Crying (in front of classmates) in Medical School

[DJay4534533]

I've noticed since coming to school that there have been several high pressure environments that my classmates and I go through, and sometimes the overwhelming/pressure-cooker environment of it all, can just cause one to be overcome with emotion.

There's a lot of public speaking, being put on the spot (and embarassed), and high-pressure/stress academics.

I've had plenty of private cry sessions, but I was always sure that I would keep it together when others were around. However, today, I was giving a presentation to a group, and I mispoke a few times, and I guess the embarassment of looking like a complete idiot in front of my peers (multiple times) just made me want to crawl into a hole, and I could feel the water welling up in my eyes. Thankfully, the floodgates didn't break...but damn.

Has anyone ever had moments where they just couldn't keep it together any more? How do you prevent it and not take criticism too personal? How do you handle the pressure of having to perform under a microscope in such a pressure-cooker type of environment?

Just wanted to hear some personal stories & advice, since I'm feeling kinda vulnerable right now....

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[acstylin]

I start med school in Aug so I can’t speak too much about med school specifically, but I can tell you that you’re never alone. Most people struggle with public speaking so realizing that helps me calm down. I once saw a lady giving a talk in church to about 150 people. Her dog literally ate her paper version right before church and she tried to wing it. She was chugging along then suddenly stopped and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this!” Then walled off crying. The thing was, nobody realized she was struggling. We all thought she was doing great so when she walked off, we were all shocked. She came back the next week and gave her talk after we all let her know how great she was doing but that was a great lesson for me. Public speaking is hard and everyone recognizes this. The audience is Incredibly forgiving of mistakes and in most cases, they don’t even realize a mistake was made. I’m sure you did great. Don’t be hard on yourself. Your classmates would be shocked to know how rattled you were.

 

[deleted915325]

I agree, it is tough being constantly evaluated and having so much pressure all the time. I consider myself to have pretty strong nerves and sometimes the environment of med school even gets close to breaking me. I've given presentations in front of 1000 people plus for my research but not even that compares to the nerves I feel when doing something like a graded/recorded patient encounter. I think the important thing is to remember that even though not everyone shows it, 95% or more of your classmates are feeling the same exact way you are. Take it from someone who is good at hiding the nerves and emotions. What I always try to remember is that the presentation or whatever it may be will be over in 15 mins or 30 at most. Any embarrassment you may feel at the time is only momentary. Like @acstylin was saying, you are your harshest critic and your audience probably won't even notice if you misspoke unless you draw attention to it. Something that works for me if I'm really nervous is to have a small piece of paper or paper clip in my pocket that I can fiddle with without anyone noticing. It helps me to redirect my jitters. As for criticism and feedback, you'll find that 50% is useless or just a matter of preference, 25% is dead wrong, and 25% is actually very insightful and beneficial. The key is to take all the feedback with open ears and not get defensive or percieve it as a personal assault. Afterwards you can reflect on the feedback and determine what category the comments fall into.

In any case, things will work out! Try to stay strong and practice self-compassion. In med school, we are always outside of our comfort zone and you have to be forgiving of yourself to make it out with your sanity

 

[Avulse]

I'm sorry that happened! Med school definitely can be overwhelming, we have plenty to worry about and are under a lot of pressure. I can be the type of person to overthink interactions with others, especially in group settings. When I first had to give presentations, I was definitely nervous and always wanted to over-prepare.

However, after making the first few mistakes, I realized it was not as bad as I anticipated it to be, and I needed to get out of my own head. All of your classmates will make mistakes and as long as you're trying your best, only gunners will be the one to give you crap, but even then, who cares!

Make the mistakes now, practice your speaking now and in the future, you'll be all g. Good luck, you got this

 

[Dr G Oogle]

I hate public speaking to this day, giving grand rounds tomorrow at my old institution for residency with the friendliest of friendly crowds and I’m deathly afraid of saying something wrong and coming off as a fraud. Can’t stay I’ve cried but I’m by nature not much of a crier (even though I sometimes want try to force myself to cry as it could be cathartic ‍♂️) but certainly experience emotions that are associated with Crying like fear and embarrassment. I think it is fine most people will understand and offer encouragement the ones who laugh or are jerks are just that, jerks.

one thing that works for me (to at least quell the strongest feelings of fear and anxiety) is to practice a presentation to death until I know it forwards and backwards, usually requires 4-5 run throughs so I can pinpoint where I stumble and work on those. Probably not feasible for every class talk, but the more comfortable you get with your classmates and the topic the less you will experience these types of feelings

 

[TelemarketingEnigma]

You're not the first to cry at school and you won't be the last. I've cried in front of classmates a couple times. Usually when I'm already having a bad day/am overdue for a good cry and then little triggers build up until something tips it over the edge. It's incredibly embarrassing, and of course that can just make it harder to keep your cool. but I'm thankful that my classmates are great and supportive, and there are way worse things that could happen than showing your classmates that you're a real human being with emotions.

