ER docs — How do you keep your wife happy?

[Angry Birds]

Anyone just buy shiny things? Does this strategy actually work? I used to always think what a stupid waste of money such conspicuous consumption is but now I’m thinking utility wise it might be the easiest path and less hassle than dealing with a moody wife.

For me, the problem is how busy I am. ER doesn’t help with nights and weekends, missed events, etc.

Does buy-them-a-nice-purse strategy work? Or is it just diminishing returns and points only lasting for a day? Thoughts?

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[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

Obviously every relationship is unique but what helps most in mine is to help out with laundry etc to the best of my ability when I am off and also when I am fully present with her and our children. Both of those are tough when I’ve just finished 6 of 7, that’s part of what makes this job so brutal. Sometimes I feel like the patients and nurses get the best of what I have to offer and there’s too little left for my family.

 

[RustedFox]

I hear women like shoes.

 

[Birdstrike]

@Angry Birds I thought you were out of the ED?

 

[Frazier]

I would worry that if any spouse had a sense of seriously lacking attention and/or emotional/sexual/etc fulfillment from their partner, human nature would eventually push them to fill those voids in other ways... Sure, for some people, that might be a fancy object (a purse as an example) that makes it all better... but more often, I could envision the spouse starting to engage in behaviors that no one is happy about after the fact.

Prob one of the better approaches is to have open and frank convos on the expectations for upcoming months and to have something concrete to look forward to -- for some that might be a vacation (i.e. experience), for others a purse (i.e. material object), and others just a week at home together (i.e. time).

I'm not in the position to share any success story or throw stones, having been out of the EM shift life for a while.

 

[Tenk]

Without kids: vacations, material things, dinner, romance, blah, blah, blah.

With kids: let her sleep in.

 

[HemorrhagicShock]

All I know is how I keep your wife happy

 

[RustedFox]

 

[bravotwozero]

Anyone just buy shiny things? Does this strategy actually work? I used to always think what a stupid waste of money such conspicuous consumption is but now I’m thinking utility wise it might be the easiest path and less hassle than dealing with a moody wife.

For me, the problem is how busy I am. ER doesn’t help with nights and weekends, missed events, etc.

Does buy-them-a-nice-purse strategy work? Or is it just diminishing returns and points only lasting for a day? Thoughts?

Yup, attention. More than anything else. Cut down your shifts and take a vacation with her. Or at least a stay cation with some nice restaurant meals.

 

[Siggy]

Cunnilingus tends to work well…

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

First mistake was getting married.

It's ok, I did it too.

 

[turkeyjerky]

I think the key to happiness is having low expectations, then meeting/exceeding them. This can be difficult to transfer to someone else, however--it takes quite a bit of time to reset them.

 

[CliveStaples]

Step 1: Marry the right person (I.e. low expectations, as above)

Step 2: You work at it. You put in the time to do your job well, you put in the time to do your side hustles well, you put in the time to enjoy your hobbies, and you put in the time to make sure your relationship is nurtured. There is no substitute for time (I.e. I do not believe gifts actually fill this void). For those that stay in shape, they recognize that there is simply no alternative, no amount of "if only I had the time" hacks to being physically active. You just choose to prioritize your time in such a way. Such is a marriage.

 

[DrDrummer]

Work less, hang out more. For the right person (in my opinion), this will be much more valuable than a purse or shiny thing. I think we care about our take home much more than our partners do.

 

[xaelia]

You can try the "things money can buy" route, but the answer is probably just ... work fewer shifts, particularly antisocial shifts.

Easier said than done.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

Wife is a surgery resident. I haven’t seen her in close to a week. But that’s more a function of her schedule which is 10/10 dog turds worse than the worst EM schedule.

Whenever we do have a day we’re both off we make a point of trying to do things together that we both enjoy like going to a garden center and picking out some plants or going for a bike ride.

Admittedly tension arrives from time to time especially when things get particularly tough for one of us. When that happens we just try to text each other every day a couple times so one person knows the other exists which is nice.

 

[CoolDoc1729]

From the wife side, agree that the biggest thing is to be present when you are home. It’s terrible and disappointing when my husband has been gone for most of the last few days and he gets home and is on his phone.

