Give Me Shelter

[Proprietary]

Allow me to introduce myself and the dilemma that I am facing in my life right now. I'm almost 23 years old, and I just got my B.S. in Business (3.7 GPA) from a state school. I'm working in a business setting right now. I've been truly unhappy for the past two years, because I never went after my dream of attending medical or health professions school. I listened to negative people put me down, and convinced myself that I wasn't good enough for this. I withdrew from Bio II and Chem II two years ago.

In actuality, not to sound cocky, but I am extremely intelligent and I know that I can succeed in medical school. And now, as I sit in this cubicle (doing something I have no passion for but pays the bills), the pangs of regret are hitting me harder now than ever before. My decision to quit on my dream haunts me EVERY SINGLE DAY, and the regret eats away at my soul constantly. I will never be happy until I can do this.

With all this being said, I have a dilemma. I know that I need to do a post-bacc. Option 1 is to take a do it yourself post-bacc here at my state school. The pros: it will be cheap, and I won't have to relocate away from my girlfriend, who I am very serious with. The cons: I feel like I need to get away from this school I?ve been at for the past four years because I will be taking classes with 18 and 19 year old kids, and I will just be depressed and reminded of blowing the opportunity when I was in their shoes.

Option 2: Relocate out of state to a one-year post-bacc program. The pros: I will be in classes with other older pre-medical students and I won?t feel out of place like I would here at State University. They also have linkage programs with med schools, so I?m basically guaranteed to get into medical school if I get into the post-bacc and work hard. These post-bacc programs are tailor-made for people like me. The downside of this great program is that I?d have to move away from my girlfriend for at least a year. Again, she is a serious girlfriend and she is the one that I want to marry one day. The idea of being away from her while I go to school and pursue my dream frightens me, because I love being with her.

So that?s it. I?m facing a huge dilemma. Sorry for the book, but I feel like I just needed to get it out. I?d appreciate any words of wisdom from other nontrads because I know there are others on this board with a lot of life experience that could help me out a great deal in this time of need.

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[EvoDevo]

Hi Proprietary:

First off, welcome and thank you for sharing your story. I think that you've found a home.

Secondly, take a deep breath and realize that this process is a marathon, not a race. Though you may feel that, at 23, it's getting too late, it really isn't.

Third, let me address a couple of your concerens:

** Taking courses with younger students**

We've all done it and it's not nearly as bad as you think it's going to be. When I started on this journey I was 25 and in class with a bunch of 18-19 y/olds. While sometimes amusing, I never felt too out of place.

**Cheap local school v. more $$ remote location**

--> There is no such thing as "guaranteed admission." As I understand it, all that any progam will do will be to guarantee you an interview. It's up to you to make a good impression during the interview and to do the other things which buff up your application: Extra curriculars, doctor shadowing, etc.

--> If you did well in your post-bacc classes (say around your current GPA level) and do the aforementioned other things, then you're going to get interviews no matter what.

**Leaving the GF v. moving away**

--> I might offer this bit of wisdom: Your life doesn't stop because you're working towards medical school. It doesn't even stop once you get into medical school.

--> What this means to you will depend upon your own feelings and priorities. If, as you say, this lady is someone that you're considering marriage with, then.....


Overall, I think that you're in great shape. You have a good GPA and should have no problems landing interviews provided that your post-bacc GPA is good too. You have a job that pays the bills. I'd recommend staying put and finishing up those courses on the cheap. Plus, it's more fun to have a good relationship right here than over there.

That's what I would do. Your mileage may vary. Good luck!

 

[TarHokie_08]

Not to take away from what you're going through, but I don't think you're in too different a situation from many others you'll find on the non-trad forum. Take me, for example. I lived on a cubicle farm for about six years before I was able to figure out how to get the pre-reqs done and apply. I think that's what is difficult about being a non-trad. It's hard to make the life change and these decisions are the toughest part.

So, for my two-cents on your situation... Take a few baby steps to get yourself going in the right direction. Then once you have some momentum, really get going. Start volunteering (if you're not already) and get yourself in the medical environment. Maybe take a course on the side to help you work toward completing your pre-reqs. Then, get yourself financially ready to get out of the cubicle and into school full-time or even part time. My point is that the most important thing to do is begin. Once you've begun you'll find yourself on the path and eventually you'll be where you want to be. Two years ago I was in a similar situation and in two weeks I start med school!!!

As far as your relationship goes... I would say to get your girlfriend involved in the decision making process. As you'll see if you look around the non-trad forum, many married people live far away from their spouses and children to pursue this dream.

