Husband afraid Med school & M.D. will keep him from family

[ArmyAU]

Hi, all. I am an army wife. My husbands dream was to attend med school for invasive cardiology, but is talking heavily about being a P.A. instead. He says he hears horror stories about med school and being an M.D.

I am attending college in pursuit of my masters in Accountancy at Auburn, and will sit for my CPA exam within 2 years. My husband will be separating from the Army in about 1.5 years. I will be 25 and he will be 30. We have been married for nearly 3 years, and only been together for 90 days (+/- a few). We are used to enduring difficult times. I am more than willing to endure the hard work and understanding it is going to take for him to get through med school, but he is saying he "knows he will never get to see his family/children" etc. and is now not feeling like he wants to do it. Mind you - This man had been through something I believe is way tougher than med school (There are a lot more Dr.'s than Green Berets in the world! Can't help my pride! ) But my husband continually says "At the end of the day I'll be gone before the Dr. will be if I am a P.A."...

Questions: Is medical school like this : Gone at 7 A.M., Return home at 9:00 P.M. every day all four years? How "bad" is residency? Is there any way a financial guru (Our basic bills (rent, power, car pmts, etc) are less than $360.00/month.. I pocket, invest, and max out his retirement) could help ease his mind about the cost of med school? Is there anything you can tell me about your experience?

If any P.A.'s or M.D.'s could please set all of these ideas straight or give me some insight I would be so grateful. Thanks in advance.

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[beckhunter116]

Your husband's fears range over a lot of topics and I will try to cover them generally. I'm only a pre-med, but I have looked around SDN and the PA forum a lot.

1) Plenty of married people attend medical school happily and love what they are doing. Your husband should just lounge around reading on here and he can see that there are both sides of the coin...some love med school, some don't that is life. Some have children, some don't. Life is all about compromises so he can have med school and a family, but most likely he won't be number 1 in his class and get a 250 step 1 score, but he can still make an excellent physician.

2) Of course, money should be a concern for everyone as medical education is getting to be closer to 200K when all is said and done. Obviously, trying for a state school, getting scholarships, ect need to be looked into. Does your husband want to get the HPSP scholarship (http://www.goarmy.com/amedd/medical/corps_benefits.jsp) or apply to the Uniformed Service university(http://www.usuhs.mil/medschool/fehsom.html) ...then tuition and a stipend are given for a number of years military committment. There is a military forum on here for more information on this. Also, the national guard has a program that is detailed at the military forum on here.

3) There is a forum solely for PA information and there is a sub-forum on here about it. He may want to spend some time looking through the threads over there. Some PA's work as many or more hours than the MD/DO. Also, there is no guarentee that he will be able to get a job in Cardiology as a PA as competition for those jobs are stronger than the IM/FP jobs out there. Here is the link: http://www.physicianassistantforum.com/forums/

4) If he does choose the PA route, there is also a military school for PA that only current military can apply to.

At this stage in the game your husband should shadow a few MD/DOs and a few PAs. See what he thinks of each job and where his passions and skills fall. Then come back and ask more questions. Good luck!

 

[FrkyBgStok]

i will admit that i have had these same concerns. i fear my schooling will keep me from my family. but i know i can do it and must keep my priorities straight. like the above poster said, i don't think i am going to be a good father and number one in my class, but i am ok with that because i can't put my kids second. but it is an important decision and needs to be looked at objectively for your family.

 

[sindadel]

I'll take the opposite position. If spending time with the kids is really important to him, he should do work that he is already trained for while the kids are little and not embark on any long training process until they are say, school-age. Will this delay things for him? Of course. But it there's only so much time in a day, and you can only spend it so many ways.

For me the book "Love Languages" helped to clarify why some people must spend TONS of time with their loved ones while others are thrilled to spend a couple of hours an evening with them. If you have "Quality Time" as a love language, you will feel unloving if you are not spending lots of time with your spouse and loved ones. If you have "Words of Affirmation", you'll feel great so long as you send a few texts throughout the day expressing how much you appreciate your loved ones. Just different expressions of love, not different amounts.

