Giving up hope--need some encouragement / advice.

[searun]

Oh, I didn't realize that all those unemployed folks were lazy dimwits with no social graces. Thanks for clearing that up.

I did not say that and you know that I did not say that. But give the poor guy a break. You seem to be a ball buster, but giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, I suspect that he actually can get a real job in Texas to be with his woman. You seem to suggest that the only job this guy can get is the job that he currently has in Michigan. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and pay for his parachute into Texas. If you want to barbecue his balls, enjoy your dinner.

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[sylphina]

Well guys, if it's not possible to get a deferred admission from WSU at this point, we'll have to tough it out with me in TX. Either way I know I will be attending a great school. I'm leaving this one in God's hands. Life is hard sometimes--like they say, though, it ain't over until the fat lady sings. I'm sure that things will work out somehow.

 

[Blesbok]

He can get health insurance by working at starbucks. Unless his job in michigan is paying 100k+/year, you and he would be an idiot for moving to michigan. Tell him to find a closer job. If he isn't willing to sacrifice a crappy job for you, why would you sacrifice an amazing career for him.

 

[sylphina]

It's funny that the advice I've gotten has ranged from "move to Michigan if you really love him" to the complete opposite. I guess it all just comes down to your own views on relationships and how important they are. Oh well...I believe that he and I can find a way to make this work. Making it work at WSU would probably be easier, but if we've got to do things the hard way, we won't give up that easily.

In four years I'll let you guys know what happened.

 

[sylphina]

In 4 years we all will have forgotten this thread. good luck with whatever you decide.

Haha, well I was being a little bit facetious. I don't know what will happen but I hope it will all work out somehow.

 

[fitz0809]

I would say go for Wayne State. Try to establish residency in MI. You should be able to in 1 year and then the price would drop to normal. I don't actually know the logistics of this... but even if it took 2 years this is the way I would go.

Pros: He keeps his job and health insurance. You get to stay with him. You get to fulfill your dream of being a doctor.

Cons: It costs a 30-60 k more.

IMO the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

 

[sylphina]

I would say go for Wayne State. Try to establish residency in MI. You should be able to in 1 year and then the price would drop to normal. I don't actually know the logistics of this... but even if it took 2 years this is the way I would go.

Pros: He keeps his job and health insurance. You get to stay with him. You get to fulfill your dream of being a doctor.

Cons: It costs a 30-60 k more.

IMO the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

Well we'll see if it's even a possibility at this point. If it is, I can consider it, you know?

 

[LizzyM]

I am not understanding this deferred admission.

You turned down an offer of admission at Wayne. It is past May 15. Game over.

You want to go to Wayne and say, may I have admission into the class beginning in 2010? Why should they take you over the however many thousand will start sending in their applications next month? Because they wanted you this year & you said no? I don't see how this works but if it does please enlighten us because I like to learn something new.

 

[Appless]

And to those of you wondering about listing things in the experience section that having happened yet: "it looks as silly as a Kleenex padded training bra on an eleven year old."

hahaa. classic

 

[searun]

Ah, Lizzy, you captivate us. You do. Common sense is very attractive, but, elusive and not easily found anymore.

 

[MmmFiber]

How many actuarial tests has he passed? When did he graduate? How much experience? Yeah, its hard for recent grads to find work as an actuary. Plus, the jobs are very scattered across the US.... unless you live in NY or Cali. It's one of the reasons I'm not pursuing it.

And to whoever said(paraphrased) "love comes and goes, but medical school acceptances dont," you have obviously never been in love.... not the puppy kind, mind you, but the true long lasting kind.

Love>Med school or anything, really

But, OP, you prolly should have sorted the logistics out beforehand. Marriage is not something to go into lightly. However, if you two are truly committed the obstacles will be surmounted eventually. Keep your chin up!

 

[WhizoMD]

How many actuarial tests has he passed? When did he graduate? How much experience? Yeah, its hard for recent grads to find work as an actuary. Plus, the jobs are very scattered across the US.... unless you live in NY or Cali. It's one of the reasons I'm not pursuing it.

And to whoever said(paraphrased) "love comes and goes, but medical school acceptances dont," you have obviously never been in love.... not the puppy kind, mind you, but the true long lasting kind.

