How to stay content with acceptances despite outside pressure

[spirospero363]

Hi all,

I recently received news of three acceptances, two to relatively local public medical schools and one to my top choice since making my school list at the beginning of the cycle, a T20 medical school in the perfect location with a mission that aligns exactly with my own career goals and has the collaborative environment and the diversity in both student body and leadership that I was looking for. I felt and still feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity to become a physician; I was in shock for weeks and I still keep logging in to check the portal because honestly I can't believe it.

The drawback comes when telling friends and mentors about my acceptances; as I went to an HYPSM undergrad, many have commented that I should wait for other "more highly ranked" acceptances besides my top choice and asked if I have heard back from other T5 schools (seeming disappointed that I haven't, although I am waiting on my alma mater's decisions which release in March). They basically insinuate it would be a huge drop in prestige to attend my top choice, are confused that I'm not 'doing better this cycle' and one even went so far as to say I should definitely attend a higher ranked school elsewhere. I have my heart set on my top choice as I honestly feel there is no school better for me, but I am waiting on some other interviews to see if I can get financial aid to leverage financial aid at this choice. How do I prevent people's comments from getting to my head? I was honestly miserable at my undergrad and am tired of the prestige game; I am proud of the school that I got into, but I think I have low self esteem and such which prevents me from brushing off comments like this. As a low income student, I feel special pressure to continue to try to do the best for myself and my family as I can, so as to not let anyone down but this pressure from others is exhausting and making this acceptance bittersweet although initially I was walking on air for weeks.

Any advice? I know this is a good problem to have but all these comments to most of the people I told about my acceptance (good friends and close research mentors) have been making me quite sad.

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[OrthoTraumaMD]

You are the architect of your own life and your own happiness, not they. You can listen to others without internalizing their opinions or applying them to yourself. Your top choice school is what makes you happy— go and do not look back.

 

[Blueprint Med School]

Emphasize why you want to attend the dream school you got into, and then let the rest go in one ear and out the other. The perfect program is the program that is perfect to you.

Also, see if there is someone you can talk to, mentor, counselor, therapist, about how these make you feel and how you can work on not letting them affect you. You have the self-awareness to know your situation, and working on processing your emotions may help you when (not if) similar situations come in the future.

David D, MD - USMLE and MCAT Tutor
Med School Tutors

 

[Bored_Conscious]

First off, congrats on your acceptances. Don't let your friends, co-workers, etc. discourage you from the choices you make. Many of these individuals do not understand the process. In addition, I attend a good state school but even amongst my peer groups there are those with immensely inflated egos. I can't imagine the kind of pride/ego that some students who attend a HYPSM undergrad.

To give a bit of a personal story, I remember prior to taking my MCAT I was confident I would be applying to many top schools. Even going as far as telling my friends that I will be applying to "blank" and "blank" schools and what not. I had the stats, ECs, and story to go with it. However, once my MCAT came out, it told a different story. I got a 510 and, as an ORM, that basically shut me out of most of the top schools in the country and within my state. I felt pretty disappointed. Disappointed with myself and worried about how my friends would view me. I had to dig deep into my motivations for becoming a physician and, as a result, I realized that it did not really matter. MD or DO, I will be a physician regardless of which institution I attend. Secondly, like you are having trouble with, whenever I told my friends about how I may not be able to get into top schools and how I would have to be satisfied with a state school acceptance, they looked a bit disappointed. Or I felt like they pitied me. That was tough to get over. However, at the end of the day who is the one going to school to be a physician? You can't always chase the expectations of others. There comes a time when you have to make a decision that is wholeheartedly for yourself. Maybe you chose your UG because of its prestige. Now, you got into a medical school. A good one at that. Medical school and residency will most likely be the hardest time of your life. Base your decision on where you think you will thrive the most. Where you can see yourself living for 4+ years, cultivate your hobbies, and find opportunities academically, socially, etc. that fits your desired needs.

At the end of the day, you are the one walking the road you will walk. Your friends and peers won't be walking it for you. Best of luck.

