Do you mention your SO during an interview?!

[WannaBeAddison]

I have an interview coming up at the same medical school that my boyfriend of two years goes to. (He's an M1). I typically adhere to the rule of not mentioning "boyfriends/SOs" in an interview but this is his state school and I'm not a resident of this state. I moved here in August to be with my M1 boyfriend and this school is my top choice. Clearly we're in a serious relationship.

So... Do I mention that he's a current med student? Will that help my chances? If so, how? I feel awkward being 26 and referring to him as my boyfriend. Maybe that's just me.

Any suggestions/advice is greatly appreciated!

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[AdmiralChz]

I would probably avoid it - this makes it sound like the school is your top choice solely because he is there. I imagine adcoms would much rather you have your interest in the school for some facet the school can actually control for (i.e. curriculum, clinical exposure, special programs, etc...). It just seems too "Legally Blonde"... another question that follows is what if you all suddenly break up? Does that mean that the school no longer remains your top choice? I can't see adcoms seeing this information as having a positive impact on your application, but I could be wrong!

But mentioning that a good friend of yours goes there and how that has given you a great sense for the place would probably help!

 

[Dr Lyss]

my philosophy has always been unless theres a diamond ring on your finger don't bring up your relationship. It never comes off right and can put your interests in the school in a different light. Especially if you are OOS, saying this will make it look like your only interest in the school is for your bf

 

[Dulcina]

i wouldnt bring it up. I have a bf of going on 5 yrs and I never mention him out of fear that it will be seen as immature or whatever. If you feel like you MUST mention him, i'd use the word partner rather than boyfriend.

 

[WannaBeAddison]

Thanks all... This is what I pretty much thought but the PI I work for suggested that I do today and it kinda through me off. I subscribe to the same philosophy... DON'T MENTION IT.

Just wanted to make sure this was the general consensus.

 

[DrYoda]

I would only bring it up if asked, which I believe is illegal.

Edit: If you did I don't feel that it would be horribly detrimental to your interview or anything. I personally just like to keep my personal life, well, personal.

 

[armybound]

I always bring my wife up, but that's a separate issue.

If I were you I might mention it in passing, like if they asked if you know what it was like being a medical student or what your biggest challenge will be, I might mention something like "Well my boyfriend is an M1 here, and he says it's most difficult to...."

not saying I'd actively try to, just that that's how I'd let it slip if it did happen.

 

[WannaBeAddison]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the quick advice

 

[Premed Worrier]

i wish i would have known this before my interviews...i mentioned my fiance at one of them and indirectly at the other...

 

[Chemist0157]

Mentioning my wife always seems to get me bonus points.

But yeah, bringing up a boyfriend/girlfriend without being asked may rub the interviewer the wrong way.

 

[Dr Lyss]

i wish i would have known this before my interviews...i mentioned my fiance at one of them and indirectly at the other...

I don't think it's a huge deal & you are engaged so it's more reasonable.

 

[216397]

.

 

[DrJD]

Mentioning my wife always seems to get me bonus points.

But yeah, bringing up a boyfriend/girlfriend without being asked may rub the interviewer the wrong way.

I agree, mentioning my wife also seems to go over well... They like to know that you have a support system, etc.

As to the OP's original question, I agree that mentioning a "boyfriend" might not help in your specific instance. Focus on knocking the rest of the interview out of the park, then get accepted and then you'll be good to go

Caveat: As an OOS student it is important to impress upon them your sincere desire to attend their school for reasons other than "you were my only acceptance." Connections to the state, or the school etc are looked at favorably. Sooooo, there is your dilemma... I agree with what someone said a little bit above, perhaps mentioning it in passing so that subconsciously they know that you are connected might help. I dunno, good luck with your interview though!!

 

[Dr Lyss]

Maybe you could mention that you have a good support system in that area, including close friends (ie your bf).

 

[hoya09]

I'm in the same situation... and my bf is a student interviewer Our policy is going to be that I don't bring it up unless I'm directly asked or somehow required to disclose it (ie, if he gets assigned to interview me). The reason for this is that I really love the school- I fell in love with it while helping him apply there. I feel like mentioning him might distract from my enthusiasm for their program. I may toss in that support system point though, as mentioned above.. Best of luck!

