Going through Med school with small children

[eya1230Psu]

Hi!

I have a PhD in engineering and am currently completing my pre-med requisites. The only thing that scares me about med school is time away from my two young kids. Any experiences from Dads/Moms going through medical school with kids in pre-school/elementary?

Thanks!

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[sw2md]

I'm in the same boat, our backgrounds are almost exact. I'm no help because I'm at the same point but figured I'd give some support.

My background: I have 2 small children(oldest is 3), work as an engineer, almost done with masters(engineering related) and am sprinkling in pre-reqs as I go. I took a few pre-reqs early in college but ended up going engineering. I'm now realizing that the pay is good but the work isn't what I wanted to do and isn't fulfilling.

I've talked to a few people that have done it, including some that gave birth mid med school. All were really encouraging so I took it as a good sign.

My wife and I have discussed things and we're going to wait till our kids are in school and her parents retire (for family support) then just power through it and treat it as if I work a billion hours a week(what I imagine the time commitment is)

Again, all anecdotal since I'm basically you without a PhD.... But I still wanted to chime in since it was encouraging/reassuring to see engineers reply to a post I made a while back.

Good luck!

 

[andrek82]

I went through with 2 kids, the second being born a month into first year. It was tough. I couldn't be a part of all the groups, I didn't have time for significant research, I just studied and parented. It worked out though. I didn't want a high powered specialty and wouldn't have had the grades for it, but I did well enough to get my top choice in the match, which is all you need. If you and your spouse/significant other are on the same page, that is the most important thing. You can't do it without that, IMO.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

There are some people on this forum that think you can’t or shouldn’t have kids if you’re going to med school, or that if you already have kids and want to be in medicine, you should think about pa or whatever.

If you want to have kids and be present at every meal, game, recital, etc, then yes. You should avoid pretty much any job except a straight 9-5er.

But missing stuff doesn’t make you a bad parent, and your kids aren’t going to hate you if you spend the time you are together actually being a parent.

I haven’t started med school yet, but I do have almost 4 years of experience being a parent in the military. I was gone for 6 months out of my older daughter’s first year. Not I left early and came home late and didn’t see them much. I was not around. I was at sea or on deployment. She didn’t even recognize me when I got back. When I did get back, I was gone 1-2 weeks every month, and the weeks I was there, I was gone 1-2 nights per week.

Guess what. We have a great relationship. I’m fortunate to be able to just be a student now, and despite needing to study and be in class, we get a lot more time together. She never resented me or anything.

And my coworkers who have older kids have the same experience. When you are actually present the times you can be with them, you will bond. It’s when you ignore your family and check out mentally that people have issues with their kids.

Obviously there are exceptions. But this has been my experience so far.

 

[Goro]

Hi!

I have a PhD in engineering and am currently completing my pre-med requisites. The only thing that scares me about med school is time away from my two young kids. Any experiences from Dads/Moms going through medical school with kids in pre-school/elementary?

Thanks!

One of the resources to take advantage of is the pool of other parents in the class. A number of my students' spouses help out with ferrying kids, day care, shopping, general support, ect.
I've had single moms as students, moms who had not one but even two kids while IN med school, and if they can do it, so can you.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Interesting advice....

So I went through med school with small kids. My kids were 5, 6, and 7 when I started medical school. Made it through just fine and to anyone who says it shouldn't be done, that's just bad advice.

You have to balance what is important to you. I shut my studying off and spent time with my family when I was in the first 2 years. because of that, I didn't get the best grades, but I did well on boards and I wanted that balance. There were days that I wasn't around due to required stuff, but if something wasn't required, I went. I would sit at every soccer practice and games with my flashcards and flip through them. I didn't use flash cards prior, but I could take them wherever I went. Same with taking notes on an iPad. if you prioritize your studying, you can do it anywhere, including while prioritizing your kids.

I can't imagine going through med school without kids. I'm obviously biased, but they forced me to step away from medicine from time to time. this is important to do for your own sanity. It also teaches you to adapt. I can study with kids screaming, I can study at dance competitions, I can have my wife quiz me on my flash cards when we drive, etc. You can definitely go through med school with kids.

I also didn't waste my time with the med school social crap.

 

[deleted480308]

Try hard to avoid places with mandatory lecture

 

[ADSigMel]

Try hard to avoid places with mandatory lecture

I actually just got the schedule for my first block, and I should be able to attend every lecture. My three kids are in elementary school, so I’ll be in class when they are. Lecture isn’t mandatory at my school, but I think it will be good for me to go to it anyway. Just wanted to say that mandatory lecture wouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker for a parent.

 

[676188]

I have five kids, 2 in college, 3 in middle/high school and I’m applying this cycle. I went back to finish undergrad when my youngest was starting 1st grade.

You figure it out. You study at soccer/football/baseball games. You swap out drop off/pick ups with your SO. You fit in family movie nights and game nights for the day after an exam when you have a break. You set a rule for yourself to take off every Sunday or have dinner together whenever you can, or whatever. You show them how to be a parent, a spouse, and a student. You teach them to never give up on themselves, because you’re not giving up on yourself...and at graduation, you get to see your family cheering for you.

Honestly, if I could start all over and do this the “right” way, I’m not sure I would. Having my kids and husband be a part of this has made all the difference in my perspective.