 

[deleted555445]

Hi all,

I recently received news of three acceptances, two to relatively local public medical schools and one to my top choice since making my school list at the beginning of the cycle, a T20 medical school in the perfect location with a mission that aligns exactly with my own career goals and has the collaborative environment and the diversity in both student body and leadership that I was looking for. I felt and still feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity to become a physician; I was in shock for weeks and I still keep logging in to check the portal because honestly I can't believe it.

The drawback comes when telling friends and mentors about my acceptances; as I went to an HYPSM undergrad, many have commented that I should wait for other "more highly ranked" acceptances besides my top choice and asked if I have heard back from other T5 schools (seeming disappointed that I haven't, although I am waiting on my alma mater's decisions which release in March). They basically insinuate it would be a huge drop in prestige to attend my top choice, are confused that I'm not 'doing better this cycle' and one even went so far as to say I should definitely attend a higher ranked school elsewhere. I have my heart set on my top choice as I honestly feel there is no school better for me, but I am waiting on some other interviews to see if I can get financial aid to leverage financial aid at this choice. How do I prevent people's comments from getting to my head? I was honestly miserable at my undergrad and am tired of the prestige game; I am proud of the school that I got into, but I think I have low self esteem and such which prevents me from brushing off comments like this. As a low income student, I feel special pressure to continue to try to do the best for myself and my family as I can, so as to not let anyone down but this pressure from others is exhausting and making this acceptance bittersweet although initially I was walking on air for weeks.

Any advice? I know this is a good problem to have but all these comments to most of the people I told about my acceptance (good friends and close research mentors) have been making me quite sad.

in the US News era, ranked elitism is very much in vogue. non-medical people and older physicians have no idea what its like to go through this app process. from my Top 5 university for undergrad, i know people who went "lower-tier" MD, DO, and straight up didn't get in anywhere and switched careers. people confused medicine with law or business, where if you don't go to one of the best schools then you have a huge drop off in prestige and quality.

people who go to these top undergrads tend to look down on those who didn't go to "top" undergrads, so they're probably confused how the idiots who couldn't even get into Brown got into a name-brand medical school. these people are ignorant, and i would personally find it enjoyable educating them on everything that is awful about this process to give them some perspective on the type of elation they should feel that you got into any medical school, let alone your top choice T20. and if these people are current pre-meds or med students, then they're either delusional or just dicks and you shouldn't listen to them.

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Hi all,

I recently received news of three acceptances, two to relatively local public medical schools and one to my top choice since making my school list at the beginning of the cycle, a T20 medical school in the perfect location with a mission that aligns exactly with my own career goals and has the collaborative environment and the diversity in both student body and leadership that I was looking for. I felt and still feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity to become a physician; I was in shock for weeks and I still keep logging in to check the portal because honestly I can't believe it.

The drawback comes when telling friends and mentors about my acceptances; as I went to an HYPSM undergrad, many have commented that I should wait for other "more highly ranked" acceptances besides my top choice and asked if I have heard back from other T5 schools (seeming disappointed that I haven't, although I am waiting on my alma mater's decisions which release in March). They basically insinuate it would be a huge drop in prestige to attend my top choice, are confused that I'm not 'doing better this cycle' and one even went so far as to say I should definitely attend a higher ranked school elsewhere. I have my heart set on my top choice as I honestly feel there is no school better for me, but I am waiting on some other interviews to see if I can get financial aid to leverage financial aid at this choice. How do I prevent people's comments from getting to my head? I was honestly miserable at my undergrad and am tired of the prestige game; I am proud of the school that I got into, but I think I have low self esteem and such which prevents me from brushing off comments like this. As a low income student, I feel special pressure to continue to try to do the best for myself and my family as I can, so as to not let anyone down but this pressure from others is exhausting and making this acceptance bittersweet although initially I was walking on air for weeks.

Any advice? I know this is a good problem to have but all these comments to most of the people I told about my acceptance (good friends and close research mentors) have been making me quite sad.

Just don't tell about your IIs and As to anyone and simply say cycle is late due to Covid and waiting to hear back from bunch of schools. That's my son's response.

 

[deleted889094]

You gotta stop letting academics affect your self-concept. I'll only get worse on med school otherwise. And you gotta stop caring so much about what people think.

