Don´t want a family
Started by Krisli
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No kids for me either, ever, regardless of specialty. And no marriage either, I played that game a couple times and didn't care for it.
Hookers and blow!
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It's OK. Either you'll change your mind as you get into your 30s, or you won't. Either way, it's fine, and in today's society, I imagine pretty universally socially acceptable. Just depends on if your parents and your future mate are OK with it, which are separate issues.
Kudos to you for doing what you want and not being pressured to assume "the role." A lot of young doctors get married and have children solely to cultivate a certain image. Beautiful doctor spouse, three beautiful children, beautiful mcmansion, beautiful mercedes benz, beautiful private schools, beautiful clothes and shoes for all, even a beautiful dog. Whether the person wants to be married or have kids doesn't really enter in the picture because it's required for the image.
Not getting married and having children will make you more attractive as a potential neurosurgery trainee.
At the same time prepare to be criticized by other female doctors for your lifestyle choice. Asking yourself the question if you can still raise children while working 100 hours a week is a very important question that a lot of people ignore because they don't like the answer.
Not getting married and having children will make you more attractive as a potential neurosurgery trainee.
At the same time prepare to be criticized by other female doctors for your lifestyle choice. Asking yourself the question if you can still raise children while working 100 hours a week is a very important question that a lot of people ignore because they don't like the answer.
I don't want kids. Pics??
a lot of people dont want kids due to money/time constraints
i personally just would rather not see the poor bastard suffer
i personally just would rather not see the poor bastard suffer
I'm in the grandparent phase of life, and I don't like kids. Nope. There it is. I said it. Ah. That felt good. This type of thinking was off-kilter a few years ago, and there are plenty of guys who didn't want kids, but it was: "The thing to do," for so many generations, it was just done. Damn, do I sound like a curmudgeonly, selfish old coot, but hey, the things we ignored, but knew intuitively do, have a way of turning out just as we imagined. My adult children are complete f***-ups, maybe I should have been mindful of these things at your point in my career. Eh, maybe not.
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Six commas in a two-line sentence. The inner English teacher in me just blew an aneurysm. Bravo, sir.
So what you're saying is that you were too lazy to raise kids?
Shots fired
I didn't mean it like that. It's just a troubling post that's all. I think there are certain people that shouldn't have kids yea, and it's a dangerous world. But once you have them, how can you be so callous?
Thank you for your defense. Nonetheless intellectual dishonesty stinks, but emotionally dishonest statements are much worse. Lazy? Yes, of course, but to be more precise I was much too selfish. Very much so. I think that I can dispense with any facade of BS under the shield of anonymity. I hope that answers your questions. Lazy, selfish, and probably a handful of other things, but I did raise them. Maybe overcompensated. Oh, and the comma rule? Come on, this is a forum what am I supposed to be some sort of writer? Then again I'd been told my op reports read like science fiction.
I don't know if you're joking to an extent or not, but I appreciate the honesty. And it bothered me that you would call them **** ups, as it's a reflection on you. If you can recognize your flaws now, why not be unselfish now? Are you?
On being callous: Time makes heels of us all. Artificial, unauthentic comments, saying what's "expected," or "what you're 'supposed' to say defeats the purpose of describing the emptiness which accompanies years of dedication to work, patients, career, and all the me me me. Am I joking? Why? Certainly I'm aware of the flaws, yet aware there's one timeline, and that, if you care to reflect on it, it's often overlooked through life's intervening necessities. Necessities which may turn out to be merely derivatives, distractions, or erroneous. You want the straight poop, or some scrubbed clean perfect life glimpse for public consumption? Am I selfish now? To a degree yes, but to a greater degree I am mindful of many things which eluded me earlier in life.
My issue isn't with telling the truth, but it's just a tale of someone giving up. There's a reason you're not supposed to say things. You give off the impression that it's ok to be a bad parent. It's not and you should feel bad and ashamed.
