Depressing Gap Year

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StupidAF

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So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
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Hey, Northwestern! Go Cats--my fiancee just finished grad school there this year and we spent like 6 months living in Evanston. It's a pretty damn good accomplishment to be a NU grad, so you're definitely not what your username suggests (also ya'll are crazy about Dance Marathon).

Jobs are tough to get these days for everyone. Employment doesn't have to be clinical though--adcoms understand that something has to pay the bills, and alot of times that isn't going to be located in the hospital. Just keep your options open (ever thought about SAT/ACT tutoring? If you got into NU I assume you score qualify for the Big 3--TPR, Kap, etc.--it pays pretty damn well, I worked up to $30+/hr after a year with TPR, started like $23/hr). That part-time plus some MCAT prep/odd volunteering gigs in the upcoming year would make me feel pretty proactive.
 
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Hmmm. Maybe there are scribing opportunities in your area through ProScribe or something similar? Scribing pays decently and you can get some great clinical experience. Or you can volunteer for AmeriCorps--it's low paying but is a great boost to volunteering hours. Maybe an AmeriCorps position with an emphasis in public health would be something you can pursue? And then if you have down time, you can shadow physicians and volunteer at a hospice care center or something like that. It's not clinical experience, but it can demonstrate your interest in giving back to a community (through AmeriCorps) and giving back in healthcare settings (through hospice care/nursing home opportunities).
 
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For someone with a history of poor grades necessitating extra time I dont know why you are trying to find a job while studying for the MCAT and have already proven to be failing at both.

Just focus on the MCAT it seems financially you are taken care of anyway.
 
StupidAF said:
So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
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Have you gotten help for your mental health? If not, that has to come before anything else.
 
md-2020 said:
Hey, Northwestern! Go Cats--my fiancee just finished grad school there this year and we spent like 6 months living in Evanston. It's a pretty damn good accomplishment to be a NU grad, so you're definitely not what your username suggests (also ya'll are crazy about Dance Marathon).

Jobs are tough to get these days for everyone. Employment doesn't have to be clinical though--adcoms understand that something has to pay the bills, and alot of times that isn't going to be located in the hospital. Just keep your options open (ever thought about SAT/ACT tutoring? If you got into NU I assume you score qualify for the Big 3--TPR, Kap, etc.--it pays pretty damn well, I worked up to $30+/hr after a year with TPR, started like $23/hr). That part-time plus some MCAT prep/odd volunteering gigs in the upcoming year would make me feel pretty proactive.
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Sorry for not replying sooner, unfortunately I did not take the MCAT yet (though was scoring decent when prepping). My mental health kind of ****ed me over.

Weeks later, I apply to every job I qualify for on Northwestern/Craigslist and it sucks. I'm digging myself into a bigger hole financially and with my application. Family has had enough and pretty much kicking me out of the house. 🙁
 
Another thing worth asking is "is medicine the right career for you" given how debilitating your anxiety is. With the right help you may get it under some control but medical school is hard, residency is even harder. I'm just being honest, if you're stressing over changing your tires, how are you going to function when you have to make a life or death decision with your patients? You don't have hours to make a deicison but sometimes seconds or minutes before they die. As much as I want to be the "everyone can do anything they want" person, honestly not everyone can do everything. You need to think long and hard and honestly evaluate if this is something you intend to dedicate the rest of your life for.
 
StupidAF said:
So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
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Go Cats! Weinberg 08' here. Here's the thing about clinical jobs, you probably are over-qualified.

I have a friend who owns a medical office. The medical assistants they hired all did not finish college. Why did he hire them versus well-educated people? Because he is running a business. He needs to invest into training these people. He can't afford to hire people that will be flakey every time they need time to study for an exam or end up quitting when they either drop the pre-med route or get accepted to medical school. They are looking for career-focused people, not as stepping stones for pre-meds to get into medical school. This is why people are over-qualified for these positions. Being college educated from a premier institution isn't always better.

These days a lot of people do entry-level clinical jobs. It doesn't set you apart and the skills aren't necessary for success in medical school. They start you at step 0.