 

[Goro]

Hi all,

I recently received news of three acceptances, two to relatively local public medical schools and one to my top choice since making my school list at the beginning of the cycle, a T20 medical school in the perfect location with a mission that aligns exactly with my own career goals and has the collaborative environment and the diversity in both student body and leadership that I was looking for. I felt and still feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity to become a physician; I was in shock for weeks and I still keep logging in to check the portal because honestly I can't believe it.

The drawback comes when telling friends and mentors about my acceptances; as I went to an HYPSM undergrad, many have commented that I should wait for other "more highly ranked" acceptances besides my top choice and asked if I have heard back from other T5 schools (seeming disappointed that I haven't, although I am waiting on my alma mater's decisions which release in March). They basically insinuate it would be a huge drop in prestige to attend my top choice, are confused that I'm not 'doing better this cycle' and one even went so far as to say I should definitely attend a higher ranked school elsewhere. I have my heart set on my top choice as I honestly feel there is no school better for me, but I am waiting on some other interviews to see if I can get financial aid to leverage financial aid at this choice. How do I prevent people's comments from getting to my head? I was honestly miserable at my undergrad and am tired of the prestige game; I am proud of the school that I got into, but I think I have low self esteem and such which prevents me from brushing off comments like this. As a low income student, I feel special pressure to continue to try to do the best for myself and my family as I can, so as to not let anyone down but this pressure from others is exhausting and making this acceptance bittersweet although initially I was walking on air for weeks.

Any advice? I know this is a good problem to have but all these comments to most of the people I told about my acceptance (good friends and close research mentors) have been making me quite sad.

Get better friends and mentors. The ones you have not mere not supporting you, they're actively sabotaging you.

Stick with those who celebrate your successes.

 

[Nugester]

Block out the noise. With the current circumstances, enjoy your remaining free time and prepare for a possible virtual start to school. I just finished my first semester of zoom school and looking back, that would be the least of my worries. There will be a lot of challenges and it is important having a solid support system because you will need it.

 

[Moko]

How do I prevent people's comments from getting to my head? I was honestly miserable at my undergrad and am tired of the prestige game; I am proud of the school that I got into, but I think I have low self esteem and such which prevents me from brushing off comments like this.

I wish I had this level of insight when I was at your stage, but alas, I didn't reach the same conclusions until after several more years of grinding for prestige. I'm much happier now having abandoned the prestige rat race to focus on things that actually matter to me, rather than to satisfy the opinions of others.

You clearly have the smarts and work ethic to have gotten where you are, and the insight to know what you truly value. Now, all you need is the self-confidence to follow through with your plan, and to brush off those who have different priorities and values. You do not need to justify your reasons to others. This is your life, not theirs. As you grow older, you will also realize that the opinions of others matter less and less. Just my thoughts, and best of luck to you.

 

[Putkernerinthehall]

First off, congrats on your acceptances. Don't let your friends, co-workers, etc. discourage you from the choices you make. Many of these individuals do not understand the process. In addition, I attend a good state school but even amongst my peer groups there are those with immensely inflated egos. I can't imagine the kind of pride/ego that some students who attend a HYPSM undergrad.

To give a bit of a personal story, I remember prior to taking my MCAT I was confident I would be applying to many top schools. Even going as far as telling my friends that I will be applying to "blank" and "blank" schools and what not. I had the stats, ECs, and story to go with it. However, once my MCAT came out, it told a different story. I got a 510 and, as an ORM, that basically shut me out of most of the top schools in the country and within my state. I felt pretty disappointed. Disappointed with myself and worried about how my friends would view me. I had to dig deep into my motivations for becoming a physician and, as a result, I realized that it did not really matter. MD or DO, I will be a physician regardless of which institution I attend. Secondly, like you are having trouble with, whenever I told my friends about how I may not be able to get into top schools and how I would have to be satisfied with a state school acceptance, they looked a bit disappointed. Or I felt like they pitied me. That was tough to get over. However, at the end of the day who is the one going to school to be a physician? You can't always chase the expectations of others. There comes a time when you have to make a decision that is wholeheartedly for yourself. Maybe you chose your UG because of its prestige. Now, you got into a medical school. A good one at that. Medical school and residency will most likely be the hardest time of your life. Base your decision on where you think you will thrive the most. Where you can see yourself living for 4+ years, cultivate your hobbies, and find opportunities academically, socially, etc. that fits your desired needs.