Just some thoughts. Also, he should shadow some PAs and MDs so he gets a better feel for which practice style is for him.

 

[J ROD]

Med school schedule is not that hard all 4 yrs.

usually just 3rd yr.


I will just say never give up on a dream! I didn't and I am so proud and cant wait to start.

I would encourage you to encourage him and let him know you are behind him all the way. He may not be there for everything but he can still be a part of alot.

You only get one shot at life!! Might as well do it your way!!

 

[gman33]

Med school and residency are not very family friendly.
For 7-10 years of training, it will take up most of his waking hours.

Plenty of people do it with spouses, kids and other responsibilities.
It just depends what you want out of life.

If he wants to spend less time in training, PA would be a good option.
Tell him to check out the forums and talk to as many people as possible.

 

[ShyRem]

I don't know, gman. i think it depends on the person whether it's family friendly or not. And depends on the residency. There are definitely residencies that are more family friendly than others. but for sure you won't be doing any 40 hour work weeks in med school and residency. Maybe first two years if you're the type that can study efficiently at home in less time than the lectures, but not too many of those. Third year and on is where it gets tough.

 

[gman33]

I guess it depends on your definition of family friendly.
It's possible that some places will allow you to move your schedule around to make it easier to meet family obilgations. There is going to variability in the accomadations that are made.

What I was trying to say was that, if you are spending 60-80 hours a week doing anything, that doesn't leave a lot of time left over.

As much as I'm glad I'm doing what I am, there is a pretty good chance I wouldn't have done it if I really knew how draining it would be on some of my relationships. My expectations were realistic, but I underestimated the emotional toll it would take. If I had kids, there is no way I would have done it.
That is not to say others would feel the same. Just speaking for myself.

 

[ArkansasRanger]

Hi, all. I am an army wife. My husbands dream was to attend med school for invasive cardiology, but is talking heavily about being a P.A. instead. He says he hears horror stories about med school and being an M.D.

I am attending college in pursuit of my masters in Accountancy at Auburn, and will sit for my CPA exam within 2 years. My husband will be separating from the Army in about 1.5 years. I will be 25 and he will be 30. We have been married for nearly 3 years, and only been together for 90 days (+/- a few). We are used to enduring difficult times. I am more than willing to endure the hard work and understanding it is going to take for him to get through med school, but he is saying he "knows he will never get to see his family/children" etc. and is now not feeling like he wants to do it. Mind you - This man had been through something I believe is way tougher than med school (There are a lot more Dr.'s than Green Berets in the world! Can't help my pride! ) But my husband continually says "At the end of the day I'll be gone before the Dr. will be if I am a P.A."...

Questions: Is medical school like this : Gone at 7 A.M., Return home at 9:00 P.M. every day all four years? How "bad" is residency? Is there any way a financial guru (Our basic bills (rent, power, car pmts, etc) are less than $360.00/month.. I pocket, invest, and max out his retirement) could help ease his mind about the cost of med school? Is there anything you can tell me about your experience?

If any P.A.'s or M.D.'s could please set all of these ideas straight or give me some insight I would be so grateful. Thanks in advance.

Well, interventional cardiology isn't exactly the shortest training program. Maybe he could choose something shorter yet as fulfilling??

 

[southpawcannon]

Hi, all. I am an army wife. My husbands dream was to attend med school for invasive cardiology, but is talking heavily about being a P.A. instead. He says he hears horror stories about med school and being an M.D.

I am attending college in pursuit of my masters in Accountancy at Auburn, and will sit for my CPA exam within 2 years. My husband will be separating from the Army in about 1.5 years. I will be 25 and he will be 30. We have been married for nearly 3 years, and only been together for 90 days (+/- a few). We are used to enduring difficult times. I am more than willing to endure the hard work and understanding it is going to take for him to get through med school, but he is saying he "knows he will never get to see his family/children" etc. and is now not feeling like he wants to do it. Mind you - This man had been through something I believe is way tougher than med school (There are a lot more Dr.'s than Green Berets in the world! Can't help my pride! ) But my husband continually says "At the end of the day I'll be gone before the Dr. will be if I am a P.A."...

