Family

[vandyam]

So I'm a traditional student but with a husband who's much older than me and ready to settle down/start having kids soon. I'm in a bit of a pickle, because a situation has arose where money is weighing heavy on my mind. I've been planning on going to a DO school I love in a location I like (& my husband especially likes). He's already gotten a job at a hospital in the area, we've put in an offer on a house, etc. However, the house hasn't closed yet (but over a grand in earnest money has been paid). I've also paid a very expensive deposit at this DO school.

An issue has arose where an MD school in a location we both despise has made itself available as an option for us. We don't like the area, and the school I'm sure will be fine. My best friend goes there, which is a plus for me, but he would be miserable there. The problem is, the school would save me about 80-100k if I went there. This is a ton of money to dismiss too quickly. However, I don't want my husband to be miserable where we live. I've told him he can make the decision, but how much should I try to talk him into going there?

The money is definitely something to consider, and that's my only concern here....but I do worry about us struggling (relationship wise) more in a city we both dislike.

So...should I just ignore this cheaper school and be happier (but much more in debt) at another school, or try to convince him saving the money can't be overlooked. What would you do?

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[TriagePreMed]

It's his debt as much as it is yours since you're married. If he's willing to put up with it and you're willing to put up with it, I don't see the big deal. I think happiness should trump money all the time, if the money in question is manageable. And with the added stress of medical school, you could make him very unhappy. Just take the DO acceptance IF both of you can handle it and agree to.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Honestly, I would go where I was happy. Medical school is miserable enough to be hating where you live and have your spouse hating the location and the job. In the long run I would rather be 100K in debt over being super miserable because you will always be able to pay that off in the end. For me happiness in my marriage and life trumps debt any day especially realistically, 100K isn't worth losing your marriage over.

 

[vandyam]

It's his debt as much as it is yours since you're married. If he's willing to put up with it and you're willing to put up with it, I don't see the big deal. I think happiness should trump money all the time, if the money in question is manageable. And with the added stress of medical school, you could make him very unhappy. Just take the DO acceptance IF both of you can handle it and agree to.

Honestly, I would go where I was happy. Medical school is miserable enough to be hating where you live and have your spouse hating the location and the job. In the long run I would rather be 100K in debt over being super miserable because you will always be able to pay that off in the end. For me happiness in my marriage and life trumps debt any day especially realistically, 100K isn't worth losing your marriage over.

Thank you both very much. I was honestly pretty torn on this, but I did leave the decision up to him for that very reason...not only will he be more miserable there, but by proxy I would be too. I guess I should just grit my teeth and take on the extra debt. I appreciate your advice.

 

[Tatiana3325]

Thank you both very much. I was honestly pretty torn on this, but I did leave the decision up to him for that very reason...not only will he be more miserable there, but by proxy I would be too. I guess I should just grit my teeth and take on the extra debt. I appreciate your advice.

Truthfully I dont think 80k or 100k is that big of a deal here. If this were about masters degrees in low paying fields then it would be. I would get the MD, if it were me. Unless the program is in Moscow (I even speak Russian, and I wouldn't live there for four years), how bad can it be?

 

[Helen Wheels]

Maybe it is just because I am older and had to pay off debts but 100k is nothing to sneeze at on top of your other debt. With things going the way they are in healthcare I think physicians might be making less and less in the future.

Also, I don't want to start a flame war but I am a DO student and I worry about the ways I might be limited in my career. The fact remains that some residency programs are closed to DOs and some rotations even won't take a DO student.

If it were me I'd get the MD.

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[startoverat40]

on the other hand, how bad is that other city? Will you both really be as unhappy there as you think? Maybe you'll get accustomed to it, and find things there that you could enjoy. maybe there are places nearby and you could take day trips... it's only 4 years, goes by in a flash. then you can go to a preferred location for residency. MD will give you many more options for residency....

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Take the DO. I would have chosen DMU if tuition was $100k a year. You said you want to start having a family. Med school is stressful, owning a home is stressful, having kids is mega stressful. If your
partner is unnecessarily stressed, it will cause many more problems. Go where you guys want to be. When it comes to your family, it isnt as easy as MD>DO, and you cant understand it if you don't have a family. I highly recommend the DO. Your sanity and marriage will thank you later.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Maybe it is just because I am older and had to pay off debts but 100k is nothing to sneeze at on top of your other debt. With things going the way they are in healthcare I think physicians might be making less and less in the future.

Also, I don't want to start a flame war but I am a DO student and I worry about the ways I might be limited in my career. The fact remains that some residency programs are closed to DOs and some rotations even won't take a DO student.

If it were me I'd get the MD.

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You should be ashamed spreading these untruths as a DO student. It's just not right. There is NO WAY YOU ARE LIMITED as a DO. I just showed this post to an MD colleague who is working with me today. His reaction? "Dang, I thought all the crap was over with". There you go people.