 

[TarHokie_08]

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon

EvoDevo, Great quote!!!

 

[Febrifuge]

I'm in a very similar situation, except I've been in cubicles for about 10 years; I do actually like my job a lot, but it's not the thing the way medicine is; and I'm older (34). I'll be attending the Post-Bacc at Bennington College; I was accepted for this Fall and deferred til next Summer. Here's what I think:

I. 23 is young. Don't limit your options. And I mean that in a couple ways.

a. Don't feel that you don't have some time to work with. Yes, the beige Dilbert-world sucks, but you have some stability, you can probably pay your bills, and you have opportunities. You will know more than those 19-year old kids about how to work on a team, be part of a system, and most importantly, how to interact with people above you and below you in the hierarchy, and with the people your company serves. That translates more than you might think into the health care world, so don't feel like your time is being totally wasted.

b. Also, don't be in such a hurry to run away from what you're doing now that you don't get a strong and enduring sense of what you're running toward. When the time comes, you will be asked about why you didn't pursue health care earlier, and you should think about the answer. Not just because the question is coming, but because knowing your answer helps you now.

c. With that in mind, start volunteering now. Get into a hospital or clinic and learn about it from the inside. See if your interest in medicine as a course of study or a pursuit holds up when you can view it as a job, as a structure, as a workplace. The worst possible outcome would be if someday you feel about medicine the way you feel now about Dilbert-world. I spent 8 months as a volunteer, 4 hours a week, in the local Emergency Department, and last summer I earned EMT certification. Then they hired me, and I've been working part-time evenings and weekends.

By the time I quit the day job and take off to school, I'll have almost two years total experience, with over a year of being paid to work in a highly-respected and sought-after program. This is the kind of thing that can be a big boost, and it's something only we non-traditionals can do, because it capitalizes on time and effort that the 19-year-olds simply can't make available. Turn your disadvantages into advantages.

II. On the question of structured vs. DIY, only you can make that call. I chose structure because I liked that it's a small class; they don't take people who are just out of undergrad; they have amazing support resources and MCAT prep; and everyone there will be in my situation exactly. I went to a huge school for undergrad, and I just know that I need the support, the tutoring, the cooperative instead of competitive vibe. I don't want to have to deal with undergrad pre-meds in Bio classes that have 150 people in them.

Your GPA is better than mine, so you might not feel you need the same backup when it comes to study skills or approach to the material. Even so, weigh the options and decide what makes the most sense based on the experience and success you would be likely to have. Geography matters, but it probably matters about 50% less than you think. I'll be moving halfway across the country.

And yes, I'll have to either deal with the long-distance thing with my girlfriend, or we'll have to decide to take that next step if she comes out there with me. But she understands that this is something I have to do, and if I didn't, I wouldn't be the same person. We will deal with it, as a twosome, no matter what. You are not being selfish if you decide based on what's best for you. She can decide if that's okay with her, or not. You both will be making sacrifices and going beyond what's comfortable or safe. But nobody really wants to be the reason their partner didn't do what they needed to do.

 

[EvoDevo]

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon

EvoDevo, Great quote!!!

Thanks.

 

[N-toxicologist]

I wish I would have had your maturity and sense of direction at 23....

That being said, welcome.

I ditto everything Evo said. Surprisingly, people hardly notice your age. I'm sure there were non-trad business majors in your classes, right? Did you think they were weird or different? Don't let the age thing bother you. Instead of your classmates reminding you of what you blew (your words, not mine ), look ahead to where you are going. Once I settled down and made the decision to go for it, NOTHING bothered me, the fear just slipped away and all that was left was self- confidence and excitement about my future.

As for out-of-state, it sounds like there's more cons than pros, and you sound like you could really use the support of your future-fiancee through this. With a good showing in whatever post-bacc you do, I don't doubt you'd be a good candidate for med school.

Good luck.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Proprietary,

I am in your shoes, minus the GPA thing. I was a chem major, switched to business end of soph year. Graduated college, considered med school, but I was down on myself b/c my grades were horrible in college (i didn't care and gave up). I am now 25, finishing up my MBA, have a good job that pays the bills, but now I know what I want to do.

I am nervous about getting into a post bacc program and I'm contemplating on how to complete it as you yourself. I am blessed b/c there are some GREAT schools in my area and also an evening program, but I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do. I am finishing my MBA this year so I have SOME time. I am thinking about going to a one year program if I can get into the one I want, otherwise I will do the 2 year evening program and pray for linkage so I can start in 3 years. Financial aid also plays apart as I will have to watch how much debt I put myself in!! I would rather work full time and go to class so I can save some money but then I have the motivation/impatient factor in which I really want to get the ball rolling on this and get in. Especially because I'm scared that I might have to take another post-bacc program after completing my pre-reqs to boost my GPA. So its a tradeoff factor for money for me. I would take the inschool tuition any day if I could get that. And that sounds like the best route over all.