Questions: Is medical school like this : Gone at 7 A.M., Return home at 9:00 P.M. every day all four years? How "bad" is residency? Is there any way a financial guru (Our basic bills (rent, power, car pmts, etc) are less than $360.00/month.. I pocket, invest, and max out his retirement) could help ease his mind about the cost of med school? Is there anything you can tell me about your experience?

If any P.A.'s or M.D.'s could please set all of these ideas straight or give me some insight I would be so grateful. Thanks in advance.

First and foremost, I want to congratulate you on realizing the dream your husband wants to make a reality. To be such an understanding wife as you are, based on what I've read, his journey will be a bit less overwhelming. I am 29, single, and have about a year left of pre-reqs before I hopefully will be accepted to medical school. So, being my age, the having the time for my family and not neglect them concern has crossed my mind as well. I once asked a cardiologist with whom I worked...he and his wife together had 5 children. The oldest, I think is college-aged now, while the youngest are just under being a teenager. Anyway... I once asked him, 'how do you do it?' Because this guy does work a lot, but also makes time for his kids(I was told stories of when the docs could bring home charts long ago...he would be dictating, and the voices of his kids could be heard in the tape when being transcribed. He would stop and make time for them). He goes to their soccer games and other functions. But, in response to my question, he said 'it takes having a loving and very understanding wife. One who can wear the pants sometimes.' So, I would believe that very well could be you. If family is important to this guy, he'll be there as much as he can. He's lucky to have someone as yourself seeking out advice on what to do in this matter.

Good luck. If there is anything I can help with, let me know.

Btw...Roll Tide!

 

[Nasrudin]

The numbers. When looked at tiredly. From a mid life point of view. And broke. Are mind-boggling. Approaching half a million with interest accrued through residency.

Add to that some other factors. It ain't the age. It's the miles, right. And then take yourselves from that point and think about caring for toddlers. While coming off call or cramming for tests.

I don't know man. It's somethin to think on. That's for d@mn certain. Dreams are swell I suppose. But life hurts.

 

[Jlaw]

Years of your life and money are two things to think about but I don't think that med school/residency is all that different in terms of life style than having a demanding/high paying job. I'm a pre-med now and I came from the finance world. 10-12 hour days + 1.5 to 2 hours commuting were the norm. Most people I worked with, whether married with kids or single, left the house around 6am and got home between 6 and 7pm. Many of them then sat down and worked at home. This is the life that most working professionals lead no matter what field they are in and most aren't compensated as well as a doctor.

Being a P.A. is great and all but the school time will be just as demanding and I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't just be working 40 hour weeks, especially starting out.

Also if you husband has been a green beret is he really going to be satisfied working as a subordinate for the rest of his career? Not a knock on P.A.'s but definitely something to think about because he sounds like he would probably be someone who would want to be in a leadership position.

**Edited to add that no matter what he does he can still make time to spend with the kids, he will just have to make that a priority over other things. i.e., got an hour to spare between classes, go out and play in the backyard rather than go to the gym. I'm sure he can make it work if he got through the Army and green beret training. Doctor's are highly trained but they are not human too and they have family's and outside interests that they did not give up to go into medicine.

 

[ArmyAU]

First and foremost, I want to congratulate you on realizing the dream your husband wants to make a reality. To be such an understanding wife as you are, based on what I've read, his journey will be a bit less overwhelming. I am 29, single, and have about a year left of pre-reqs before I hopefully will be accepted to medical school. So, being my age, the having the time for my family and not neglect them concern has crossed my mind as well. I once asked a cardiologist with whom I worked...he and his wife together had 5 children. The oldest, I think is college-aged now, while the youngest are just under being a teenager. Anyway... I once asked him, 'how do you do it?' Because this guy does work a lot, but also makes time for his kids(I was told stories of when the docs could bring home charts long ago...he would be dictating, and the voices of his kids could be heard in the tape when being transcribed. He would stop and make time for them). He goes to their soccer games and other functions. But, in response to my question, he said 'it takes having a loving and very understanding wife. One who can wear the pants sometimes.' So, I would believe that very well could be you. If family is important to this guy, he'll be there as much as he can. He's lucky to have someone as yourself seeking out advice on what to do in this matter.