 

[stickgirl390]

I have a strategy for this type of thing that has worked for me. Choose a friend or family member that means the most to you, someone who has your back and would support you no matter what. Whenever I feel as though others are judging me, or if I publicly made a mistake/misspoke, I think of how that person would react if they were there. I think of how that person probably wouldn’t notice my mistake/embarrassment; they would see past it and support me no matter what. Picturing that person in my corner, I realize in that moment that the opinions of other med students don’t matter. Your classmates will graduate, who you see daily will change, but that one person will always be there for you no matter how stressed out you get.

hope that helps!

 

[deleted480308]

You aren’t the first or last to screw up a presentation or cry. Some folks will get judgy but you have to move on

 

[deleted1005514]

I’m one of those people whose tear ducts are wired to their emotions...I cry if I’m happy, sad, angry, disappointed, tired, stressed, etc.

I’ve seen a LOT of crying since starting med school last July. I’ve seen complete breakdowns in hallways and bathrooms, as well as single tears running down cheeks in classrooms or labs. The pressure cooker environment will crack most people at some point.

One thing that has helped me tremendously as an easy crier is not to fight it, but instead do my crying on my terms, when I’m alone or with a close friend or family member. It sounds crazy, but if you release the pressure on your own terms you’re much more likely to keep it together in public.

Also, you occasionally get emotional because you care about your performance and your future.That’s nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Mass Effect]

I've noticed since coming to school that there have been several high pressure environments that my classmates and I go through, and sometimes the overwhelming/pressure-cooker environment of it all, can just cause one to be overcome with emotion.

There's a lot of public speaking, being put on the spot (and embarassed), and high-pressure/stress academics.

I've had plenty of private cry sessions, but I was always sure that I would keep it together when others were around. However, today, I was giving a presentation to a group, and I mispoke a few times, and I guess the embarassment of looking like a complete idiot in front of my peers (multiple times) just made me want to crawl into a hole, and I could feel the water welling up in my eyes. Thankfully, the floodgates didn't break...but damn.

Has anyone ever had moments where they just couldn't keep it together any more? How do you prevent it and not take criticism too personal? How do you handle the pressure of having to perform under a microscope in such a pressure-cooker type of environment?

Just wanted to hear some personal stories & advice, since I'm feeling kinda vulnerable right now....

Let me correct a common misconception among students and residents -- it's NOT just you. We may not all cry, but no matter what anyone tells you, we've all been in a situation where we felt stupid. Everyone has experienced a time in medical training when they didn't know the answer or they misspoke or they got it wrong.

There were a few times I felt like a ***** in med school. I didn't cry or anything, but my self-esteem took a major hit. I teared up on medicine rounds as an intern once while presenting my patient and realizing I forgot to order a lab from the day before. I felt like an incompetent idiot in front of my attending, co-intern, resident, and med students. Even as an attending, there are times when I feel stupid for not knowing something or missing the latest literature on something. I don't cry, but I can see how one might.

So to you and everyone else who's felt like an idiot, please know it's not just you. When you see a peer getting grilled or messing something up, have compassion and realize that mistakes don't mean you're incompetent or that you're stupid.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

Don't stress about it OP. I used to belong to a public speaking group. EVERYONE has nerves and we are the worst judges of our performance. WE know every detail that we forgot and every little mistake we made; they are all things that lookers-on can barely be bothered to notice.

Know that it gets (much) easier with practice and view each presentation as just that - practice. Go in knowing that you're going to make some mistakes. Assume it and set your goal to be making fewer mistakes each time. The emotional response will weaken over time through repetition/exposure.

Edit: One additional suggestion: Don't memorize what you're going to say. Just memorize the major points then speak slowly and normally. If you try to memorize the exact words you want to say, you'll get flustered when you forget something.