Much more than shiny things I appreciate when he lets me sleep in, takes the kids somewhere for a couple hours, or washes my car.

She probably could rattle off 3 things she’d love for you to do, if you ask. We think about these things. They will probably altogether take 1-2 hours and be vastly cheaper than a designer purse or a necklace.

 

[Angry Birds]

@Angry Birds I thought you were out of the ED?

Not yet... The new job starts in a few months
Also, I'll still work a few shifts a month.

And I guess the main issue is that I am working two jobs at once (ER and my other gig)... So I'm very busy.

 

[Groove]

I have to take my SO on vacations, otherwise she starts to crack up. I have a man cave that I hole up in during PMS week. During that week, I leave a full glass of wine (mega pint) out on the counter for her when she gets home and I disappear to the man cave and don't come out for anything. Otherwise, I just try to maximize time spent together on days off. She likes outside stuff, so we'll ride bikes or play tennis, etc.. At night she likes to cuddle in bed and watch t.v. shows so I try to be available if we're both off. If I have a night shift, I'll watch t.v. with her until I have to go in... Otherwise, she hates getting up early, so if I'm off, I'll get up and walk the dogs, get her breakfast, etc.. and that seems to score additional points. If I'm on nights, I try to do all those things when I get in, before getting in bed myself.

The vacations don't have to be anything extensive...recently we took the dogs to a cabin a few hours away and paddled in the creek, grilled out, etc.. It's relaxing but I've never understood why she has this "checklist" and frantically needs to check box "vacation" and post her obligatory instagram/Facebook posts. It seems to reset some internal circuit and we're good for a few months until it's time to checkbox another vacation.

Neither of us have or want children so that probably greatly reduces the stress. Luckily, she used to be an EM NP and although she's been in FM for a few years now, she hasn't forgotten how difficult the schedule could be so she's understanding when I'm grouchy, sleep deprived and generally unpleasant to be around after a string of nights, etc..

I'm most definitely not a big expensive jewelry/gift giving type of guy but I do a lot of "small" things and am generally pretty affectionate and that seems to go a long way with her. However, even with no gifts...the vacations add up each year. We do a big ski trip, big Caribbean trip, big hiking trip, couple dog vacation trips, etc.. each year. I think I probably spend about 20K on vacations every year.

 

[ER BlueBlood]

Anyone just buy shiny things? Does this strategy actually work? I used to always think what a stupid waste of money such conspicuous consumption is but now I’m thinking utility wise it might be the easiest path and less hassle than dealing with a moody wife.

For me, the problem is how busy I am. ER doesn’t help with nights and weekends, missed events, etc.

Does buy-them-a-nice-purse strategy work? Or is it just diminishing returns and points only lasting for a day? Thoughts?

If she likes fine artwork buy some of that. It can be an investment to an extent and you also get to enjoy it in your home. Otherwise, bags and jewels can help for long stretches. They are all like this, just comes with the territory.

 

[ER BlueBlood]

I have to take my SO on vacations, otherwise she starts to crack up. I have a man cave that I hole up in during PMS week. During that week, I leave a full glass of wine out on the counter for her when she gets home and I disappear to the man cave and don't come out for anything. Otherwise, I just try to maximize time spent together on days off. She likes outside stuff, so we'll ride bikes or play tennis, etc.. At night she likes to cuddle in bed and watch t.v. shows so I try to be available if we're both off. If I have a night shift, I'll watch t.v. with her until I have to go in... Otherwise, she hates getting up early, so if I'm off, I'll get up and walk the dogs, get her breakfast, etc.. and that seems to score additional points. If I'm on nights, I try to do all those things when I get in, before getting in bed myself.

The vacations don't have to be anything extensive...recently we took the dogs to a cabin a few hours away and paddled in the creek, grilled out, etc.. It's relaxing but I've never understood why she has this "checklist" and frantically needs to check box "vacation" and post her obligatory instagram/Facebook posts. It seems to reset some internal circuit and we're good for a few months until it's time to checkbox another vacation.