Your best bet is to get a higher paying job that the Northwestern degree can get you, and then do clinical and non-clinical volunteering activities. This will give you a higher yield than looking for a crappy entry-level clinical job that you are over-qualified for.
 
Planes2Doc said:
Go Cats! Weinberg 08' here. Here's the thing about clinical jobs, you probably are over-qualified.

I have a friend who owns a medical office. The medical assistants they hired all did not finish college. Why did he hire them versus well-educated people? Because he is running a business. He needs to invest into training these people. He can't afford to hire people that will be flakey every time they need time to study for an exam or end up quitting when they either drop the pre-med route or get accepted to medical school. They are looking for career-focused people, not as stepping stones for pre-meds to get into medical school. This is why people are over-qualified for these positions. Being college educated from a premier institution isn't always better.

These days a lot of people do entry-level clinical jobs. It doesn't set you apart and the skills aren't necessary for success in medical school. They start you at step 0.

Your best bet is to get a higher paying job that the Northwestern degree can get you, and then do clinical and non-clinical volunteering activities. This will give you a higher yield than looking for a crappy entry-level clinical job that you are over-qualified for.
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That completely makes sense considering the only interviews I got were at Northwestern. I'll start applying for non-clinical jobs as well (have been to research with no luck), I just hate that I can't kill two birds with one stone since my clinical experience is lacking. Guess I just need to step up my game. 🙂

Go Cats!
 
You have a degree. Use it.
Get a job you qualify for with your education. Research, industry, pharma, whatever. Get your financial situation in order and stable. Then you can figure out how you're going to work in studying and maybe volunteering or community involvement. If your parents are not going to help, start looking for a roommate as soon as you get an offer.
If you need an extra year to get squared away, who cares. I wasted 2 years screwing around, wasting time, no regrets.
Work on finding balance in your life. Make healthy choices, find time to work out, yoga, mediation, music, whatever.


--
Il Destriero
 
You should look into teaching! (I am biased of course, because I am a teacher.) See what your state requirements are to become certified. I found teaching introductory biology/chem/physics helped me prepare for the MCAT while paying the bills. Good luck!
 
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StupidAF said:
So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
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The first priority needs to be learning how to manage your own stress and anxiety. Seeking professional counseling and medical help is always a good idea. In addition to that, take a break. Go outside. Reconnect with what got you excited about medicine (and life in general) in the first place. Savor life's many simple pleasures. Watch the sunset and think about ten things you're grateful for. Pay attention to your food when you eat it with your full conscious awareness. Savor every flavor and bite.

In addition to whatever the professionals think you should do, meditation might be useful for you as well. Mindfulness meditation can be very useful for anxiety and depression, especially when paired with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I personally have had phenomenal results with kundalini and pranayama (breath) yoga/meditation, it's a big part of how I scored in the 97th percentile on the MCAT. A prominent grief psychotherapist I know has had some success managing his secondary post-traumatic stress disorder with Qigong. I know meditation can sound intimidating, but it's actually super simple. It just takes time and practice. And it's so worth it. It's OK that you can't not think. Just let the thoughts come and go without judging them or holding onto them and you'll get better at it with practice. Loving-kindness meditation might also be very helpful for you, which is where you generate a feeling of love first for yourself, than someone you care about, then a stranger, then an enemy, and then all sentient beings. It's a great feeling to start the day with!

I have some other things to think about that I'll PM to you.

Failure is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be a stepping stone to success. The key is to learn from failure--what is the lesson this failure is trying to teach us?--and act on that feedback. Grow from it. Do it better next time. But always keep trying. And forgive yourself. Life is too short and too good to waste in anxiety about the future or depression about the past. Take care of yourself first. Then figure out what is in your power to achieve your goals, and do it, all while maintaining your self-care.

You know how dogs always look so happy? You know why? Because they're not burdened with these chatter-bot minds that you and I have constantly telling us how things should and shouldn't be. Dogs are just deriving pleasure from the simple, everyday joys of the present moment. Learn from the dog. It's wiser than us. Your mind is a useful tool. It allowed you to do that well in difficult premed courses, for instance, which you should be proud of. But you must be in control of the tool, not the other way around. You can learn that skillset if you put in the work.
 