PS. Upon rereading this it actually sounds like I have romantic feelings for a med school. Weird. Oh well- it's my top choice!

 

[Dulcina]

Maybe you could mention that you have a good support system in that area, including close friends (ie your bf).

i think this is a good idea, just call him a "close friend"

 

[Ubergeek]

Adcom members who want to increase their yield will be happy to know that their school is a top choice. Of course you wouldn't want to make it seem like your bf's presence is the only reason why you're interested, but I don't think you'd do that. There is no harm in using the word bf, but why use a title at all. (The term partner to me sound absolutely ridiculous, and I imagine it could sound really odd to an interviewer in his 40's or 50's since he wasn't raised and educated in an environment where that word was popular. It is an overly awkward PCism devised to make everybody feel comfortable.) Why not say, "I am in a very serious relationship with a current med student," as part of your answer to the question, "Why do you want to go to this med school?"

 

[LizzyM]

i think this is a good idea, just call him a "close friend"

I think that "close friend" or "very close friend" is gender neutral, and better than gf, bf or partner.

 

[spicynoodle21]

Despite what most people suggest, I think you should mention about your bf. Especially in the question "Why are you interested in our school?", you gotta mention about how you'd love to come to their school. I know some ppl say explain about how you love the school's curriculum, etc, but come on, be serious, location plays an important role in your decision. How much can you talk about how you'd come to a school just b/c their curriculum fits you most? The Adcom wants to take people who will for sure come to their school.

I've been to 2 interviews, both are within driving distance to my bf. And when "why this school" question comes up, I first mentioned about why I like the school, and second, that I would love to stay close within driving distance to my bf. All my interviewers take that positively too, and we even had a good discussion about ski resort in between his school and my potential school.
Especially if you are an OOS applicant, the Adcom wants to know why you are willing to come to their school.

 

[lol.psych]

I think it depends on the situation. If you're interviewing at a state school at which you're an out-of-state applicant, and your BF/S.O./partner/GF/etc is from that state and intends to stay there, it could be an advantage (it'll show that, if accepted, you're actually likely to go there). If it's a private school, it probably doesn't matter that much.

 

[thejarb]

It really depends on the situation. If it comes up in the context of your interview/your story, I think it's fine. We are all adults and relationships are an important part of life. Though, it's probably a little more reasonable if you have been with your SO for a longer period of time. I think if you randomly start talking about your SO, then you might have a problem.

 

[Law2Doc]

Why not say, "I am in a very serious relationship with a current med student," as part of your answer to the question, "Why do you want to go to this med school?"

I still think you underestimate the percentage of relationships that med school breaks up, but adcoms won't. You'll be surprised to see how many of the non-permanent relationships in med school go by the wayside in the first couple of years. You will frequently see somebody in the library crying at the pay phone during first year. Adcoms know this, and thus don't put any weight on mere bf/gf relationships. If you aren't wearing a ring, it simply isn't going to count as a support system -- it is more likely to be regarded as a potential source of drama neither you nor your SO needs during med school.

So wife/husband (or civil union partner) is fine to talk about in interview. BF/GF is bad to talk about in interview, IMHO.

 

[MilkmanAl]

I'd agree with that. Med school destroys relationships - even engagements and marriages - like you wouldn't believe, and that's coming from someone who's only seen 3 months of the carnage.

 

[thejarb]

Citing a BF/GF as a reason to go to a school does not sound like a good plan. However, as I said before , if it comes up and the relationship is important to you, I don't see what the big deal is.

 

[Law2Doc]

as I said before , if it comes up and the relationship is important to you, I don't see what the big deal is.

It won't come up unless you choose to offer the information. If an interviewer asks you if you have a bf, it is not part of the interview -- he is asking you out.

 

[Doodledog]

I have an interview coming up at the same medical school that my boyfriend of two years goes to. (He's an M1). I typically adhere to the rule of not mentioning "boyfriends/SOs" in an interview but this is his state school and I'm not a resident of this state. I moved here in August to be with my M1 boyfriend and this school is my top choice. Clearly we're in a serious relationship.

So... Do I mention that he's a current med student? Will that help my chances? If so, how? I feel awkward being 26 and referring to him as my boyfriend. Maybe that's just me.

