How to deal with being single?

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FFwannabeMD said:
When you're arm-deep in cadavers for hours on end every day and go home to look at the brachial plexus before you pass out over a bowl of Ramen, you might be grateful not to have a significant other waiting for you with a "You never pay enough attention to meeee! All you do is look at stupid body parts!"
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Or if you're lucky, your love gives you a backrub and a hug when you're so stressed out that you want to cry because the brachial plexus and the hand muscles are driving you insane.
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Good Yeast said:
In college, I was a gender-psychology major. I spent a good amount of time studying the questions you asked, both theoretically and empirically. Now I will attempt to answer your question.

To me and many other folks, the ideal way of choosing a person to marry is to see whether the personalities match, the future house income, living habits, each person's social network, and common Yes's and No's, etc. In reality, it rarely works like this.

The vasy majority of marriages are done by the following four steps:

1. The first contact
2. The chemistry
3. The fulfilling of needs
4. The rejection of alternatives

So two people meet (Step 1). This can be anywhere. A bar, the office, church, party. Then they think each other looks pretty good (Step 2). Hanging out with each other satisfies their needs (Step 3). The need doesn't have to be sexual but for many couples it's a big one. The need can be money, a car, the notion of a trophy gf/bf, someone to talk to, or (as in case of medical student) the right to say "I'm not single." Then they stop seeking for alternative dates, because 1) to maintain fidelity 2) their needs are fulfilled (Step 4). Many of such relationships end, but a good portion proceed to marriage.

IMO, the #1 determinant of a relationship is proximity. There's also a good amount of experimental evidence in the psychology literature to support this claim. You are 1000x more like to marry a person sitting in your classroom than a girl who lives in another town but can be a 1000x better wife.
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Good reply. I agree with this too. I am going through the similar issue with the OP too. I have friends at the school in the same program and also friends from other programs. But it's not the same as having a gf or a significant others. It feels lonely to just go to school, seeing a whole bunch of competitive people that just want to take your head off and having to deal with some teacher who is out there to make your life miserable. I never care being single or not, but in medical school, I think it's time to settle down soon for me. lol
 
Where can I nominate this for "worst thread in the history of the internet"?
 
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Good Yeast said:
The real problem is this:

1st-3rd year: no time
4th year: Got time but may be about to move out of town. Long-distance relationship...
Residency (at least 3 years): no time again

By the end of Residency almost all of us are in our 30s.

The tunnel is too simply too long.
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I am thinking the exact same thing too. It sucks because I am Asian American and at my school there's virtually no Asian. Everyone seems to have their groupies and I feel isolate at my school. I wish I had gone to California instead of staying in the East Coast.
 
mattypez said:
Why do people refuse to follow this simple rule. 3 words for you. Art School Chicks. By far the most date-able girls. Some might be a bit quirky, but they are never stressed like a medical student are, they are at peace with themselves, and lets be honest, most are closet freaks. Do yourself a favor and move to nyc and hang around Pratt, FIT, etc.
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I second this. I dated a girl who was going to art school during the middle of my first year. She ended up breaking my heart, but damn those were some good, brief times. Good memories, better to have loved and lost, all that.
 
CampUnity said:
I am thinking the exact same thing too. It sucks because I am Asian American and at my school there's virtually no Asian. Everyone seems to have their groupies and I feel isolate at my school. I wish I had gone to California instead of staying in the East Coast.
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That doesn't have to be a problem.

I'm Asian and have dated all non-Asians for the past few years.
 
CampUnity said:
I am thinking the exact same thing too. It sucks because I am Asian American and at my school there's virtually no Asian. Everyone seems to have their groupies and I feel isolate at my school. I wish I had gone to California instead of staying in the East Coast.
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Wow you think east coast schools have no Asians...try deep south! Over here, we're a rarity (like those diseases we study about in biochemistry)! Luckily I get along well with my classmates and I've met enough Asian people in college to get me through medical school.
 
doc20 said:
ok so is this serious advice or what? sitting on a highway with a chick to score another chick? I kinda like the idea
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The point is you never know when you will meet that person.
 
mattypez said:
Why do people refuse to follow this simple rule. 3 words for you. Art School Chicks. By far the most date-able girls. Some might be a bit quirky, but they are never stressed like a medical student are, they are at peace with themselves, and lets be honest, most are closet freaks. Do yourself a favor and move to nyc and hang around Pratt, FIT, etc.
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I second this. The coolest girls I know or have dated were art majors or minors. They're a good ying to the med school type a yang.
 
