nmnrraven said:
Thanks for the concern although I disagree. I find it odd that you think my statement of "suck it up" is more rude than "your delivery sucks." I am surprised that you've all taken such a huge stance on my assumption that she was sad. I have no pride about saying that so I apologize if it hurt anyone's feelings. Perhaps i could have replaced "sad" with "worried." As for the advice, I provided what I knew in the hopes that it helped. Perhaps that was a mistake.
Well, I feel like you are missing my point. I'll post a few examples to try to make it more clear.
Quotes:
- "In the end, you should take my friendly advice to try to relax. "
Telling someone "You should take my advice." is not a good way to speak to people. It is condescending. It says to the person, "My way is better than yours.". It is especially bad when they never asked for your advice to begin with. Let her vent if she wants, that's what this forum is for. It's not that this was so rude, but untactful. I am surprised to see someone accepted to medical school speak in such an untactful manner.
- "If you don't get in, you can have plenty of time after the decision to be sad about it."
Who said she was sad? You did... not her. Assumption of someone elses feelings and then giving them advice about those assumed feelings is a great way to piss them off (especially when your assumption is wrong to begin with). This statement is also very insensitive to their feelings... belittling the way they might be feeling right now. It says to them "You're dumb for feeling this way right now... get over it." Maybe you didn't directly say that, but you need to think about how someone might perceive it... how it makes them feel. That's the importance in communicating.
- "Sometimes people infer a threat or negative tone when there isn't one. Usually, these are the overly sensitive people. I fear you may suffer from that."
Again... assumptions. And in this case, a negative one that you have no basis for. Who asked you to play psychologist and diagnose her with sensitivity problems? This was just rude.
- "Suck it up."
I think this one is self-explanatory. It's just plain rude to talk to a stranger like that. Especially when it's all based on your assumptions to begin with.
Obviously you weren't trying to hurt anyone, and I am not trying to chastise you for being rude to lawgrrl. However, I am trying to get you to realize some subtle nuances in communication. Three people all are saying the same things to you, so these aren't really even that subtle in the end. Paying attention to things such as these in the future will help greatly in interacting with sick, cranky, suffering patients. It is what we nursing staff like to refer to as a good "bedside manner". Too many docs don't have one.