As for the relationship ... as Febrifuge stated above, if you want this long term then it should be discussed. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you in the end if this is what you really want. I learned that the hard way with my ex of 5 years.

Best of luck Stick around here as these people are great and I find alot of support here!

There are alot more people than you would think who are between 23-28 that are just starting out ... I can think of ... 5 people off the top of my head whom I talk to ...

 

[DSM]

At the ripe ole age of 23...I think you can handle the pressure of being in class with 18-21 year olds....Try being 39-41 It is no big thing...truly it is not. I no longer see myself as the older student in with younger ones.... I see myself as the focused student with a goal in mind that I am going to reach at any cost. Don't worry about what others think and do what is best for YOU!

Good luck

 

[Fermata]

It's always fun to have older students in class.

They help buy you beer.

 

[DSM]

It's always fun to have older students in class.

They help buy you beer.

Alright Mater...Grownups only!!!

 

[Fermata]

Alright Mater...Grownups only!!!

Don't make me sit at the kids table.

 

[MALA]

At the ripe ole age of 23...I think you can handle the pressure of being in class with 18-21 year olds....Try being 39-41 It is no big thing...truly it is not. I no longer see myself as the older student in with younger ones.... I see myself as the focused student with a goal in mind that I am going to reach at any cost. Don't worry about what others think and do what is best for YOU!

Good luck

Very well put. As far as the girlfriend, as everyone said talk to her and see if you both are ready to make a commitment. As an old fogie in her late 30's- I say go to the school where you're happy and get your life together, and the love thing will fall into place- be it your current girlfriend or someone else. You'll never get to be 20-something again - go after what you want and ENJOY yourself while you try to figure it all out.

 

[Wahoowa]

Just a thought in retrospect... I have dragged first my wife and then my little family all over the continent for my medical education. I lived in Alaska as a single guy. When I got married, my wife and I lived in the Virginia suburbs of Washington, DC. I then attended the University of Virginia (in Charlottesville). Next it was on to medical school in Los Angeles for my preclinical years and then Las Vegas and Washington, DC for my clinical years. Now we are settled in Mississippi for residency. Who knows where we will be for fellowship?

I can not tell you how happy my little family and I are to be in the same place for at least four years. Alas, stability. We are tired of moving around.

Make your situation as stable as you possibly can. Your girlfriend will appreciate this more than you know.

 

[twester]

It doesn't matter how old you are when you pursue your dream, it just matters that you pursue it. I dropped out of a pre-pharmacy program at the age of 19. I ended up being an accountant and then a network engineer (with off and on attendance in school thrown in). Nearly 20 years later, I realized that I was very unhappy with my life and I'm once again enrolled in a pre-pharmacy program (full-time). I'm doing really well. I have a passion for my academic pursuits. Life is good again.

Do I regret 20 years of corporate drudgery? In a way, yes. But I had some great life experiences that a good salary and stability afforded me. I lived in Europe for a few years. I made great friends. And, most of all, I figured out what I really wanted and how to get it. The bottom line is, I "blew" nothing. (That's not to say that I haven't had cheerleading sessions with friends where I bemoan being so late to this.)

When I returned to school last year, I started pursuing a degree in nursing. I just knew that I wanted to something in the medical field and, most of all, wanted to finally get that baccalaureate. But I didn't expect to fall in love with chemistry. I realized that a PharmD was in reach, after all. The lesson for me was that the first step was the most important one.

I did not relocate to pursue my pre-professional education. I'm attending a school nearby. I have no regrets, so far. It's less expensive and meant less upheaval. I went into it admonishing myself to "just try it." It's gone so well that I think I'll continue. So can advocate for the DIY approach.

As an older student, I feel that I get respect from the younger students. I've had no bad experiences with being a 38 year old in a class full of 18 year olds (except for sometimes thinking that corporal punishment should be allowed in college). I think most of the professors appreciate my prescence in their class. And, at 23, I doubt that you'll stand out as an "older" student. You might find that you're about the same age as most of the other people in your class - especially in upper-division science courses.

A former boyfriend of mine was 25 when he entered medical school. He spent three or four years post-bacc traveling around the country doing drugs. At least you've been productive. Anyway, he's been finished with school and residency for years.

Go for your dream. Just do it (thoughtfully, of course).

Troy