Doowai said:
If you are really interested in marriage at this point, churches are a great place to go. You meet girls who are not hoochie-mommas looking for fun. You meet girls with values and a moral compass -the marrying type.
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First of all, I don't want to enter a marriage with someone that doesn't know how to have some hoochie mama fun.

Second of all, people who go to church are no more moral than anyone else. If you're comparing bar vs. church, probably in general you are correct, but people who like to drink and have sex can be just as caring and stable as those who choose to shelter themselves from this sort of thing.
 
thegymbum said:
I think the studies that have shown evidence for that have all been correlational stuff. Odds are, it's becuase people who don't trust each other as much are more liekly to get a pre-nup, and people who don't trust each other aren't likely to stay together for as long ;) I don't think that getting one is going to have a huge influence on a relationship, though. Unless you piss the other person off by asking in the first place :)
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I don't think getting a prenup has anything to do with trust. The correlation between getting a prenup and getting a divorce probably has a lot to do with education.
 
Doctor Bagel said:
Yeah, I think the stereotypical men being afraid of marriage thing isn't true. Honestly, all the married men I know are 50 million times more enthusiastic about being married than the married women I know. And I've met plenty of commitment phobic women.
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Actually, according to I think Richard Dawkins, there are four social groups of people:

Fast Men (Don't want to Marry)
Fast Women (Don't want to Marry)
Slow Men (Want to Marry)
Slow Women (Want to Marry)

The speed referring to escalating intimacy and relationship lenght, not mental health! To maintain equilibrium in the world, there are many more slow men and women than fast. However, the slow men and women usually fall for the fast ones and want to marry them, but in the end usually marry like-minded slow people. Fast people also marry each other, stereotypically they are the family that fights, cheats, drinks, and tries to relive there younger glory days. They also live in run-down houses and drive wife-beaters.
 
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sprinkibrio said:
First of all, I don't want to enter a marriage with someone that doesn't know how to have some hoochie mama fun.
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All people know how to at some level, but some need to be awakened! Especially church goers, they can be the kinkiest ;)
 
If I'm still single at the age of 30, I'll choose a speciality with long, long work hours. I would practically live in the hospital.
I know for sure that I'll be single until I'm 26, because here in Poland all the polish girls are wierd and the communication between them is bad, mostly because they don't know good english. I try with the Polish I've learned, but they don't learn us "you have a cute butt" y'know.
Then I'll start my internship and the road to getting a good speciality. I hope that 4 years is enough to get a stable relationship. It probably is, but I guess I'll be desperate at that time and I'll end up with a girl that is totally opposite myself.

Sure we have girls in our class, but first of all they are immature. Second of all they think that the only thing they deserve is a true prince. It takes a few years for them to understand that there is no prince.

Sigh, enough of the rant now.
 
wanabdoc said:
Actually, according to I think Richard Dawkins, there are four social groups of people:

Fast Men (Don't want to Marry)
Fast Women (Don't want to Marry)
Slow Men (Want to Marry)
Slow Women (Want to Marry)

The speed referring to escalating intimacy and relationship lenght, not mental health! To maintain equilibrium in the world, there are many more slow men and women than fast. However, the slow men and women usually fall for the fast ones and want to marry them, but in the end usually marry like-minded slow people. Fast people also marry each other, stereotypically they are the family that fights, cheats, drinks, and tries to relive there younger glory days. They also live in run-down houses and drive wife-beaters.
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How exactly does one drive a wifebeater?
 
wanabdoc said:
Actually, according to I think Richard Dawkins, there are four social groups of people:

Fast Men (Don't want to Marry)
Fast Women (Don't want to Marry)
Slow Men (Want to Marry)
Slow Women (Want to Marry)

The speed referring to escalating intimacy and relationship lenght, not mental health! To maintain equilibrium in the world, there are many more slow men and women than fast. However, the slow men and women usually fall for the fast ones and want to marry them, but in the end usually marry like-minded slow people. Fast people also marry each other, stereotypically they are the family that fights, cheats, drinks, and tries to relive there younger glory days. They also live in run-down houses and drive wife-beaters.
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They drive stained white tank tops?
 
