, but isn't it an inappropriate amount? Also, would giving it back just be a slap in the face?

I tried to find guidelines on gifts through my university's website, but I couldn't find anything. Any thoughts?

I don't know about you, but I am a poor college student. TAKE IT and bring him a damn nice souvenir from your study abroad site. If you really feel you should not take it, turn it down as tactfully as possible, which may still be offensive.

 

[gravitywave]

if it's not made with any strings attached or otherwise in an environment of coercion, i can't see any problem.

was it a university payroll check or did the PI cut you this out of a personal account? if it was personal, it truly is a gift and therefore non-taxable 😉

 

[orthomyxo]

Dude...come on. It's a free $1000 and you want to give it back? I understand why you might be hesitant to accept, but that sounds awfully hard to pass up.

 

[bitnervous]

Thanks for your helpful responses! Yeah you guys are probably right... maybe I am just being neurotic. I told my mom about it, and she started bringing up all these issues about "what does he expect in return" and feeling like I owe him something... It didn't seem like much of an issue at the time, but she got me kind of freaked out about it.

Is there anyone out there who feels the other way? That there is something wrong with accepting it?

 

[Keem]

Is it a university check or a personal check? If its a personal check I wouldn't take it. University check i would.

 

[bitnervous]

It is a personal check. Would you be worried about it being an inappropriately large gift?

 

[Poliscidoc]

Hell no, take it and have a great time. Just don't bring back some cheap t-shirt and say "thanks".

 

[DiamondBar]

I say buy him something around 300-400 dollars if you are that hesitant. 🙂

 

[shopsteward]

You say you've been employed in the lab as an hourly paid university employee, and the check comes from your boss, out of his personal account.

Both you and your boss have contracts of employment, and probably other terms and conditions of employment (staff handbooks and the like). Your first course should be to check your contract of employment, and the staff handbooks and policies, pretty carefully, to see if there is anything in them which either of you could be violating by giving and accepting the money.

Secondly, the usual reward for good work in an employment role would be an official place-of-work bonus made from place-of-work official funds. Is there anything in your terms and conditions of employment which would have allowed the payment to be made officially, and if so, why hasn't that route been followed?

If this money is coming from your boss's personal, tax-paid income, then it's a pretty personal gift. That doesn't necessarily mean its problematical. Perhaps there isn't any scope for you as an hourly-paid university employee to be given a bonus at that level, or the bureaucracy is too difficult, but your work has enabled your boss to get an official bonus and he is passing some of it on to you in turn, in the only practical way. Nothing much wrong with that, that I can see. (And depending on his financial situation, he may not even think it is a large sum of money.) On the other hand, if you do have still have concerns about propriety issues or personal obligation, the "thanks but too generous" approach is unlikely to offend.

You are going to have to say something to your boss sometime soon. It's as well to do that from a position where you at least know whether you can accept the gift within the terms of your employment. After that, it's a question of the extent to which you have questions for him about why he is doing it, and how you personally feel about the answers.

 

[Keem]

It is a personal check. Would you be worried about it being an inappropriately large gift?

I don't know... I wouldn't feel comfortable taking a personal check from my boss for my work... I would try to come to him and be like this isn't necessary blah blah the experience alone was pay enough, and see if there is a bigger reason for this gift (he made more money/got a grant etc. due to your hard work etc...)

 

[ar2388]

i woudl take it if there are no strings attached... i mean $1000 is quite nice but i would absolutely bring back something nice from study abroad.

 

[bitnervous]

I called HR anonymously and checked (although I did not indicate the dollar amount of the check--I just said it was a personal check) and they said that if it is a personal gift meant as a thank you gift or going away present (which it certainly seemed to be) it is fine.

So it looks okay..... still nervous, as per my account name.

 

[sustentacular]

That honestly sounds super weird to me and I would be freaked out by it too. But maybe this guy really is that grateful for your help and is a little uncouth/awkward and doesn't realize how that kind of gift would make you feel.

As a pleasantry I'd say something to him like, "this is a lot of money are you sure?" then when he insists be sure to thank him... with NOT a bj.

 

[BBender716]

Dude. That is sick. I would definitely be going back for a LOR!

 

[Reaction]

I would take it lol.. I mean he offered you it=]

 

[bitnervous]

Ok I am probably an idiot but I have decided I will give it back. I just figured that given how it might look weird to coworkers, people on the outside, etc., that I would feel like I'd have to hide it, which would make the situation uncomfortable. Now I just need to work up the courage and tact to do it...

 

[LizzyM]

"Hi, Boss. I'm really touched by your generosity but this is too much and it makes me uncomfortable. I appreciate the opportunities I've had in your lab and I want you to know that I am grateful. Thanks for being a great boss."




As an aside: Are you a heterosexual female and is the boss a heterosexual male?

 

[st2205]

Ok I am probably an idiot but I have decided I will give it back. I just figured that given how it might look weird to coworkers, people on the outside, etc., that I would feel like I'd have to hide it, which would make the situation uncomfortable. Now I just need to work up the courage and tact to do it...

How hard is that to hide?