Good luck. If there is anything I can help with, let me know.

Btw...Roll Tide!

Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I am only doing what I seem to do best! If anyone knows about wearing the pants in the relationship..... 'twould be me. Being an Army wife who lives 8 hours away from her husband by choice to complete college takes extreme selflessness, sacrifice, understanding, and trust by both. My husband is an amazing man. I know he is giving up so much by encouraging me to finish school and remain positive, even though he is completely worn out from his job. He does not wish to remain in the army any longer than he has to. He can't stand the separation between us. I feel guilty and sad that this choice has taken such a toll on him, but we're doing this for our future.

On a financial note:
Education: He will have approximately $60,000.00 of MGIB benefit, plus a $1,000.00/month housing stipend. Also, there are several scholarships that he qualifies for that are guarenteed money.
Housing: Once he separates we will have over $125,000.00 in very liquid savings to put down on a house/take care of expenses.
My job outlook: Being a CPA I almost have no cap on income, it just depends on how much I wish to work on climbing the corporate ladder. In reality my salary starting out will be in the $58,000.00 - $65,000.00 range.
Currently: We have less than $20,000.00 of debt combined. This includes all of my student loans, car loan, his previous student loans, etc. We plan to keep some of the student loan debt around for credit reasons.

We will be moving back to NC. This is great because much of our family lives in the Raleigh/Durham area, as well as some in Charlotte. He is hoping to attend UNC for med school.


Oh... And... WAR EAGLE!
What was up with you all in the Iron Bowl? [I LOVE football!!]

Years of your life and money are two things to think about but I don't think that med school/residency is all that different in terms of life style than having a demanding/high paying job.

Also if you husband has been a green beret is he really going to be satisfied working as a subordinate for the rest of his career? Not a knock on P.A.'s but definitely something to think about because he sounds like he would probably be someone who would want to be in a leadership position.

.

Interesting you addressed this. No, my husband doesn't have the need to be the boss. To be honest, he just LOVES to learn. He is a fantastic athlete and an incredible student. He isn't concerned with what other people are doing.. He is very focused on what he is doing, what makes him happy, which is perhaps why he has had so much success in so many avenues of his life.

 

[ArmyAU]

Thank you all for your responses.

I decided to do a bit of thinking and tried to put myself in his position. He is going through a lot right now. He has been involved in the medical field for a number of years before he enlisted in the army, and now his job is Medical Sergeant. I felt that his long time experience would make parts of med school a breeze. But I have recognized that we are currently going through a very stressful period in our lives since he will be deploying at any moment.. And he misses his wife terribly. So, if I give him time, space, and freedom to do what he wants -- he can be free to make the best decision for himself. If he needs anything he knows he can come talk to me and get all the information/insight he needs. My job is to guide and support. He does the same for me. I just did not want him to shut the door on his dream because he is feeling the separation so much....

He is also extremely baby crazy.. When I say extremely, I mean that every single conversation we have he mentions something about pregnancy/babies and how bad he wishes to be a daddy. And I am not at all ready to start having children.. I actually have quite a bit of anxiety about getting pregnant and having to take care of children.... Yikes!

 

[nontrdgsbuiucmd]

Thank you all for your responses.

I decided to do a bit of thinking and tried to put myself in his position. He is going through a lot right now. He has been involved in the medical field for a number of years before he enlisted in the army, and now his job is Medical Sergeant. I felt that his long time experience would make parts of med school a breeze. But I have recognized that we are currently going through a very stressful period in our lives since he will be deploying at any moment.. And he misses his wife terribly. So, if I give him time, space, and freedom to do what he wants -- he can be free to make the best decision for himself. If he needs anything he knows he can come talk to me and get all the information/insight he needs. My job is to guide and support. He does the same for me. I just did not want him to shut the door on his dream because he is feeling the separation so much....