Neither of us have or want children so that probably greatly reduces the stress. Luckily, she used to be an EM NP and although she's been in FM for a few years now, she hasn't forgotten how difficult the schedule could be so she's understanding when I'm grouchy, sleep deprived and generally unpleasant to be around after a string of nights, etc..

I'm most definitely not a big expensive jewelry/gift giving type of guy but I do a lot of "small" things and am generally pretty affectionate and that seems to go a long way with her. However, even with no gifts...the vacations add up each year. We do a big ski trip, big Caribbean trip, big hiking trip, couple dog vacation trips, etc.. each year. I think I probably spend about 20K on vacations every year. If you don’t have kids and she still needs this much attention, that is insane.

I have to take my SO on vacations, otherwise she starts to crack up. I have a man cave that I hole up in during PMS week. During that week, I leave a full glass of wine (mega pint) out on the counter for her when she gets home and I disappear to the man cave and don't come out for anything. Otherwise, I just try to maximize time spent together on days off. She likes outside stuff, so we'll ride bikes or play tennis, etc.. At night she likes to cuddle in bed and watch t.v. shows so I try to be available if we're both off. If I have a night shift, I'll watch t.v. with her until I have to go in... Otherwise, she hates getting up early, so if I'm off, I'll get up and walk the dogs, get her breakfast, etc.. and that seems to score additional points. If I'm on nights, I try to do all those things when I get in, before getting in bed myself.

The vacations don't have to be anything extensive...recently we took the dogs to a cabin a few hours away and paddled in the creek, grilled out, etc.. It's relaxing but I've never understood why she has this "checklist" and frantically needs to check box "vacation" and post her obligatory instagram/Facebook posts. It seems to reset some internal circuit and we're good for a few months until it's time to checkbox another vacation.

Neither of us have or want children so that probably greatly reduces the stress. Luckily, she used to be an EM NP and although she's been in FM for a few years now, she hasn't forgotten how difficult the schedule could be so she's understanding when I'm grouchy, sleep deprived and generally unpleasant to be around after a string of nights, etc..

I'm most definitely not a big expensive jewelry/gift giving type of guy but I do a lot of "small" things and am generally pretty affectionate and that seems to go a long way with her. However, even with no gifts...the vacations add up each year. We do a big ski trip, big Caribbean trip, big hiking trip, couple dog vacation trips, etc.. each year. I think I probably spend about 20K on vacations every year.

Man - she needs that much attention and entertainment and doesn’t even have the stress of kids? Wow. Good post though. I think a lot of docs take thoSe trips, they just try to act like Dave Ramsey when on SDN lol

 

[Groove]

Man - she needs that much attention and entertainment and doesn’t even have the stress of kids? Wow. Good post though. I think a lot of docs take thoSe trips, they just try to act like Dave Ramsey when on SDN lol

I guess it kind of sounds like that but not really.... She's like most women, you just need to give them unadulterated, 100% attention for a little bit, put the phone down, let them talk about their day, show them some affection, hold them, tell them they are beautiful and how lucky you are to have them in your life and then they will let you go play video games or watch football for a few hours...

It would most definitely be 100% more difficult with kids.

Oh, and she can't cook worth a damn while I on the other hand am a gourmet cook and actually love cooking. So, I'm usually the one cooking dinner on my days off. She's always in an exceptionally good mood when I'm preparing something in the kitchen...

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

I guess it kind of sounds like that but not really.... She's like most women, you just need to give them unadulterated, 100% attention for a little bit, put the phone down, let them talk about their day, show them some affection, hold them, tell them they are beautiful and how lucky you are to have them in your life and then they will let you go play video games or watch football for a few hours...

It would most definitely be 100% more difficult with kids.

Oh, and she can't cook worth a damn while I on the other hand am a gourmet cook and actually love cooking. So, I'm usually the one cooking dinner on my days off. She's always in an exceptionally good mood when I'm preparing something in the kitchen...

Soooo.....tell us how the marriage is beneficial to you again?

 

[RustedFox]

I guess it kind of sounds like that but not really.... She's like most women, you just need to give them unadulterated, 100% attention for a little bit, put the phone down, let them talk about their day, show them some affection, hold them, tell them they are beautiful and how lucky you are to have them in your life and then they will let you go play video games or watch football for a few hours...