GodoShingo said:
If I'm still single at the age of 30, I'll choose a speciality with long, long work hours. I would practically live in the hospital.
I know for sure that I'll be single until I'm 26, because here in Poland all the polish girls are wierd and the communication between them is bad, mostly because they don't know good english. I try with the Polish I've learned, but they don't learn us "you have a cute butt" y'know.
Then I'll start my internship and the road to getting a good speciality. I hope that 4 years is enough to get a stable relationship. It probably is, but I guess I'll be desperate at that time and I'll end up with a girl that is totally opposite myself.

Sure we have girls in our class, but first of all they are immature. Second of all they think that the only thing they deserve is a true prince. It takes a few years for them to understand that there is no prince.

Sigh, enough of the rant now.
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I had a super hot Polish foreign exchange student hit on me one time and give me her number. I was a little tipsy at the time and when I went to call her the next day I discovered that she gave me her number . . . in Poland! :wow:

BTW, do you know an Ania? Tall, beautiful blonde . . .
 
TRAMD said:
I had a super hot Polish foreign exchange student hit on me one time and give me her number. I was a little tipsy at the time and when I went to call her the next day I discovered that she gave me her number . . . in Poland! :wow:

BTW, do you know an Ania? Tall, beautiful blonde . . .
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There are millions of Anias here in Poland :laugh:.

Sure many of the Polish girls are beautiful, but when communication isn't good, all your pick-up lines stand unused.

But once I spoke with a Polish girl that read some kind of thing that required English, so the communication went well. The problem was that I got bored of her. She only spoke about school and travel...
 
GodoShingo said:
There are millions of Anias here in Poland :laugh:.
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That was sort of part of my joke. :laugh:

My last name is Anderson and I find it hilarious when someone starts asking me if I am related to some Anderson they used to know in another town. Um . . . right. We Anderson's are just a close-knit little group!
 
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TRAMD said:
They drive stained white tank tops?
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You know, I'm at school, and I thought it'd be funny to try to find a picture of some low-life being hauled off in handcuffs by the cops while wearing one of those shirts, but pretty much every search term I could think of to get a picture to fit those terms came back with something inappropriate, despite Safesearch being enabled. I think I should quit while I'm ahead.
 
hahaha, you are worrying about it too much...

Stop thinking about women, because in all reality they aren't really that big of a deal. In all honesty, once you become a physician/dentist the women will come flocking to you. Trust me. Just be yourself (as lame and as corny as that sounds, it is an irrevocable truth about the universe)

I have found that women are really attracted to guys who are confident and themselves. Just be you. I find it fun just to mess with people sometimes, just to get a laugh. If you can't find any women who are interested in your field of work, or who can't stand a productive conversation, then don't worry about it, cause most women expect (and are disappointed) when guys "mack it to them"

If you take anything away from this, just be you, whoever funny, serious, goofy, studious, or pensive you are. Let everyone else fit around you, and don't compromise who you really want to be just cause you might be a little horny right now.
 
TheProwler said:
You know, I'm at school, and I thought it'd be funny to try to find a picture of some low-life being hauled off in handcuffs by the cops while wearing one of those shirts, but pretty much every search term I could think of to get a picture to fit those terms came back with something inappropriate, despite Safesearch being enabled. I think I should quit while I'm ahead.
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:laugh: Ah, that is great.
 
dominican drums said:
hahaha, you are worrying about it too much...

Stop thinking about women, because in all reality they aren't really that big of a deal. In all honesty, once you become a physician/dentist the women will come flocking to you. Trust me. Just be yourself (as lame and as corny as that sounds, it is an irrevocable truth about the universe)

I have found that women are really attracted to guys who are confident and themselves. Just be you. I find it fun just to mess with people sometimes, just to get a laugh. If you can't find any women who are interested in your field of work, or who can't stand a productive conversation, then don't worry about it, cause most women expect (and are disappointed) when guys "mack it to them"

If you take anything away from this, just be you, whoever funny, serious, goofy, studious, or pensive you are. Let everyone else fit around you, and don't compromise who you really want to be just cause you might be a little horny right now.
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This is all true except the part about women flocking to dentists. Money and free time flock to dentists, not women.
 
Slide said:
Ok I've really resisted to post this kind of thread on the SDN forums, but after going to a Halloween party last night and seeing that most of the females there were taken, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I foolishly had the conception that if I were in medical school, my chances of meeting a nice girlfriend would be just as good as college, or even better just because of being a medical student. It seems in my class, almost every girl is married/engaged/committed, so I won't be getting any luck from interclass relationships (which may be a blessing in disguise). Every female in this city here around my age also seems to be married/engaged and it really pisses me off. I'm trying to get around to meet other females that are not in medical school, but I've had very little time to actually do so this semester.

