Am I being too arrogant/lacking compassion in my PS?

[superdesperate]

I'm writing my very first draft right now and there are two things that I'm struggling with now because I think they're too risky/make me sound like a jerk:

1. I talk about being interested in medicine because I thought of cases as being "puzzles," that needed to be solved. I also delve into how wrong I was about that part and how compassion is instrumental as well after one memorable encounter. I also linked that with community service I did that would definitely demonstrate compassion since I worked with very vulnerable populations.

2. My mentor would often "quiz" me and ask me what I thought a patient's diagnosis was. I worked in the ER for almost two years so after that, it kind of became easier to pick up on who was septic or who was blah blah blah for really common illnesses. Would it be too arrogant for me to mention that once my mentor asked me about a specific patient and I was able to correctly say that the patient had sepsis?

Please help me!

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[chilly_md]

I am not a fan of the 2nd one. Doesn’t seem to add anything to why you want to be a physician. You can talk much more about your work in the ER in a different way.

 

[superdesperate]

I am not a fan of the 2nd one. Doesn’t seem to add anything to why you want to be a physician. You can talk much more about your work in the ER in a different way.

You're right, it doesn't seem to say a lot about my character. Is the first one okay though?

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

I feel like you may be trying to make these too much like a UG essay (quirky, too cute etc.)

Ive seen it be successful before but I prefer the more straightforward approach in med school admissions context

 

[chilly_md]

You're right, it doesn't seem to say a lot about my character. Is the first one okay though?

It is cliche. I agree with vox, there was an essay that was like #1 that was used as an example of a good personal statement years ago by consulting companies.

 

[superdesperate]

It is cliche. I agree with vox, there was an essay that was like #1 that was used as an example of a good personal statement years ago by consulting companies.

Got it, thank you so much!

 

[superdesperate]

I feel like you may be trying to make these too much like a UG essay (quirky, too cute etc.)

Ive seen it be successful before but I prefer the more straightforward approach in med school admissions context

Oof, I definitely need to hear that. Thank you so much! I'm scraping both of those ideas.

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

Oof, I definitely need to hear that. Thank you so much! I'm scraping both of those ideas.

Don’t worry, I defintely wrote more cringeworthy essays than I’m proud of. However, they were mostly secondaries. Primary should be your best piece of writing and should never be rushed (neither should secondaries but there are more logistical constraints)

Good rule is, if you think that you might cringe reading it back to yourself a few years from now, then it needs to be revised.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

I will assume you are taking advantage of Forum Members - *~*~*~*~*~*Official Personal Statement Guide and Reader List 2022-2023*~*~*~*~*~* .

So I'll flip the question: what stories (emphasis on multiple, suggesting 5+ for this exercise, but don't respond to the thread) do you feel you can discuss regarding your capacity for empathy or compassion for others? Limit yourself to 2 stories based on clinical settings or observations. You said you had at least something for your community service activities.

 

[LindaAccepted]

I'm writing my very first draft right now and there are two things that I'm struggling with now because I think they're too risky/make me sound like a jerk:

1. I talk about being interested in medicine because I thought of cases as being "puzzles," that needed to be solved. I also delve into how wrong I was about that part and how compassion is instrumental as well after one memorable encounter. I also linked that with community service I did that would definitely demonstrate compassion since I worked with very vulnerable populations.

2. My mentor would often "quiz" me and ask me what I thought a patient's diagnosis was. I worked in the ER for almost two years so after that, it kind of became easier to pick up on who was septic or who was blah blah blah for really common illnesses. Would it be too arrogant for me to mention that once my mentor asked me about a specific patient and I was able to correctly say that the patient had sepsis?

Please help me!

I'm not crazy about #2, but I think #1 has potential. It is hard to comment on a PS without seeing it and knowing what else you could write about.
I realize that you said you want to scrap both.

Realize in writing your PS that the lessons you derive from the experiences you choose to write about (including the evolution of your motivations to go into medicine) are what makes or breaks the essay. Your impact on others is relevant as is showing the compassion and empathy critical to clinical medicine, but they key is the lessons you learned and the growth you experienced.

 

[LunaOri]

1 is fine. Don’t use 2.

 

[drross90210]

#2 might be framed differently and work. Your MCAT and grades show how you perform on tests/quizzes. What you seem to be describing is using deductive reasoning or pattern recognition to incorporate a variety of data points to arrive at a conclusion, the diagnosis. This is critical to medicine and frankly med students struggle with arriving at coming to a conclusion. If you approached it more like: you were working with a respected physician who took the time to teach you how to think through clinical scenarios and one day when you identified a patient with sepsis, {insert what you learned, how this contributed to your motivations to pursue medicine, or whatever}. Getting the answer right should not be the focus.

 

[Hzreio]

I'm writing my very first draft right now and there are two things that I'm struggling with now because I think they're too risky/make me sound like a jerk:

1. I talk about being interested in medicine because I thought of cases as being "puzzles," that needed to be solved. I also delve into how wrong I was about that part and how compassion is instrumental as well after one memorable encounter. I also linked that with community service I did that would definitely demonstrate compassion since I worked with very vulnerable populations.

2. My mentor would often "quiz" me and ask me what I thought a patient's diagnosis was. I worked in the ER for almost two years so after that, it kind of became easier to pick up on who was septic or who was blah blah blah for really common illnesses. Would it be too arrogant for me to mention that once my mentor asked me about a specific patient and I was able to correctly say that the patient had sepsis?

Please help me!

For #2, it’s not going to impress anyone that you were able to identify that someone was septic after working in an ER for 2 years. I could probably pin down some specific diagnoses after working in a speciality clinic for a while before med school. Individual concepts in medicine is easy to learn (I.e. sepsis is more or less defined by certain criteria based on labs/vitals). It’s the amount of concepts that’s the challenge. So yes, if you’re writing it with the purpose of showcasing your diagnostic prowess/medical instincts, I think it could come off as arrogant.

For #1, what you’re saying is fine but generic. Ground it in your experiences to back it up.