It would most definitely be 100% more difficult with kids.

Oh, and she can't cook worth a damn while I on the other hand am a gourmet cook and actually love cooking. So, I'm usually the one cooking dinner on my days off. She's always in an exceptionally good mood when I'm preparing something in the kitchen...

I would have dropped this b!tch like 3rd period French class.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

There is no benefit to a high-earner to marry anyone in 2022.

I'm so thankful for my smooth-ish divorce. Would never marry again.

 

[CajunMedic]

Anymore, it's doing things around the house. Dishes, laundry, trash, honey-do list, etc. When I'm off, I cook dinner, since she works straight nights. Jewelry, and the occasional pair of shoes on her birthday or Christmas. She's still a medic in the ED and on the ambulance, so she understands the schedule and it's toll. We have really worked during our time on the ambulance together, undergrad, med school, and residency to keep each other happy and keep our marriage strong.

 

[emergentmd]

Wow, the more I read this, the more I see why people should never get married and most are miserable.

Only advice I can give is, buy right. If you buy a lemon of a car, you will spend the rest of your life repairing stuff. If you get a lemon of a job, every day is miserable. If you buy a lemon of a spouse (works each way), you have to continually fix things.

Marry a reasonable person with similar family/financial/children/religious values, watch for the red flags, then you should be good. Hot women who you think you can "change" are like buying a high end sport car where there are lots of repairs and all are expensive.

I do things around the house all the time but in truth she carries 80+% of the house/kiddie load as she is a stay at home mom. Marriage is never 50/50. Sometimes I will carry the load when she is down. Most times she carries the load. I take care of the "man" stuff and she takes care of the "woman" stuff which both of us are happy to do (see above with similar values). Marry someone you respect is utmost important.

I am all for making her "feel special" and i definitely do it. But if you have to "make her feel special" and keep stepping up the game, then you are in for a long road.

The things my wife lets me "get away with" is because she puts my feelings above hers. If both are able to do this, you will have a great marriage.

 

[gutonc]

There is no benefit to a high-earner to marry anyone in 2022.

I'm so thankful for my smooth-ish divorce. Would never marry again.

Both my partner and I are divorced. We have zero interest in getting married. Does this change our commitment to each other? No...we've got the house, the cars, the furry kids and the will just like if we were legally married. But literally no interest in going down that path again, with each other or anybody else.

 

[emergentmd]

Both my partner and I are divorced. We have zero interest in getting married. Does this change our commitment to each other? No...we've got the house, the cars, the furry kids and the will just like if we were legally married. But literally no interest in going down that path again, with each other or anybody else.

Unless I have interest in kids, I would Never get married. I see no reason to get married unless you have kids.

if something happened to my wife, No way in Hell would I ever get married even if this would be a deal breaker for her. Another marriage with kids just means someone telling my kids what to do which is a big no no. Another wife means having splitting my inheritance up. So many reasons to not remarry and almost no reason to remarry at least for me.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

I do things around the house all the time but in truth she carries 80+% of the house/kiddie load as she is a stay at home mom. Marriage is never 50/50. Sometimes I will carry the load when she is down. Most times she carries the load. I take care of the "man" stuff and she takes care of the "woman" stuff which both of us are happy to do (see above with similar values). Marry someone you respect is utmost important.

This is very important.

Both my partner and I are divorced. We have zero interest in getting married. Does this change our commitment to each other? No...we've got the house, the cars, the furry kids and the will just like if we were legally married. But literally no interest in going down that path again, with each other or anybody else.

100%. Why let the government into your relationship?

Unless I have interest in kids, I would Never get married. I see no reason to get married unless you have kids.

if something happened to my wife, No way in Hell would I ever get married even if this would be a deal breaker for her. Another marriage with kids just means someone telling my kids what to do which is a big no no. Another wife means having splitting my inheritance up. So many reasons to not remarry and almost no reason to remarry at least for me.

You can even have kids without a marriage. Have a finely tuned co-parenting agreement signed before conception.