Next semester, that won't be a good excuse because our class doesn't have gross and biochem anymore. How have you guys been able to meet other singles outside your class? Or should I just deal with the fact that I'm going to be single for a looooong time?
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Before I started med school, I had a boyfriend for several years. We broke up at the end of my first semester. I've been single after that. I didn't even try dating within my class because then if we broke up, I'd have to look at the guy for the next several years, but other than that, yeah, I've been single, and it sucks. All the guys outside my class are taken.

Anyway, I wish it was true that 'guys flock to you if you're a doctor' when you're a woman, too.
 
bucksfascia said:
Before I started med school, I had a boyfriend for several years. We broke up at the end of my first semester. I've been single after that. I didn't even try dating within my class because then if we broke up, I'd have to look at the guy for the next several years, but other than that, yeah, I've been single, and it sucks. All the guys outside my class are taken.

Anyway, I wish it was true that 'guys flock to you if you're a doctor' when you're a woman, too.
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Good Lord, what is a woman doing with the screen name "Buck's Fascia"?
 
As a single female in medical school, I've come to accept the fact that I will either be single for a long time, or I need to lower my standards. Which really aren't that high to begin with. :scared:
 
akpete said:
As a single female in medical school, I've come to accept the fact that I will either be single for a long time, or I need to lower my standards. Which really aren't that high to begin with. :scared:
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or consider people outside of school, which is getting harder by the week :(
 
Slide said:
Ok I've really resisted to post this kind of thread on the SDN forums, but after going to a Halloween party last night and seeing that most of the females there were taken, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I foolishly had the conception that if I were in medical school, my chances of meeting a nice girlfriend would be just as good as college, or even better just because of being a medical student. It seems in my class, almost every girl is married/engaged/committed, so I won't be getting any luck from interclass relationships (which may be a blessing in disguise). Every female in this city here around my age also seems to be married/engaged and it really pisses me off.
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You're getting older. So are the women your age :) You have a few options. A.) keep seeking out women your own age who are single. there are plenty, although less than a year or two ago of course. B.) seek out older women post-divorce. pros and cons are obvious. C.) seek out younger women (troll the undergrad campus :-D) pros and cons are also obvious.

Of course, there are always hookers...
 
Ok I've really resisted to post this kind of thread on the SDN forums, but after going to a Halloween party last night and seeing that most of the females there were taken, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I foolishly had the conception that if I were in medical school, my chances of meeting a nice girlfriend would be just as good as college, or even better just because of being a medical student. It seems in my class, almost every girl is married/engaged/committed, so I won't be getting any luck from interclass relationships (which may be a blessing in disguise). Every female in this city here around my age also seems to be married/engaged and it really pisses me off. I'm trying to get around to meet other females that are not in medical school, but I've had very little time to actually do so this semester.

Next semester, that won't be a good excuse because our class doesn't have gross and biochem anymore. How have you guys been able to meet other singles outside your class? Or should I just deal with the fact that I'm going to be single for a looooong time?
Click to expand...

You are looking at this all wrong. Your are not going to find a girl to complete you, it just doesn't work like that. And if you do meet a girl your neediness is going to drive her away. You just don't want a girlfriend, like a lot of guys you are looking for someone to complete your life and make you happy. No girl wants that responsibility!

What you should be doing is working on you. You have to learn to be happy about being single and happy about being yourself. Then you can go after a girl without having her run away from you.

As for finding a girl, women are everywhere. For instance the last two women I dated one was a nursing student who I was standing behind in the cafeteria, the other was a college student visiting her mom (a nurse) at my attending's office. Just random people. I didn't know anything about them (save for they were attractive) so I talked to them got their numbers, talked a little on the phone with them, sent flirty text messages and by the end of the week I had a date.
 
plastic surgery.

do your patients.
 
sendwich said:
or consider people outside of school, which is getting harder by the week :(
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Well, actually I pretty much ONLY consider people outside of school. I don't want to talk about medicine all day.
 
Dang massive necromancy on this thread, I'd thought I'd never see it again. Much less post.

AwesomO said:
You are looking at this all wrong. Your are not going to find a girl to complete you, it just doesn't work like that. And if you do meet a girl your neediness is going to drive her away. You just don't want a girlfriend, like a lot of guys you are looking for someone to complete your life and make you happy. No girl wants that responsibility!