 

[wanderingorion]

I abhorred public speaking before coming to med school. The only way to combat it is to rehearse your presentations (no matter how small) over and over and over, and then to just get exposure. Although it's terrifying, volunteer to present things, guide CBL/TBL sessions, etc. You will hit your stride and become great at it. You are definitely not alone. =)

 

[~Soñadora~]

Oh I've definitely cried during medical school for those same reasons (public speaking is not my strong suit, being made to speak in front of a group on the spot without knowing what I was talking about, making mistakes while speaking in front of others, etc.) and obviously that day sucked but afterwards it was whatever, not one of my classmates every brought it up afterwards. I'm an M4 now and I don't think I've had this problem since second year. It will likely get better.

 

[deleted947265]

Has anyone ever had moments where they just couldn't keep it together any more? How do you prevent it and not take criticism too personal? How do you handle the pressure of having to perform under a microscope in such a pressure-cooker type of environment?

Just wanted to hear some personal stories & advice, since I'm feeling kinda vulnerable right now....

Of course, so has everyone else. It's good to let it out, it's healthy. I used to have that problem but not so much anymore. I think the biggest thing is just acknowledge that bad stuff is going to happen and things aren't going to go the way you want. Most mistakes you can just ignore, keep going and say "Well next time I want to do this and hopefully that will be better.". Other times you just have to change things up to make the best out of a bad situation or to get things back on track. Just because one thing didn't go well or you made a mistake doesn't make you a failure.

"Win or lose, we don't care. We play.".

As for taking criticism, first you have to realize that most criticism isn't valuable. Criticism that involves pointing out a mistake that you've already acknowledged is a mistake isn't valuable. Criticism is only useful if it points out a mistake you're making, you don't know you're making, and how to fix it. Good criticism shouldn't feel personal and should point out opportunities for improvement. Most doesn't fall under that category. Don't give bad criticism a passing thought, and acknowledge good criticism and work to improve. You're not perfect, you'll never please everyone, and you don't have to.

If you want to improve public speaking, try downloading OBS Studio and giving your presentations on camera while recording. The pressure to perform feels the same to me at least. Nobody but you has to see it and you can laugh at your goofy mess-ups, you'll eventually get over the "I don't know what to say and then panic.". Looking at the crowd and looking at the webcam doesn't feel that different to be honest. Don't be afraid to try this for interviews too!

 

[Goro]

I've noticed since coming to school that there have been several high pressure environments that my classmates and I go through, and sometimes the overwhelming/pressure-cooker environment of it all, can just cause one to be overcome with emotion.

There's a lot of public speaking, being put on the spot (and embarassed), and high-pressure/stress academics.

I've had plenty of private cry sessions, but I was always sure that I would keep it together when others were around. However, today, I was giving a presentation to a group, and I mispoke a few times, and I guess the embarassment of looking like a complete idiot in front of my peers (multiple times) just made me want to crawl into a hole, and I could feel the water welling up in my eyes. Thankfully, the floodgates didn't break...but damn.

Has anyone ever had moments where they just couldn't keep it together any more? How do you prevent it and not take criticism too personal? How do you handle the pressure of having to perform under a microscope in such a pressure-cooker type of environment?

Just wanted to hear some personal stories & advice, since I'm feeling kinda vulnerable right now....

Just remember that you're talking to your friends. You CAN talk to them, right? Your peers are no better or worse than you are, Have some faith in yourself.

 

[IMG69]

Everyone experiences this, you're not alone but you need an outlet, are you exercising? Playing sports? Personally going to the gym after a rough day does wonders for me and gets rid of any anger or frustration, most important one being missed diagnoses. Playing sports or any other extra curricular also takes your mind off med school and all the baggage that comes with it for a few hours at least and allows you to actually enjoy time with friends.

My GF is sitting step at the end of next month, for the last 2-3 months i've been getting constant step 1 panic messages, my attending or the resident said XYZ.... She loves running but quit due to workload, I told her to get back into and it she resisted for a bit "don't have time etc". Now she runs every weekend and says it's the best thing she's done for herself in a long time mentally and productivity wise.

Look after yourself holistically, eat well, plenty of sleep, socialize and get enough exercise

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I suck at public speaking and look like a complete idiot pretty much any time I have to present. I realized after the first couple times that my classmates for the most part either don’t care, don’t notice, or are really supportive. So now I’m obviously trying to be better at it every time, but I don’t really get embarrassed because I know no one is judging me (except maybe the attending lol).