 

[emergentmd]

I agree you can have kids without marriage but its not just for me.

 

[ER BlueBlood]

This is very important.


100%. Why let the government into your relationship?



You can even have kids without a marriage. Have a finely tuned co-parenting agreement signed before conception.

That’s a terrible setup for kids. Not even going to get into it here.

 

[MechEDoc]

Anyone just buy shiny things? Does this strategy actually work? I used to always think what a stupid waste of money such conspicuous consumption is but now I’m thinking utility wise it might be the easiest path and less hassle than dealing with a moody wife.

For me, the problem is how busy I am. ER doesn’t help with nights and weekends, missed events, etc.

Does buy-them-a-nice-purse strategy work? Or is it just diminishing returns and points only lasting for a day? Thoughts?

Money doesn't change people, it just reveals who they are. I am still frugal, my ex never had enough. I am fine with conspicuous consumption as long as financial fundamentals are being satisfied.

In my case, buying nice stuff only accelerated issues.

 

[Groove]

Soooo.....tell us how the marriage is beneficial to you again?

Well, we're not married. She's divorced as am I and we've been together for around 7 years. I don't think she really cares about the legal marriage part but she would like a ring or some semblance of recognizable commitment to society whether that's informal or non traditional, etc.. I'm warming up to the idea of a ring but so far am opposed to legal marriage. I'm far less threatened with this one than previous girlfriends because she's a high wage earner and makes around 225K/yr as a FM NP. So...theoretically, I'd have less to worry about in the event of a divorce. I suppose if I ever warmed up to the idea of legal matrimony, I'd need an iron clad prenup and so far haven't carved out the time for a formal consultation with a family attorney to discuss the protection and/or limits of a prenuptial agreement. Luckily, she knows not to push me on the matter and has been relatively copasetic throughout our relationship.

But hey...she's 11 years younger than me and keeps offering to let me retire early and be my sugar momma if I'll be a house husband and cook dinner more often, so maybe I'm the one who should be asking her to marry me instead of the other way around!

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

For their parents to not be married? Can you explain?

 

[NITRAS]

Anyone just buy shiny things? Does this strategy actually work? I used to always think what a stupid waste of money such conspicuous consumption is but now I’m thinking utility wise it might be the easiest path and less hassle than dealing with a moody wife.

For me, the problem is how busy I am. ER doesn’t help with nights and weekends, missed events, etc.

Does buy-them-a-nice-purse strategy work? Or is it just diminishing returns and points only lasting for a day? Thoughts?

The best things for my marriage.
1. Get generational help. You know the old people who have scars and still married and love each other 30, 40 years later.
2. Intimate encounters is a great bible study.
3. Paul Tripp has great bible study on marriage. Essentially made me realize just how selfish and self centered I am.


Oh and a cup of coffee every morning is also her love language.

 

[ER BlueBlood]

Well, we're not married. She's divorced as am I and we've been together for around 7 years. I don't think she really cares about the legal marriage part but she would like a ring or some semblance of recognizable commitment to society whether that's informal or non traditional, etc.. I'm warming up to the idea of a ring but so far am opposed to legal marriage. I'm far less threatened with this one than previous girlfriends because she's a high wage earner and makes around 225K/yr as a FM NP. So...theoretically, I'd have less to worry about in the event of a divorce. I suppose if I ever warmed up to the idea of legal matrimony, I'd need an iron clad prenup and so far haven't carved out the time for a formal consultation with a family attorney to discuss the protection and/or limits of a prenuptial agreement. Luckily, she knows not to push me on the matter and has been relatively copasetic throughout our relationship.

But hey...she's 11 years younger than me and keeps offering to let me retire early and be my sugar momma if I'll be a house husband and cook dinner more often, so maybe I'm the one who should be asking her to marry me instead of the other way around!

Ahh i see now. Well this makes more sense. Wow so she makes close to an EM doc lol (had to laugh not to cry). that’s awesome!

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Ahh i see now. Well this makes more sense. Wow so she makes close to an EM doc lol (had to laugh not to cry). that’s awesome!

Y'all make close to 225k these days?