Unless you find yourself running into a coworker at the mall and have this conversation, then I wouldn't worry about it.

Sally: Yeah, when I left Dr. Johnson gave me a package of clicky pens. You know, the ones that have all the different colors on them? It's awesome and I was so excited! What did he get you?
You: Oh, he got me a card wishing me luck with some nice words.
Sally: Wow, that's, like, really weird. How come he gave me such a cool present but only gave you a card? I mean, a card is nice and all... but clicky pens are clicky pens. There has to be something you're not telling me. What is it?
You: Nothing, really, he just said he appreciated my work and gave me a card with a nice note.
Sally: He gave you $1,000 didn't he?
You: Yeah. Yeah, he did.
Sally: That makes me so mad! I'm a much better pippetter than you and we both know it! What did I do wrong that I only got clicky pens? I'm going to confront him after I go to Hollister.

 

[Silverman780]

After you make it in the world of medicine, he expects FREE PHYSICALS FOR LIFE!!!!

 

[bitnervous]

"Hi, Boss. I'm really touched by your generosity but this is too much and it makes me uncomfortable. I appreciate the opportunities I've had in your lab and I want you to know that I am grateful. Thanks for being a great boss."




As an aside: Are you a heterosexual female and is the boss a heterosexual male?

Thanks, LizzyM. I think that is a really good way to put it. And you're correct about our genders, which adds an additional element that could potentially look shady. (I certainly don't think he means it in any way like that, but I certainly wouldn't want it to look like he does.)

 

[bitnervous]

How hard is that to hide?

Unless you find yourself running into a coworker at the mall and have this conversation, then I wouldn't worry about it.

Sally: Yeah, when I left Dr. Johnson gave me a package of clicky pens. You know, the ones that have all the different colors on them? It's awesome and I was so excited! What did he get you?
You: Oh, he got me a card wishing me luck with some nice words.
Sally: Wow, that's, like, really weird. How come he gave me such a cool present but only gave you a card? I mean, a card is nice and all... but clicky pens are clicky pens. There has to be something you're not telling me. What is it?
You: Nothing, really, he just said he appreciated my work and gave me a card with a nice note.
Sally: He gave you $1,000 didn't he?
You: Yeah. Yeah, he did.
Sally: That makes me so mad! I'm a much better pippetter than you and we both know it! What did I do wrong that I only got clicky pens? I'm going to confront him after I go to Hollister.

Haha. No you're right it isn't hard to hide, but the fact that I'd feel like it's necessary to hide it would make me feel weird.

 

[Poliscidoc]

Epic Fail- I am disappointed OP

 

[Darthvinder]

"Hi, Boss. I'm really touched by your generosity but this is too much and it makes me uncomfortable. I appreciate the opportunities I've had in your lab and I want you to know that I am grateful. Thanks for being a great boss."

This, but then cash the check anyways.

 

[allentown]

I agree with shopsteward in post #10. It could be a legitimate reward in his eyes, especially if there are no other channels through which he could give you a bonus.

I've been in a position similar to his myself, and it seems like a reasonable gesture to me. If it makes you uncomfortable, though, maybe you're sensing an obligation behind the gift. In that case, of course, it's probably best to return it.

 

[theWUbear]

I was also going to ask about the gender of each of you. I think this puts you in an uncomfortable position and was not very professional of him.

It is possible that he did not consider this and felt you were underpaid or deserved a bonus of some sort.

I would thank him for everything and insist that you could not take the gift although you appreciate the gesture immensely.

 

[deleted307836]

"Hi, Boss. I'm really touched by your generosity but this is too much and it makes me uncomfortable. I appreciate the opportunities I've had in your lab and I want you to know that I am grateful. Thanks for being a great boss."




As an aside: Are you a heterosexual female and is the boss a heterosexual male?

Agree with this. A gift of this amount from him personally just doesn't really make sense... I would return it if I were you and gently tell him why as LizzyM suggested.

 

[OGMD]

I don't think the gift is necessarily "too much". I've seen patients give med students $1000+ checks because "they helped out so much and really deserve some extra money" and they only know them for brief periods of time.

But I do agree with previous posts, tell him it was very nice but you really can't accept such a large amount and maybe he will explain his reasoning and reassure you.

 

[bitnervous]

I returned it to him today. It took a ridiculously long time to get him to take it back, but he didn't seem offended. At least now I don't have to worry about it anymore!

Thanks again, everyone, for your advice 🙂

 

[orthomyxo]

i returned it to him today. It took a ridiculously long time to get him to take it back, but he didn't seem offended. At least now i don't have to worry about it anymore!

Thanks again, everyone, for your advice 🙂

booooooo!!!!

 

[the duck]

booooooo!!!!

👍

Wow seriously? Your values mean more to you than a 1000 bucks? WTF.

 

[phatlineman]

.

 

[plauto]

I think it was a personal call. It made you uncomfortable and you did what was right for you. I personally would have accepted the gift (yes, it's more than fine to get a gift for a job well done). And, honestly, $1000 in the real world is not what I'd call a lot of money.