 

[Alkaidius]

Over the years, i’ve come to accept the fact that I am a hard working dunce and that I will inevitably embarrass myself at some point. When I somehow manage to go above and beyond and succeed, I pat myself on the back. If I don’t, I’ve learned to just smile and shrug. It was bound to happen. The more I accepted it as a possibility, the less it happened (or at least I don’t notice the minor hiccups/tongue twisters anymore).

Something I began doing that I didn’t even notice was patting someone on the shoulder when they screw up. Don’t just let them mull over their mistake silently. Jab them in the arm and say “it’s all good, you did fine, we got this next time.” Probably this rubbed off on me from someone, but I have since noticed a lot of people doing it. It really reduced the stress knowing everyone was on the same page.

 

[Strawberrylover]

I've noticed since coming to school that there have been several high pressure environments that my classmates and I go through, and sometimes the overwhelming/pressure-cooker environment of it all, can just cause one to be overcome with emotion.

There's a lot of public speaking, being put on the spot (and embarassed), and high-pressure/stress academics.

I've had plenty of private cry sessions, but I was always sure that I would keep it together when others were around. However, today, I was giving a presentation to a group, and I mispoke a few times, and I guess the embarassment of looking like a complete idiot in front of my peers (multiple times) just made me want to crawl into a hole, and I could feel the water welling up in my eyes. Thankfully, the floodgates didn't break...but damn.

Has anyone ever had moments where they just couldn't keep it together any more? How do you prevent it and not take criticism too personal? How do you handle the pressure of having to perform under a microscope in such a pressure-cooker type of environment?

Just wanted to hear some personal stories & advice, since I'm feeling kinda vulnerable right now....

Yes. Had a VERY abusive chief resident on a rotation in M3. He abused me, other students, other residents, nurses. I held up without crying the whole rotation, but towards the end, there was this day his mood was especially bad (due to patient complications, nurses not listening to him, etc). I already noticed a nurse tearful and resolved not to show him that he hurt me too.
But he saw me and began to take out his anger on me. Just kept putting me down. Blamed me for the nurses not listening to him despite me saying "I promise I followed up with them" etc. Then kept chastising me for not knowing one of the 20 meds the patient was on off memory (having a list instead). Then asked me a really tough pimp question not found in any prep book or lecture or UptoDate/also not intuitive. When I didn't know it he told me I'd be a bad intern (this was not even the field I'm going into)...
and then I began to cry. Could not contain the tears, they roll down my face, he continues to chastise me.
He did this to many other students. His department spoke to him but he still did it. Then finally, school admin got involved-and the PD himself spoke to the chief.
To this day, I'm haunted by it. Had MANY wonderful preceptors after this rotation but I was always timid around them. My fellow classmate and I both had this chief, and on a later rotation, someone else wondered why we were always so cautious and anxious-this is why.

 

[nimbus]

Yes. Had a VERY abusive chief resident on a rotation in M3. He abused me, other students, other residents, nurses. I held up without crying the whole rotation, but towards the end, there was this day his mood was especially bad (due to patient complications, nurses not listening to him, etc). I already noticed a nurse tearful and resolved not to show him that he hurt me too.
But he saw me and began to take out his anger on me. Just kept putting me down. Blamed me for the nurses not listening to him despite me saying "I promise I followed up with them" etc. Then kept chastising me for not knowing one of the 20 meds the patient was on off memory (having a list instead). Then asked me a really tough pimp question not found in any prep book or lecture or UptoDate/also not intuitive. When I didn't know it he told me I'd be a bad intern (this was not even the field I'm going into)...
and then I began to cry. Could not contain the tears, they roll down my face, he continues to chastise me.
He did this to many other students. His department spoke to him but he still did it. Then finally, school admin got involved-and the PD himself spoke to the chief.
To this day, I'm haunted by it. Had MANY wonderful preceptors after this rotation but I was always timid around them. My fellow classmate and I both had this chief, and on a later rotation, someone else wondered why we were always so cautious and anxious-this is why.

Was it a small department? How did somebody like that become chief resident?

 

[Strawberrylover]

Was it a small department? How did somebody like that become chief resident?

It was a department where every senior resident (ie in last year of training) is a chief resident