 

[BoardingDoc]

Y'all make close to 225k these days?

That was my reaction too. That's certainly a lot of money, but it's half of what I make.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

The best things for my marriage.
1. Get generational help. You know the old people who have scars and still married and love each other 30, 40 years later.
2. Intimate encounters is a great bible study.
3. Paul Tripp has great bible study on marriage. Essentially made me realize just how selfish and self centered I am.


Oh and a cup of coffee every morning is also her love language.

Yikes.

 

[Birdstrike]

Anyone just buy shiny things? Does this strategy actually work? I used to always think what a stupid waste of money such conspicuous consumption is but now I’m thinking utility wise it might be the easiest path and less hassle than dealing with a moody wife.

For me, the problem is how busy I am. ER doesn’t help with nights and weekends, missed events, etc.

Does buy-them-a-nice-purse strategy work? Or is it just diminishing returns and points only lasting for a day? Thoughts?

The EM life is hard for spouses. One thing that has helped our marriage (when I was in the EM life, and even now) was committing to a dinner out, just the two of us, once per week. Sometimes it’s at expensive places, other times inexpensive. What matters is having that time for each other. EM life gets crazy. Throw young kids in there and it’s even crazier. A marriage can suffer if you don’t commit to nurturing it.

One thing my wife has always enjoyed is having a trip to look forward to. It helps carry you through the daily grind if you have something to look foreword to. Again, it could be an inexpensive trip or an expensive one. The point is that everyone has something to look foreword to. Some trips as a family. And some trips should be just you and you significant other. Couples need time alone. So do kids.

 

[Groove]

Ahh i see now. Well this makes more sense. Wow so she makes close to an EM doc lol (had to laugh not to cry). that’s awesome!

Yeah I was pretty shocked too. A decent proportion is RVU bonus incentive money. I think she earned about 125-150K the first year but now that she's become savvy at coding/billing and has built up her patient base, her income power has increased. I'm a huge referral to her from the ED. I will basically refer any and all insured pt's and can guarantee they'll get in to see her in 3 days because she keeps 3 open slots on her schedule for new patients. I send 100% of the worker's comp stuff to her. She works 4 days a week...long days. I think she sees north of 30 patients a day in clinic. Leaves around 7:30am and back around 6pm Her 2nd or 3rd year her pay had gone up to around 180K and last year it was 200-225, I thought she said 225K. (I just checked with her by text, actually she said she makes 200K and her NP friend (same group, diff site) makes 225K, not her...asked what I was doing...planning my retirement again? I said "Absolutely")

Still though, not bad for a FM NP. No telling what those attendings are pulling in. They only use 1 NP at each site but the attendings will all leave around 2-3pm and NP will see all the patients for the rest of day. I think they earn north of 400K and also work 4 day weeks.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Yeah I was pretty shocked too. A decent proportion is RVU bonus incentive money. I think she earned about 125-150K the first year but now that she's become savvy at coding/billing and has built up her patient base, her income power has increased. I'm a huge referral to her from the ED. I will basically refer any and all insured pt's and can guarantee they'll get in to see her in 3 days because she keeps 3 open slots on her schedule for new patients. She works 4 days a week...long days. I think she sees north of 30 patients a day in clinic. Leaves around 7:30am and back around 6pm Her 2nd or 3rd year her pay had gone up to around 180K and last year it was 200-225, I thought she said 225K. (I just checked with her by text, actually she said she makes 200K and her NP friend (same group, diff site) makes 225K, not her...asked what I was doing...planning my retirement again? I said "Yes")

Still though, not bad for a FM NP. No telling what those attendings are pulling in. They only use 1 NP at each site but the attendings will all leave around 2-3pm and NP will see all the patients for the rest of day. I think they earn north of 400K and also work 4 day weeks.

Those numbers sound about right given the number of patient's she's seeing. Ditto for the MDs.

 

[Groove]

So, technically....if you think about it. I'm the one who would stand to benefit from a marriage, especially if I retired early and she remained working, generating most of our income. I think that's why I've been warming up to the idea, the older I get... It doesn't sounds so bad like it once did.

