Don't feel sexy anymore

[brotherbloat]

Hi there,

I'm a newlywed (7 months) and my problem is that I just don't feel sexy anymore. I really don't know why. Please don't tell me I'm just being superficial. I think that sexiness=confidence, at least for me, and I've had little of both lately. The usual things I used to do to feel sexy aren't working anymore, such as dressing sharply, putting on makeup, doing well in my job, etc.

I feel bad too as my lack of feeling sexy translates into me not wanting to have sex. I'm not sure what to do to stop this cycle. Any advice? I'm not under major stress and there's nothing bad happening right now, rather I do feel like I'm sort of stagnating at my mindless job and things aren't going well with my med school apps. But I'm not sure if these things alone are the cause of my lack of sexiness feelings.

Thank you,

BB

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[Smilemaker100]

Hi there,

I'm a newlywed (7 months) and my problem is that I just don't feel sexy anymore. I really don't know why. Please don't tell me I'm just being superficial. I think that sexiness=confidence, at least for me, and I've had little of both lately. The usual things I used to do to feel sexy aren't working anymore, such as dressing sharply, putting on makeup, doing well in my job, etc.

I feel bad too as my lack of feeling sexy translates into me not wanting to have sex. I'm not sure what to do to stop this cycle. Any advice? I'm not under major stress and there's nothing bad happening right now, rather I do feel like I'm sort of stagnating at my mindless job and things aren't going well with my med school apps. But I'm not sure if these things alone are the cause of my lack of sexiness feelings.

Thank you,

BB

I am not physically involved with anyone but I have a wild imagination. If you IMAGINE you are sexy or have confidence, you will FEEL like you are sexy or confident.

I think a good idea would be to rent some movies which star some reknown sex goddesses such as Marilyn Monroe / Sophia Loren / Raquel Welch /Jane Russell / Mae West / Ava Gardner etc. ( you get the idea) and closely observe their mannerisms or speech...and then play it in the bedroom.

More inspiration ( no lack on my part- like I said , I have a wild imagination )? How about role playing? Surprise your hubby...

Examples:
You Him
1)French maid 1) Master of the house
2)Nurse 2)Doctor
3)Cavewoman 3) Caveman
4)Catwoman 4)Batman
5)Drowning victim 5) Lifeguard
6)Minny Mouse 6)Mickey Mouse
7)Waitress 7)Customer
8) Flight Attendant 8)Pilot
9) Policewoman 9) prisoner

ok that's enough...

Play with fruits and whipped cream- food can be erotic- use your imagination!

Alright, I think that should give you a good start

 

[brotherbloat]

Hi,

Thanks for your advice but I don't mean sexual sexy--I mean sexy for myself, sexy for being a woman. The end result of this is lack of interest in sex, but the main thing is that I just want to feel sexy for myself--confident for myself.

Any advice?

 

[beentherdonthat]

Hi,

Thanks for your advice but I don't mean sexual sexy--I mean sexy for myself, sexy for being a woman. The end result of this is lack of interest in sex, but the main thing is that I just want to feel sexy for myself--confident for myself.

Any advice?

Sounds to me like you're a bit depressed. If this is the case, you'd have to get help for that before you can be yourself and feel desirable again.

 

[jules0328]

You should exercise. I find that when I feel depressed, and 'unsexy' I exercise, I run and do weights. I also eat better and drink lots of water. No joke. Sometimes, you need an extra stress release. Try it! Even do some yoga.

 

[Dentist2B'sGF]

BB---

I feel your pain. I get like that from time to time... where I just don't feel "sexy" enough. It has nothing to do with sexual intercourse... or how I feel about my significant other.. it is completely and totally about "yourself" You just feel like you are lacking something in the "va va voom" department. Been There.. feel your pain.. Exercising DOES work.. and it helps your body tone up a bit more.. which of course makes you feel better with your appearance. But most of the time, it's coming to terms with what you think "sexy" means. IS it your appearance that makes you feel unsexy? personality? etc? You have to pin point what it is that is making you feel this way.. and then maybe try to find a solution. IF you need to talk you can private message me on here. Good Luck and remember.. everyone is sexy in their own way..

 

[brotherbloat]

Hi there,

Yep, the last poster hit the nail right on the head. It is definitely something that's lacking in the va va voom department. However, it's not my body. I'm the same size and shape I've been since seventh grade, actually. It's more a mental thing I think. My pre-med stuff hasn't been going well, my job is mindless and I get paid crap, and I guess I feel like I've been a major procrastinator lately. All these things add up to major lack of sexy and low self-esteem, which translates further into lack of interest in sex. Any advice?