What you should be doing is working on you. You have to learn to be happy about being single and happy about being yourself. Then you can go after a girl without having her run away from you.

As for finding a girl, women are everywhere. For instance the last two women I dated one was a nursing student who I was standing behind in the cafeteria, the other was a college student visiting her mom (a nurse) at my attending's office. Just random people. I didn't know anything about them (save for they were attractive) so I talked to them got their numbers, talked a little on the phone with them, sent flirty text messages and by the end of the week I had a date.
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Your advice would work very well if your assumptions were correct. However, they are not and with all due respect, I think you do not fully understand the situation I posted, nor is your advice good for this situation. I really don't want anyone to complete my life right now as you say. I'm really not needy because my attitude is more laid-back and "liberal". And I've handled being happy while single during college, when I didn't have to worry about this issue.

The problem I was presenting was to meet people outside the med school bubble in a population where the majority of people are engaged/married/committed by age 22. The city I live in is extremely conservative, and is one of the worst cities for young professionals and graduate students for this kind of stuff. I'm not also a "pick-up artist" or whatever you want to call yourself; I can't make women swoon over me with a few words and banter (especially since most women here frown down on dating Asian men). If you have the skill to make engaged/married women cheat on their SOs and date you, more power to you (because where I am that's pretty much what you'll find). That's not my style though.
 
Slide said:
The problem I was presenting was to meet people outside the med school bubble in a population where the majority of people are engaged/married/committed by age 22. The city I live in is extremely conservative, and is one of the worst cities for young professionals and graduate students for this kind of stuff.
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Hey I live smack dab in the middle of the midwest, conservative city USA. Where I went to college a quarter of the freshman coeds were engaged/married. I would say of the attractive women over 18 at least 60% are engaged/married. At least half of what is left have a serious boyfriend. So one has to be willing to throw himself out there and take the chance of just chatting up random women. When you do you find there are a lot of options out there.

'm not also a "pick-up artist" or whatever you want to call yourself; I can't make women swoon over me with a few words and banter (especially since most women here frown down on dating Asian men). If you have the skill to make engaged/married women cheat on their SOs and date you, more power to you (because where I am that's pretty much what you'll find). That's not my style though.
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Pickup artist? I wish :laugh: thanks though.

If I misjudged your original post my bad. But hey I'm just saying things aren't that bad and if you look at it another way (no not going after the married/engaged girls) you may actually see things aren't that bad.
 
Slide said:
I'm not also a "pick-up artist" or whatever you want to call yourself;
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I'm a rAFC! (much thanks to the short, skinny, whiney-voiced, bald author who turned me on to PU!)

BTW, last night I was in a 2 set, and I was trying to neg the target, but I was getting IOIs from the obstacle, do you guys think I should I have DHVed or DLVed assuming she was a SHB 11?
 
I agree with Slide

Being a medical school student doesn't make chicks flock to you or anything.

Infact here is a good one: I worked with a plastic surgeon. He is smart, good looking, everything I think girls want as they say. He's single. I asked him why - he said it aint easy to find a nice match. I asked what's the plan? he said keep on trying (dating)/ "back to the drawing board" (his words)

For the record he is 38. This leads me to believe that People compromise / lower their standards in order to get together or don't care enough about family life or believe in "Settling down" and deal with being single forever

Being single ain't bad if you get a healthy dose of dating / sex or what not.
 
wanabdoc said:
I'm a rAFC! (much thanks to the short, skinny, whiney-voiced, bald author who turned me on to PU!)

BTW, last night I was in a 2 set, and I was trying to neg the target, but I was getting IOIs from the obstacle, do you guys think I should I have DHVed or DLVed assuming she was a SHB 11?
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I'm not sure if it's a good thing that I understood what you just said.
 
akpete said:
As a single female in medical school, I've come to accept the fact that I will either be single for a long time, or I need to lower my standards. Which really aren't that high to begin with. :scared:
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To offer some hope, I started med school as a single female...met my current boyfriend in the library just after Christmas during first year. Don't go through life with the attitude that you'll never meet someone unless you lower your standards- it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
Damn, I'm starting to feel butterflies again. I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again in at least 5 years. It's only been one year...
 
GodoShingo said:
Damn, I'm starting to feel butterflies again. I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again in at least 5 years. It's only been one year...
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Thats a pretty good talent if someone can 'promise' themselves to not
fall in love for a specific period of time. ;)
 
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