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@Planes2Doc I think your post is egregious along several lines, but I think you can guess on all the points that I think your post is misleading which I'm presuming was intentional to serve as a thinly veiled attempt to give the OP a morale boost. Go Cats!
 
Pina Colada said:
@Planes2Doc I think your post is egregious along several lines, but I think you can guess on all the points that I think your post is objectively misleading in lieu of being a misguided attempt to boost up the morale of the OP. Go Cats!
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Oh dear. Anything specifically? I definitely don't want to be misleading in any way, especially in this situation. However, I think you'll find that everything I said is just lifted straight out of positive psychology, CBT, Stoic philosophy, Buddhism, etc.
 
Prometheus123 said:
Oh dear. Anything specifically? I definitely don't want to be misleading in any way, especially in this situation. I think you'll find that everything I said is just lifted straight out of positive psychology, CBT, Stoic philosophy, Buddhism, etc.
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Re-read my post. Also, did you know that impulse control for humans and dogs are analogous in that an fMRI study indicated canine cranial activity in the left cortex when they were given Stop & Go commands?
 
Pina Colada said:
Re-read my post. Also, did you know that impulse control for humans and dogs are analogous in that an fMRI study indicated canine cranial activity in the left cortex when they were given Stop & Go commands?
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Oops, sorry! I didn't see the mention directing your message to @Planes2Doc . I guess I need to go to sleep. That is very interesting.
 
StupidAF said:
So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
Click to expand...

Also, you mentioned in your post that you're not going to the gym. You should force yourself to exercise even though you don't feel like it, not because it will give you an enhanced sense of self-efficacy and get your mom off your back (although all that is true). No, I say this because exercise is metabolism hacking in the 1st degree!

You know why some depressed and anxious patients have less serotonin in their synapses? One reason can be the kynurenine pathway. Basically, when you're chronically stressed out you secrete more cortisol, which activates an enzyme in your liver called indoleamine-2,3-dioxygenase. This enzyme shunts tryptophan away from serotonin and melatonin synthesis and towards kynurenine. If this process is left unchecked, the kynurenine then goes to your brain, where it gets turned into several neurotoxic and inflammatory metabolites like quinolinic acid. Thus, you get neuroinflammation, which can result in all kinds of problems like weight gain (hypothalamic inflammation) and mood and memory issues (inflammation of the hippocampus and Virchow-Robin / perivascular spaces). If this sounds like it can't possibly be true, check out the excellent results in "Effect of Anti-inflammatory Treatment on Depression, Depressive Symptoms, and Adverse Effects A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Randomized Clinical Trials".

The good news is that cardiovascular exercise (along with a bunch of other simple lifestyle interventions like napping, yoga, maintaining a good sleep schedule, not eating late at night, meditation, etc.) can short-circuit the kynurenine pathway so that the metabolites get turned into kynurenic acid, which cannot cross the blood brain barrier and is harmless. I'll PM you a link to a blog post I wrote about 10 diet and lifestyle techniques to hack the kynurenine pathway. But don't take my word for it. Here's a pretty picture from Muscling In On Depression:

kynurenine-pathway-exercise-and-depression.png


You can even exercise at home in your room if that's easier for you. Jumping jacks work just as well as a treadmill. The trick is just to start. Do one jumping jack, right now, and do more if you feel like it. Every journey starts with a single jumping jack. :clap::banana::claps:
 
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Prometheus123 said:
Also, you mentioned in your post that you're not going to the gym. You should force yourself to exercise even though you don't feel like it, not because it will give you an enhanced sense of self-efficacy and get your mom off your back (although all that is true). No, I say this because exercise is metabolism hacking in the 1st degree!

You know why some depressed and anxious patients have less serotonin in their synapses? One reason can be the kynurenine pathway. Basically, when you're chronically stressed out you secrete more cortisol, which activates an enzyme in your liver called indoleamine-2,3-dioxygenase. This enzyme shunts tryptophan away from serotonin and melatonin synthesis and towards kynurenine. If this process is left unchecked, the kynurenine then goes to your brain, where it gets turned into several neurotoxic and inflammatory metabolites like quinolinic acid. Thus, you get neuroinflammation, which can result in all kinds of problems like weight gain (hypothalamic inflammation) and mood and memory issues (inflammation of the hippocampus and Virchow-Robin / perivascular spaces). If this sounds like it can't possibly be true, check out the excellent results in "Effect of Anti-inflammatory Treatment on Depression, Depressive Symptoms, and Adverse Effects A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Randomized Clinical Trials".