The marriages that physicians need to watch out for are the ones where you have a brood of kids with a "homemaker" wife/husband. Divorces from that arrangement are straight up painful with debilitating alimony/child support especially if you have been married for more than a few years.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

Yeah I was pretty shocked too. A decent proportion is RVU bonus incentive money. I think she earned about 125-150K the first year but now that she's become savvy at coding/billing and has built up her patient base, her income power has increased. I'm a huge referral to her from the ED. I will basically refer any and all insured pt's and can guarantee they'll get in to see her in 3 days because she keeps 3 open slots on her schedule for new patients. I send 100% of the worker's comp stuff to her. She works 4 days a week...long days. I think she sees north of 30 patients a day in clinic. Leaves around 7:30am and back around 6pm Her 2nd or 3rd year her pay had gone up to around 180K and last year it was 200-225, I thought she said 225K. (I just checked with her by text, actually she said she makes 200K and her NP friend (same group, diff site) makes 225K, not her...asked what I was doing...planning my retirement again? I said "Absolutely")

Still though, not bad for a FM NP. No telling what those attendings are pulling in. They only use 1 NP at each site but the attendings will all leave around 2-3pm and NP will see all the patients for the rest of day. I think they earn north of 400K and also work 4 day weeks.

Is this a stark law violation?

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

She says she's ready to give up your 400k/yr and you he stay at home? Please set a Google reminder for 10 yrs from now to let us know outcome.

 

[Groove]

Is this a stark law violation?

I don't think so? She works for the same hospital system so I'm essentially just trying to keep patients within the same system. Her name is up with all the rest of our "in hospital" referrals and she is in the outpatient referral list that pops up when I need to refer someone for f/u.

 

[Groove]

She says she's ready to give up your 400k/yr and you he stay at home? Please set a Google reminder for 10 yrs from now to let us know outcome.

I better marry her quick then and threaten her with alimony so she won't leave me. Talk about tables being reversed.

 

[HemeOncHopeful19]

I don't think so? She works for the same hospital system so I'm essentially just trying to keep patients within the same system. Her name is up with all the rest of our "in hospital" referrals and she is in the outpatient referral list that pops up when I need to refer someone for f/u.

You’re mostly saved by the fact that you aren’t married/legally related I think. Stark also covers Medicare and not private patients I believe.

But IF you were married AND involved Medicare patients AND she did get paid based on these visits then I do think it would run afoul of Stark law.

 

[emergentmd]

Yeah I was pretty shocked too. A decent proportion is RVU bonus incentive money. I think she earned about 125-150K the first year but now that she's become savvy at coding/billing and has built up her patient base, her income power has increased. I'm a huge referral to her from the ED. I will basically refer any and all insured pt's and can guarantee they'll get in to see her in 3 days because she keeps 3 open slots on her schedule for new patients. I send 100% of the worker's comp stuff to her. She works 4 days a week...long days. I think she sees north of 30 patients a day in clinic. Leaves around 7:30am and back around 6pm Her 2nd or 3rd year her pay had gone up to around 180K and last year it was 200-225, I thought she said 225K. (I just checked with her by text, actually she said she makes 200K and her NP friend (same group, diff site) makes 225K, not her...asked what I was doing...planning my retirement again? I said "Absolutely")

Still though, not bad for a FM NP. No telling what those attendings are pulling in. They only use 1 NP at each site but the attendings will all leave around 2-3pm and NP will see all the patients for the rest of day. I think they earn north of 400K and also work 4 day weeks.

When we were looking for NP/PA covid help, our pay offer was on the high end of market. Had a good PA wanting to pick up some shifts and when he heard the offer said it was too low b/c he could pick up extra shifts working in the hospital. I asked how much would get him to pick up shifts, and he said we would have to match the hospital at 120/hr=250K working 40hrs/wk. I am sure he was pulling in north of 500K picking up those extra shifts.

If you are OK being an NP/PA with less liability. Just get into the ER b/c there are some desperate ERs around and I bet the pay is close to $100/hr for some busy places.

Just curious, if you are making 400K and your wife 200K, would it not make more sense for you to work half time and let her retire? That is certainly what I would do.