- Joined
- Sep 10, 2016
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I'm an MS1 and I just started med school 3 weeks ago
At first, I put a huge smile on my face and tried to become friends with everyone. I've made fun and supportive friends and I've done okay on my exams so far, but every day, I feel like I lose a little piece of my former self. It seems like I have to drop everything I've ever been in the past just to be a medical student.
Even worse, I find myself increasingly annoyed at many of my fellow classmates - there are so many borderline psychopathic, rigidly Type A, and self righteous people. I don't know what I expected - but as someone who does not identify with those kinds of people, I feel out of place, as though I've been pushed into an assembly line of narcissistic robots without my consent. I was optimistic when I started, and I told myself that I would stay "above" the petty competition and the obsession with grades and the unnecessary type A stressing. I don't want my self worth to be defined by how well I do on my exams. But slowly, I feel that I'm beginning to give in. I did well on my exams last week, and when I saw my grades, I cried and whooped and cheered and thought to myself, "okay, good, you're worth something". But this is not okay, and I am not okay with having this mentality.
Equal halves of me want to quit school and also want to keep going. Every day I ask myself "why are you subjecting yourself to this torture"? I have a college degree, I have a fiance who supports me financially, and I see my friends finding jobs at lucrative tech companies, getting six figure salaries just for being the person responsible for updating their company's facebook page. And here I am, slaving away, for what?
But then there are other days, when I learn how to use a stethoscope or a patient confides something to me, when I think to myself that maybe this is all worth it.
How do you guys deal with these extreme ups and downs of emotions in med school?
At first, I put a huge smile on my face and tried to become friends with everyone. I've made fun and supportive friends and I've done okay on my exams so far, but every day, I feel like I lose a little piece of my former self. It seems like I have to drop everything I've ever been in the past just to be a medical student.
Even worse, I find myself increasingly annoyed at many of my fellow classmates - there are so many borderline psychopathic, rigidly Type A, and self righteous people. I don't know what I expected - but as someone who does not identify with those kinds of people, I feel out of place, as though I've been pushed into an assembly line of narcissistic robots without my consent. I was optimistic when I started, and I told myself that I would stay "above" the petty competition and the obsession with grades and the unnecessary type A stressing. I don't want my self worth to be defined by how well I do on my exams. But slowly, I feel that I'm beginning to give in. I did well on my exams last week, and when I saw my grades, I cried and whooped and cheered and thought to myself, "okay, good, you're worth something". But this is not okay, and I am not okay with having this mentality.
Equal halves of me want to quit school and also want to keep going. Every day I ask myself "why are you subjecting yourself to this torture"? I have a college degree, I have a fiance who supports me financially, and I see my friends finding jobs at lucrative tech companies, getting six figure salaries just for being the person responsible for updating their company's facebook page. And here I am, slaving away, for what?
But then there are other days, when I learn how to use a stethoscope or a patient confides something to me, when I think to myself that maybe this is all worth it.
How do you guys deal with these extreme ups and downs of emotions in med school?