The good news is that cardiovascular exercise (along with a bunch of other simple lifestyle interventions like napping, yoga, maintaining a good sleep schedule, not eating late at night, meditation, etc.) can short-circuit the kynurenine pathway so that the metabolites get turned into kynurenic acid, which cannot cross the blood brain barrier and is harmless. I'll PM you a link to a blog post I wrote about 10 diet and lifestyle techniques to hack the kynurenine pathway. But don't take my word for it. Here's a pretty picture from Muscling In On Depression:

kynurenine-pathway-exercise-and-depression.png


You can even exercise at home in your room if that's easier for you. Jumping jacks work just as well as a treadmill. The trick is just to start. Do one jumping jack, right now, and do more if you feel like it. Every journey starts with a single jumping jack. :clap::banana::claps:
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Promy, knock off the desire to be an insufferable know-it-all.
 
Prometheus123 said:
Haha, Ok, sorry. I thought it might be helpful, so I risked being annoying. :poke: :whistle:
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Yeah, I've seen about enough physiology transport diagrams from the MCAT/M1 to last me a couple lifetimes. You can keep those to yourself 😀

StupidAF said:
Sorry for not replying sooner, unfortunately I did not take the MCAT yet (though was scoring decent when prepping). My mental health kind of ****ed me over.
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What about the SAT/ACT? That's what I taught actually. Kaplan and TPR are always hiring. Revisiting the MCAT is too much mental work for me as well haha.
 
StupidAF said:
So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
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I can relate to this post in a number of ways! Here's what I've found from experience/ would recommend.

1) In terms of the anxiety, I would speak to someone. What you're experiencing is pretty normal for people our age, and therapy can help a lot. In the meantime, having a really basic excercise routine/sleep schedule can do wonders for getting you back on track.

2) In terms of employment, the exact same thing has happened to me. It's really hard to find work in your position. I found a job as a medical scribe, and while it doesnt pay, it is great experience. Scribe agencies hire people like you and I, who graduated already and are heading for medical school sooner or later. The clinical jobs you're applying to are more geared for people who want to get in on the entry level and become technicians or get a degree through their hospital. I had such a job last year and 99% of my coworkers fit that description while I did not. I recommend trying scribing agencies.

3) So you lost some MCAT study time, big deal. You can take it anytime next spring and be early for the next cycle. You have tons of time. Just get your health in order and embrace where you're at. It will pay off.

Good luck OP.
 
getdown said:
Another thing worth asking is "is medicine the right career for you" given how debilitating your anxiety is. With the right help you may get it under some control but medical school is hard, residency is even harder. I'm just being honest, if you're stressing over changing your tires, how are you going to function when you have to make a life or death decision with your patients? You don't have hours to make a deicison but sometimes seconds or minutes before they die. As much as I want to be the "everyone can do anything they want" person, honestly not everyone can do everything. You need to think long and hard and honestly evaluate if this is something you intend to dedicate the rest of your life for.
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Without being too harsh, it does seem that your ability to cope and adapt to the realities of life, already seemingly an area of concern, would be overwhelmed, not only in the med application process, but throughout the entirety of your med training. It would undoubtedly be helpful for you to undertake whatever measures might be necessary to develop some insights into your thinking, motivations, and anxieties. Hope things work out well for you.
 
ymedex said:
Without being too harsh, it does seem that your ability to cope and adapt to the realities of life, already seemingly an area of concern, would be overwhelmed, not only in the med application process, but throughout the entirety of your med training. It would undoubtedly be helpful for you to undertake whatever measures might be necessary to develop some insights into your thinking, motivations, and anxieties. Hope things work out well for you.
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StupidAF said:
So I graduated from Northwestern in Spring of 16 with a degree in Biology. My grades weren't the greatest (3.2 sGPA or so) so I did a DIY post-bacc at a local state school with 34 credits including a few retakes, upper-level Bios, and an intro Bio and got a 4.0.