At the end of the day, you are the one walking the road you will walk. Your friends and peers won't be walking it for you. Best of luck.

Outstanding advice!

 

[LunaOri]

You have already found your perfect match. You wouldn't (I hope!) leave the love of your life to marry someone with more money or prestige. Treat medical school the same way!

 

[longhaul3]

In medicine, most of your satisfaction has to come from within. The road is so long and grueling that no amount of admiration, prestige, or status will make up for it. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better. It sounds like you are on the right track.

Where it really matters is in residency, especially if you end up going into a surgical field. Choose the program that's right for you. The beauty of having the prestigious name on your diploma is that it keeps all the doors open for you. At some point it's time to choose the door you actually want to go through.

 

[KnightDoc]

By the way, all the advice you are receiving here applies to EVERYTHING, not just choosing a med school. Although I'm just a lowly premed, I'm pretty sure that my understanding is correct, and that we each only get one life. You have to decide whether you want to live it for yourself, or for someone else. That's how you figure out whether and how to be content with your own choices, or whether to focus on meeting the expectations of others. Good luck!!

 

[Talldoctor96]

Such kind and supportive words here from so many awesome people!!

Just to echo what Goro said above: my mentors, family and friends have been nothing but supportive and uplifting through every difficult and outstanding moment. If the people in your circle aren’t like that, shame on them. You can and must do better and find better people who are genuine about your success.

 

[spirospero363]

Thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to reply and doing so kindly; I really appreciate it. These replies have been very supportive but also definitely given me a lot to think about as well in terms of curbing my need for others' approval. I will try to stay confident in the decisions I've been making.

Honestly so touched by the outpouring of support; wishing you all well and happy holidays!

 

[spirospero363]

Hi all,

I realise it's been quite a while since my original post! I wanted to reach out to hear opinions as I've since been accepted to another T20 in the same city, which has offered me $60,000 more in financial aid (130K vs 190K anticipated debt) which my dream school has refused to match. I am trying to get myself more comfortable with the idea of going to the other T20 but I don't stomach the thought well. I get a bad feeling about going there, as I didn't really enjoy the interview day and have been put off by my interactions with current students and by my perceptions of the school. My heart's still a bit stuck on the dream school bc of my feelings regarding school culture, the vibe of current and admitted students, and mission fit. Is it reasonable to pay $60,000 more to attend the dream school?

 

[KnightDoc]

Hi all,

I realise it's been quite a while since my original post! I wanted to reach out to hear opinions as I've since been accepted to another T20 in the same city, which has offered me $60,000 more in financial aid (130K vs 190K anticipated debt) which my dream school has refused to match. I am trying to get myself more comfortable with the idea of going to the other T20 but I don't stomach the thought well. I get a bad feeling about going there, as I didn't really enjoy the interview day and have been put off by my interactions with current students and by my perceptions of the school. My heart's still a bit stuck on the dream school bc of my feelings regarding school culture, the vibe of current and admitted students, and mission fit. Is it reasonable to pay $60,000 more to attend the dream school?

As with everything else outlined above, only you have the answer. What will cause you more regret in the future -- going to a school you don't like as much, or having to pay back an additional $60K plus interest? Money doesn't grow on trees, but, you are going to be a doctor, and, long term, an additional $60K in debt is not going to change the quality of your life.

Do what feels right to you, not what would feel right to everyone who is going to comment here. JMHO! Good luck!!!

 

[EdgeTrimmer]

Hi all,

I realise it's been quite a while since my original post! I wanted to reach out to hear opinions as I've since been accepted to another T20 in the same city, which has offered me $60,000 more in financial aid (130K vs 190K anticipated debt) which my dream school has refused to match. I am trying to get myself more comfortable with the idea of going to the other T20 but I don't stomach the thought well. I get a bad feeling about going there, as I didn't really enjoy the interview day and have been put off by my interactions with current students and by my perceptions of the school. My heart's still a bit stuck on the dream school bc of my feelings regarding school culture, the vibe of current and admitted students, and mission fit. Is it reasonable to pay $60,000 more to attend the dream school?