He is also extremely baby crazy.. When I say extremely, I mean that every single conversation we have he mentions something about pregnancy/babies and how bad he wishes to be a daddy. And I am not at all ready to start having children.. I actually have quite a bit of anxiety about getting pregnant and having to take care of children.... Yikes!

great post, thank you for sharing. I'm an Old Guy (mid to late 30s) who started med school this past fall. With 2 kids, married and committed to this.

Time commitment in med school is intense, we Old Folk in my school kind of stick together so I have somewhat of a feel for others' experiences too. One of my classmates has been active duty marines for a number of years, just had a child; this person (guy) treats med school like a 8-5 or so job. He's pulling lower to middle of the pack grades. I'd worked for a couple months while in med school and still passed classes. Now I'm generally studying like crazy, but have the flexibility to study late at night which frees up a fair amount of time with family. So I may get home after picking up kids from school, arrive home at 6 or so, hang out with family until 9, then study until 1 in the morning to prep for 8am class the next day.

Based on what I've seen, the only thing that could prep one for doing really well in med school is substantial courseload in anatomy/physiology or molecular biology. For a recent final, I reviewed maybe 2,000 powerpoint slides over the final few days before the exam and still only re-reviewed 1/2 the class material before this exam. Coverage is so particular, it gets into Angelman's syndrome is maternal deletion of chromosome 15 & related to epigenetic (methyl imprinting) modification errors.. I don't know that medical experience in the field would help much unfortunately.

re: kids, both spouse and I were leaning toward no kids. Then after a number of years we changed our minds. And a number of years later, decided to add another which we never thought we'd do. Things change on this front over time.

If he does go this route, one "letting go" thing for me was letting go of top grades; have earned them consistently over many years, but in med school, many students are 100% committed to them, and everyone has always earned top grades, and the amount of material is way beyond my prior undergrad and grad work at top schools; if family is important, honors are unlikely in med classes.

 

[Terpskins99]

Questions: Is medical school like this : Gone at 7 A.M., Return home at 9:00 P.M. every day all four years? How "bad" is residency? Is there any way a financial guru (Our basic bills (rent, power, car pmts, etc) are less than $360.00/month.. I pocket, invest, and max out his retirement) could help ease his mind about the cost of med school? Is there anything you can tell me about your experience?

If any P.A.'s or M.D.'s could please set all of these ideas straight or give me some insight I would be so grateful. Thanks in advance.

Surprised nobody has mentioned this... but interventional cardiology has a reputation for horrendous work-hours. But they do make bank. At least, for now.

First off, I think your husband should be the one posting in here since he's the one contemplating medical school. Second, I think he should weigh the reasons why he wants to be a doctor so much and see if he could obtain similar goals in another less demanding profession.

Med school life:
First two years:
Lectures from 8 am till 1 or 2 pm.
Spend about 2 hours a day in the anatomy lab.
Spend at least 3-4 hours at home studying for exams.
Second two years:
Arrive at hospital 7:30 am, leave by 4:30 pm.
Every 4 nights, leave by 9:30 pm.
Come in every other weekend for a day.

Residency life:
In by 7 am, out by 5 pm M-F.
Every 4 nights, leave by 10 pm.
Come in every other weekend for 12 hours.
Free time spent sleeping/studying/preparing for a presentation/goofing off on studentdoctor.net or playing computer games

Attending life:
(not there yet)

 

[BestDoctorEver]

Hi, all. I am an army wife. My husbands dream was to attend med school for invasive cardiology, but is talking heavily about being a P.A. instead. He says he hears horror stories about med school and being an M.D.

I am attending college in pursuit of my masters in Accountancy at Auburn, and will sit for my CPA exam within 2 years. My husband will be separating from the Army in about 1.5 years. I will be 25 and he will be 30. We have been married for nearly 3 years, and only been together for 90 days (+/- a few). We are used to enduring difficult times. I am more than willing to endure the hard work and understanding it is going to take for him to get through med school, but he is saying he "knows he will never get to see his family/children" etc. and is now not feeling like he wants to do it. Mind you - This man had been through something I believe is way tougher than med school (There are a lot more Dr.'s than Green Berets in the world! Can't help my pride! ) But my husband continually says "At the end of the day I'll be gone before the Dr. will be if I am a P.A."...