Love>Med school or anything, really

But, OP, you prolly should have sorted the logistics out beforehand. Marriage is not something to go into lightly. However, if you two are truly committed the obstacles will be surmounted eventually. Keep your chin up!

disagree with this. You shouldn't make decisions that will significantly impact the course of your life, solely based on what's best for you here and now. Kind of like how you shouldn't get a tattoo that will stay with you forever solely based on feelings you have while intoxicated. Their are plenty of people who thought they had "the true long lasting kind", but were wrong. Making consequential decisions while looking through rose tinted glasses is unwise.

 

[sylphina]

The above poster is right to say that getting an entry level job as an actuary is very hard, especially in this horrible economy. He applied to jobs across the country for seven months and finally got this one, for which the conditions aren't very desirable (he works overtime almost every day). He has passed three exams at this point (whereas before he had one), so what we're hoping is that it may be easier for him to find a job than it was a year ago. He's going to apply to as many as he can and worry about the contract if he even gets an offer.

One option that still might be possible (especially given advance notice) is a transfer in two years, right? I think that would be a fair trade-off--if we work at this for two years and he still can't find a position elsewhere, I could just transfer to a school near him. If I let WSU know that this is something I want to do ahead of time, I think that might increase my odds of success.

By the way, our relationship was long-distance for two of the five years we've been together. So yes, I do believe our relationship is strong enough to survive...it's just obviously not a situation either of us hoped for.

 

[sylphina]

How many actuarial tests has he passed? When did he graduate? How much experience? Yeah, its hard for recent grads to find work as an actuary. Plus, the jobs are very scattered across the US.... unless you live in NY or Cali. It's one of the reasons I'm not pursuing it.

And to whoever said(paraphrased) "love comes and goes, but medical school acceptances dont," you have obviously never been in love.... not the puppy kind, mind you, but the true long lasting kind.

Love>Med school or anything, really

But, OP, you prolly should have sorted the logistics out beforehand. Marriage is not something to go into lightly. However, if you two are truly committed the obstacles will be surmounted eventually. Keep your chin up!

He has passed three exams and has a little more than a year of experience right now. And I do agree with you...before I met him, I thought I had been "in love," but none of those relationships even come close to comparing with the five years I've spent with him. Part of me is telling me that I'm crazy to even think of separating myself from a person who brings me such happiness--life is short, right? On the other hand, he doesn't want me to compromise my goals, my finances or my dreams.

 

[Appless]

The above poster is right to say that getting an entry level job as an actuary is very hard, especially in this horrible economy. He applied to jobs across the country for seven months and finally got this one, for which the conditions aren't very desirable (he works overtime almost every day). He has passed three exams at this point (whereas before he had one), so what we're hoping is that it may be easier for him to find a job than it was a year ago. He's going to apply to as many as he can and worry about the contract if he even gets an offer.

One option that still might be possible (especially given advance notice) is a transfer in two years, right? I think that would be a fair trade-off--if we work at this for two years and he still can't find a position elsewhere, I could just transfer to a school near him. If I let WSU know that this is something I want to do ahead of time, I think that might increase my odds of success.

By the way, our relationship was long-distance for two of the five years we've been together. So yes, I do believe our relationship is strong enough to survive...it's just obviously not a situation either of us hoped for.

Well thats good to know that you did have a long distance relationship before, if you two really are in it for good and are serious you should be able to make it work. And yes transferring is a definite possibility, but like lizzy said being married makes for a strong case, being engaged doesnt really...no different then saying you want to be near your b/f, which in most peoples eyes isnt going to mean much. Telling wayne state ahead of time wont do anything at all, depending on their transfer policy. You already turned down their acceptance why are they going to make accomodations for you 2 years from now? Also most schools dont save space for transfer students, they only take them when say students drop out and theres room.

You should check each school though to see their transfer policy. Some schools have a strict no transfer policy, but most will take them if there is space, meaning that if people drop out or what not. Also MSU does take OOS residents, i think you said something like they dont. But their tuition for OOS is even worse the WSU. MSU is 65k for OOS.

 

[VincentAdultman]

I did not say that and you know that I did not say that. But give the poor guy a break. You seem to be a ball buster, but giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, I suspect that he actually can get a real job in Texas to be with his woman. You seem to suggest that the only job this guy can get is the job that he currently has in Michigan. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and pay for his parachute into Texas. If you want to barbecue his balls, enjoy your dinner.

If you would follow your own advice, that's commendable. I wouldn't, and I think I have a lot of stuff going for me.

 

[flip26]

He has passed three exams and has a little more than a year of experience right now. And I do agree with you...before I met him, I thought I had been "in love," but none of those relationships even come close to comparing with the five years I've spent with him. Part of me is telling me that I'm crazy to even think of separating myself from a person who brings me such happiness--life is short, right? On the other hand, he doesn't want me to compromise my goals, my finances or my dreams.

