mom2jack

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So my husband is entering medical school this fall. We have one kid that's almost 2. I would really like to add another kid to our family, but my timetable would put us having number 2 somewhere between nov.-feb. of his first year of medical school. What I want to know is how bad is that first year? Would it be completely stupid to have to adjust to medical school/life as a single mom as well as a new baby? Advice please!
 

IceMan0824

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So my husband is entering medical school this fall. We have one kid that's almost 2. I would really like to add another kid to our family, but my timetable would put us having number 2 somewhere between nov.-feb. of his first year of medical school. What I want to know is how bad is that first year? Would it be completely stupid to have to adjust to medical school/life as a single mom as well as a new baby? Advice please!

Are you living with him in medical school? or in a different city?

How old is he? Mature enough to know he needs to make time for you? or just starting out?

There are just too much unknown to try to advise

I guess what I am saying is, every situation is different, and you need to talk to him to see what is best for the both of you giving your situation.
 

mom2jack

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OK, so I guess what I need to know is, how taxing is that first year of medical school? I will be living with my husband, but we will have to move to a new city. My husband knows he needs to make time for me and the family. Sometimes, he doesn't study as effectively as I'd like, and hence, he doesn't have as much time as I'd like him to have for our family. I'm also wondering, how hard is that first year on the wive. Is your husband gone all the time? Could I even expect a little bit of help with nighttime feedings or babysitting during the day so I could get a nap?
 
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msl2007

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It's a big adjustment from undergrad or the "real world" to med school, especially with the long hours and memorization of anatomy.
But it is very possibly to have a real life at the same time.
A woman in our class was pregnant and had a baby the first year, and a friend at another med school got married. Plenty of med students have babies in second year too, or even third year (yikes!) And he could also do research in between 2nd and 3rd if more family time/help was needed. That boosts your CV as well. So it can be done!
I'd suggest that you try to aim your due date and the end of pregnancy for after his first semester finals (since you said nov-feb, try for dec-march if possible.) Summer after first year is wide open most places- research, shadowing, TA ing- perfect for baby and family time.

Good luck, and enjoy making the baby! ;)
 

ForbiddenComma

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The first year is without a doubt, the worst.

3rd year has the longest hours away from home but, it is not nearly as psychologically taxing as first year due to the adjustment.

And then there's intern year, aka "fifth year" which is also really tough... as you can see, the odd-number years are the hardest.

Maybe planning on delivering at the beginning of 2nd or 4th year would be easiest on your husband. That said, it's impossible to fully predict when the little ones will arrive ;)
 

All4MyDaughter

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OK, so I guess what I need to know is, how taxing is that first year of medical school? I will be living with my husband, but we will have to move to a new city. My husband knows he needs to make time for me and the family. Sometimes, he doesn't study as effectively as I'd like, and hence, he doesn't have as much time as I'd like him to have for our family. I'm also wondering, how hard is that first year on the wive. Is your husband gone all the time? Could I even expect a little bit of help with nighttime feedings or babysitting during the day so I could get a nap?



My first year of pharmacy school has been EXTREMELY difficult on my husband. I really can't overstate that. From what I've seen from my friends in their first year of medical school, med school is worse.

Something that you said above struck me as significant. I also know that I need to make time for my husband and our family...but sometimes there is no time to make. Spending $30,000/year for the privilege of being run ragged means that I need to "put in" the time at school. And I'm not a straight-A student. So, it's time consuming.

My husband understands (and is as excited as I am about the payoff) but he's pretty happy we are only doing this with one child.
 