You are aware that there are numerous other factors besides parenting that affect how someone turns out, right? Have you even been through a psych rotation? You should feel bad and ashamed.
Uh huh, because this person didn't admit being crappy parent...and apathy towards it. Sorry I missed that psych rotation that would make me an expert of child development and the human psyche. 🙄
Why are all the threads in allo these days so weird?
Too many INTJs.
Might want to come down off your high horse for a bit, Gandhi. That's a whole lotta judgement you're dishing out to someone you don't know.
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It would give you more perspective than what you have now, young Padawan.
I'm proud to be an ESTP.
It sounds like he feels bad but can't change it now, so he accepts it for what it is. He can't go back in time and make his children not be disasters. Nothing wrong with owning up to your mistakes and calling things like you see them. I'll take it over the dishonest BS you hear from most people any day.
A couple I'm friends with, both >50, never had kids, and have 0 regrets about it. They find most children loud, messy, and generally annoying. When they attend social gatherings with friends who have kids in tow, it reaffirms that it was the right decision for them.
To each their own. Everyone here judges, and they do so most of the time based on status and specialty. He shared something personal, and I chose to judge on that. There's very little I will argue on these forums. The incessant bitching of first world problems? Not so much. This, sure.
Be careful if you're the "I love kids" type and you're not having them for your career though. You might find neurosurgery to be not all that fulfilling in the end, with all the changes that are coming down the pipe in medicine. Then you'll have nothing.
I can see where the "no kids" group is coming from, so kudos to everyone in this thread for having that personal insight.
For me, I'm the opposite. I've always been the big family type and plan on having a bonafide KinasePro clan. I'm fortunate to have a spouse who puts up with my **** and shares my vision of populating the earth.
That being said, I take croak's comments to heart. Refreshing to hear someone admit their kids have shortcomings instead of pretending everything is peachy, and also admit their career had something to do with it. Likewise, it's easy for me as a prospective parent to assume everything will turn out just fine if I go through the motions. But I'm learning that parenting is brutal and its hard to imagine the sacrifice required until you've actually taken the plunge yourself.
For me, I'm the opposite. I've always been the big family type and plan on having a bonafide KinasePro clan. I'm fortunate to have a spouse who puts up with my **** and shares my vision of populating the earth.
That being said, I take croak's comments to heart. Refreshing to hear someone admit their kids have shortcomings instead of pretending everything is peachy, and also admit their career had something to do with it. Likewise, it's easy for me as a prospective parent to assume everything will turn out just fine if I go through the motions. But I'm learning that parenting is brutal and its hard to imagine the sacrifice required until you've actually taken the plunge yourself.
Precisely.
Except there's the part where you learn from your mistakes, which is why I asked you some questions about what you do now. I have kids myself and there are times where you fail as a parent, yes. There's a chance almost everyday to be a better parent, and like you said there's intuitive notions on what you should do. Any parent can tell you that there are moments that you think, "I'm wrong on that." It doesn't take years to figure out. Although it may take years to see the damage. Even if it does, you can still try and rectify these things. I hope I never get to the point where I look at my kids as **** ups. But to each their own.
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Which brings this thread to its beginning: Questioning bringing children into the world, surgery, and regrets. I specifically avoided the nature of the f'*** -ups, their specifics, gravity, or whether they were banal, or a function of my perpetual duties. Nonetheless, no one bothered asking the nature, or my definition—I'd expect more from one of my surgical residents. Ask before you judge. A millimeter can kill, and judgement lacking due thought is reflective of maturity-in-absentia. The children unfortunately had sex change operations, married outside their race and religion, and joined a commune. Yeah, right.
You had several posts you made in defense of calling them ****ups (among others on this thread) that you could have qualified your statement in so I don't get where the snobbery comes in for this one.
And as an aside note, your sarcasm is full on fail. Your audience here is not of the "greatest generation". To also note, greatest generation my ass.
Being a parent doesn't take anything special.
Why is this selfish?
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