Any suggestions/advice is greatly appreciated!

When asked why you want to come there, or if there's anything else that you want them to know, indicate that your {doesn't matter what you call him} is a medical student, that you are in a long-term relationship and that you would like to attend med school there in part, because of that.

Maybe the adcom members will buy it, maybe they won't. In my EXPERIENCE, of having heard (directly or at admission meetings) of this exact same situation multiple times, it can be helpful, especially if a student adcom member is aware of the situation and confirms it to the committee. Regardless, I think as an out-of-state applicant, there is no reason not to mention it. It won't get you in, but in general I believe it is worth stating if you are comfortable with giving out this information.

Adcom members are well aware than many such relationships will often fail, but they are also humans and understand these situations. If your sincere interest in the school shines though, you are a good applicant AND you have this link, it might sway the undecided voters...

When trying to TRANSFER between schools, an engagement ring and a wedding date (or the equivalent) are usually needed to make this argument.

 

[DrJD]

I'd agree with that. Med school destroys relationships - even engagements and marriages - like you wouldn't believe, and that's coming from someone who's only seen 3 months of the carnage.

For those of you reading, I agree with Milkman that this kind of thing happens, but also want to tell you that there is NO reason that should happen during medical school. I know it does, but if you have a healthy marriage built on love and support then you will be fine. If you choose to do a neurosurgery residency this will be more of a strain, but again, anything is possible. The stress encountered in medical school/residency will just augment existing problems...

Just wanted to throw that out there so that married people didn't get scared of medical school

And yes, I agree with what law2doc has been saying the last few posts.

 

[MilkmanAl]

Just to clarify, there haven't been any marriages that have broken up in my class. However, two people have quit because of marital/familial strain. There has been at least one engagement broken off, and relationships bomb like crazy.

 

[Dr Lyss]

Just to clarify, there haven't been any marriages that have broken up in my class. However, two people have quit because of marital/familial strain. There has been at least one engagement broken off, and relationships bomb like crazy.

I cant wait

 

[thejarb]

It won't come up unless you choose to offer the information. If an interviewer asks you if you have a bf, it is not part of the interview -- he is asking you out.

True, you could certainly just not mention the relationship. In my case, at least, it was relevant in some situations during interviews and I chose to discuss it rather than make something up. That would be wild though, if halfway through the interview, the interviewer just stopped and started to sing " I just can't find this feeling anymore"

 

[HeatherMD]

Just to clarify, there haven't been any marriages that have broken up in my class. However, two people have quit because of marital/familial strain. There has been at least one engagement broken off, and relationships bomb like crazy.

I'm not surprised.

It's a risk we all take, I guess!

 

[UVAbme2009]

I actually did during the last interview I had. We were talking about interventional cardiology, and I mentioned my girlfriend was about to have an ablation done. Obviously a different scenario, but I don't think she cared.

 

[Dulcina]

I actually did during the last interview I had. We were talking about interventional cardiology, and I mentioned my girlfriend was about to have an ablation done. Obviously a different scenario, but I don't think she cared.

I think that's ok. Its very relevant, and it simply happens to be your gf (it coudl have been anyone and the point would have been the same). In the OPs post, the fact that a relationship is a factor for where they want to go to school makes the fact that it is a gf/bf important

 

[calnation]

If it's a state school, I would definitely mention it. I think you have a better chance of it helping you than hurting you. But don't do it overtly. Make it really fly.

If it's a private school then don't mention it.

 

[Loon]

Just to clarify, there haven't been any marriages that have broken up in my class. However, two people have quit because of marital/familial strain. There has been at least one engagement broken off, and relationships bomb like crazy.

It's like the only change in my life will be the addition of cadavers!

 

[spidgett]

I am currently engaged but didn't wear my ring to interviews since I had heard horror stories about adcom members (mostly old men, and all in the South where I am applying) berating engaged women about not being able to have children and be a doctor. At my Wake interview one interviewer goes "I don't know if I can ask you this, but do you have a boyfriend?" We had a conversation about women doctors and family/marriage which I had to explain everything (I'm assuming his wife doesn't wear the pants). Of course all the men in our interview group got asked about sports, and the girls got bf questions. So I think that, especially if you will be in the South, that you should just say "close friend" or something like that, and otherwise seem really interested in the school and have all the right reasons to go there (not for a boyfriend), just so that you seem independent.