I decided that since I was broke as hell and could use some more clinical experience, I'd take another gap year to strictly work and study for the MCAT. I spent the first two months after school ended ****ing around, road tripping and just wasting my damn time (mostly due to my anxiety problem that got worse last semester).

During my last semester, my anxiety got really bad. It used to be focused around school but now it's around everything. I fail to do simple tasks such as getting my tire fixed without stressing about it for hours first.

I've had an awful time finding a job. Even though I've only been looking seriously for a month now, it seems like the clinical jobs posted on Craigslist that I should be a shoe-in for think I'm too qualified? and the clinical jobs back at my university think I'm too unqualified? No clue, but it's super depressing and has made being productive extremely hard. My parents are mad at me, understandably... because even though I haven't found a job I don't go to the gym, clean around the house, etc.

I feel like such a failure. I could have studied for the MCAT during the last 3 months but instead I'm broke, jobless, etc.

Why can't I find a job? I had a few interviews that led nowhere. I feel like the only explanation is they judge me based on looks? I'm a 6'0 chubby female... I don't know. This is all so depressing.
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I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time. The 1st thing you need to do is get your anxiety/depression under control and manageable. If you can do that I'm betting your decision-making will dramatically improve, your procrastination will hopefully end, and your options, whatever you decide to do, will suddenly seem doable.
 
ymedex said:
Without being too harsh, it does seem that your ability to cope and adapt to the realities of life, already seemingly an area of concern, would be overwhelmed, not only in the med application process, but throughout the entirety of your med training. It would undoubtedly be helpful for you to undertake whatever measures might be necessary to develop some insights into your thinking, motivations, and anxieties. Hope things work out well for you.
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In the OP's present state, yes, I agree. I just want to add that anyone can overcome that sort of thing if you push yourself to improve, invest in improving yourself, and get more life experience. If you want to change the world, first change yourself. Wisdom comes with age and experience. My guess is the OP is under the age of 25, so their prefrontal cortex is still maturing. Once it does, I'm sure they'll figure it out by then if not before.
 
Prometheus123 said:
In the OP's present state, yes, I agree. I just want to add that anyone can overcome that sort of thing if you push yourself to improve, invest in improving yourself, and get more life experience. If you want to change the world, first change yourself. Wisdom comes with age and experience. My guess is the OP is under the age of 25, so their prefrontal cortex is still maturing. Once it does, I'm sure they'll figure it out by then if not before.
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Are you a medical student?
 
centralTX said:
Hmmm. Maybe there are scribing opportunities in your area through ProScribe or something similar? Scribing pays decently and you can get some great clinical experience. Or you can volunteer for AmeriCorps--it's low paying but is a great boost to volunteering hours. Maybe an AmeriCorps position with an emphasis in public health would be something you can pursue? And then if you have down time, you can shadow physicians and volunteer at a hospice care center or something like that. It's not clinical experience, but it can demonstrate your interest in giving back to a community (through AmeriCorps) and giving back in healthcare settings (through hospice care/nursing home opportunities).
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Scribing definitely does not pay decently... unless you work for a private practice.
 
Hey guys just an update question I have. I got the job a week ago and they CC'ed a coordinator that handles new employees and all that shiz. However, she hasn't emailed me and eventually called me once and she told me she would contact my boss for payment info/when to start (temp first and waiting 2 weeks vs just 2 weeks) and that she would email me back. Two days later and nothing.. This is such a weird situation. I've already emailed my boss once which is when she called me.
 
StupidAF said:
Update: Got a clinical research assistant job! 😀 Couldn't have worked out better.
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That's great! Make sure you work on your mental health issues too, since those could still be exacerbated if you hit another rough patch in life/med school, and you'll be on track.

I know where you're coming from on the MCAT. Studying for the MCAT was one of the roughest periods of my life, for outside reasons conflicting as well, so I get where you're coming from, but the coping mechanisms and self-care I learned from therapy were immensely useful in preventing procrastination and simply helping me feel better
 
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