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dating s.o. that has a kid (in medschool/res)

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by Dissonance, Jun 2, 2008.

  1. Dissonance

    Dissonance Far Beyond Driven 5+ Year Member

    Apr 22, 2007
    Would you do it?
    I'm currently dating someone who has a 2 year old from a previous relationship. Been together about a year, and claims she will move with me to wherever I have to go to school etc etc. Question is, would I be able to handle rigors of school while possibly being thrust into some parental role? Also, since we know, when you date someone who has a child already, the child always comes before a significant other's needs. Think this would be healthy in long run?
    Opinions please.
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2008
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  3. lAnonyme


    Jun 3, 2008
    Montreal, QC
    On the one hand, I think you shouldn't avoid this relationship because you're worried that certain things might happen that haven't yet, namely not being able to handle school while quasi-parenting, or having your needs put last. On the other hand, you do need to consider carefully when an SO moves with you so that you can pursue your goals.

    You didn't give much information about how your relationship is right now. How are you handling having an SO with a kid while being a pre-med? Are you expected to play any kind of parental role right now? Will she expect you to do so when you move together? Do you consistently feel that she puts her child's needs before yours?
  4. Dissonance

    Dissonance Far Beyond Driven 5+ Year Member

    Apr 22, 2007
    Things are not going too badly at the moment, although I would say her maturity level on certain things is lacking, and she's not quite as good of a parent as I would hope for someone to be, but I digress; there could be some room for improvement.
    As far as being supportive, she is supported by her parents, and not out in the working world per se, although she manages full time student with parenting, which I suppose is a good thing. So, as of right now not fully financially independant, which of course equals less support financially and difficulty going 50/50 kind of thing. I have no objections about playing a parental role to the child, although many people have played hard on the negatives about this scenario to me. Including people who already had children of their own.
    Was just looking for an outside opinion from those posibly already in medschool or premeds etc.
  5. 187502


    Feb 5, 2008
    BF-MW, USA
    I don't get involved with anyone that has been divorced and/or has a kid. It's just too much of a hassle.
  6. LADoc00

    LADoc00 There is no substitute for victory. 10+ Year Member

    Sep 9, 2004

    there are FAR FAR too many potential partners/matches than to tangle with this crap.

    Follow your instincts with this one.
  7. Dr.Millisevert

    Dr.Millisevert Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Aug 4, 2004
    What he said.

    "Stay Away" .. too much baggage. :scared:

    Too many people out there who DON'T already have kids or ex husbands/BF who will be knocking at your door every weekend.

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