So you move to Michigan and take on the big debt...what happens when his job falls apart and he has to move somewhere else? You are assuming that this company will live up to the terms of a 4 year employment contract - is it really a 4 year contract? - other than the military, I have never heard of a 4 year employment contract for an entry level person. What does the contract say about termination? No matter what your BF thinks he has in writing, they can always terminate him for cause, and the leeway for determining cause is huge.

Your BF should really get more up to speed on health insurance options - has he investigated which states have public policies available to people with pre-existing conditions?

I think you would be crazy to turn down a low tuition Texas school for the OOS tuition at WSU. Planning on getting a transfer after 2 years is borderline insane - it happens, but oh so rarely...

 

[sylphina]

I think you would be crazy to turn down a low tuition Texas school for the OOS tuition at WSU. Planning on getting a transfer after 2 years is borderline insane - it happens, but oh so rarely...

Trust me when I say we both realized this...hence why I committed to the TX school. We may end up just having to tough it out with constant weekend flights and so forth. It's tough that in the medical school admissions process, you're essentially chained to the state you went to HS in or where your parents live (unless you take significant amounts of time out of your life to become a resident elsewhere).

 

[VMSmith]

I think the TX school was the right decision.

Long distance will be hard. You can make it work (three of my classmates made it work for all 4 years) but the odds are against you. I had a long distance relationship fall apart in med school.

Sacrifice is important for relationships, but I think the level of sacrifice should correlate with the seriousness and level of commitment in the relationship. Being engaged is different from being married with kids. So whether career>love or love>career kind of depends on what "career" really means and what "love" really means for the people involved.

 

[sylphina]

You are assuming that this company will live up to the terms of a 4 year employment contract - is it really a 4 year contract? - other than the military, I have never heard of a 4 year employment contract for an entry level person. What does the contract say about termination? No matter what your BF thinks he has in writing, they can always terminate him for cause, and the leeway for determining cause is huge.

It was a five year contract, actually, but he's already worked a year of it. I think the reason his job is contracted is because he had to be trained in how to use a special computer system or something, but I don't really know enough about it to say anything more than that. The company has a hiring freeze right now, but as far as I know, nobody has been fired for quite a while--it's just the people who do have a job are having to work constant overtime. But you're right to say that we should consider the fact that he could be terminated, even with a contract.

 

[VincentAdultman]

If the low tuition in TX is worth potentially giving up the so-called love of your life, then it seems like the right move.

One should not underestimate how hard it is to maintain a LD relationship. Med School is hard.

 

[sylphina]

Breaking news (haha): it seems as though it may be possible for him to transfer to a branch of his company in TX. we are not sure if that will count under his contract or not, but there is a good chance it might.

 

[MSU2012]

You can try to transfer after two years, but that requires that someone at Wayne drops out or transfers out to open up a space, and there's no guarantee of that. I hope it works out for you.

I know it's too late because you already turned down the Wayne offer, but just a comment for anyone else in a similar situation in the future - I don't know why you didn't explore all the options well before the May 15 decision date while you still had a choice. Your boyfriend is a Michigan resident. Marry him now, you pay in-state in the fall, marry him in a year, you pay in-state for the last three years...etc., etc. Why didn't you start asking this question two months ago?

 

[sylphina]

You can try to transfer after two years, but that requires that someone at Wayne drops out or transfers out to open up a space, and there's no guarantee of that. I hope it works out for you.

I know it's too late because you already turned down the Wayne offer, but just a comment for anyone else in a similar situation in the future - I don't know why you didn't explore all the options well before the May 15 decision date while you still had a choice. Your boyfriend is a Michigan resident. Marry him now, you pay in-state in the fall, marry him in a year, you pay in-state for the last three years...etc., etc. Why didn't you start asking this question two months ago?

Would I actually be considered a Michigan resident just from marrying him, or would I have to work there for a year myself? The impression I've gotten from the financial aid offices I've talked to is that marriage is often not enough to give you in-state tuition.

 

[usermike8500]

He was forced to take the only job he was offered because of his need for health insurance.

This country's healthcare system sucks. We need universal healthcare immediately so situations like this don't happen. I would go for the school close to your fiancee. You can pay off debt, but you can't get four years with the one you love back if you pass them up.

 

[sylphina]

This country's healthcare system sucks. We need universal healthcare immediately so situations like this don't happen. I would go for the school close to your fiancee. You can pay off debt, but you can't get four years with the one you love back if you pass them up.