Sweenracer

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My wife is a 2nd year resident. We have 2 kids. One of which we had at the end of her 4th year (and she actually took the first month of internship off on leave-and sacrifed her elective rotation as well as all of her vacation time). He is almost 2 now and is a handful. Residency has been tough. With two kids, a new house, I work as an engineer... I don't know how we do it, but we do... My kids go to daycare. I pick them up around 5:00 when I am done. I do the dinner, the diapers, the baths, etc. My wife on a good day makes it home for a late dinner (after 7:00). Sometimes it is 9:00, sometimes she does the overnight thing... Some months are better than others, some months really suck (one month I did not see her at all except when she was sleeping). The house is a mess, chores often get left undone... When I am busy at work, I have to sacrifice... (I can not do overtime, etc...) even though my paycheck pays the bills. (Her paycheck is a joke for the time she puts in...) Her residency has been in the center of many arguments, because it has been really hard. But... we still get by... It is a bumpy road... financial issues, kids issues, STRESS... (lot's of it) but we have managed to get by so far and raise our kids, and keep a marriage going happily. 4 years of Med School and 2 years of Residency down, 1 more year of Residency and 3 years of Fellowship to go. (6 down, 4 to go)

It can be done! Good Luck!
 

villa0912

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My wife is a 2nd year resident. We have 2 kids. One of which we had at the end of her 4th year (and she actually took the first month of internship off on leave-and sacrifed her elective rotation as well as all of her vacation time). He is almost 2 now and is a handful. Residency has been tough. With two kids, a new house, I work as an engineer... I don't know how we do it, but we do... My kids go to daycare. I pick them up around 5:00 when I am done. I do the dinner, the diapers, the baths, etc. My wife on a good day makes it home for a late dinner (after 7:00). Sometimes it is 9:00, sometimes she does the overnight thing... Some months are better than others, some months really suck (one month I did not see her at all except when she was sleeping). The house is a mess, chores often get left undone... When I am busy at work, I have to sacrifice... (I can not do overtime, etc...) even though my paycheck pays the bills. (Her paycheck is a joke for the time she puts in...) Her residency has been in the center of many arguments, because it has been really hard. But... we still get by... It is a bumpy road... financial issues, kids issues, STRESS... (lot's of it) but we have managed to get by so far and raise our kids, and keep a marriage going happily. 4 years of Med School and 2 years of Residency down, 1 more year of Residency and 3 years of Fellowship to go. (6 down, 4 to go)

It can be done! Good Luck!

Hello all,

My hubby is a peds 1st year resident and I work and go to school full time, we have a 5 year old daughter, and I can truly say that residency is stressful. Although most people have said that 1st year Med school is hard, I would agrue to say that it wasn't, althought it was definately an adjusting period. In my opinion 2 & 3 year were harder. Residency as mentioned above is a stressful period that can put a serious toll on your marriage and on your children. Maybe I feel that way since I am also doing alot in terms of work and finishing my MPH, but I truly feel like a single parent sometimes. I am hoping that 2nd year residency will be a little less of a stresser.. Until then just try your best to support him, even though you will probably need some support yourself, and keep busy..
 

litebrite

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It depends on how good of a student he is. I would disagree and say that 3rd year is more taxing than 1st year because of the hours, but this is individual experience.

In some senses, there is no good time to have kids or get married (I'm currently trying to pick a time in 4th year that's after his interviews and before residency begins.) We don't have kids yet, so I don't know how much time you would like him to have, but don't forget that he has to take step 1 2nd year.
 

Wifty

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Hubby is an intern and I have to say, all of it was much easier then I thought it would be.

The first quarter of med school was the hardest cuz he had to adjust to the amount of work and how much he needed to do to pass. Notice I said 'pass'. He gave up trying for straight A's because that wouldn't have let him have family time. It ended up that he was a solid B+ student, with lots of time for me and dd.

We had dd the second year....because thats when she came. :) He was able to take some time off and skip some classes. Skipping is harder to do in 3rd and 4rth year....and impossible during intern year. So, if you need some extra help, I think the first 2 years are the best.

It really all depends on his priorities but I saw hubby more during med school then if he worked a regular 9 to 5 job.

The key was knowing when he had really busy times coming up or big tests to study for. Then I knew that he wouldn't be as available for a couple days.

Good luck! We have enjoyed the journey!!!
 
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