Questions: Is medical school like this : Gone at 7 A.M., Return home at 9:00 P.M. every day all four years? How "bad" is residency? Is there any way a financial guru (Our basic bills (rent, power, car pmts, etc) are less than $360.00/month.. I pocket, invest, and max out his retirement) could help ease his mind about the cost of med school? Is there anything you can tell me about your experience?

If any P.A.'s or M.D.'s could please set all of these ideas straight or give me some insight I would be so grateful. Thanks in advance.

I am in my mid 30s and I am in the same situation as your husband now. I wanna also go to med school and my wife is very supportive; however, I sometimes have doubt even though I cannot see myself working as a registered nurse for the rest of my life ( worst mistake I have ever made going to nursing school). I am getting my BSN and preparing for the MCAT at the same time and I have a baby on the way. It is hard to say the least. I wanna give up sometimes but my wife is telling me not to give up. At the end I dont see myself being anything else other than a physician. That is what keep me going. I am not worry about loan as long as I will be happy with my career. Tell your husband that the road is not rectilinear, he will have to keep going and eventually he will get there.

 

[punkiedad]

Surprised nobody has mentioned this... but interventional cardiology has a reputation for horrendous work-hours. But they do make bank. At least, for now.

First off, I think your husband should be the one posting in here since he's the one contemplating medical school. Second, I think he should weigh the reasons why he wants to be a doctor so much and see if he could obtain similar goals in another less demanding profession.

Med school life:
First two years:
Lectures from 8 am till 1 or 2 pm.
Spend about 2 hours a day in the anatomy lab.
Spend at least 3-4 hours at home studying for exams.
Second two years:
Arrive at hospital 7:30 am, leave by 4:30 pm.
Every 4 nights, leave by 9:30 pm.
Come in every other weekend for a day.

Residency life:
In by 7 am, out by 5 pm M-F.
Every 4 nights, leave by 10 pm.
Come in every other weekend for 12 hours.
Free time spent sleeping/studying/preparing for a presentation/goofing off on studentdoctor.net or playing computer games

Attending life:
(not there yet)

No disrespect to the Pre meds here that have been telling what their idea of med school is (I was the same way before I started), but it is good to see some more realistic expectations/.

I am 39 and just finished my first semester. I worked full time while getting my pre reqs. My wife and I have two kids. I thought I knew what I was in for. I said "I am busy every second of the day, so it cannot be any worse....." WRONG!

Now, I had no medical background, except for being a drug rep for four years. So, I generally feel a little behind the 8 ball as most of the people in my class have had all the classes we are taking while they were in under grad.

Anyway, the thing that I could not have possibly prepared for was not just the hours, but putting in all the hours and it still not being enough. There are tests that get bombed. There is the whole drinking out of a fire hose analogy.....Either way, it is very difficult to get used to this.

Maybe he is one of the people stuff comes easier to, but it seems like a lot of people talk big, but when grades come out, everyone has their ups and downs. The big thing is mental. I kind of compare it to pledging a fraternity....some days you feel like you belong, and other day like you don't.

Overall it is doable. Just realize, it is very difficult but very doable. I come home for dinner from 5-7 or 8, then go back till midnight. When I am home, I make the most of those hours. It can be done....just need to always reprioritize and COMMUNICATE with each other.

as far as the money, and even the residency. Don't worry about it. Sounds like you got the money thing down. the debt thing really isnt that bad. You will figure out the residency thing down the road.

Best of luck.......

 

[sumstorm]

Anyway, the thing that I could not have possibly prepared for was not just the hours, but putting in all the hours and it still not being enough. There are tests that get bombed. There is the whole drinking out of a fire hose analogy.....Either way, it is very difficult to get used to this.

