My boyfriend is a very successful resident (he is at the #1 program in his very competitive specialty field), highly regarded by all who work with him, incredibly accomplished, with countless distinctions. For anyone else who is dating a partner who is a physician in training (or who is currently practicing), how do you deal with inevitable feelings of competition that arise in the relationship? This has been a significant source of stress for me, as he is better than me in every single way measured clinically, academically, socially and interpersonally. These feelings are especially difficult when held against the massive uncertainty and pressure that stem from the rigors of medical training. I'd be grateful for any lessons or insights from the SDN community.
Dating another medical student - dealing with competition?
- Thread starter skiing42
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First, there is no such thing as a "#1 program" in a specialty. There aren't rankings for residency and even if there were, they would be meaningless. Second, none of this is a competition, especially when you are not at the same levels of training. If someone is ahead of you by several years, it is expected that they are going to be clinically ahead of you.
At the end of the day, this is about taking the best care of patients that you can. That should be your focus, not on your relative position to others.
At the end of the day, this is about taking the best care of patients that you can. That should be your focus, not on your relative position to others.
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Huh. You just posted all sorts of tips and insight in another thread about how wonderful your relationship is....
Anyway.
If youre going to be comparing yourself to others, even loved ones, you're wasting a ton of time that you could be doing other more productive things. Like bettering yourself to get over whatever insecurities you have.
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People are different not better or worse than each other. Maybe you think a lot about what is great about him in terms of his excellence in the field but the clinic is not all of life. You have unique strengths and interests both within and outside of medicine. Even if you can only do it together very rarely find an activity to do together that is unrelated to medicine that you both enjoy to look forward to. Such as taking a short trip together, following live sports/music you both enjoy, or trying new types of wine or desserts.
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Lol, sounds like someone is buying a lot of what he's shoveling. As was mentioned above, residencies aren't ranked, and most of the time residents aren't really privy to how well regarded they are by the handful of people that matter to their career. I've actually known people who told family/friends they were superstars right up until they didnt get their contracts renewed (for good cause). Residency is still very much a trainee role, so these "countless distinctions" need to be taken with a big grain of salt -- the career has really only just begun and whether they will become a distinguished clinician or just another guy with a white coat really has yet to be determined.
Fwiw If someone is spinning that they are a well regarded, incredibly accomplished, and countlessly distinguished RESIDENT at the number one program, they are overcompensating for something. Tell him to just buy that Corvette already.
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Lol
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OP assumes that her clinical evaluations are subpar before she knows what they are whereas her bf assumes everyone loves him. Whatever her bf's real abilities are taking an interest in others, taking responsibility for your own success and failures, and good self promotion often makes the difference between who achieves and who leaves even when everyone has equivalent intelligence.
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Perhaps your boyfriend has a superiority complex, while you have an inferiority complex?
Best not to compare yourself to others. Instead, compare your current self to your past self. See how far you've come (and continue to improve and become the best doc you can be).
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Maybe if he needs so much attention and is still actually as good as he says he is when they hang out together he can quiz her on stuff or teach her some things she wants to learn. Then he gets the validation of feeling like the smartest and she gets to improve her skills.
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I just wanted to say I'm a big fan of your posts. That is all =D
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Lord... This insecure already.
Best let it go or move on, cause it'll transform into resentment at some point.
Trust me.
Best let it go or move on, cause it'll transform into resentment at some point.
Trust me.
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OP, you keep using that word "competition", but it sounds like what you are describing is "jealousy". IMHO, you're supposed to be happy for your boyfriend. When my friends got interview invites before me, I was legitimately happy for them.
D
deleted480308
simply put, if he's that much better than you there is no competition.....
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Who is relatively better looking?
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Or buying shoes and lattes.
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If the relationship makes you unhappy, perhaps you should end it. There's no reason why a relationship can't work if one partner is better educated or earns a lot more money ( regardless of gender ). However, if a disparity is making you unhappy and / or insecure, then perhaps the relationship isn't a good one, either because of how you view the disparity, or how he views the disparity, or because this exposes other problems in the relationship. Maybe you would be happier married to someone who is less educated so you can be the dominant partner.