60K is not a bad amount given total debit is under 200K unless you are planning to go into academia in lower paying specialties.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Hi all,

I realise it's been quite a while since my original post! I wanted to reach out to hear opinions as I've since been accepted to another T20 in the same city, which has offered me $60,000 more in financial aid (130K vs 190K anticipated debt) which my dream school has refused to match. I am trying to get myself more comfortable with the idea of going to the other T20 but I don't stomach the thought well. I get a bad feeling about going there, as I didn't really enjoy the interview day and have been put off by my interactions with current students and by my perceptions of the school. My heart's still a bit stuck on the dream school bc of my feelings regarding school culture, the vibe of current and admitted students, and mission fit. Is it reasonable to pay $60,000 more to attend the dream school?

Look, objectively speaking the answer is you should go to the T20 school that gave you better financial aid. But these decisions aren't made in a vacuum. Ultimately you have to go where you think you will be happiest, and if that costs $60k more that is a call that only you can make.

 

[LunaOri]

Go where you think you will be happiest!

 

[DoctorWhere]

+1 for follow your gut/happiness. I would pay 60k for happiness and fit over 4 years of medical school.

 

[Banco]

60k isn't that much more for your "dream school", especially since the total costs are still <200k.


As for your original posts, who gives a ****, they have no idea how the field of medicine is. I've seen the same type of attitude plague medical students who want to chase prestige during residency and often end up in malignant programs in less than ideal locations because it sounds more impressive on paper. Sad stuff.

 

[joshuamarcus]

60k only seems like a lot because we’re premeds without any significant income. But 15k a year difference is not much really if you like one school way more than the other

 

[Goro]

Hi all,

I realise it's been quite a while since my original post! I wanted to reach out to hear opinions as I've since been accepted to another T20 in the same city, which has offered me $60,000 more in financial aid (130K vs 190K anticipated debt) which my dream school has refused to match. I am trying to get myself more comfortable with the idea of going to the other T20 but I don't stomach the thought well. I get a bad feeling about going there, as I didn't really enjoy the interview day and have been put off by my interactions with current students and by my perceptions of the school. My heart's still a bit stuck on the dream school bc of my feelings regarding school culture, the vibe of current and admitted students, and mission fit. Is it reasonable to pay $60,000 more to attend the dream school?

Trust your gut!

 

[GreenDuck12]

Do your due diligence - see if you can visit or speak with current students at both programs. Interview days can be a mixed bag offering overly positive / negative vibes when they may not be warranted. At the end of the day, make the choice that enables you to lead the life you want to live. Life is short and at some point we all learn that no amount of money has ever bought us more time and 4 years is a long time. Best of luck to you.

 

[Angus Avagadro]

Fit does enter the equation. My wife told one of the ivys to stick it where the sun don't shine. She felt everyone she met was a pretentious (fill in the slur of your choice). She loved the fit at another lower tier school and and chose that one. My humble advice is to go to the least expensive school that helps you attain your career goals. Congrats on all of those admissions!

 

[PremeditatedPremed]

My heart goes out to you. I spent time living in a prestige echo chamber too and I know that it warps your perception of reality. Just try and look at this from a wider perspective - in what world is a T20 not prestigious enough? Many T20s have immense weight and prestige, even if it isn't like HMS level. And while T20s might not match as insanely well as T5s, you will still have an easier time going to any residency you please. If you live by the idea that its T5 or bust, you are (quite simply) going to be unhappy. That was what helped me mature and grow my perspective - I was tired of chasing prestige and feeling like crap if I missed the mark. Especially in medicine, where does it end? T5 med school? A top residency? A top fellowship? That's a decade of trying to please your family and being unhappy. Please, and I know this is hard, try and seek joy in other things and do not chain your sense of fulfilment to rankings. Especially when you have an A at a T20, which only a tiny fraction of applicants will ever obtain.