I don't know how comparable it is, but there are quite a few non-trads in my class, many with children.

Our schedule is 8am-4:40pm M-F. some of us have extra electives as well, which means additional hours so out at 6pm a couple nights a week plus weekend obligations. Many with families do not put a ton of extra hours in, or do many electives. Some students are here till 9pm or midnight most nights, but based on my observations it tends to be students with few obligations outside of school.

For us, some of it depends on what you want to do in residency. Competitive residency = higher GPA requirements may require more hours in general. I know at least one of our students goes directly home each night, and sits at the table with her daughters studying. Another has little children and he does homework while they work on arts/crafts. They tend to put extra time in at the school early on weekends while the rest of the family sleeps in. In many cases, the parents seem to be more organized, probably out of necessity, with stricter schedules for when/how shopping, cooking, etc is done. I know at least one family does all the cooking on breaks, pre-packages meals, and has a calendar of what needs to be defrosted and cooked when. Another relies on supermarket convenience items (roasted chicken, ready made mashed potatos, etc.) I have also watched our entire class pool together when a student's wife gave birth, making meals and sending packages home for the family, and again when a student was injured in an auto accident. That may not be the case in med school, but here it definitly is.

One thing here is that most classes aren't required. If you have to skip a class, it is survivable. And for some students, reading/studying serve them better than class attendance. I didn't realize how true that is until I sat through classes studying the same material and tuning out the instructor because it wasn't working for me. I originally read that in 'med school confidential' and didn't really buy it till I got here.

Another thing....for me, the first 2/3 of the semester were horribly difficult because I hadn't flexed the 'learn every detail' part of my brain in a long time. But after that, it became a comfortable routine. Still demanding, but comfortable and doable. I feel far more confident about next semester and having a balanced life. I do not have kids (though I have had foster kids in the past, and if there was an urgent foster, I would have kids again without question) but I am married, out of school for a decade, and I do search and rescue work (a big time/energy/money drain.)

 

[notinkansas]

The medical school schedule generally isn't where the major problems lie, that generally comes with residency. There are definitely some times during med school that the schedule gets hairy - around exams, and during some clinical rotations. Residency schedules, however, allow little flexibility. The schedule during residency does depend on the specialty to large degree. Surgical specialties tend to be 80 hours a week or more (despite the offical work hour limits), some average 60 hours a week, and dermatology or pathology would be more like 45-50 hours a week. Residency also has rotations, with some being more difficult than others.

Med school schedules vary with the medical school. I rarely left as early as 4:30 pm during clinical rotations. Often was there as early as 5 am.

I started med school at 38. I always wanted to be a doctor. I'm hear to tell you now that I HATE it. LOTS of reasons. One of the biggest is the expectation that, as a physician, one engages in altruistic self destruction. I've found the constant demands from people for my immediate attention (even for non-urgent matters) to be very draining. Nobody cares if I've eaten, slept, or have to pee. In fact, I'm actively pursuing non clinical job options

If your husband made it through Special Forces training, he certainly is capable of getting though medical school and residency. If he decides being a PA is a viable option, though- that can be accomplished faster and has a more controllable lifestyle.

There is lots to consider. Will he need to incur student loan debt? The debt of medical school tends to be larger than PA school, and generally must be deferred during residency. Can he accept not being the person the buck stops at? If so, PA might be a better choice.

Many people find that, if they go to medical school with a specific career goal in mind, that it changes. For example, I was sure I wanted to go into Emergency Medicine. What i learned about that field and myself made me avoid it. (did general surgery instead - and wound up hating being a doctor so much I didn't finish)

Interventional cardiology has significant training beyond residency.

Obamacare may significantly and adversely affect things like interventional cardiology.

Perhaps his experiences in the military have caused him to reassess his priorities. I know I certainly did. It was very difficult for me to feel like I had a life during residency, though I didn't realize it until after I returned to clinical residency from a research year. And I don't have a spouse/kids.

That said, plenty of people compete medical school and residency who are married with kids and are satisfied. There is no one right answer. He'll have to be at peace with whatever decision he makes.