 

[alison_in_oh]

Hi there,

Yep, the last poster hit the nail right on the head. It is definitely something that's lacking in the va va voom department. However, it's not my body. I'm the same size and shape I've been since seventh grade, actually. It's more a mental thing I think. My pre-med stuff hasn't been going well, my job is mindless and I get paid crap, and I guess I feel like I've been a major procrastinator lately. All these things add up to major lack of sexy and low self-esteem, which translates further into lack of interest in sex. Any advice?

Two things.

One: are you on the Pill? If so, talk to a doctor about alternative doses or other options. That blah sexless feeling was a side effect for me. Since going off the Pill I feel like hot stuff (and dropping 5 lbs. helped too!)

Two: get your hubby to COMPLIMENT you, dammit! He might be getting complacent as you fall into routine and "the honeymoon is over", but let me tell you, my husband of 18 months has lately been giving me an "appreciative look" or a comment ("My wife is HOT!") when I dress to impress, and it does wonders for my self esteem.

Ooh, how about a third: I know about the procrastinating/unstimulated by work/bleh feeling leading to a general slump. I've just launched myself into a new year with a new plan to stay on top of things at work and at home. I got the most inspiration from David Allen's Getting Things Done and Julie Morgenstern's From the Inside Out books. Just getting my desk here at home decluttered and totally organized makes me feel AWESOME.

Finally, I agree with the other poster that exercise helps. Especially weight lifting, because you can really see a difference in your body over time.

 

[MD'05]

Hi there,

I'm a newlywed (7 months) and my problem is that I just don't feel sexy anymore. I really don't know why. Please don't tell me I'm just being superficial. I think that sexiness=confidence, at least for me, and I've had little of both lately. The usual things I used to do to feel sexy aren't working anymore, such as dressing sharply, putting on makeup, doing well in my job, etc.

Others have hit on important points of work-related stress, depression, lack of exercise.

If you are older than 34 you might want to have your FSH:LH ratio, estradiol, and TSH checked. I know this goes against what the textbooks say, you might be perimenopausal. Don't be alarmed since this process can take 20 years to lead to menopause. It is documented that women begin a decline in reproductive capability starting around the 30's. If your sex drive is diminished (with out other risk factors) it is most likely secondary to hormonal changes. See your gynecologist or internal medicine doctor and asked to have these hormones checked.

 

[Energon]

BB, from your responses, it seems that its the external factors surrounding your life (med school apps) etc that are taking a toll on you.
My advice:
1. Change your lifestyle, do not get bogged down with the procrastination.
2. Discuss this with your husband. You will feel a lot better just talking to your spouse about your concerns.... I suppose that is one of the advantage of being married.
3. If none of the above work despite strong attempts, get help.

Best of Luck and keep us posted.

 

[clkimmey]

bb,

here's the sure-fire cure for feeling un-sexy:

go to wal-mart and look around you! i guarantee that 99.9% of the women in there are no match for you, and guess what? they're getting laid!

try listening to your hubby, i bet he thinks you're pretty sexy. just listen to him and try to believe what he's telling you.

and by the by, if you're on depo-provera, that may explain it. it doesn't work by controlling hormones, it just kills sex-drive completely.

get back in the game!

 

[busupshot83]

I am not physically involved with anyone but I have a wild imagination. If you IMAGINE you are sexy or have confidence, you will FEEL like you are sexy or confident.

I think a good idea would be to rent some movies which star some reknown sex goddesses such as Marilyn Monroe / Sophia Loren / Raquel Welch /Jane Russell / Mae West / Ava Gardner etc. ( you get the idea) and closely observe their mannerisms or speech...and then play it in the bedroom.

More inspiration ( no lack on my part- like I said , I have a wild imagination )? How about role playing? Surprise your hubby...

Examples:
You Him
1)French maid 1) Master of the house
2)Nurse 2)Doctor
3)Cavewoman 3) Caveman
4)Catwoman 4)Batman
5)Drowning victim 5) Lifeguard
6)Minny Mouse 6)Mickey Mouse
7)Waitress 7)Customer
8) Flight Attendant 8)Pilot
9) Policewoman 9) prisoner

ok that's enough...

Play with fruits and whipped cream- food can be erotic- use your imagination!

Alright, I think that should give you a good start

I got one:

You: Sigfried
Him: Roy

 

[rocknightmare]

I got one:

You: Sigfried
Him: Roy

ha thats funny.

but on a serious note i think the advice of whateverbody said should tired out. and try it for a week or two. personal i have been feeling weak and fatigued maybe cause of applications, but i blame it all on my diet and traveling. lately i have been traveloing alot to interviews and there were not routine for me to get in me in a groove. but now i am getting back to normal with a routine and i am hitting my groove again i think.. so try that try to set the diet and get the routine figured out

 

[pharmtard]

6)Minny Mouse 6)Mickey Mouse

That's kinda weird. Not really even funny, just weird. Unless you're into furries, in which case I know a guy who looks like an Ewok . . .