I am entering into a journey with her...

[HaveASeat]

I am a proud boyfriend of a wonderful woman that I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with. With that being said, she is entering into the pursuit for medical school and I want to know who else has specific or basic advice for us in the next few years that may ease things along and avoid seemingly unnecessary stress and mistakes. I am currently into a sales career in the high-tech world, which I ma not "in love" with, but good at and the money is nice. I am open to working and providing the financial support through her pursuit. What if we end up going to a school that doesn't have the types of jobs and openings? I am saving now (she is applying in the next year, entering in 1.5 years) so we have a good jump start.

Anyways, any feedback would be great and I hope everyone the best in their mutual pursuit.

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[170716]

My fiance's in his first year of Dental. Having gone through the application process, I can say a few things...

It is extremely stressful (unless your gf is some kind of genious and feels she's guaranteed acceptance somewhere). For this, you have to simply remain supportive and confident in your reassurances (even if you have doubts). If she hasn't taken her admission test yet, respectfully give her time to study. No more, 'hey hunny, do you want to go do...' Not happening, there's no time. But get used to it, there's way more studying once the program starts.

It is expensive. The apps themselves are costly, not to mention the travel cost of interviews. And then once the tuition bills come... So saving now is great, and I suggest you save as much as possible. Go for something safe with high interest. May I suggest ING direct's orange savings account (no minimum, no fees) or Vanguard's Prime Money Market Fund (higher yield and free checkwriting but there is a $3,000 min to open it and you have to sign up for e-delivery of statements to avoid the yearly service fee). Also, be responsibile with your retail purchases. It seems like you're on that track, so I'll say it. Don't finance a ring, pay cash and you'll save big on the credit interest. Also, get something reasonable for now (that's what we did). You can always upgrade in the future.

As far as the job situation... The year leading up to my fiance's acceptance, I took a job an hour from home and commuted every day. My job is close to his now school. At the time I was hoping he would get in to his first choice so I wouldn't need to find another job, and I could move closer to work. We got lucky in that respect. But I was completely willing to quit my job and look for something where ever he got into school. If she's the one, then you'll do it. Even if you have to take a pay cut, there's always the living stipend loan you can take. Which is what we're doing since my salary isn't that fantastic yet. Hopefully in the coming years my salary will go up and we can take out less in loans (or none) each year. Otherwise we'll be in some killer debt.

Anyway, I hope my comments were helpful and sorry I wrote a book.

 

[MD Helper]

We got back from our honeymoon and 2 weeks later she started med school; now she's an PGY5 (5th year resident).

Keys:
flexibility
sacrifice
unwavering devotion (no matter how mad you might be)

But, if you are serious about being on this journey, you should seal the deal and get married. Planning a wedding in med school would suck.

And, I'm not going to lie, the fact that we are both Christians has helped to no end. Not trying to be in your face or anything; just stating my opinions and observations.

Best of luck!

 

[Yourmother]

My wife attended an accelerated 1 year BSN program.(I know, some will say its not as hard...) It required a ridiculas amount of time and she was gone from dark to dark. Although it was only for a year it stressed us out at times.

I made a game of trying to become super-husband and literally did everything for her. I'd iron her scrubs, cook dinners, deliver pizza to her study group, pop post it notes of encouragement on her car dash. I know it sounds corny but I really enjoyed the oooohs and aaaawws from all jealous girls. It was great! Such behavior often led to many, many, many....ahemm...ahemmm.....what can some call, "rewards".

There will be many times that you'll play second fiddle or times it appears she'll relate more to students in her class. I'd say it will be a good test of the relationship.

My advice, find a hobby.

 

[Laker]

Until you are married, I wouldn't support her endeavors financially. There is no guarantee that you will marry her, and if you don't, your investment is a bust.

I speak from experience. I was fortunate however, to find a wonderful person that I did marry and now helping out is not a problem. Still, we have MD loans and I have my own loans. All of our money goes into 1 pot, so we now have an "ours" mentality.

I would just be careful financially until you know for sure. I do also recognize that nothing is for sure, i.e. death/divorce, (except damn taxes) however, until you at least have that bibilical/legal committment, I would tread carefully sending cash her way. Just my $.02.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Until you are married, I wouldn't support her endeavors financially. There is no guarantee that you will marry her, and if you don't, your investment is a bust.

Agreed.

I don't want to sound cynical, but until you are legally bound, supporting someone is a gamble, ESPECIALLY when it is as costly as schooling.

-t

 

[bass for less]

sounds like you are thinking to raise your committment in the relationship.. congrat! there is no use to worry about your job after she starts med school, it's just too early to say. it's good that you're not in whale communication or some wild field like that.. i don't think you would have problem finding work, and who knows she may just land in a great location or not needing to move.

best is to stay supportive, loving, and things would eventually work out like they usually do.. be positive!

 

[MDHub2002]

See my post in the How to keep it together thread:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=472254

Copying and pasting would be lame!!

Good luck man. It is tough and a little weird when your wife/ girlfriend goes into med school then residency and you are in a totally unrelated field (if you are as I am). Some people don't understand why guys do it and fewer guys actually CAN do it but as tough as it is...it is worth every minute if you do it right!!

Good luck bro!