I'm not sure if this applies out of the South, though.

 

[akademix]

It wouldnt be wise for me to do unless they asked me if Im ambidextrous

 

[copperfrog09]

I am currently engaged but didn't wear my ring to interviews since I had heard horror stories about adcom members (mostly old men, and all in the South where I am applying) berating engaged women about not being able to have children and be a doctor. At my Wake interview one interviewer goes "I don't know if I can ask you this, but do you have a boyfriend?" We had a conversation about women doctors and family/marriage which I had to explain everything (I'm assuming his wife doesn't wear the pants). Of course all the men in our interview group got asked about sports, and the girls got bf questions. So I think that, especially if you will be in the South, that you should just say "close friend" or something like that, and otherwise seem really interested in the school and have all the right reasons to go there (not for a boyfriend), just so that you seem independent.

I'm not sure if this applies out of the South, though.

That's ridiculous. I'm engaged, wore my ring to every interview, was only asked about it in one interview at one school, and was promptly accepted to the school.

Don't go out of your way to bring it up, besides mentioning you have a support system as an out-of-state student (which they DO want to know) and will likely stay in the area because of friends or family. But don't do something silly like denying it if flat-out asked or not wearing an engagement ring.. That seems dishonest to me.

 

[LossForWords]

I saw no problem with bringing up my girlfriend. I didn't do it gratuitously, but I wasn't trying to hide anything either. One of the schools I applied to was in the same city that she lives/works in, so I mentioned that as reason #8 or so why I would want to come to their school. I used it the same way one might use family proximity as a reason to consider a school. If my social/personal network is in the area, I'm much more confident that I would be happy there. No one thought it was odd or anything and I got accepted so take that for what you will.

 

[travelbug73]

It might not be dishonesty such as in my case, I wear a ring very occasionally and obviously did not remember to on interview day. Actually, one of my interviewers asked me why I did not wear a ring when the conversation steered toward family. I told him I was not in the habit but we discussed my family at length.
The same interviewer was also trying to subtly figure out my religious beliefs and I was subtle in my answer as well. This guy also brought up my age (I'm very non-traditional), but in a positive light. I was still accepted.
As long as you think you are going to that school for the right reasons and you can make a coherent and logical argument, I do not think adcoms care one way or another.
At the interview stage they are trying to judge your personability, temperament, commitmment not only to their school but also to the profession and ability to succeed in the basic science years.

 

[Penguick]

I have OOS interviews coming up, and my significant other will be employed in that state next year. The only problem is that if I mention him, it also tells the adcoms my sexuality, which given how conservative medical schools are, do you think this is a bad idea? Two of these schools are top tens....would you think they'd be more liberal about that?

 

[Loon]

I have OOS interviews coming up, and my significant other will be employed in that state next year. The only problem is that if I mention him, it also tells the adcoms my sexuality, which given how conservative medical schools are, do you think this is a bad idea? Two of these schools are top tens....would you think they'd be more liberal about that?

I think that depends on the state and region. If I'm doing my math right, there are only three states you might be talking about: CA, IL and NY. The top-ten schools in NY are in NYC, and that's a pretty accepting area.

If you're talking CA, then one of the schools is UCSF (and I am VERY jealous of you for getting a secondary, to say nothing of an interview), then it might be in your interest to subtly let the interviewer know about your sexuality. This is not because SF is a gay (I'm assuming you're gay) mecca, but because I've heard Dean Wofsy say they were concerned about the lack of gay and lesbian students matriculating at UCSF. The other CA school would be UCLA. Again, there would likely not be a problem.

I can't speak to chicago, as I have no feel for the city at all (faulty or otherwise).

So I would say (with the potential exception of UCSF, and I think I can track down the talk if you're interested), don't bring it up unless it's relevant to the topic at hand. I don't think any of the top-ten schools really worry about how likely you are to go there, since they're top-ten schools and most of us would eat a poop hotdog just for interviews. They know you are likely to go if offered a spot.