I agree that it does. :/ I could never let the person I love go without health insurance knowing that he might end up unable to get treatment (or unable to get treatment without spending thousands upon thousands of dollars) in the event of a crisis. I don't want him to risk that. Until he finds another job or transfers to another location with his current company (if that's possible), he will have to stay in MI.

I have another friend who recently unexpectedly had damage to his heart and will probably need a permanent defibrillator to survive. Unfortunately, his health insurance already reached the maximum amount of coverage and he is already in $10,000 of debt just from his previous treatments. Our healthcare system works fine...unless you actually get sick.

 

[Revilla]

I agree that it does. :/ I could never let the person I love go without health insurance knowing that he might end up unable to get treatment (or unable to get treatment without spending thousands upon thousands of dollars) in the event of a crisis. I don't want him to risk that. Until he finds another job or transfers to another location with his current company (if that's possible), he will have to stay in MI.

Not to mention that if there's a gap in coverage, it becomes extraordinarily difficult to get a decent plan unless it's another group plan.

I hope that he's able to transfer to TX. If not, then I think you guys should try the long-distance thing once again. I know it's hard (my boyfriend/fiance and I are doing it), but I think it's doable. Asking him to break his contract is as unfair as it would be of him to ask you to turn down your acceptance. In my former career, breaking a contract was a career-ender in many cases.

 

[sylphina]

Not to mention that if there's a gap in coverage, it becomes extraordinarily difficult to get a decent plan unless it's another group plan.

I hope that he's able to transfer to TX. If not, then I think you guys should try the long-distance thing once again. I know it's hard (my boyfriend/fiance and I are doing it), but I think it's doable. Asking him to break his contract is as unfair as it would be of him to ask you to turn down your acceptance. In my former career, breaking a contract was a career-ender in many cases.

It really would be. Even though he could apply to plenty of other jobs, without any good references from his current job, it would be next to impossible for him to get a position. I hope the transfer is possible because I think that's the only way he could move to TX with me without sacrificing anything significant.

 

[MmmFiber]

disagree with this. You shouldn't make decisions that will significantly impact the course of your life, solely based on what's best for you here and now. Kind of like how you shouldn't get a tattoo that will stay with you forever solely based on feelings you have while intoxicated. Their are plenty of people who thought they had "the true long lasting kind", but were wrong. Making consequential decisions while looking through rose tinted glasses is unwise.

I'm just speaking from my personal experience. I've seen many people say that they are in love, but dont seem to care to actually get to know the real person. Living with that person for an extended period of time is a good indicator of how well a relationship will do after marriage. And trust me after a few years and the fuzzy feelings have passed you will be able to decide if you can coexist with this person.

And you have obviously never been in love. If going to medical school meant that I had to leave my wife, I would not go. She brings me so much satisfaction and joy its insane. This is my opinion however. I dont expect everyone to subscribe to it.

 

[sylphina]

I'm just speaking from my personal experience. I've seen many people say that they are in love, but dont seem to care to actually get to know the real person. Living with that person for an extended period of time is a good indicator of how well a relationship will do after marriage. And trust me after a few years and the fuzzy feelings have passed you will be able to decide if you can coexist with this person.

And you have obviously never been in love. If going to medical school meant that I had to leave my wife, I would not go. She brings me so much satisfaction and joy its insane. This is my opinion however. I dont expect everyone to subscribe to it.

I personally think the reason I've gotten so many varied responses to my situation is just because everyone has a different set of priorities. For some people, their careers come before everything else in their lives, and for others, their families and relationships might be more important. I personally find both to be equally important.

 

[2pac Fan]

I am an actuary. Even though the response to this thread is a little late. A couple of things.

1. The part about of him having a contract is bs, especially for 4-5 years. I have been under contract before, but its not even really a contract, furthermore the buyout is minimal, especially for a person that just started. Ususally they are to cover moving expenses etc, giving a chance to get reimbursed if they leave after a few months.

2. You have to move around as an actuary, there are some states with no jobs at all. Especially now, if he has an offer he was smart to take it.

Sounds like you are staying in Texas, congrats, tell him to start searching in a year.

I do have a question abou instate tuition, I know a person that moved to a new state and started working in the state, they have an apartment, bills in there name, etc. How long does it take for them to qualify for instate tuition?

 

[phospho]

Interesting thread.

I think it's funny that most premeds (and med students) have no clue what it's like to find a decent (paying) job w/ benefits right now...