 

[Helen Wheels]

You should be ashamed spreading these untruths as a DO student. It's just not right. There is NO WAY YOU ARE LIMITED as a DO. I just showed this post to an MD colleague who is working with me today. His reaction? "Dang, I thought all the crap was over with". There you go people.

Cabin, I certainly wish it were true that we have no limitations, and I don't believe we should, but there are some limitations still out there for current DO students.

I have been told by DOs who are faculty that there are some residency programs out there that have never accepted a DO and probably never will. This isn't everywhere or even at every program within a hospital, but it is still out there. I do admit this is anecdotal.

However, it is a fact that some allopathic affiliated rotation sites will not accept DO students.

https://medschool.vanderbilt.edu/registrar/visiting-student-faqs (read the faq at the very bottom of the page and note that not only do they not take osteo students for rotations but their residency programs are closed to us, also)

http://www.med-ed.virginia.edu/handbook/electives/visiting/ (clearly states they do not accept osteo students for rotations)

I'm sure there are others, but I don't want to go too far off topic.

Cabin, I respect you, you were a nontrad med student (like myself), and also an alumna of my school, but there are still some inequities DOs have to face.

 

[cabinbuilder]

I find it interesting that DO students get so bent out of shape when a residency program doesn't take DO's. But Osteopathic programs sure don't take MD's. We as DO's get to play on both sides of the fence it just may not be at every MD program. If you really wanted to go to Vanderbilt as a resident you should have been an MD. Yes, you may be limited and excluded as a DO into certain programs but as an attending in your field you are not limited in any way.

The ONLY field I have not seen a DO in personally is pathology.

 

[vandyam]

Cabin, I certainly wish it were true that we have no limitations, and I don't believe we should, but there are some limitations still out there for current DO students.

I have been told by DOs who are faculty that there are some residency programs out there that have never accepted a DO and probably never will. This isn't everywhere or even at every program within a hospital, but it is still out there. I do admit this is anecdotal.

However, it is a fact that some allopathic affiliated rotation sites will not accept DO students.

https://medschool.vanderbilt.edu/registrar/visiting-student-faqs (read the faq at the very bottom of the page and note that not only do they not take osteo students for rotations but their residency programs are closed to us, also)

http://www.med-ed.virginia.edu/handbook/electives/visiting/ (clearly states they do not accept osteo students for rotations)

I'm sure there are others, but I don't want to go too far off topic.

Cabin, I respect you, you were a nontrad med student (like myself), and also an alumna of my school, but there are still some inequities DOs have to face.

I find it interesting that DO students get so bent out of shape when I residency program doesn't take DO's. But Osteopathic programs sure don't take MD's. We as DO's get to play on both sides of the fence it just may not be at every MD program. If you really wanted to go to Vanderbilt as a resident you should have been an MD. Yes, you may be limited and excluded as a DO into certain programs but as an attending in your field you are not limited in any way.

The ONLY field I have not seen a DO in personally is pathology.

This is probably stupid to add now, but regardless of what the website says, Vandy does take DOs. I've personally met and talked to 7 since I started working here (a med student from LMU, 3 residents, a fellow, and 2 attendings). And I'm just in one area of the hospital.

 

[cabinbuilder]

This is probably stupid to add now, but regardless of what the website says, Vandy does take DOs. I've personally met and talked to 7 since I started working here (a med student from LMU, 3 residents, a fellow, and 2 attendings). And I'm just in one area of the hospital.

Just goes to show you can't always beleive what you read and websites become outdated when politics change. Goes to show that you NEVER take NO for an answer and there is always a way (usually) to get what you want. I take a No as a personal challenge that can be overcome.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Cabin, I certainly wish it were true that we have no limitations, and I don't believe we should, but there are some limitations still out there for current DO students.

I have been told by DOs who are faculty that there are some residency programs out there that have never accepted a DO and probably never will. This isn't everywhere or even at every program within a hospital, but it is still out there. I do admit this is anecdotal.

However, it is a fact that some allopathic affiliated rotation sites will not accept DO students.

https://medschool.vanderbilt.edu/registrar/visiting-student-faqs (read the faq at the very bottom of the page and note that not only do they not take osteo students for rotations but their residency programs are closed to us, also)

http://www.med-ed.virginia.edu/handbook/electives/visiting/ (clearly states they do not accept osteo students for rotations)

I'm sure there are others, but I don't want to go too far off topic.

Cabin, I respect you, you were a nontrad med student (like myself), and also an alumna of my school, but there are still some inequities DOs have to face.

Goes back to what I said before, you are only limited by the roadblocks in your mind. If you wanted to go to a specific residency that only takes MD, then you should have been an MD. No DO residency takes MD's so why are we as DO's so bent out of shape when an MD residency doesn't take our degree when a majority do? I don't face any inequalities because I refuse to believe that I in any way provide "lesser" medical care because of the letters after my name.